Chase stepped in front of Eli. He made his tone definitive, his gaze hard and unbending. “I need to talk to her alone.”
Eli’s eyes narrowed in response. “Why?”
“I’m asking you to back off.”
“And I’m asking you what you want with my sister.”
Chase didn’t know how much more of this he could take. “To talk about our relationship.”
Eli glanced at Maddy then his gaze pointedly took in the entire room. It stopped again on Chase. “That relationship had damn well better include a ring on her finger.”
“Eli!” Maddy sounded appalled.
“We’ve already agreed she’s an adult,” Chase said to Eli.
“Eli, leave,” Maddy said.
Eli was clearly unhappy, but he backed off. He left the motel room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Chase was out of time. He loved Maddy and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. But the truth was the truth, and he couldn’t run away from it any longer.
“Chase?” Her question was hesitant.
He girded himself and turned.
“Please tell me what’s going on.” She tightened the lapels of the robe across her chest.
“We should sit down,” he invited.
“I don’t want to sit down.”
“Okay.” He had no choice but to plunge right in. “Maddy, I know you think you know how you feel.”
Her tone was cautious. “How exactly do you think I feel?”
“You can picture it. And it’s so close, you can almost taste it: the perfect life, the perfect happily ever after.”
“I don’t believe in perfect anything, Chase.”
“You had a fantastic family. There’s no denying, you had everything you wanted. And then you lost it. And it broke your heart. It would break anyone’s heart.”
Her gaze was growing more remote, her shields going up against him.
“You want it back,” he said. “I get that. And along I came, looking just like him, and Riley fixated on me.”
“I know you’re not Chase, Chase.”
“On one level, yes.” He believed she did.
She took a step forward. “On every level. I know you’re not my dead husband.”
“Maddy—”
“Don’t Maddy me. I’m not some delusional little ingénue desperate for any man to step into my life and make me whole.”
“I never said—”
“You’re telling me I don’t know my own mind.” She moved to the lone armchair and dropped down. “What you’re saying is that I don’t know how I feel.”
Chase sat on the end of the bed facing her. “What I’m saying is that you’ve been through a lot. I can’t even imagine how hard it’s been for you. As desperate as Riley was for me to be—”
“I’m not a three-year-old child. I have never mixed the two of you up.”
“I’m not saying that either. I’m saying that sometimes when you want something so badly to be true—”
“Save it, Chase. If you don’t love me, or if you’re not ready for a family, if being a father to Riley—”
“This is not about Riley. I love Riley. How could I not love Riley?” Chase realized he’d give just about anything to take on the job of being Riley’s father.
“This isn’t about how I feel,” Maddy said. “It’s about how you feel or don’t feel, isn’t it?”
He didn’t want to say it. It would hurt them both too much. But if that’s what she needed… if that’s what she needed to walk away, then he would.
“The way I feel…” he said, forcing out the words, “the way I truly feel is… I could never trust it. I could never know for sure it was real.”
“I’m not her, Chase.” Maddy’s voice was stone cold.
She stood and crossed the small room to where she’d discarded her clothes, picking them up one by one. “I know she hurt you. I know she betrayed you. But I’m not her. And I’m never going to do that.” She stepped into her panties then into her shorts. “But if that’s not enough for you, then I think I can guess where you stand.”
Chase wanted to shout that she didn’t know where he stood. He was madly in love with her. It was going to kill him to walk away. But it was better that it happened now, because it was going to be worse later.
It would be worse for Riley and worse for Maddy, because she was going to cling to her fantasy to the bitter end. She was kind, and she was caring, and she wasn’t going to want to let it fall apart. He had to be strong and walk away now.
She shrugged into her T-shirt. “Will you at least say goodbye to my son?” Her voice broke. “Because, he won’t understand if you just disappear and don’t come back.”
Chase came to his feet. “Of course I’ll say goodbye to Riley. I’ll do anything I can to make it easier on him.”
“Anything except stick around.” She glared at him, wiping the back of her hand beneath her shimmering eyes.
It took everything Chase had not to pull her into his arms.
“I’ll do what I can,” he promised.
“Thanks for that.” She headed for the door.
Chase opened his mouth to call after her. He didn’t know why. There was nothing he could say. He was getting what he wanted. She was leaving now, and she knew it was for the best.
Chapter Ten
Once again, the last place Maddy wanted to be was the stands at the AEBR bull rides. But Riley was beside her, and he was cheering on the riders, waiting patiently for his uncle Zane’s turn. He was happy, at least for the moment. And she was letting him have the moment.
“Next up,” called the announcer, “coming out of chute five, a veteran rider from Marietta, Montana who loves to show the young bucks how it’s done. Ladies and gentlemen, give a great big Missoula welcome to Rory Douglas!”
The chute opened, and the black bull shot out, all four legs high in the air. Rory hung on mightily, but it was clear he was off balance right off the bat. Maddy held her breath while Riley shouted. “Ride ’im. Ride ’im.”
But far too quickly Rory went airborne and came down in the cloud of dust. The crowd groaned in disappointment.
