by Romi Hart
I run over to the door and hold my heart, trying my best to take the punch to the face—survive the disappointment again—
Zander Troy stands in front of me, his eyes big with anticipation. His face missing that customary SMIRK that evokes the most negative reaction from women who can’t figure him out. He just stands at my doorstep, breathing shallow breaths like he’s climbing a mountain. I start to panic, breathing in the same erratic, heart-wrenching way. I shake my head, almost telling him NO—don’t do it. Don’t break my heart. Not now.
“Maya…”
“I’m sorry,” I say, fighting tears, trying to stay strong. I can’t let him do this to me. “That wasn’t me.”
“What?” he says in confusion.
“The message, it wasn’t me. That wasn’t me. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“What are you talking about? Are you hallucinating? Is it normal for mothers to hallucinate?”
“What? Don’t toy with me. I know you heard the message.”
“I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about, Maya. I just came here because I want to ask you something.”
“What?!”
He flinches away his discomfort. “I have a strange suspicion that came to me tonight. I know, I know, you told me not to bother you anymore. And to leave you alone. I respect that. I do.”
I shake my head, not having words…
“But I have to know. I just have to know one last time. Are you running away from me because you think I’m going to reject you? Because I never would. If that’s what you’re running way from…”
His voice cracks. He reaches out and holds me by my folded arms. “I will never hurt you. I will never get bored of you. I love you. You’re the one I want and I’ll learn, I’ll do whatever I have to do to earn your respect.”
My eyes finally tighten and tears roll out. His eyes blink tears away. And we’re left standing stupid at this common scene…a great man and just a non-virgin girl, left here, not knowing the future but in unreservedly love with each other.
But…
“But…”
He sighs, closing his eyes, expecting another rejection. But not this time. I have no other reasons to turn him away now, except one. That I love him too much to hold him down. That he deserves to break away from me after all the shit I put him through. He deserves whatever he wants, including a respite from the likes of me.
“I’m pregnant, Zander,” I say in shame. “But…you don’t have to do anything.”
He has no reaction.
I open my eyes wider, wondering if he’s zoning out or did he not hear me? If he didn’t hear my rambling phone message, then how could he possibly know…
“I know, Maya.”
Impossible! There’s no way he could have… “How—How did you know?”
“I…sensed it.” He smiles. “And yes, I knew all of that already. But I didn’t want you to think our baby was the only reason I loved you. I said from the beginning I was in love with you, long before any of this happened. And I knew…I knew what I was doing that night we were together. I wanted to be the one…I wanted to make you mine, whatever I had to do, I would have you. Even just a part of you because I love you! Because you make me want to be a better person. You believe in the good part of me. You dance with the devilish part of me. You keep up with me like no one else I ever met. I don’t want to forget you, Maya. I don’t want to move on. You taught me how to move on and how to learn from all my mistakes and grow and be happy without you—but dammit, I still want you. I want you for this Valentine’s Day. Because you and only you…are special to me.”
We both embrace at the same time and hold each other close. So close our hearts beat against each other. So close our skin’s flush. So close our souls mesh together. We can’t help but fall into each other’s lips, kissing passionately, kissing fervidly, on fire for each other—at last reveling in the hope of our humanity.
For once, not just enjoying the moment.
Not kissing for the sake of curiosity or lustful experimentation, nor tinged with any sorrow. We kiss and hug and touch each other knowing we will never have to part again and learn how to forget.
For once, we enjoy the idea of tomorrow.
Chapter 13
Maya
Valentine’s Day. I always hated it. It always felt like a commercial holiday created for couples, but one that crushed lonely hearts. Most of the world’s population is single or unhappy. It’s very rare that ANYONE finds happiness. There are simply too many variables to predict a happy marriage and a happy life.
I lie in bed, covered up in blankets, a little cool from the morning chill. I look over to the other side of the bed. Empty.
Just my own bed, in a little apartment, nothing special. Zander Troy left that bed and he hasn’t come back. I look on in equanimity, feeling nothing anymore. Just aware of his absence, just remembering everything that’s happened.
I always told myself that nothing would become of our relationship. It was a fling that I wanted, one that we both tried to transform into a love affair. I threw myself at him then he chased me, then I avoided him. It was a comedy of errors, a relationship built on miscommunication.
The morning sunlight is harsh and blinds me, even through the curtains. I feel just a touch of despair…depression…regret and crippling anxiety. And nausea.
I smile as the door opens and the sun shines so brightly, creating a heavenly background for Zander Troy, as he calmly, serenely, enters my apartment, shining like an angelic messenger.
“How are you feeling?”
“Morning sickness. But other than that, really wonderful.”
I smile. Yes, every time Zander goes to the store it feels like I’m alone. Like I’m losing him forever. Like he suddenly got bored of me and decided to travel halfway across the world and find a new adventure. But each and every time, he surprises me. He comes back home, to my little unassuming apartment, determined to take care of me and help bring my pregnancy to full term. He always comes back. And every time he does, he gives my life meaning and purpose. And joy! Nothing makes the baby and I jumpier than to know daddy has come home.
