The Death of Jesus

by J. M. Coetzee

  ‘Because a hospital, señor, is a serious place. Anyone who finds himself in hospital is facing a crisis, a turning-point in his life, otherwise he would not be here. On the other hand, from a certain point of view, each moment of our lives can be said to be a moment of crisis: the path forks before us, we choose the left or we choose the right.’

  We choose the left or we choose the right: he has no idea what she means.

  The boy reappears, walking stiffly, holding onto Inés. Inés waits pointedly for Dmitri to step out of their way.

  ‘I am going to leave now, querido,’ says Inés. ‘I am needed at the shop. I will take Bolívar with me. Simón will stay and look after you, then I will come back this evening. I will bring you something nice to eat. I know how dull hospital food can be.’

  Querido: darling. A long time since he last heard the word from Inés’s lips.

  ‘Come, Bolívar,’ she says.

  The dog, settled under David’s bed, makes no move.

  ‘Leave him,’ says he, Simón. ‘I am sure the hospital people will not mind if he spends the night here. If he makes a mess, it is not the end of the world, Dmitri can clean it up, that is what he is paid for. I will bring him home on the bus.’

  He accompanies Inés to the car park. At the car she turns to him. There are tears in her eyes. ‘Simón, what is going on with him?’ she whispers. ‘He spoke to me. He says he feels he is dying, and he is frightened. Is it doing him any good to be here? Don’t you think we should take him home where we can look after him properly?’

  ‘We cannot do that, Inés. If we take him home we will never find out what is wrong with him. I know you do not have much faith in these doctors, nor do I, but give them a little more time, they are doing their best. You and I can keep watch over him, make sure that he comes to no harm. I agree, he is frightened, I too can see that, but it is ridiculous to say that he is dying, it is just a story that is circulating among the children, it has no basis.’

  Inés fumbles in her bag, brings out a tissue, blows her nose. ‘I want you to keep that Dmitri person away from him. And if you see he is getting tired, make the teacher stop.’

  ‘I will, I promise. Go now. I will see you this evening.’

  CHAPTER 13

  HE FINDS Dr Ribeiro in his office. ‘Do you have a minute?’ he says. ‘It has been a while since we heard from you how David is getting on.’

  ‘Sit down,’ says Dr Ribeiro. ‘Your son’s case is proving to be a difficult one. He is not responding to treatment as well as we would wish, which is a worry to us. I have discussed his case with a colleague in Novilla who specializes in rheumatic disorders, and we have decided on a new set of tests. I will not go into detail, but you told us that David began intensive dancing lessons at an early age, and then more recently there have been sports, football and so on. On that basis we are exploring the hypothesis that the joints, the knees and ankles in particular, have become the site of a reaction.’

  ‘A reaction to what?’

  ‘To too much stress too early in life. We have taken fluid samples, which have gone to the laboratory. I expect a report today or tomorrow at the latest.’

  ‘I see. Is it common for children who are physically active to react in this way?’

  ‘Not common, no. But it is possible. We have to investigate all possibilities.’

  ‘David is in pain much of the time. He has lost weight. He does not look well to me. He is also frightened. Someone, I don’t know who, has told him he is going to die.’

  ‘That is absurd. We take our patients’ concerns seriously, señor Simón. It would be unprofessional if we did not. But it is absolutely not true that David is in danger. His is a difficult case, as I have said, there may even be an element of the idiopathic in it, but we are applying ourselves. We will solve the mystery. He will be able to go back to his football and his dancing sooner rather than later. You can tell him that, from me.’

  ‘And the falling? His problems did not start with pains in the joints, as you know. They began with falling while he was playing football.’

  ‘The falling is a separate issue. I can be quite definite about that. The falling has a simple neurological cause. We will be in a position to address the spasms that precipitate the falling once his physical health has improved, once the inflammation has subsided and he is no longer in pain. There are various diagnostic possibilities we can explore: some sort of vestibular disturbance that is manifesting as vertigo, for example, or a rarely seen condition known as chorea. But all of that takes time. We cannot hurry the body as it repairs itself. Once the body has repaired itself, we can begin with a course of muscle-strengthening exercises. Now, if you will excuse me…’

  He moons about the hospital grounds, waiting for the lesson with señora Devito to come to an end so that he can be alone with David.

