Given

by Ashlynn Monroe

  She turned the knob slowly and pushed open the door. “Hello, Max, it’s me,” she whispered. The glow near his face told her he’d just taken a puff of something to smoke. “Are you okay?”

  “Go away,” he said quietly. There was sadness in his voice. Against her better judgment, she didn’t go back inside.

  “It’s just me. What are you doing out here?”

  “I could ask you the same question.” The words weren’t snarky, but she had a feeling that’d been his goal; something kept him from being truly nasty to her. She peered at him in the darkness, but couldn’t see his expression very well.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” she replied honestly.

  He grunted. “Me either. Want a cigar?” This time she heard humor and decided declining the challenge wasn’t going to fix the tension between them.

  “Sure.”

  He stepped closer to her and took a small cigar from his shirt pocket, bit off the end, then lit the tip. Max handed her the glowing stogie carefully.

  “Thanks,” Krista said. “This is my first time smoking.” She took a puff and began coughing hard. “Ugh!”

  “You okay?” She could hear the humor in his voice, and it was both annoying and a relief.

  “A…Ah, I—gross.” She took another more delicate drag, coughing again.

  Max chuckled. “Here, drink this, it might help.”

  She took the glass from him and the moment the liquid hit her throat she began choking. Gasping loudly, she coughed again. “Are you trying to kill me?” She managed to spit the words out between coughs.

  “A little brandy will fix you right up, besides a cigar isn’t the same without quality booze.” One of the security lights flipped on, illuminating his amused face. For a grumpy man, Max had a beautiful smile, Krista decided.

  “I’ll take your word for it.” Krista sat the cigar down in the ashtray and then placed her hand on his back. He flinched and his face twisted in revulsion. The look stirred a memory.

  There’d been a girl brought into the Young Woman’s Educational Protection Facility about a year after the government had mandated all females not in a Giving contract live in custody for their own protection. This girl was used in propaganda about how great it was to live in the safety of the center. She’d been repeated raped by her uncles who’d kept her hidden away in a basement. She’d suffered for years. During one of the assemblies, they’d brought her up to speak about how much happier she was to be safe, and a caregiver had inadvertently touched her arm. The girl had jumped and turned, wearing the exact same expression as Max had on his face now.

  “Who hurt you, Max?”

  His eyes widened, and then narrowed. “What are you talking about?” She’d seen the honesty of his surprise. He wasn’t going to fool her.

  “I won’t tell the others. Who hurt you?” She repeated the question quietly. Krista knew any sexual abuse in his past would’ve made him ineligible for the lottery based on the stringent restrictions for participation. She knew why he’d hide it. “Your outburst, it wasn’t about what Mal said, right?”

  “Don’t play head games with me. Go to bed.”

  “I just want to understand.” She genuinely did want to help him, and not just to keep the peace in her new household.

  Krista cried out sharply as he literally picked her up, crushing her against the wall of the house. They were out of sight, deep in the shadows now.

  “You want to understand? This is what it feels like to be helpless and afraid. Need me to show you how it can hurt worse?”

  “N—No, please, I’m sorry, Max,” she stuttered, afraid of what she’d unleashed in him. “I just want to understand, really. I don’t want you to be in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, like earlier. I didn’t know. I swear, I won’t tell the others.”

  He relaxed his grip on her, slightly, glaring into her face. While he wasn’t her favorite person right now, he might someday father one of her children, she needed to help him. “Let me help you,” she pleaded.

  His lips descended and he kissed her with punishing force. Max let go of her arms and she wrapped them around his neck, trying to show him comfort. She didn’t know what he needed, but he’d instigated this kiss for a reason and she wasn’t about to risk destroying the tenuous connection they had. He pushed away from her as abruptly as he’d grabbed her.

  “Go to bed, Krista.”

  “If you would like your turn, I’d understand. I promise I won’t call for another group session again. I just want us all to get along. I want to help you.”

  He put his hand against the wall and leaned down, very close to her face. “Don’t pretend a good fuck fixes anything. Sex is as much a weapon as it is anything else. Never forget that. I won’t let you use sex to control me.” He pushed away from the wall and ran his hand through his hair, turning from her. Then he looked back, and in the dim light, she could see remorse on his face. “Don’t say anything to the others, please. I’m sorry if I hurt you. Just forget it. I’m fine. I’ll take my night when it’s my turn. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I’m here if you need to talk. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  He snorted, shrugging. “Smoking and drinking with me won’t make you less a prisoner or me less an ass for participating in your slavery. I think you’ve had enough vice for one night. Go to bed.”

  She knew the shock had to be all over her face. He saw her as a prisoner, worse a slave; was she a sex slave? Less accepting girls had said similar things about what a Given girl was, but hearing it from a man—one of her men—it shocked her. She didn’t want to be a sex slave; she wanted a life, maybe a pseudo family, if that was even possible. She didn’t like feeling as if he was ordering her around, but she wanted to get away from the unstable man and the misery he stirred inside of her. Krista rushed inside, went right to the bookshelf, grabbed the book she wanted, and hurried back up the stairs.

