This Close to Okay

by Leesa Cross-Smith

  “Hey, man,” he said, smiling at the monkey before he disappeared.

  “Dang it. I totally forgot to tell you about the Man with the Yellow Hat and his Curious George! He’s here every year,” Tallie said. She laughed and held her hand over her mouth, finished chewing before motioning across the room. “I want you to meet my dad and stepmom,” she said, lifting her hand at the couple walking toward them dressed as Shaft and Foxy Brown. “Hi, Daddy,” she said, hugging him. “Glory, you look so pretty.”

  “Thank you, Tallie,” Glory said, stepping back to give her a spin.

  “Y’all, this is my friend Emmett. Emmett, this is my dad, Gus, and my stepmom, Glory,” Tallie said, nudging him forward.

  Emmett said hi to them, shaking their hands.

  “You two really do look great. The Shaft theme song should’ve started playing when you walked over,” he said.

  Gus nodded and laughed. “It was definitely playing in my mind, hence the swagger.”

  “Who are y’all?” Glory asked, leaning forward to see Tallie’s FBI badge. “Oh, the alien show that scares me,” she said, recognizing it. “Even the theme song creeps me out.”

  “I’m Scully; he’s Mulder.”

  Emmett drank from his almost-empty beer bottle and didn’t even mind the small talk with Tallie’s family. She was so happy, talking to everyone. He told Gus and Glory where he was from and that Tallie was the reason he was in Louisville, the same thing he’d told Judith that morning. Although it was a lie, it didn’t feel like one anymore. Now he couldn’t imagine Louisville without Tallie and didn’t want to. Gus and Glory talked about being born and raised in Louisville and how much they loved to travel. They’d recently returned from Greece and had plans to visit again the following spring.

  “Where’s my son?” Gus asked, looking around.

  “He was upstairs in a Bigfoot costume, but don’t tell him I told you,” Tallie said.

  “Deal. We’ll find him and scoot. You know I’m an early bird,” Glory said, before touching Tallie’s face and saying, “You look so pretty. And it was nice to meet you, Emmett.”

  “Nice to meet you, too,” Emmett said before they walked away.

  * * *

  He and Tallie finished their plump little beers. Zora and some women were dancing nearby on the patio to a Tears for Fears song blaring from the outside speakers, and Tallie stepped out to join them. Donnie Darko had ended and restarted, playing silently on the projection screen by the pool. Emmett had seen the movie many times before, oddly comforted by how it was funny, unsettling, and so like a comic book all at once. He walked closer to the doors, leaned over to see the screen. Straight ahead, Tallie was talking to three women dressed in sequined frocks—the Supremes. Their dresses caught the light, sent it scattering onto the other costumes and flashing across the window glass.

  He spotted Bigfoot in the distance, shadowing across the leaves, walking alone with smooth, long strides before disappearing into the trees. Having lost sight of Lionel, Emmett refocused on Tallie talking to her friends. His Scully, delighted and popping glossy olives from her plate. He adjusted his tie, his FBI badge, took another bite of his food. Watched the projection screen—Jake Gyllenhaal and Jena Malone in a darkened theater next to the metal-faced rabbit. He glanced inside the house at the couch in the living room and saw a woman in an intense red dress with her eyes closed, slack as a dying rose. He stared to make sure she was breathing. She wasn’t. Emmett’s adrenaline flared hot, and he walked toward her. As soon as he got there, her eyes opened. She shot up, laughing loudly and pointing at someone across the room, never giving Emmett a thought. A balloon pop went off like a gunshot in the kitchen, startling him again.

  “Shit,” Emmett said to himself. He finished his last bite of food and put his plate in the kitchen before walking outside and standing against the door.

  “Hey, man,” Lionel said, stepping next to Emmett and putting his Bigfoot mask on the ground. Zora had spun across the patio and was dancing with a group of women, all of them dressed like Greek goddesses. Emmett saw Gandalf and the hobbits Tallie had told him about in the grass. Gandalf was tromping through the leaves, holding his staff to the sky, pretending to cast a spell. A couple of the hobbits cartwheeled.

  “Your house is truly out of this world,” Emmett said. Tallie looked over, and he gave her an I’m okay smile.