  ‘How was your lesson?’ he asks.

  The boy ignores the question. ‘Inés rubs my legs,’ he says. ‘Can you rub my legs too?’

  ‘Of course! Does it help the pain to have your legs rubbed?’

  ‘A little.’

  Gingerly the boy stretches out and pushes his pants down. With cream from the cabinet he massages the thighs and calves, taking care not to press on the swollen knees.

  ‘Inés wants to be good to me, she wants to be my mother, but she can’t really, can she?’ says the boy.

  ‘Of course she can. She is as devoted to you as only a mother can be.’

  ‘I like her even if she can’t be my mother. I like you too, Simón. I like you both.’

  ‘That’s good. Inés and I love you and will always watch over you.’

  ‘But you can’t stop me from dying, can you?’

  ‘Yes, we can. You will see. Inés and I will be old folks when your time comes, your time of flourishing. You will be a famous dancer by then, or a famous footballer, or a famous mathematician, whatever you choose, maybe all three together. We will be proud of you, you can be sure.’

  ‘When I was young I wanted to be like Don Quixote and rescue people. Do you remember?’

  ‘Of course I remember. Rescuing people is a good ideal to hold before you. Even if you do not rescue people as a profession, as Don Quixote did, you can rescue them in your spare time, when you are not doing mathematics or playing football.’

  ‘Is that a joke, Simón?’

  ‘Yes, it is a joke.’

  ‘Is mathematics the same as numbers?’

  ‘In a sense. There would be no mathematics if there were no numbers.’

  ‘I think I will just do numbers, not mathematics.’

  ‘Tell me about your lesson with señora Devito.’

  ‘I told her how you dance seven and how you dance nine. But she says that dancing is not important. She says it does not prepare you for life. She says I must learn mathematics because everything grows out of mathematics. She says, if you are very clever you don’t need to think in words, you can think in mathematics. She is friends with Dmitri. Do you think Dmitri is going to kill her?’

  ‘Of course not. They would never have let Dmitri out of the locked wing if they thought he was going to kill people. No, Dmitri is a reformed man. Cured and reformed. The doctors have done a good job on him. And they will do a good job on you too, you will see. You must be patient.’

  ‘Dmitri says the doctors don’t know what they are talking about.’

  ‘Dmitri knows nothing about medicine. He is just an orderly, a cleaner. Pay no attention to what he says.’

  ‘He says, if I die he will kill himself so that he can follow me. He says I am his king.’

  ‘Dmitri has always been a bit deranged, a bit crazy. I am going to speak to Dr Ribeiro and ask if Dmitri can’t be moved to another floor. This morbid talk of his is not good for you.’

  ‘He says that when people die he takes them down to the basement and puts them in the freezer. He says that is his job. Is it true, do you think? Does he really put people in the freezer?’

  ‘That is e
nough, David. That is enough of morbid talk. Has the rubbing helped?’

  ‘A little.’

  ‘All right, pull up your pants. I am going to sit with you and hold your hand, and you are going to take a nap so that you will feel nice and fresh when your friends arrive.’

  For the next two hours the boy does indeed sleep, on and off. By the time the children arrive he is looking better, with a sparkle in his eyes.

  There are fewer visitors than on the previous day, but little Artemio is among them, as well as Maria Prudencia and the tall boy from the orphanage. Maria has brought a posy of wild flowers which she deposits without ceremony on the bed.

  He is beginning to like Maria.

  ‘What do you want to hear?’ says David. ‘Do you want to hear more about Don Quixote?’

  ‘Yes! Don Quixote! Don Quixote!’

  ‘On and on Don Quixote rode, into the storm. The skies were dark and sand swirled all around. A flash of lightning revealed the walls of a castle. Pausing before the battlements, he cried out, “Behold, the bold Don Quixote has arrived! Throw open your gates!”

  ‘Three times he had to cry out, “Don Quixote has arrived!” before with a creaking noise the gates swung open. Mounted on his steed Shadow, Don Quixote entered the castle.

