Infatuation

by River Savage

  “I’m just trying to protect you.” He growls, still not making any sense.

  “What from, the cold? Last time I checked it’s eighty out.”

  “Don’t be a smartass. You know what I’m saying. You can’t walk around here wearing shit like this and not have me react. It’s the last thing you want.” His honesty shocks me for a minute before I draw his meaning from it.

  Okay, we’re doing this now.

  “Did you bother to ask me what I want, Beau?” I’m starting to lose my composure. Me standing here, exposed, yet he can barely look at me.

  “You don’t know what you want, Mackenzie.”

  “Oh, I know what I want. Maybe you’re the one confused here.” There, I said it. No point hiding it. Surely by now he knows this tension isn’t going anywhere. Ever since I came back, it’s been there. Both of us lying to each other isn’t working anymore.

  “Jesus, you’re so fucking clueless.”

  “And you’re so annoying.”

  He stands, pushing the chair back and takes two significant steps toward me. I fight my need to cower. Instead, I straighten my back and hold his stare.

  “You really wanna know why this will never work, Mackenzie?”

  “Yes!” I practically shout in his face.

  “Because you’re right. I want to control you, darlin’. Not in the way your fucking ex did, in a way that makes you come apart.”

  A hot pulse of need shoots through me, igniting me with his words.

  He leans in closer and I have to tilt my head back to keep eye contact.

  “I want to fucking claim you. Tie you to my goddamn bed and force you to submit to me.” He presses his mouth to the shell of my ear and I don't fight it, I wait.

  Wait for everything and more.

  “I want to do dirty things to you, Kenz. Things only dirty girls enjoy. I want to push every one of your limits so no man will ever be able to make you come like I do.” His hot breath moves over my ear and I can’t help the shiver that rolls through me.

  “I. Want. To. Own. You.” He pulls back when he's finished. Both of our breathing thick with need.

  Holy shit.

  How do you respond to that?

  “Beau.” I step back, unsure what to say. His eyes narrow at my retreat, but he doesn’t say anything.

  My body is alight, buzzing with need but also uncertainty.

  If it were anyone other than Beau saying these words, I’d probably be thrown back into the past with Chad. A past I want no future in. But this is Beau. He doesn't frighten me or want to hurt me. He cares for me and I care for him.

  “I don’t—" I begin to reply but stop because I have no idea what I want to say.

  “Save it. I’m not doing this with you. Wear your fucking revealing nightgown. I don’t give a fuck.” Beau takes my pause the wrong way, turns and walks out, leaving me alone to process the last ten minutes on my own.

  Holy shit, what just happened?

  * * *

  “Kenz?” A knock at my door and Beau’s voice stirs me out of my sleep. My room is dark, the low glow of the hallway light peeks through under the bottom of the door.

  “Yeah?” I call back before checking the clock.

  Just after ten. I’ve barely been asleep an hour. After Beau left me standing in the kitchen highly aroused, I closed the house up, turned everything off and made my way to bed.

  “Can I come in?” he asks and I roll to sit up. I quickly fix my hair and look down.

  Shit, I’m still wearing his shirt.

  “Ahh, yeah, come in.” I pull the cover up, hoping to hide behind it. He pushes the door open and steps inside. “Is everything okay?” I lean across to the bedside table and flick the bedside light on.

  “I fucked up, darlin’. That shit out there, it wasn’t right.” He sighs, resting his shoulder against the wall.

  “It’s okay, Beau. Things were heated,” I agree, wanting him to know I’m not angry or scared like he thinks I am.

  “It’s not okay. It’s not me, or more than that, it’s not how I want to be when it comes to you.” He runs his fingers through his beard and I want to tell him to piss off with his sexiness. But I can’t.

  I can’t because I care for him, and I can see he’s struggling with all of this.

  “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Beau,” I offer, just as lost as him. He kind of just left me hanging out there for me to process everything alone.

  “I don’t want you to say anything. I don’t want you to think about any of this. It’s the last thing you need right now.”

