by Anna Collins
“On your behalf, I’ve done some digging, and there might be somebody who can help you. He’s been working diligently with poisons and their cures for the past decade now. He has dedicated his life helping others, but he was ridiculed and disgraced by his peers. They thought he was letting his genius be squandered on a pursuit more for himself rather than anybody else,” Jessica said with this faraway look and a crooked smile as if she had a very vivid and dirty memory.
There were supposedly five stages of grief, and yet I had bypassed one of them altogether; denial. I could scream and yell and want a second opinion, but Jessica had already done that for me. I would’ve thought dying would’ve made me sad, but it was almost a relief as if my life really didn’t amount to much anyway. I was at the stage of giving up, but a new resurgence of strength imbued me and made me want to stand up and fight for as long as I possibly could.
“Dr. Rhodes is an expert in this field. I’ve taken the liberty of giving him a call. I’m not holding my breath he will be able to do anything, but it is the only thing you have left and I suggest you tried it. In the meantime, I can slow down the progress of the toxin taking your blood and running it through a machine to make it clean again. The procedure is called blood dialysis. It’s only a temporary method, but you really should consider all of your options going forward,” Jessica said with her hands flat on my medical folder; the one I had since I was a kid.
“I’m still trying to process this. It’s a lot to take in. My worst problem until now was trying to keep my shop open for the holidays. This definitely surpasses that, but I’m not going to give up on myself or my business without a fight. They always say God closes a door but then opens a window. I have to see Dr. Rhodes as that window. I would be a damn fool not to pursue this with every fiber of my being. I know you want me to consider treatment, but I need to know what the risks are and how painful something like this can be,” I said feeling like my life was slipping through my fingers. Apart from that, I had no man standing by me in my time of need.
My jewelry business had taken up most of my time and dating had been a mere nuisance at best. I had several toys and other interesting items I had bought from a store which sent packages in plain brown wrappers. I had become quite addicted to different things just to see if it could match up to the real thing. Sex was messy and over with way too soon. 5-minute wonders were not what I considered going the distance, but I had never found one man who could give me what I wanted. There was one who had captured my heart, but he disappeared right after high school without a trace.
Trevor was not athletic; he hadn’t even picked up a weight in the whole year I knew him. He was a sensitive soul, but he was also misunderstood; this placed him years ahead of his time. The only thing we shared was a few chaste kisses, but it was enough to make me think there was a future for us together.
“This toxin resembles nothing I have ever seen before. I’m sorry I had to tell you. I could’ve waited until I came back from my holidays, but I have no idea how this is going to affect your body. The migraines you have been suffering from are not the same as the ones you had when you were a child. I’m no expert when it comes to toxins, but I can tell you I believe it’s the toxin causing those migraines. I can attribute the dizziness and nausea to the very same thing. I can limit those symptoms for the time being to make you feel better. I don’t want to go out on a limb and say this is a poison, but it certainly does appear like one. I would like to start you on the blood dialysis immediately. I’ll give you today, but tomorrow, I want you to show up at the hospital at exactly 9:00 AM. Dr. Rhodes took some convincing, but he will be there to oversee your treatment personally. Let’s just say he owes me a favor and I’m calling in the chip for you,” Jessica said as she came around and in an out of character gesture, she put her hand on my shoulder to reassure me.
“I don’t even know what to say. You are doing this for me. You have gone above and beyond. I hope you don’t take this personally, but I’ve always found you to be somewhat of a cold fish. You treat everybody like they are a number, but deep down you care more than you want to let on. Your patients may not be your life, but they must stick with you even when you go home to your family. It can’t be that easy to detach yourself from the lives walking through this door every day,” I said with watering eyes. I tried my best not to break down and lose it entirely.
“I try to remain impartial to give my patient my undivided attention. I certainly do carry this with me, though. Bad news is never something I’m prepared to announce. I don’t want to feel invested, but there are people like you who have been with me since you were a child. I would be a damn fool not to take something like this personally. Dr. Rhodes is not an easy man to read. He was always quite personable but seeing his future go down the drain because of his peers’ unwillingness to see he was only trying to help people by what he was doing, hurt him severely. Emotionally, he lost his way and has been hiding out in the woods. You have no idea how hard it was to coax him out of retirement. He’s barely in his thirties, and he has already given up on everything, but his fascination with poisons and toxins still stays the same. He lost his wife because he couldn’t leave this at the office. I see a little bit of me in him, or maybe that’s the other way around. I need some time off and these next three weeks with my family down in Florida to my parents will help me recharge my batteries. You’re the only one I’m going to stay in touch with. If things get bad, I want you to be honest with me, so I can come back and see to your care. Even if it’s just to manage your pain medication and give you a comforting hand,” Jessica said with not much conviction to help me hold onto the hope I was going to be OK.
“The one glaring question I have is how could I have possibly get this? I eat right, I exercise in the gym, and I’ve taken up yoga. I’ve never had such a healthy lifestyle before in my entire life. I go to the gym every day without missing out a day, no matter whether I’m feeling down or depressed or otherwise. Is this just one of those things that just happen to you, or should I worry I have an enemy?” I asked thinking it was a joke, but the way she was shaking her head made me believe there was nothing to laugh about.