  She sat down on the small sofa. Tucking her legs beneath her, she looked at the cover. The image of a man in chains, surrounded by beautiful women made Krista roll her eyes. She turned the book over and read the blurb. It talked of Sperm Production Facilities where the men lived that forced them to donate their sperm three times a day and punishment rooms where men endured rape for bad behavior. Krista scowled. This was the first book in a series. She wondered if the rest were as twisted as this one. Still, curiosity made her want to read. Krista opened the book and began.

  My name is Samuel Johnson, and I haven’t left this prison since the year I hit puberty. Ripped from my mother’s arms at fourteen, I’ve learned women only want two things: sex and compliments.

  Chapter 4

  Krista jumped at the sound of her door opening. The book fell off the arm of the couch and she sat up, feeling stiff. The leg she’d been sitting on had gone numb.

  Jared peeked his head into the room cautiously. “Good morning, or should I say afternoon. I was worried about you.”

  “Sorry, I stayed up late reading.” She motioned him to come in.

  He wrinkled his nose as he entered. “Why do I smell smoke and brandy?”

  Krista blushed. “I decided it was time to grow up.”

  He raised his eyebrow. “That stuff is bad for you. If they come for inspection and smell booze and smoke, you’ll be removed so quickly you won’t even have time to say goodbye.”

  She grinned at his the-doctor-must-lecture-you-now voice. “Yes, doctor, I’ll quit immediately.”

  Jared grinned back. “I brought you a muffin and some juice. Do you drink coffee? I could go make you a cup.”

  “I’ve never been allowed to have coffee, they were pretty careful about what we were allowed to eat and drink. I’ve heard it’s bitter, but someday I’d love to try a cup.”

  “I forgot that was on the no-no list.”

  Krista frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Jared looked like he wished he could take back the casual statement. He blushed and the red stain made his freckles stand out even mo
re noticeably. “I…don’t be mad, but we have a list of what you can and can’t eat, as well as a list of things we can and can’t do with you. Steve has the food list, so I’m sure this muffin and juice are fine. They have specific items they want you eating, for fertility or something. From my standpoint, it’s ridiculous. There’s really little or no science to back up the nutritional benefits of some of the food, but there are a few things on the list that would be great for you if you do get pregnant.”

  She felt the stranglehold tightening around her life. She’d thought she’d be mostly allowed to just live, without the protection facility interfering. “I’m still going to try that cup of coffee,” she grumbled.

  Jared gave her a small nod. “I’ll personally make it for you. I don’t think it will hurt a bit before you’re pregnant.”

  She liked him; it was unavoidable. As much as she didn’t want to like anything about being here, she saw the benefits.

  Jared handed her the muffin and juice.

  “Thank you, this is very thoughtful. What time is it?” Krista began yawning as soon as she’d asked the question.

  “Almost one. I wanted to make sure you were okay. After last night I… How are you?” She thought his flush was adorable.

  “I’m fine. Thank you for checking on me. Would you like to sit with me while I eat?”

  He nodded exuberantly and plunked down next to her. “You look pretty this morning,” he said.

  She didn’t feel pretty. Her mouth felt sticky, and he was right, she reeked of cigar smoke. “Thanks. So what are you guys up to today?”

  “We all took our two Giving weeks off. Most of us work or study so much we aren’t used to having this much time on our hands. I’ll be working on my homework this afternoon, but otherwise I’m just hoping to spend time with you. Everyone is going crazy downstairs waiting. We made a rotation—unless you want to p…pick who gets what nights.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

  So far, nothing he was talking about was making her feel happy she woke up. “Whatever,” she replied and then realized just how terrible her single word reply actually sounded. “Umm, sorry, I—dang it, my neck hurts.”

  “I can help you,” he said cheerfully, pulling her so that her back faced him. He slid the robe off her shoulders.

  “So now you’re a chiropractor too?” She really didn’t mean to be so snippy, but all his talk of food restrictions and rotations had put her in a terrible mood. She just wanted to explore her new world.

  His hands began rubbing her neck and shoulders. His pressure was firm, but not painful. “Tell me if I’m hurting you.”

  “No, it feels good.”

  “I’m sorry, Krista. I know this isn’t easy for you. It’s not easy for us either. If the world were different, we wouldn’t find ourselves having to share. This is going to be harder for some of us than others. Sharing a woman doesn’t come naturally. I’m pretty easy going, but hell, it’s still hard for me to know tonight you’ll be in Braxton’s bed.”

  Krista held her breath. Braxton’s bed. She didn’t know if she was ready for him. She wished she’d saved the nightgown now. “Where’s your washing machine?”

  “Steve does all the laundry. Do you have something for him to wash?”

  “I don’t have many clothes. I’d love to have what I’ve worn washed today. I can do it if you just show me where the washer is.”

  “Right now?” He sounded a bit pouty.

  “Yes, please.”

  “All right, let’s go.”

  “Wait, I need to get dressed.” She opened the closet and took out her last set of clean clothing.

  “Wow, that’s all you have, huh?”

  “They didn’t give us much at the protection facility. We wore uniforms, like prisoners. This is everything I have that’s not standard issue from the facility. I’m lucky to have as much as I do. Most women leave with just the clothing on their backs, some have to leave in uniform even. I guess they figure we’ll spend most of our time naked anyway, so why waste tax dollars.”