  “Well, it’s kind of hard not to when it exists between us. Has ever since I’ve been back,” I counter, still not sure exactly how to process all this.

  Did his words stir something in me? A need I didn’t know I would or could want? Yes. But if I’m honest, it also frightened me a little. I mean I’m not some blushing virgin who doesn’t know her way around her body. Yeah, I haven’t been with anyone since Chad, but before I met Chad, I had a couple of partners, each one opening me up to a new experience. But what it sounds like Beau is into, is something entirely different.

  “Yeah, I know and I didn’t mean to put it on you at all. I know you have your past, and I’m a fucking idiot for thinking it would be okay to lay it on you like that. This can’t happen.” I try not to be affected by his words, but I can’t help it. In the beginning, I was this person who wouldn’t even consider what he is offering, but I’ve been working so hard not to be that broken woman anymore.

  “I don’t need to be handled with kid gloves, Beau. I’m not saying what you shared didn’t affect me, but I’m not cowering away from it.”

  He doesn’t say anything for a while, and I worry it’s too late.

  “I’m not trying to handle you in any way, Kenzie. Clearly, we’re both feeling this, whatever this is between us. Since you showed up at the clubhouse, it’s been there. But you came to me for help, darlin’. Not for me to introduce you to my kind of kink.”

  I begin to argue, but he holds his hand up, stopping me before I even begin.

  “No, let me just get this out. Now, I’m not gonna lie, you’ve come to mean something to me, darlin’, and as much as I want this, I’m not prepared to go there with you. You have your own shit to deal with. Chad and getting your life back on track. This thing between us now isn’t the right time. We need to focus on the other issues and keep our heads clear.”

  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  I know he’s right. Now isn’t the time to be caught up in a relationship with Beau, regardless of how we both feel. It’s stupid to think I could handle anything right now, not with an unknown future that could come back to bite me at any time.

  “You’re right, Beau. I agree,” I finally say, hating this for what it is.

  “You do?” I don’t miss the change in his tone. I’m just not sure how to read it.

  “Yeah. I think things are still fresh. It’s clouding our judgment. We should take a step back, focus on what’s important.”

  We’re both old enough and wise enough to know this thing between us could end badly, with my past and his tastes. We shouldn’t mess anything up by forcing it.

  “Well, shit. I wasn’t expecting you to agree.”

  I laugh a little at his confession. Maybe an hour ago I would have argued for more, but sitting here now, I can see it. “Well, I don’t always like to push you,” I joke, hoping to break some of the bad tension still hanging around us.

  “Could have fooled me.” He chuckles, the tension lifting a little.

  “So we’re good. Tonight didn’t happen. We’ll just move forward and forget it.” Again.

  “I think it’s for the best, darlin’.”

  “Okay.” I force a smile and hope he doesn’t see through it. I honestly don’t think it’s possible to forget what happened tonight.

  “Okay. Night.” He returns my smile then reaches for the door, preparing to leave. “Oh, and Mackenzie?�
��

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ll be needing my shirt back,” he adds before pulling the door closed and leaving me red-faced.

  “Well, it’s this or the scandalous nightgown. You choose,” I yell back, not sure if he heard me. His laugh travels through the door, but it does nothing to bring us back to where we were before.

  Shit, can I do this? Stay in this house with this man when I have these feelings and urges for him?

  I want to say yes. I can move on, staying just friends and hope I stop thinking of him this way, but I’m not sure it’s possible.

  It has to be, though. Beau is my friend. He came into my life for a reason, and that reason changed everything. I wouldn’t want to lose what friendship we had built. Not now. Not ever.

  It’s going to be hard to push these feelings away, and maybe I’m not strong enough, but I have to try.

  Only time will tell.

  Past

  Mackenzie

  “You’re doing good, darlin’, just a little longer.” The man who held me close to his chest for fifteen minutes in the back of a van keeps repeating his reassuring words.

  “Hurts so bad.” I wince when he picks me up and then lowers me down to a sofa in a house, sending a sharp pain through my chest.