“Get! Get!” he says, gently pushing Freudo, my crazily attached Chihuahua dog, away with his foot. The man sure loves me…but getting used to my dog hasn’t been the best of times for him! Give him extra points for trying.
“Leave him alone, Freudo!” I say, still struggling not to laugh. Because a big strong guy like Zander being picked on by a tiny protective dog (who’s probably also in love with me) is kind of funny.
“Ughh, I told you, Freudo,” Zander barks to the dog. “She’s mine. Yeah, MINE. Not yours.” He shuts the door to the bedroom and then walks up to me.
He unwraps my blanked, craving my nude body, now with a slightly bulging midsection. He especially loves fondling my baby bump, now four months. He claims he can hear a heartbeat and so he rests his head on my stomach calmly, sweetly listening.
“What are you thinking?” I ask him, stroking his head.
“Thinking these last four months have been the best of my life.”
“No way…” I say shyly.
“Really. Taking a leave of absence and hiding out here, away from all the cameras and press, has helped me to realize how much more enjoyable life is when you’re not constantly feeding the addictions. Fame, celebrity, money…”
I nod back at him, loving the sound of his voice.
“Of course, it’s nice to have money, too.”
“Yes, yes it is.” I laugh.
“Everyone should try being normal. At least for a few years, before falling back into destructive patterns.”
“Like all the deviant sex?” I say, kissing him on his lips. “I’m way ahead of you, Zander Troy. You can bring home a nice hung eighteen-year-old jock anytime you want and watch him fuck me. You know, any time you get the urge for wild sex again.”
“No,” he says with a grin. “He can’t have you. No one else can have you. You’re min
e. All mine.” He kisses me again and then kisses my belly. “You’re the mother of my child. The little heir to my empire. I want nothing else in this world but to have you completely for as long as I live.”
“I like a man who knows the great worth of a woman.”
“But I’ll tell you one thing,” he says, moving in for a wet, humid kiss. “Seeing you like this has created another terrible kink in me.”
“Oh? What?”
“The idea of making love to a sexy pregnant woman. It’s a fetish I just can’t quit.”
“Ohhh, but honey,” I tease him. “I don’t want to hurt the baby!”
“But I’m so horny,” he says, placing gentle, steamy kisses all over my belly.
“You like seeing me all knocked up? Hmmm?” I say holding my baby bump out and letting him kiss and caress me.
“Yes…carrying my child. I know you’re a bad girl now. Carrying the Devil’s child?”
“Oh yes,” I tease, welcoming him under the covers. “You want to fuck a big pregnant girl? Is that next on your sexual bucket list?”
“Maybe. Maybe I’ll become such a deviant I might even want a family.”
“Ohhh, now that is some perverted stuff right there! A bad boy like you wanting a family? Next thing you know, you’re going to want a house in the suburbs and a mini-van, or some awful perversion like that.”
“You’ll never know how low I can go.”
I sigh softly as he begins spooning me in bed. He knows my body, knows the way I respond to his every touch. He helps me lift my shirt off so he can get a full handful of my larger, more sensitive breasts. I haven’t started lactating yet but my evil boyfriend assured me that when I do, he will be the first to sample my milk and indulge in the kink.
I sigh softly as he squeezes my nipples and begins kissing and gnawing on the nape of my neck. He really is horny for me, even when seeing me at my “weakest”, and most vulnerable. He pulls my legs apart and opens my pussy. My legs are and will always be open to my master, the great one, the man I love. The one man I can’t resist no matter how hard I try. He loves me against all reason, against all sanity, just me.
He pushes his cock inside of me, unleashing a series of high pitched squeals as he pushes his length further in. Every inch of his huge cock, I get a little wetter, a little more vocal, until I have no choice but to throw my arms behind me and hold onto his hips for support. My body begins to rock back and forth. He’s trained me to jiggle as much as possible, since he loves holding onto my breasts, and pregnant belly. There is no way to turn him off. He loves everything beautiful about me, my body, my face, my intelligence. Everything ugly about me, even the way I shut people out and am so sensitive sometimes. And everything natural about me, even when I completely change form.
I squint my eyes and tense up and he starts pounding my pussy harder, making me drench his cock and take his massive girth. He still electrifies my senses, even after the hundredth time we’ve fucked…he still knows how to make my body subservient to his and how to command orgasms from me, whenever he chooses. I’m his happy, willing love slave. Sure, he’s possessive of me…but it turns me on to know a man is that crazy about me he will fight the entire world for my honor.
I grit my teeth as he stuffs his cock deeper into my pussy, using the spooning angle to ram heavily against my G-spot. My mouth drops as I feel a wave of tingling pleasure shoot through my body, filling all my muscles with a radiant warmth. My head goes a little dizzy, realizing his balls are slapping against my ass…so deep inside me I can barely take a full breath. I remember the first month after my belly started to grow, I was so paranoid he would fuck me so hard it would hurt the baby. And not just because I had a mother’s paranoia, but because—and yes, I had to point this out to my doctor—Zander is so massive and freakishly huge, this is anything but normal!