  “I don’t know if you realize how hard the world was hit economically. Since women worked, they paid taxes too. When everything went crazy, the economy crashed. Just think about industries that make tampons and cosmetics, sure there are boy-girls who need a new lipstick or blush, but what about the tampons?”

  “Yes, let’s feel sorry for the tampon manufacturers. Oh, the humanity!”

  Jared grinned. “Okay, maybe not them, but I’m serious, the government isn’t hoarding money, it just doesn’t have any.”

  “Not to get all political here, but I did read, a lot. They weren’t doing all that great before the world went to hell. If they can go into debt over heated toilet seats, they can afford to give a girl more than the use of communal uniforms and a single Giving Day outfit. I was gifted the dress I wore, or this would be what I’d shown up in.” She held out the simple white cotton sundress. “It’s the only thing I have besides jeans and a sweater. They don’t even shell out for new shoes, you have to wear the same plain, Velcro-closure support shoes they give everyone on June first. We call it Shoe Year’s day.”

  Jared smiled. “Well, I think I’ve figured out what to do with the rest of my day. I’m going to take you shopping.”

  “I get to leave, really, see a real store?” Krista bounced with excitement. She could barely remember shopping with her mother.

  “Get dressed and meet me downstairs.”

  Krista nodded, and the moment he was out of the room she rushed out of her clothes, skipping a shower in her excitement. She ran a brush through her hair, brushed her teeth, and used her deodorant. There were so many things she needed—razors, shaving cream, more deodorant. Picking up a bottle, she realized it was perfume. She paused, grinning, maybe they’d even let her buy one of her choice. She remembered her mother’s rose scent. This one was lavender, she was glad they’d provided her with something to make her feel feminine.

  She heard the arguing the moment she started down the stairs. She paused to listen.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Security needs twenty-four hours notice if we’re taking her out of the compound.”

  “Where the hell do they even sell women’s clothes these days?”

  “Oh God, we have to go to the boy-girl store. I do not want to go there!”

  “If any men are watching the place, waiting to kidnap her, they’ll kill to get her away from us. We’re going to look like jackasses by losing her week one.”

  Krista finished coming down the stairs. “He was just being nice. I don’t want anyone to yell at him anymore. Fine. I won’t go shopping with him, but I wouldn’t mind a few new things to wear and some toiletries. I can just make a list.” She hated giving up on leaving. “I could dress like a boy and if only five of you go they won’t know it’s me,” she added hopefully.

  “Sorry, the risk is too great,” Damon replied without a trace of remorse.

  “Why the fuck should we spend any more money? If you don’t get pregnant, then we just blew a bundle on nothing,” Max stated, looking right into her eyes. She flinched.

  “I hope someday I won’t be ‘nothing’ to you. I understand.” She turned and started back up the stairs. The book hadn’t been too bad and the idea of losing herself in Samuel Johnson’s struggle was much more appealing than thinking about how she was an expense expected to get pregnant while pleasuring them all. A hand on her arm stopped her on the second step. She turned to see Brax looking up at her, frowning.

  “Don’t go upstairs. Max is just being an ass, like usual. Even if he isn’t willing to buy you what you need, the rest of us are. You might not get to pick out the clothes in a store, but we have the internet. Make a list of the toiletries you need and I’ll send Steve out shopping. We can go online and you can order whatever you like. Is that a suitable compromise?”

  She nodded. Deep down she had known she wouldn’t be leaving, but Jared had sparked hope. She wouldn’t
let it happen again. Forgetting what she was to these men would be dangerous to her emotional stability. She was property, and property didn’t get to do what it wanted.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled.

  “Come on, we have a computer hooked up to the big screen in the game room. I’m sure we’ll all have things we want to see you in.”

  “I’m cool with naked,” Mal replied.

  Krista looked over Brax’s head to glare at the battered comedian. He looked far worse this morning, and she felt a little twist of guilt that she hadn’t checked on him earlier. “I’d hit you, but you don’t look like you could take another punch. How are you feeling?”

  “Ha! Love it that our girl is funny. Damn it, woman, we are going to make some fantastically entertaining babies.”

  She felt the color drain from her face. All this baby talk, as immediately necessary as it was, felt so awkward and strange. She doubted most men were as interested in procreation in the old world.

  “You okay? Maybe they’ll just be moderately entertaining,” Max muttered, scowling.

  “Sorry. All the baby talk is freaking me out.” She hated the idea of getting pregnant and having no control over what happened to her child. What if they didn’t want to keep a child, she wondered. Krista could totally imagine Max and Damon insisting they didn’t keep a boy. Girls were the gender that garnered a tax write off. There was no incentive to have a boy, except love, and they didn’t seem the affectionate type. Even if she had a girl, the child would be gone on her tenth birthday. She hated the idea of losing her children. Would they wonder if she didn’t love them anymore? She’d heard more than one of the younger girls crying and saying that in the protection facility. Did the staff there tell the children they weren’t wanted? Too many questions for her taste revolved around procreation in this awful world.