  “Thank you. It’s extra, I know. But I couldn’t help myself.” Lionel laughed lightly. Emmett’s own laugh caught him by surprise, and he leaned into it. “So you and Lulah…how’s that going? My mom said you make delicious eggs…biscuits, too,” Lionel said, playfully leaning, knocking Emmett’s shoulder with his own.

  “Your sister is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She outshines everything,” Emmett said to Lionel, looking right at him.

  Lionel was finishing up a piece of the pumpkin spice cake Tallie had brought for him. He was only a couple of inches taller than Emmett but seemed to tower over him in his Bigfoot costume.

  “Where’d you two meet?”

  “At the coffee shop on Rose,” Emmett said. He’d fill Tallie in later. In all her talking, that was a question Judith hadn’t asked over breakfast.

  “Gotcha. That’s her favorite one.”

  Tallie flashed past them like a butterfly, holding on to the hand of a woman dressed as a unicorn. The two of them stopped not far from Emmett and Lionel. Tallie and the unicorn wiggled their hips, dancing to the New Wave sound track piping up and out into the October night sky with its half-full moon. That moon Emmett thought he’d never see again, whether it was blocked by concrete or clouds or rain or his life, ending.

  A tight circle of people across the patio lit a joint, and the wind carried the smell over. The good-stink of weed smoke reminded him of camping trips. High school and trees. The afterglow of sore feet and burning eyes, late nights at the lake restaurant, the moonlight on the glassy black water. All the moons he’d lived under. Seeing the consistently ever-changing moon felt like a gift. He gazed up at it like he was seeing it for the first time as Lionel began talking about some businesses he’d invested in downtown, near the coffee shop.

  When Emmett noticed Tallie looking at him again, he winked at her. He knew they were pretending; he hadn’t forgotten. He thought he’d heard someone say his real name when they were on the third floor, and his face flushed. A guy in a Han Solo costume was staring at him in the kitchen, and he imagined him pointing, asking him what he was doing there. But Tallie could almost make him think what they were pretending was real. She’d ramped up her flirting, barely stood beside him for more than thirty seconds without touching him or holding his hand. He watched her dance, his cross hanging around her neck.

  “Dancing Queen” by ABBA came on, and Lionel hollered, “This is for you, Lulah!” before turning to Emmett and adding, “You know this is her jam.” Tallie—the dancing queen—blew Lionel a kiss through the air. “Maybe I’ve seen you there…at the coffee shop on Rose. I know I’ve seen you somewhere,” Lionel said.

  “You seem familiar to me, too,” Emmett lied. He waited a moment before asking Lionel about the house. What year it was built, how long it took. He was relieved when Lionel launched into the details. Emmett pulled a cigarette from his inside pocket, offered one to Lionel, who took it. They lit them, smoked. Emmett leaned, watching Tallie dance to Pet Shop Boys, Donna Summer, Oingo Boingo. Zora reappeared with the other goddesses, and Tallie got lost somewhere in the middle. People popped up to talk to Lionel, to remark on his costume. People asked Emmett who he was dressed as before they saw his X-Files badge. One guy said nothing, only whistled the first six notes of the spooky theme song as he passed. Lionel introduced him to a couple more of his and Tallie’s cousins, usually opting to call him Tallie’s boyfriend, at which Emmett just smiled.

  (Lionel is handsome, charming, and hilarious. Possibly the most confident man on earth, as if he’s never been told no. Not even once.)

  “Joel was my friend. They met through me.
So I still have some guilt about how that went down,” Lionel said when it was just the two of them. Emmett could’ve blown his mind and repeated what Joel had confessed in the email, but instead he blinked. Nodded.

  “Well, she has nothing but glowing things to say about you. She’s proud of you. It’s not your fault Joel’s a dick.”

  Lionel laughed. “I’m glad she’s back out there. I’m glad she brought you tonight. Your chemistry is more than obvious.”

  “I’m crazy about her,” Emmett said, spotting Tallie in the crowd.

  Slow and intoxicating: “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House soared from the speakers as she walked toward him. When she got there, she threw her head back and held out her hand, pulled him toward her. They walked next to the pool, where everyone was dancing. When Emmett looked at Lionel again, Lionel lifted his cake plate to them in cheers.

  “I love this song so much,” Tallie said, putting her arms around his neck.

