The Fear of Surrender

by Morticia Knight

  A sigh escaped him, but he was fairly certain it had gone unnoticed. The whirr of the motorcar as they drove in the open air had likely masked any sound he made. Even if Thomas still wanted him, it would never work. Thomas was a Master. He’d want Linus to go to the club as his boy, surrender to him the way Sam and Francesco had surrendered to their Masters. And he still wasn’t sure about Hampton Road.

  It had all been a new concept to him when Ned had first taken him there. He didn’t know what it was about him that had made Ned suggest it, but he’d told him that he thought Linus was a submissive man. Then he’d added that he believed Linus would greatly benefit from meeting some Dominant men.

  Ned had only been passing through town, and even though he’d paid for Linus’ company, he’d remarked that he didn’t think being an escort was the life for him. Linus had assumed that he’d be trading one type of date for another, but Ned had said he should go to Hampton Road for his own pleasure and nothing else. Ned had spoken of the whole experience setting him free, but Linus still didn’t have the slightest idea what he’d meant by that.

  “Are you chilly?”

  Thomas spoke above the noise of the car and the whoosh of the air as they wended their way up the hill to the nursery.

  “No, I’m fine. Thank you, Sir.”

  Linus had barely had the chance to learn the very basics of surrendering to another man before it had been ripped from him. With Thomas, he’d taken to it eagerly, had assumed that their interaction had meant something more to the Master than it obviously had. He was silly, immature—that was all there was to it. But after the episode with Preston, he’d decided it wasn’t worth it anyway. Wouldn’t all Masters be the same? After all, Preston had seemed nice enough at first. What if Thomas made him do things even if he didn’t want to do them, or if he purposely tried to hurt him during sex?

  Once they reached the property, Thomas turned up the driveway, the car jostling him to and fro as they neared the guesthouse. His gut clenched as nausea roiled in his stomach. It was so dark out, so late. They were far away from any other homes—Aaron and Sam’s land stretched out on all sides. And he was all alone with Thomas.

  The car had barely rolled to a stop when Linus flung open the door then jumped to the ground.

  “Thank you!”

  He tossed the remark over his shoulder as he ran for the front of the guesthouse, remembering that it was unlocked, terrified he wouldn’t know how to lock it behind him once he was inside. Part of his brain screamed that he was being ridiculous, that Thomas would never harm him, but the part that controlled his actions overruled everything else.

  Once he was in the house, he slammed the door, wincing when it rattled. He hadn’t meant to be so forceful. Doubling over, he tried to will his breathing to slow down, to make his heart quit racing. He stood, then ran his hands through his hair, shame filling him at how he’d behaved. Thomas had never given him any reason to doubt, even if he was a Master.

  He jumped at the knock on the door he was leaning against.

  “Linus? Is everything okay?”

  “I…” He was still breathing fast enough he could barely push out his words. “I’m fine.” He frantically searched through his mind for something else to say, anything to let Thomas know that he wasn’t angry at him.

  Only terrified.

  “Uh, thank you again for the ride and um…” He covered his face with his hands. Why was he behaving so strangely? He let his hands drop and banged his head in frustration against the wood at his back. “I’m sorry. I, um, I just can’t be alone with a man right now. You were very nice to me tonight. Thank you.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. I understand.”

  It was absurd that they were having such a conversation yelled through the closed door.

  “Linus? I’m going to wait in the car until I make sure Aaron and Sam return to the main house. Do you have a phone in there that you can use if you need anything from them?”

  Good Lord. He thinks I’m a baby.

  “No. There’s no phone. But…”

  He glanced around the room. That’s right. Kenneth wouldn’t be at the guesthouse with him. He really would be all alone back there. Solitude had always been something he’d appreciated back in Oklahoma. He could stay in his room for hours sketching out designs or working on a new creation. But the house hadn’t been empty.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  The gravel outside crunched and he could hear Thomas’ footsteps as he walked back to his vehicle. Panic gripped him. Did he think that Linus meant for him to leave right away? He cracked open the door.