As the bullfighters attempted to corral the bull, Rory limped his way to the fence, and the crowd settled back into their seats. She saw Eli appear down front and he climbed the grandstand stairs to their fifth row seats.
“Hey,” he said simply, taking the spot next to her on the bench.
“Hi,” she answered, grateful for the distraction of the recalcitrant bull.
The safety man rode past on horseback in front of them, whirling a lasso over his head, closing in on the bull.
Riley stood and mimicked the cowboy’s motions.
Maddy loved all of her brothers. But under the circumstances, Eli was the one person who could make her evening even worse tonight. She was mortified that he’d caught her with Chase.
Eli leaned in close to her. “So, is Chase backing out of the deal then?”
Maddy turned and pulled back to better focus on Eli’s face. She’s expected a question about her sex life.
“The Douglas Ranch,” Eli elaborated. “Did he tell you he was backing out?”
She almost laughed. Eli wasn’t worried about her virtue. He was worried about the family economics. She didn’t know whether to feel insulted or glad to be finally considered an adult.
“What’s so funny?” Eli asked.
“Chase and I didn’t talk about the Douglas Ranch.”
The clouds billowing above the rolling hills chose that moment to rumble ominously.
Eli frowned. “Then what was so important that he had to kick me out?”
“What was important…” Maddy’s throat grew thick with repressed emotion. She didn’t want to admit it, but there was no way to keep it a secret from her brothers. “Was to break things off with me.”
Eli’s expression darkened. “What?”
“You heard me.” She had no desire to repeat herself.
; She glanced at Riley to make sure his attention was still on the arena. It was. The bull had just been lassoed and was being led out of the arena.
“Why would he do that? Why would anyone do that?” The bewilderment in Eli’s tone was a small balm to her ego.
She didn’t want to tell him. But she didn’t want to hold it inside either. She desperately needed comfort, and her hard-edged brother Eli was the only person around.
She whispered. “Chase doesn’t believe that I love him.”
It took Eli a moment to respond. “Do you?”
She tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, she tipped her head onto Eli’s shoulder.
Thunder rumbled again, lightening pale in the dark gray clouds.
Her brother swore softly under his breath. Then he put a strong arm around her and drew her close. “You want me to do something?” he asked gruffly. “I already decked him once, but I’ll do it again. Harder.”
She shook her head against him. “You can’t help me with this. But thanks.”
“…our next rider, Zane Merrick, coming out of chute one,” came the announcer’s voice.
Riley batted her arm. “Mommy, here he comes. Here comes Uncle Zane.” He stretched up in his seat for a better view.
Just then, Maddy caught sight of Piper and Tristan heading along the stands toward them.
She swallowed hard and pulled her emotions together. She caught Piper’s gaze and pointed to the arena to make sure they knew Zane was about to ride.
Piper smiled then her gaze rested on Eli for a moment, and the smile dimmed. She said something to Tristan who nodded and turned to go back. Then she held up one finger to Maddy, signaling she had something to do. She followed her son.
The maneuver puzzled Maddy. What could be so important that they’d miss Zane’s ride?
The crowd’s roar went up, and Maddy quickly turned her attention to Zane on the back of Over Easy.
Her brother came out of the chute looking good. The bull was aggressive, his back legs kicking high as he spun to the left. He shook his head back and forth, and his whole body shuddered, rattling Zane like a rag doll. But Zane hung on. Over Easy twisted his spine, reversing direction to spin right. Zane had a bad moment, but quickly got right.
The horn sounded, and Riley jumped to his feet, waving his little Stetson in the air. “Yippee! Good ride, Uncle Zane!” he called, beaming.
Then he settled back in his seat and looked to Maddy. “Where’s Daddy?”
“Chase isn’t riding tonight,” she said, keeping her voice light and her smile in place.
“He should be watchin’. He must be watchin’. Do you suppose he’s behind the chutes?”
“He’s probably behind the chutes,” she agreed, grateful that Riley had supplied an answer to his own question.
“You okay?” Eli asked her in an undertone.
Maddy wasn’t used to this kind of TLC from her second oldest brother. He’d be the first to step into a fight for her, but the last one she’d expect to worry about her emotions.
“I will be,” she said.
“You want someone to talk to? I could go get Piper.” There was a distinct note of discomfort in his voice as he made the offer.
Now that sounded more like the Eli she knew.
“She’ll be back in a minute,” Maddy said.
As they announced Zane’s score of eighty-seven, Eli shifted in his seat beside her.
“You can take off,” she told him. “I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. Here she comes now.” Piper was making her way along the walkway, moving slowly, a pensive expression on her face.
“I’m outta here,” Eli said, coming to his feet. In seconds, he was down the staircase and off in the opposite direction.
Piper picked up her pace as the announcer chatted up the next rider. The rain clattered on the overhead roof, blowing mist in from the open sides of the stands.
“Just in time,” Piper said as she sat down.
She offered Riley a mini doughnut.
Riley happily dug one out of the sugared treats. “The bulls are gonna get wet,” he sang.
“That’s not all that’s going to get wet,” Piper said, glancing beside them. They were at the end of the row and the wind was blowing toward them.