“I’ve talked to everybody, and this is definitely not something happening to someone naturally. This was especially designed to attack your health system. It’s in your blood, and somebody has gone through a lot of trouble to administer this to you. I know this is not what you want to hear, but there is no doubt about it. Tests don’t lie. I’ve never known you to be a person who makes enemies. Do you have any disgruntled ex-boyfriends or maybe girls who didn’t take kindly to you stepping in their territory?” Jessica said making me feel as if I was some sort of a home wrecker.
“There are times I have needs they can’t be met. It doesn’t happen often, and I feel like a heel afterward, but one night stands do happen. I don’t feel very good about this, but they are a necessary relief. I look at it as a temporary lapse in judgment. I get sick every time I do something like that. But I make sure I take the precaution and go out of town. This one may not be that small, but people tend to talk, and everybody seems to know everybody’s business. It’s possible I could’ve rubbed somebody the wrong way, but I can’t see how that would have made them feel it was necessary to kill me. It’s bad enough they’re trying to kill me, but they are also doing it slowly, and this makes it feel personal,” I said taking a deep breath and standing up to face what was probably going to be the worst fight of my life.
“I want you to sit down and go through each and every one of those guys. I’m not going to ask if you know their names. I can see from your face that anonymity is something you take very seriously. I would be remiss as a doctor if I didn’t say what you have been doing is not healthy. You know there are a variety of things you can catch. I would tell you to find a good man and settle down with him, but I’m not sure you have that kind of time at the moment. I don’t want to be a poison pill if you pardon the pun, but you might have to face the fact that you
r days are numbered,” Jessica said as she followed me to the front door of the building.
“I have to tell you, you have been an amazing doctor, and I would suggest you get a better bedside manner. Showing compassion and giving your patient hope does not make you a bad doctor. It shows you are human. I understand your need to keep things separate, but how can you when life and death are constantly around you. I don’t know if I consider you a friend, but I don’t think I would want to have anyone else by my side at a time like this. I’m glad you have decided to make me a priority of yours. It shows me my trust in you was not put into the wrong hands,” I said feeling a little shaky. I was looking at the way I had conducted myself with my father. There had to be some way to break that barrier of hatred. He couldn’t understand I needed to make a life of my own.
“That’s the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me. I guess I could be more empathetic, but that would only affect my family. I try to keep this away from them as much as possible. Talking about my patients goes against my Hippocratic Oath. It’s private business between me and those I care for, but there are times I speak candidly to my husband about some of these things. He’s a good listener and someone I would feel lost without. I don’t mention anybody by name, and it’s mostly a hypothetical situation that really isn’t all that hypothetical at all,” Jessica said with both of us standing there, watching people go about their daily lives having no idea mine was so close to being cut short.
“Hearing this news makes me see I’ve been a damn fool for letting my father think he has all the power. I’m going to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM and I hope this doctor friend of yours is ready for a woman with spirit. I’m not going to be some dainty little wallflower begging for his assistance. I’m going to be hellfire and brimstone and not give him a moment of rest until the very last breath I take. I don’t let people walk over me, including my family. I’ve only given my father that power because I thought I deserved to be punished. He has no idea my perception of what happened has changed. I have to make things right regardless if he wants to see me or not. I can’t make this all about me and tell him I’m dying. It wouldn’t be fair to him. He’s not in a good health condition and laying this on his shoulders I would be asking too much,” I said feeling the angst from learning my death was imminent. I was a woman though who was ready to put on the boxing gloves and go a few rounds with what was considered to be my fate.
“Of all the people I have been in the position of giving bad news, you have been dealing with this quite well. If anybody can beat this thing, it will be you and Dr. Rhodes, working hand in hand to find a cure. I like your chances. You sound like the kind of woman who won’t give up no matter if the prognosis is dire. I’m going to think about you and pray for you. You don’t need any of this, and the fire in your belly is the one thing that is going to help you carry on. Don’t let this thing get the best of you. I want you to rise above it and give yourself a fighting chance,” Jessica said sounding as if she thought I was not as close to death’s door as I was previously led to believe.
“I hope you don’t get sick hearing from me on your vacation. You’ve given me a lot to think about. It really is a gift that keeps on giving and not in a good way. Dr. Rhodes might think I’m a pushover, but he’ll find out differently when we meet face to face tomorrow. I don’t think I’ll talk to my father until after I get some news from him,” I said with a warm hug from a woman who really was more clinical than personable.
Time was the one thing not on my side. Facing this was going to be challenging. I had heard stories about people beating cancer with faith. I was actually thinking I might want to attempt bending on one knee and talking to the big man.
Chapter 3
Sitting there in the open hospital gown with the cool air conditioning running up my spine was not one of my flattering moments. I was barely wearing any makeup; caring about my appearance really didn’t make much sense anymore. I was what was considered a natural beauty, and I didn’t need much of it, to begin with. I had conditioned myself not to get caught up in the hype of new age defying or wrinkle resistant products. I wore lipstick and mascara, but only to accentuate the positive. I had seen a lot of older women and how makeup had affected them. I did not want this to be my future. It didn’t seem to matter, and it seemed trivial when I began to really think about it.