  “Sir?”

  The tall, lean blond man whom he’d briefly fantasized would want to be with him as his real lover turned his way, one foot resting on the runner of the convertible.

  “What can I do for you, Linus?”

  “I wouldn’t mind, um, if you stayed in the car until Aaron and Sam get back. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

  A small smile tugged at the corners of Thomas’ mouth. “I said I would, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, Sir, you did.” Linus smiled back, relieved that Thomas was there after all. He still wasn’t about to let him in though.

  “I’ll let them know when they return that you’re back home. Should I have them get you anything before I leave?”

  “No, thank you, Sir. For everything.”

  “You’re welcome, Linus.”

  Linus gave him a quick wave then closed the door. He wished he had the nerve to let Thomas inside, to be alone with him the way they’d been before at the club. Thomas’ hands had been soft and warm. They’d felt so good against his skin. The first time those hands had connected with his butt cheeks in a sharp sting, he’d almost come from that touch alone. He still didn’t understand all about submissive and Dominant men, but he understood what he liked. He liked having his ass spanked.

  * * * *

  This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

  For days, Thomas had racked his brain to come up with a plausible reason to call on Linus. He still hadn’t discovered one, but he’d grown tired of waiting. The previous night he’d watched a beautiful demonstration at the club between Saul and Kenneth, and he’d been overcome with emotion. If things were different, it could’ve been him and Linus up on that stage. At the very least, he could’ve had the opportunity to test Linus’ boundaries in a private room, discovering what made his body sing.

  After parking in the main driveway of Aaron and Sam’s home, Thomas switched off the engine of his car. He removed his driving cap, glancing in the rearview mirror to repair any stray hairs that had escaped the confines of the hair oil. The small paper bag he’d brought along lay on the seat next to him, and he wondered again at how goofy he might appear to the man whose affections he sought. Since pining over Linus night after night hadn’t done him much good, he’d determined to go through with his haphazard plan.

  Plucking the bag from the seat, he then opened the door to the Buick. He dropped to the ground, looking up in time to see Aaron approaching him from the walkway.

  “Thomas! Sam told me you rang earlier.”

  “Good, it’s no trouble then?”

  Aaron clapped him on the back. “Why on earth would you think that? You’re welcome here any time.”

  “Thank you.” Thomas cleared his throat. “So, that was quite a stunning announcement the other night. We never had the chance to speak much amidst all the chaos.”

  Aaron shook his head with a light laugh. “Yes, quite stunning. I still can’t believe Saul kept it secret for so many years that he was the actual owner of Hampton Road. But, I can understand. He had his reasons.”

  “Once I heard, I have to admit I was relieved. Now we know that Hampton Road really is in trustworthy hands.”

  “I have to agree.” Aaron glanced down at what Thomas held in his hands. “A gift?”

  “Oh, I…” He chuckled nervously, fiddling with the bag.

  I’m lik
e a schoolboy.

  Aaron arched his eyebrows. “He’s in the greenhouse in the back.”

  “What?”

  “Linus. He’s the reason you’re here, right?”

  Thomas couldn’t help but groan. He hadn’t realized how transparent he was, yet Aaron had known him for years. They’d played together in various clubs around the country before both of them had decided to settle in one spot. In Thomas’ case, his decision had been fraught with the need to escape the circumstances that had been thrust upon him.

  “I suppose there’s no point in being coy with you, my friend. Yes, I wish to see Linus.” He paused, wondering how much he should reveal. But if ever he needed the advice of an associate, the current situation seemed like it definitely qualified. “Do you think Linus is scared of me? Or only of Hampton Road? I’m afraid I might be hoping for something when there is no hope at all.”

  Aaron considered him. “What have you there?” He gestured to the bag that Thomas was in the process of destroying with his nervous fidgeting.

  “Oh dear. Well, hopefully it will still be a bag of dates if I don’t worry it to death first.”

  “Dates?”

  Aaron appeared completely confused. Thomas grinned sheepishly.