  “I know, darlin’. We’re gonna have you looked at,” he tells me. His voice is deep and husky.

  “What’s your name?” I ask, needing to know what to call him.

  “Beau,” he answers instantly and it sets me at ease. He’s good-looking in a rough, biker kind of way. His dark hair is pulled back away from his face in a low ponytail. Blue eyes and tanned skin hidden by a beard covering most of his face.

  I’ve never understood the fascination with men and long hair, I always just thought it was strange, but staring up at this stranger, I can see how it might be appealing to some.

  “Beau, where are we?” I’m not sure if I can take much more of this pain. I need something. Anything.

  “We’re at a safe house. There’s been a change in plans.”

  “What? No. I was told we were heading out of town. I can’t stay here.” I start to fight as much as I can, but it doesn’t get me far. My muscles tire and my eyes drop as I begin to slip away.

  “You can and you will. Trust me. You need a doctor. We can’t drop you off at the next stop until you’ve been checked out. Sy and I are going to take good care of you,” he promises, but I don’t know him or Sy. How can I trust he won’t send me back to the pits of my own personal hell?

  “Hurts so bad, Beau,” I whisper again just as the darkness takes me.

  * * *

  “Darlin’, you with me?” Beau’s voice breaks through the heaviness around me and pulls me back.

  “Yeah?” I manage past my lips. I open my eyes, fighting past the blurriness.

  “How’re you holding up?” He’s sitting in a chair next to me, not touching me, but still somehow comforting me.

  “Okay, how long have I been out?” I wheeze. My chest is still heavy, and my discomfort is increasing in waves. The small lulls giving me false hope of an end, do nothing to calm me.

  “About thirty minutes.” He leans down and brushes some hair off my face.

  Thirty minutes?

  “We need to leave, Beau. He’s going to find me.” Panic threatens to overwhelm me knowing I’m still in town.

  “No one is going to find you. This wasn’t in the plan, but we’re gonna work with what we have.” Beau tries to assure me, but it doesn’t help.

  “You don’t know Chad as I do. He will find me. He did this because I tried to leave him.” I whisper.

  “Listen, Mackenzie. We’ll do everything we need to do to get you out of here safely, but we have to have this arm set. It’s too badly damaged to move you to the next drop off. We have the connections here. I promise you he won’t get to you.”

  A car pulling up into the gravel drive takes his attention.

  “Did the doc call?” Beau stands and moves through the cabin.

  “No, he said he’d call five minutes out.” The other guy picks up two guns, handing Beau one.

  “Whatever you do, don’t make a sound,” Beau places his finger to his mouth. I nod, my eyes locking on his gun.

  “Move her to the back room, Sy,” Beau tells the other guy as he walks to the front window.

  “It’s him. I know it is,” I cry, not listening to Beau’s command. I knew I wouldn’t get far.

  “Woman, be quiet,” Sy orders, coming to stand over me. I nod, silent tears clouding my vision. “I need to move you. It’s gonna fucking hurt, but you can’t make a sound, you hear me?” Sy leans down into my space.

  “Okay.” I nod, my breath coming out choppy.

  “Bite down on this.” He hands me a clean towel. “Okay. One, two, three,” he counts then picks me up over his shoulder. Shooting pain burns in my ribs but I bite down to muffle my screams. “Good girl,” he whispers, placing me down on the bed in the back room. “Hang on.” He steps up to a freestanding closet and pushes it aside.

  “What’s going on?” I remove the towel from my mouth.

  “Whoever is out there is not meant to be here. We have to hide you ‘cause if it’s the police, they’re here for you.” He flicks the lock on the secret door hidden in the wall.

  “I can’t go in there.” I shake my head, looking at the small, dark space. Fear pricks my skin at the thought of being trapped.

  “It’s either in there or back to your husband. What do you want?”

  A dark, scary hole sounds like heaven compared to Chad. Even with the apprehension and the fear of someone being outside to take me back to him swirling around in my belly, I know what I have to do.