  ‘But no sooner had he entered than the gates swung shut behind him and a voice boomed out: “Welcome, bold Don Quixote, to the Castle of the Lost. I am the Prince of the Desert Lands, and from this day forward you will be my slave!”

  ‘Then minions armed with clubs and staves set upon Don Quixote. Though he defended himself valiantly, he was dragged from his horse, stripped of his armour, and tossed into a dungeon, where he found himself in the company of scores of other unfortunate travellers captured and enslaved by the Prince of the Desert Lands.

  ‘“Are you the renowned Don Quixote?” asked the chief of the slaves.

  ‘“I am he,” said Don Quixote.

  ‘“The Don Quixote of whom it is said, No chains can bind him, no prison can hold him?”

  ‘“That is indeed so,” said Don Quixote.

  ‘“Then liberate us, Don Quixote!” implored the chief of the slaves. “Liberate us from our wretched fate!”

  ‘“Liberate us! Liberate us!” came a chorus of cries from the other slaves.

  ‘“Have no doubt I will liberate you,” said Don Quixote. “But have patience. The time and manner of your liberation is still dark to me.”

  ‘“Liberate us now!” came the chorus of cries. “We have been patient long enough! If you truly are Don Quixote, liberate us! Make our chains fall away! Make the walls of our prison turn to dust!”

  ‘Then Don Quixote grew angry. “I follow the calling of knight errantry,” he said. “I roam the world righting wrongs. I do not perform magic tricks. You demand miracles of me, yet you offer me neither food nor drink. Fie on you!”

  ‘Then the slaves were abashed, and brought forth food and drink, and begged Don Quixote to forgive their churlishness. “Whatsoever you command we will perform, Don Quixote,” they said. “Release us from captivity and we will follow you to the ends of the earth.”’

  David pauses. In silence the children await his next word.

  ‘Now I am tired,’ he says. ‘Now I am going to stop.’

  ‘Can’t you just tell us what happens next?’ asks the tall boy. ‘Does he liberate the prisoners? Does he escape from the castle?’

  ‘I am tired. All is darkness.’ Clasping his knees to his chest, David slides down the bed. His face has taken on a vacant look.

  Dmitri steps forward, raising a finger to his lips. ‘Time to depart, my young friends. Our master has had a long day, he needs to rest. But what do I have here?’ He rummages in his pocket and comes up with a handful of sweets, which he tosses left and right.

  ‘Is David going to get better?’ The speaker is little Artemio.

  ‘Of course he is going to get better! Do you think a band of pygmies in white coats can vanquish the valiant David? No: not all the doctors in the world can hold him down. He is a lion, a true lion, our David. Come tomorrow and you will see.’ And he chivvies the children down the corridor.

  He, Simón, follows. ‘Dmitri! Can we have a word? What you said about the doctors—do you not think it is irresponsible to disparage them in front of David? If you are not on their side, whose side are you on?’

  ‘On David’s side, of course. On the side of truth. I know these doctors, Simón, with their so-called medical science. Do you think one does not learn a thing or two about doctors, cleaning up the mess they leave behind? Let me tell you, they haven’t a clue what is wrong with your son, not the faintest clue. They are making up a story as they go along—making up a story and hoping for the best. But never you mind. David will heal himself. You do not believe me? Come. Come and hear it from his own lips.’

  David watches impassively as they return.

  ‘Tell Simón what you told me, young David. Do you have any faith in these doctors? Do you believe they have the power to save you?’

  ‘Yes,’ whispers the boy.

  ‘That is very generous of you,’ says Dmitri. ‘That is not what you told me. But you always were a generous soul, generous and kind and thoughtful. Simón has been worrying about you. He thinks you are going downhill. I told him not to worry. I told him you will heal yourself, despite your doctors. You will heal yourself, won’t you, just as I healed myself by casting the badness out of me.’

  ‘I want to see Jeremiah,’ says the boy.

  ‘Jeremiah?’ says he, Simón.