When I arrived at the hospital, they rushed me through with very little preliminaries. The nurse was cordial enough, but I could tell she was biting her tongue any time she said Dr. Rhodes’ name. She was the one who had hooked me up to the machine.
The door opened, and I could smell his Serge Lutens Borneo cologne. It had a spicy scent; it was Cardamom. He had his head down with slicked back black hair. His hand was on his chin as he was pondering on the results of my tests. Even through the lab coat, I could tell he was put together like a linebacker. This guy was an active gym member. His arms alone were like tree trunks, and his shoulders made me envision the way he could carry me from one room to another. When he finally looked up from what he was doing to face me one on one, it was his piercing blue eyes I was instantly mesmerized by.
“I don’t mind telling you I was not very fond of Jessica calling me to come here of all places. I imagine you have already been subjected to my name being mentioned in hushed tones. They don’t want me to be here any more than I want to. I’m doing this out of courtesy and favor to a dear friend who never lost faith in me. At one time or another, she actually helped me procure certain elements I needed for my research. She knows every trick in the book and how to navigate around the red tape, a fact that makes her an invaluable asset in my opinion. I’m surprised she would go this far for somebody like you. You don’t have money or much of a Medical Insurance. You certainly don’t have a pedigree under your name. Willa Stone, I have to say I’m a little put off by how you have her wrapped around your little finger,” Dr. Rhodes said with his hand now flipping the pages of my diagnosis.
“I’m not a celebrity or some wealthy socialite. But I don’t need you talking to me like I am not worth of someone owing me a few favors. If my doctor goes this far trying to help me survive, then shouldn’t I take all the advantages I can get? I honestly don’t really care how you feel about this,” I said in a defensive tone, but nothing more than he deserved for being this callous and uncaring.
There was something about his face. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was definitely something that made me think we had met before. I didn’t know what kind of circles we could both be in where we could have met. We certainly didn’t have anything in common. I did have to admit though his eyes looked kind, even if he was taken aback by my doctor’s interference.
“I actually find it refreshing to deal with somebody who is not connected at all. It offers a bit of clout to get me to come to them. I don’t usually mess with the natural order of things. I stay out of the way as much as possible, and in terms of a research, I only publish when I know I have something to contribute to the medical field. I have money, and this has never been an issue. Let’s just say I learned how to invest wisely when I was considered to be at the top of my field. I don’t have to lower myself to a different standard. I only take cases which intrigue me, but in your case, it was more of the person who was requesting for my time that got my attention,” he said while looking up every so often as if he was trying to figure out where he knew me from. His Hugo Boss suit was hard to miss under that physique.
“You’ve had me sitting in here for the past hour. My time is valuable and having only six months to live really does give you more than enough to think about. I have a life to live, and I would like to know whether I should empty my bank account and move to a tropical setting. I don’t want to jump the gun, especially if you have some way of helping me. I have no idea who would have the gall to do something like this to me. I don’t go around burning ants with a magnifying glass or pulling the wings off of flies. I consider myself to be a good person, a
nd I try to give back as much as I can. The only stumbling block I mentioned to Jessica is I like to dabble physically. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to be blunt. Every couple of months, I degrade myself throwing my body at the next available man who gives me that twinkle in their eye,” I said while feeling quite vulnerable, trying my best to keep the hospital gown on without letting him see more than he bargained for.
“I appreciate the position you’re in, but I’m really not sure if I’m ready to say whether I will be able to save you or not. It would be good to know what this toxin is. I’ve seen others like it who mimic the same symptoms but in a different way. This one seems mutated or maybe reengineered in some way to affect only you. Somebody has gone through a lot of trouble, and there are not that many people able to do this kind of work. I have a short list of 20 names, but it would take a long time to check out each and every one of them. Not to mention it’s even harder when it’s during the holidays and people tend to gravitate towards their family or someplace warm to spend that time of year. I don’t mean to be bitter, but I was practically out the door when Jessica reached out,” he said making me feel bad I had taken him away from his holiday get together.
“I don’t mean to be indifferent to your feelings, but I think I have some priority over eggnog, rum or singing carols around the tree. I would like to know how much time I have left, and if there’s anything we can do to prolong it. It would be even better if we could find a cure and send the person responsible to jail for the rest of their life. I’ve been wracking my brain all night, and you might have a short list of your own, but I also have one which might take precedence. You obviously know about my past, and I’m sure Jessica has alluded to something. If she didn’t, then I think I’ve been pretty clear and open with how I live my life. I don’t go around purposely making enemies, but I guess anything is possible. Jessica mentioned going through this blood dialysis. You made me wait quite a bit and connected to this thing has only made my anger rise like bile in my throat. You’re very lucky I didn’t scream at you or grab you by your collar and shake the living daylights out of you,” I said shifting nervously, hearing the crinkle of the gown I was wearing against the paper I was sitting on.