  “Okay.” Slowly and painfully, I stand from the bed and walk toward him. “But, please don’t leave me in here long,” I plead as he helps me down to my knees to crawl in.

  The room is no more than six feet wide. It’s dark, dirty and musty.

  “As soon as we get rid of whoever is out there, we’ll be back,” he promises, closing the door. The darkness closes in on me, blanketing me in a new kind of hell. I hear the sound of him dragging the closet back into place and I sit and wait.

  Wait for an unknown future.

  Fourteen

  Beau

  I hear the shower turn on the following morning and I can’t help a groan from leaving my mouth.

  Fuck, not again.

  My cock stirs to life, images of her standing under the spray of my shower play out in my mind. My hand travels down my stomach and wraps around my now hard cock.

  Jesus, I’m going to hell.

  Deciding not to fight it like I’ve been trying to, I fist myself. Rough to begin with before loosening my grip and stroking my hand up and down my shaft. Ignoring my dry callused palm, I imagine what her grip would be like wrapped around me. Would it be soft and unsure? Or would it be firm and confident? I can almost sense it, the touch of her delicate fingers wrapped around me.

  Resting back onto my pillow, I pick up my speed and imagine Kenzie in the shower. It doesn’t take long for my mind to put me in the bathroom with her.

  She looks up as I walk into the bathroom, her body slick and wet.

  “Join me,” she whispers as she squeezes a healthy dollop of soap into her hand, spreading it all over her tits.

  Fuck me.

  I strip out of my boxers and waste no time joining her under the spray of the water. My cock stands hard between us, throbbing in anticipation. She hands me the bottle and I squeeze the liquid in my palms.

  “I’m really dirty, Beau. I need to be washed again.” She pushes her tits forward, an invitation for me to get to work.

  I don’t need to be told twice. I reach forward and coat her tits in the soap. Her nipples pebble, the rose pink buds begging for my attention.

  “Harder, Beau.” She moans my name and I comply, twisting and pulling her nipples between my thumb and finger.

  Her hand glides down my body, her soft
grip wrapping around my aching cock.

  “I think you need to be cleaned.” Her grip tightens, and I jerk at the touch. “Do you need me to clean you, Beau?” She drops to her knees. I nod, words lost on me.

  Her pink tongue flicks out and swipes at the tip, lapping up a small bead of pre-cum.

  “Fuck, baby.” I moan. Her hot breath and wet tongue almost have me blowing my load right there.

  “Put it in your mouth, darlin’.” I push my hips forward, needing more.

  She doesn’t disappoint. Her mouth encases my length, her suction soft and gentle.

  “Yes, suck it good, Kenz,” I encourage, pushing my cock to the back of her throat. She takes it all, her head bobbing up and down with wild abandon.

  “Jesus, fuck.” My head falls back as she takes my balls in her hands, rolling them between her fingers. She knows exactly what I want. What I fucking need. My balls grow heavy and I know I’m about to fucking blow. She senses my impending explosion and picks up her pace. A low growl vibrates over my cock and it’s the catalyst to push me over the edge.

  “Mackenzie!” I shout my release. My warm cum covers my hand, breaking my visual of Mackenzie on her knees and bringing me back to my room. Back to reality.

  “Fuck.” I sigh, coming down. I slow my strokes, milking the last of my orgasm.

  A bang from Mackenzie’s room has me stilling.

  Fuck. Please don’t tell me she heard me. I listen carefully for more movement but don’t hear anything else. Pushing the thought out of my head, I reach for my shirt and clean myself up.

  This is what it’s come to. Me jerking off every morning while she showers.

  Yep, I’m fucking sad.

  * * *

  “Thank fuck you’re here, another minute of this daddy day-care bullshit and I was about to lose it.” Jesse stands when I walk into the clubhouse the following morning.

  “Says the man who stole my daughter from my arms the minute I walked in,” Kadence quips, not letting Jesse play his bullshit.