  “Silly, I know. But Linus enjoyed them so much one night at the club I thought he might like some. He said he’d never heard of them before and…” Thomas bowed his head. “I’m a fool.”

  Aaron’s gripped his arm. “No. You’re not a fool. I think Linus needs an easy touch, and this is the type of gesture that he can likely handle right now. When he was at the club, I caught him staring at you several times. Even the other night before you both left, he was peeking at you as if he was afraid he might be discovered.” Aaron loosened his hold, patting him before drawing his hand away. “Give him some time.”

  “Thank you, Aaron.” He cleared his throat once more. “So, the greenhouse it is.”

  Thomas turned to head up the path leading behind the house and Aaron spoke. “Be sure to tell Linus I said that it’s time for his break.”

  There was a curl at the corner of Aaron’s mouth as he waved at him before trotting toward the stairs of his home. At least he had one ally.

  Soon he found himself at the open doors of the greenhouse, taking a moment to observe Linus as he dropped what appeared to be seeds into tiny pots. He carefully added a handful of soil on top of them in what Thomas assumed was the already partially filled containers. Then he patted them softly with the first two fingers of each hand. He’d brush the dirt away against his denim trousers then began again. Thomas was silently thankful that Linus was no longer at the awful place Aaron and Saul had retrieved him from. That he was no longer going with strange men to make his way in the world.

  If he would allow me to take care of him…

  Thomas bit his bottom lip. He wasn’t entirely sure if that’s what he really wanted to do yet. He’d barely become accustomed to the idea of only being with one man once more, of chancing that again. It would take time to determine if that’s what they both wanted.

  “Hello.”

  Linus gasped as he jerked his head up. His mouth dropped open in obvious surprise.

  “Oh!”

  “I apologize, Linus. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

  Linus lowered his head again. “That’s okay, Master Thomas. I, um, I thought I was alone, that’s all.”

  “It’s not necessary for you to address me that way, Linus. We’re not at the club. I would like it if you would simply call me Thomas.”

  “Oh. Okay, um…Thomas.”

  Thomas glanced around the area, searching for somewhere they could both sit. Linus appeared lost—he clutched the small pot to him as if he was protecting it and he kept his gaze lowered. There was a small bench in one corner that had quite a few planting containers of various sizes stacked on it, but Thomas thought that it could be an option. He approached the seat, readying to move the items to the ground.

  “We could, um, there’s a picnic table in the garden where I sometimes take my lunch. But I’d have to check with Aaron first to make sure I can stop for a while.”

  “You take your job here seriously. That’s good. But I saw Aaron on my way up and he asked me to let you know that it was time for you take a break.”

  “I see.” Linus tentatively set the down the little planter then brushed his hands off again.

  “Is there a bucket of water or a spigot nearby?”

  Linus nodded. “Yes. Over there.” He pointed near to where Thomas stood. “It’s next to the greenhouse so we can attach the hoses.” Linus lifted his head, an earnest expression in his eyes. “I can get you a drink from the house if you’d like, um, Thomas. There’s ice and everything.”

  “That’s very nice of you, but I thought you might want to rinse off your hands. I brought you something…” Thomas coughed behind his fist. “Why don’t you take care of that then you can show me where the bench is.”

  “Yes, Sir, um, Thomas.”

  Linus’ cheeks reddened and he hurriedly set down the pot before doing as he was told. Thomas watched him. Linus was fluid in his movements as he thoroughly cleaned off his hands from the standing faucet. Not only was he careful to keep the water from splashing on his shoes or clothing, but he meticulously dried himself off as well. When he’d finished, he glanced up at Thomas as if he was seeking approval. It had never occurred to Thomas before what Linus’ background was other than what he’d heard about regarding his previous so-called employment. Nor did he know how he’d ended up at Hampton Road, exploring his submissive side. But it was clear to Thomas that it was his natural state.

  “Very good, Linus.”

  A tentative, shy smile curled the edges of his mouth. “Thank you, um, Thomas.”