She offered Maddy a doughnut, sympathy in her expression. “I know it’s going to take a lot more than one.”
Maddy accepted, trying for a smile. She’d told Piper what had happened, confessing the debacle in all its glory. Piper had staunchly blamed Chase for making love to her and then breaking it off. But it wasn’t his fault, the lovemaking part anyway. Maddy had literally thrown herself in his arms.
“We can leave early if you want,” Piper said. “If we take off tomorrow morning, you won’t have to see him again.”
“He said he’d say goodbye to Riley.” Maddy wasn’t sure what that would look like, and she dreaded it. But she was positive it would be better if Riley had a goodbye than if Chase simply disappeared from his life—like his real father had.
She felt tears threatening again.
“Don’t let him do that to you,” Piper said in an undertone. “He doesn’t deserve it.”
Piper was right. However wonderful Chase had seemed in the short term. He was never going to stick it out. Maddy should have seen it coming.
*
It was after midnight when Chase left the bull riders’ after-party. He hadn’t felt like socializing, but he sure hadn’t felt like going back to his motel room either. So he’d had more than his fair share of whiskey shots trying to dull the pain. Luckily it was only a short walk back to the motel.
At the bottom of stairs of the honkytonk where he’d left the throbbing music and raucous crowds behind, Chase came face to face with a wall of Merrick brothers. They were shoulder to shoulder, feet planted apart, arms across their chests.
“Gotta talk to you,” Lucas said.
Chase wasn’t afraid. He doubted the Merricks would resort to physical violence. Even if they did, he’d bet money they weren’t four on one fighters. At most, he’d have to duke it out with Eli. And Chase was kind of itching for a rematch. And he was just drunk enough not to give a crap about the pain.
“Sorry about the ranch,” he said. “But I’m afraid the deal’s not going to work out.”
“You think we care about the land?” Lucas asked.
“We care about our sister,” Eli said.
“What are you going to do about that?” Zane asked.
“You swore to me.” Lucas’s voice all but shook.
“You going to let the guy say anything at all?” Wyatt asked his brothers.
“There’s no defense,” Eli said.
“Still…” Wyatt added meaningfully.
“I know I’d like to hear his excuse,” Zach said, pasting Chase with a narrow-eyed glare.
“I do like you, Wyatt,” Chase said, appreciating the one brother’s self-control.
“I don’t particularly like you,” Wyatt returned.
The conciliatory approach was obviously off the table.
“You’re going to have a hard time believing this,” Chase told them. “But I care about Maddy.”
Eli gave a snort of derision.
“You want to hear what I have to say?” Chase asked him. “Or do you want to go straight to the fistfight?”
“We’re not here to fight,” Wyatt said.
“I’m not what she needs,” Chase returned, suddenly feeling stone cold sober.
“You’re what she wants,” Lucas said.
“I’m what she thinks she wants. You must see it.”
“I don’t see anything,” Zane said.
“I’m the replacement for everything she lost,” Chase enunciated, making sure there could be no misunderstanding. “I’m the shadow of Chase Barrett. Right now she thinks that’s all she deserves. But it’s not all she deserves. And one day she’s going to figure that out. And when she
does, she won’t leave me.”
Now that he’d started, Chase couldn’t stop. “She won’t leave me, because she’ll be so invested in our little family, and she won’t want to hurt Riley, and she’ll know, she’ll know by then without a shadow of doubt that I’m completely in love with her. And she won’t want to hurt me either, because she never wants to hurt anyone. So, she’ll stick it out. She’ll be unhappy. But she’ll stick it out to all the way to that day when she can’t stand it anymore, and then she’ll leave me. And she’ll feel like a failure, even though she’s not. She’s the most amazing woman on this earth. And she deserves better than the future I see rolling out in front of us. I’m not going to do that to her. And you shouldn’t ask me to do that to her.”
Chase stopped. He snapped his jaw shut. He’d said way more than he’d intended, but once the ball had started rolling, it had gotten completely away from him. He obviously wasn’t as sober as he felt.
All four brothers were now staring at him in stunned silence.
“That wasn’t what I was expecting,” Lucas finally said.
“I feel like I want to thank him,” Zane said.
“Why did you let it get this far?” Eli asked.
Chase saw no point in holding back now. “Because I thought I had a shot. By the time I accepted reality, everything had gotten way out of control. Walking away is now my only option.”
“What about yesterday?” Eli challenged, his tone edgy.
His brothers all looked to him with curiosity. It was obvious he hadn’t told them about finding Maddy in Chase’s hotel room.
“Yesterday, I slipped,” Chase admitted. “It was a mistake. But, she—” He stopped himself again. “This is definitely too much information.”
“I feel like I want him on the team,” Wyatt said.
“You think there’s any chance…” Lucas ventured.
“Chase Barrett wasn’t that great a husband,” Zane put in. “He cheated on her.”
The revelation surprised Chase.
“Maybe if you told her that,” Eli said.
“You want me to denounce her dead husband in order to make her love me?” Even if he thought it would work, Chase couldn’t see doing that.
Chase (American Extreme Bull Riders Tour Book 2) Page 16