Zander thrusts into me with more power and speed. Each frenetic stroke shocks my senses, turning me into a writhing, orgasmic mother whore. It feels dirty, yet beautiful. My eyes roll back and my mouth exhales into the sofa. The strong strokes pummel so good I have to turn over on my stomach.
Zander has other plans however. “On your knees.”
“No, no, no,” I object. “I’m too worn out. Don’t make me cum anymore.”
“Too bad,” he says with a smile, helping me up to my knees. My bubbly ass is in the air and he returns his cock to its rightful place.
“Ohhh God!” I cry, nothing to clutch onto this time, but still feeling the throes of orgasm in my pussy, nipples and ass.
“You know your place, woman?” he says, as he reaches around and starts fingering my clit.
“Ohhhhh yes!”
“Where?”
“On my knees, taking your cock.”
“And letting me cum inside you?”
“Yes!” I sing back. “Giving me your fertile sperm…filling me up…breeding me…”
“Good girl.”
He slaps his balls harder against my ass cheeks, looking down at all that he owns. He slowly works his fingers up my legs and into the crack of my ass. I know what’s coming and just the idea is making me wetter.
“Ohh, you evil man!” I cry. “Have you no decency?”
I look backwards at him and grin. His finger is tickling my asshole, giving me a “shocker” of a good time. My nerves are on edge. My pussy is completely filled up, my clit is taking a beating, and even mommy’s sacred hole is being violated. I have no choice but to cum and gush all over his cock.
“Ohh yes! Keep going! Keep going!” I scream, reaching out and supporting myself on the headboard. I can’t even kneel anymore…the throbbing all over my body is just too intense! It’s not just in my pussy or ass anymore. Now I feel his cock pulverizing all of me…even into my head, my skin and my spasming legs.
He follows me as I stand up on the bed, eager to get away from his legendary cock—to save myself from this pussy killer. But he still follows me—fuck, he’s so huge even when I run away from his dick it’s still firmly implanted in my cunt.
He follows me to my feet and fucks me against the wall, panting all over the back of my neck. With just one hand he now controls me…fingering my clit and my asshole at the same time. With his free hand he scoops up my breasts and squeezes my nipples.
Every erogenous zone is being fired off! I can’t see anything anymore besides the bright lights. The sun shines through the curtains but looks absolutely incandescent and surreally beautiful in my mind. I cum so hard I don’t even hear my screaming anymore. I only know I’m alive and in this moment because I can still feel him—forever inside me. He is with me always…he never leaves me. I can still smell his essence, his body, the unique scent of his cock. I taste his arousal in the air, the same taste as his cum, the same taste as his kiss. I know him intimately, inside and out.
And now, as he cums deep inside of me, I process his mind, his thoughts and his spirit. I know everything about him from his cum, the same beautiful deposits of hot cum that first impregnated me. Now with all his completeness, all his body chemistry firmly in my subconscious, I make for him the ultimate gift. A child that will carry his legacy and become the “best of both of us”.
He holds me tight to prevent me from slamming too hard against the wall. He literally has to hold me back from orgasming out of control and hurting myself. What kind of a lover is Zander Troy? He puts his hand against my stomach and sends his forearm around my neck. I have to stand still and endure both our orgasms while barely moving. I vibrate in his clutches and holler out as I feel the last of his cum drip out.
“Ohh God…” I say, holding my thumping heart and running fingers through my wet hair. “I can’t get enough of your sperm. I want more…so much more. So much more. You need to cream pie me every year until I make a small army.”
“That’s my plan,” he says with a peaceful smile.
He’s tired but never too tired to impress me. He hops down to the floor and then lifts me up into his arms so he can safely put
me back on the bed.
I’m out of breath and he’s gasping for air too. But within minutes, we stop being fuck buddies and go back to being love birds. He lies down and brings my head to his chest, giving me a human pillow to kiss and snuggle against.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you more,” I reply.
We’ve said I love you plenty of times by now. I feel it, from him. I feel it in myself, I’m forever attached to him. But in my never-satisfied, racing mind, I still don’t know what love means to people like us.
A feeling of anxiety comes over me as I think about the future. He used to be so wild…so did I. Just a few months ago we were going to bed with strangers. Breaking all the rules. Now look at us. We’re having married sex like old people. Is this the peak? Are we never going to hit another threshold again? Is my life just going to be pumping out new babies like products of his company line?
Would he have still loved me if he ever heard that crazy message I left on his office answering machine—which, thank god, someone deleted?
What if just one thing was different…would the worst-case scenario have come true? Would he have become bored of me and moved onto whatever other sexual adventure kept his attention?
Is this, this thing between us, just a sexual adventure like all the others?
I inhale and shiver. I fight away all my doubts. He has to love me still…doesn’t he? Neither of us wanted to get married, though. Neither of us understood what love meant, supposedly. Neither of us even wanted a traditional monogamous relationship, not at first. Here we are…for no particular reason except that we’re both impulsive psychotics. And now with a baby. A baby I can only pray he wants.
“Why are you crying?” he asks me.
“Because…” I say, wiping away tears. “Hormones mostly. And because I’m really happy.”
He nods. “And because you’re afraid that happiness doesn’t last.”
“Well…that’s just my neurosis, I guess. Nothing ever lasts.”