  He quickly dropped his chin, his skin flushing again. They’d only spent those few times together, and while Thomas had sensed he was inexperienced and had been aware of his shyness, he couldn’t remember it being as pronounced. Had Linus been putting on a front of bravado so as not to be perceived as a rube? If so, Thomas wanted to start over and discover who he truly was.

  “You’re welcome, Linus. Shall we?”

  Linus made the funny little nod he always did that Thomas found endearing. “Follow me.”

  He trailed after Linus as they wound down a path that extended beyond the greenhouse and past some eucalyptus trees. Thomas spotted the wooden table with attached benches on either side that was set underneath a shady oak tree. It was a peaceful spot and he could easily imagine Linus relaxing there. Was he lonely? Besides tending to the nursery, what else did he do with his time? Thomas was overcome with the desire to know everything he could about the skittish young man he followed to the secluded location.

  “This is it.” He shrugged. “I mean, um, obviously.”

  He was back to avoiding Thomas’ gaze and it was frustrating. It could be a combination of his shyness or insecurity, or perhaps it was merely leftover from the instruction he’d received at the club to keep his eyes lowered in respect to the Dominant men. Regardless, Thomas needed to know that as much as anything else.

  They took their seats opposite each other and Thomas decided to get the whole business with the dates out of the way before he went any further.

  “I brought you these.” Thomas handed the bag to Linus, who had his eyebrows scrunched together in what appeared to be confusion.

  “Thank you.” He took the bag then set it in front of him without looking inside.

  Thomas hid a grin behind his hand. “You can take a peek if you’d like.”

  Linus lifted his head to meet Thomas’ gaze and he had to suppress a gasp. The blue of Linus’ eyes was even brighter in the daylight. It struck Thomas right then that he’d only ever seen him at night. He still seemed unsure as to what to do, so Thomas coaxed him along.

  “I was at the farmer’s market earlier and there was a vendor selling these. I remembered how much you liked them the last time we…well, the last
time you and I were alone.”

  Another blush reddened Linus’ face. He gingerly unrolled the top of the paper bag then peeked inside. “Oh! Thank you so much. What are they called again?”

  “Dates. They’re a desert fruit.”

  “They’re one of the best things I’ve ever had. Sam and Aaron should grow them here.” He frowned. “Could they? Are they from a big tree?”

  Thomas smiled a wide, open smile. It was the most he’d heard Linus say to him all at once. “They come from a palm tree and I’m sure they could if they wanted to.” Thomas angled his body to the side to cross his legs. “I’m glad you like them.”

  “I do.” Linus looked away. There seemed to be something running through his mind as he frowned and chewed at his lip. Finally, he raised his head to meet Thomas’ eyes again. “I’m really very, very sorry about the other night. I don’t know why I acted that way. I know, um, I know you’re not the same as Preston. I don’t want you to think I believe that. “

  Thomas chuckled. “That’s good to hear. Thank you for telling me.” Thomas became more serious, careful to make sure he had Linus’ attention. “But you don’t need to apologize. What you went through was quite traumatic and I want you to know I understand. Perhaps we could start over?”

  Linus narrowed his eyes slightly. “Start over?”

  Thomas smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “As if we’ve just met. As two men who’ve taken a liking to one another, well…at least on my part—I’ve taken a liking to you.” He winked.

  A light laugh escaped Linus and it warmed Thomas’ heart, gave him the hope he’d been desperately searching for all week. Then Linus’ expression clouded.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “But what about the club? Um, you’re a Master.”

  Thomas assumed Linus had tried to hide it, but he still detected the negative tone that had slipped out when he’d spoken the word ‘Master’.

  Thomas made an exaggerated show of gazing about the clearing. “Club? I don’t see any club?” He shrugged. “And from what I can tell, there are only two men here. No Masters.”

  Linus cocked his head. “But…that’s what you are. I mean, um, won’t you always want that?” He let out a mournful sigh, his chin almost dropping to his chest. “I thought that was something I wanted too, but now…I really don’t know, so I um, I don’t think you should waste your time on me.”