  ‘He is referring to the lamb Jeremiah,’ says Dmitri. ‘The lamb they keep in the little menagerie behind the Academy. Jeremiah has grown up, my boy, he has stopped being a lamb and turned into a sheep. You probably had a bite of Jeremiah’s hindquarters for supper last night.’

  ‘He did not grow up. He is still there. Simón, can you bring Jeremiah?’

  ‘I will bring Jeremiah. I will go to the Academy, and if Jeremiah is still there I will bring him to you. But if it turns out that Jeremiah is not there, is there some other animal I can bring?’

  ‘Jeremiah is there. I know.’

  The seizures commence that same night, during Inés’s watch. They start as mere tremors: the boy’s body grows rigid, his hands clench, he grits his teeth and grimaces; then the muscles relax and he is himself again. But soon the tremors return, intensifying, following one upon another in a wave. From his throat comes a groan—‘as if something were tearing inside him,’ Inés reports. His eyes roll back in their sockets, his back arches, and a full seizure, the first of several, takes hold.

  The duty doctor, young and inexperienced, administers an anti-spasmodic, to no effect. The seizures come faster, one upon another, with hardly a break between them.

  By the time he relieves Inés, the tempest is over. The boy is unconscious or asleep, though now and then a light tremor runs through his body.

  ‘At least we know now what is wrong,’ he says.

  Inés regards him blankly.

  ‘At least we know the root of the problem.’

  ‘And what is that?’

  ‘We know what causes the falling. We know what causes the absences, the times when he seems to be elsewhere. Even if he cannot be cured, at least we know what is wrong. Which is better than nothing. Better than not knowing. Go home, Inés. Get some sleep. Forget about the shop. The shop will take care of itself.’

  He loosens her hand from the boy’s. She does not resist. Then he does something he has not been brave enough to do before: he reaches out, touches her face, kisses her on the forehead. Sobs well up in her; he holds her, letting her cry, letting her grief come forth.

  CHAPTER 14

  THE FIRST words the boy utters when he opens his eyes are: ‘Did you bring Jeremiah?’

  ‘I will tell you about Jeremiah in a minute. First I want to know how you are feeling.’

  ‘There is a taste in my mouth like rotten peaches and my throat is sore. They gave me ice
cream but the bad taste came back. They say they are going to suck the old blood out and inject new blood in my veins, then I will be cured. Where is Jeremiah?’

  ‘I am sorry to say Jeremiah is still at the Academy while Alyosha looks for a cage big enough to hold him. If he cannot find a cage he will build one. Then he will bring Jeremiah by bus. He has promised. In the meantime—look!—I have brought you two new friends.’

  ‘What are they?’

  ‘Sparrows. After I spoke to Alyosha I stopped at the pet shop and bought them for you. Do you like them? Their names are Rinci and Dinci. Rinci is a male and Dinci is a female.’

  ‘I don’t want them. I want Jeremiah.’

  ‘Jeremiah is on his way. I think you should be more welcoming to your new friends. They have been looking forward all morning to meeting you. Listen to their chirping. What are they saying?’

  ‘They aren’t saying anything. They are birds.’

  ‘The famous David! The famous David! That is what they are saying, over and over, in their own language. Now what is this about new blood?’

  ‘They are going to send new blood in the train. Dr Ribeiro is going to inject it into me.’

  ‘That’s good. That’s hopeful. What do you want me to do with Rinci and Dinci?’

  ‘Set them loose.’

  ‘Are you sure? They are pet-shop birds. They are not used to fending for themselves. What if a hawk catches them and eats them up?’

  ‘Set them loose inside where there are no hawks.’

  ‘I will do that, but then you must remember to feed them. I will bring you some birdseed tomorrow. In the meantime you can feed them breadcrumbs.’

  It takes a while to persuade the two little birds to leave their cage. Once free, they flit about the room, knocking into things, then finally settle side by side on a curtain rod, looking unhappy.

  The story of new blood turns out to be true, or partly true, as he learns from Dr Ribeiro himself. It is the policy of the hospital to keep a supply of blood at hand for each patient admitted, in case it should be needed. Since David’s blood is of a rare type, they have had to request it from Novilla.