  “I told your brother we met at the coffee shop,” Emmett whispered into her ear.

  “Good boy,” she said into his. “You feeling okay?”

  “I am,” he said, with his arms around her waist.

  “By the way, the unicorn said you looked familiar, too. I told her lots of people say that to you. We’ll have to scour the internet for your celebrity doppelgänger later.”

  Tallie reached into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, took out her lip gloss, put it on, and returned it where she’d found it. They looked at each other, their faces so close with the night-blue music lifting, spilling out across the stars. If only the sky would open and zoom them up.

  “You look handsome,” she said.

  “You’re striking. You’re lightning.”

  “Sweet Emmett,” she said. Emmett. He needed to tell her the truth.

  “Tallie—”

  The air popped above them; a rocket shot across the sky. Tallie gasped and looked up. Emmett, startled by the sound at first, relaxed upon seeing a chandelier of glitter against the black. Fireworks. And maybe it happened all at once. Maybe he leaned down to her. Or had she gotten on her tiptoes? At first, the kiss was chaste, kindergarten-sweet. Was this pretending? But when Emmett pulled her closer, the music got louder. The kiss swelled. Their kiss: surprising, dark crush like a jewel wrapped in velvet. Their kiss: a real but different, better version of Klimt’s. Emmett opened his mouth a little to let her in, keeping his hand on the small of her back, pressing her body against his. He pulled away, turned his head, put his mouth on hers until she stopped and looked at him, bit her bottom lip.

  They kissed again; her mouth was liquor, starry and sweet. How long had it been since he’d kissed a woman? He felt lust-crazy with his mouth on hers. His charged Halloween heart: Fuseli’s The Nightmare. Caravaggio’s The Incredulity of Saint Thomas. What if he never stopped feeling this way? Could they freeze time, kiss forever? What if they stopped only when someone tapped them on the shoulder because the sun had come up? How had he managed to think God had forgotten about him when he was kissing and holding Tallie like this as proof of hope?

  Tallie put her hand on the back of his head, lightly brushed her fingers through the hair that fell against his neck. He was burning like the fireworks above them. Like a star, afraid he’d poof to smoke and disappear if she ever stopped.

  Please don’t stop. Goodbye! I’m going to the moon!

  The crowd outside erupted into applause when the fireworks were over. Emmett heard Zora holler for everyone to step inside for the costume contest, and he felt the scrum of revelers shift. Tallie kissed him and kissed him and kissed him with her greedy champagne mouth. Emmett returned her kisses with equal fervor—like a man on his last day—and stopped only when his eyes-closed darkness sparked with a peculiar flurry of light.

  Only Emmett, Tallie, and Lionel in syzygy, aligned like an eclipse, on the nearly empty patio. Lionel, at least twenty feet away, standing alone in his masked Bigfoot costume. Lionel, nowhere near the pool, far too close to the blazing fire pit. Lionel, the right side of his body, violently torched. Lionel, consumed with fulgent orange flame. Lionel, Lionel, burning bright.

  PART FOUR

  Sunday

  TALLIE

  Emmett pressed his palm to Tallie’s shoulder, moving her aside. The concerned look on his face caused her to turn around, just in time to see him run across the patio and take off his suit jacket. Slow motion. Volcanic flames blooming. Fast-forwarded. Emmett—quick—pushed and swept Lionel’s leg with his foot to make him fall away from the fire pit before throwing himself on top of him and wrapping the jacket around Lionel’s costumed body. Lionel. Lionel was on fire.

  Emmett was all over him, patting hard. They rolled together. Ha! They’d planned this while she was dancing with her girlfriends. This was a prank, part of Lionel’s costume. Last year, it was Houdini and the water tank. This year, Bigfoot on fire. Bravo, boys.

  They were no longer alone on the patio. Costumed bodies clumped around the fire pit where she was standing, not knowing how she got there. A man dressed like a hippie did the peace sign and said the party was totally rad. He laughed and the hippie woman next to him whooped and laughed, too.

  “Is this part of his costume?” someone slurred.

  Zora’s glass fell against the stone, and she flashed by in a blurry white zip, dropping to her knees next to Emmett and Lionel. Emmett had taken off Lionel’s unburned mask and had his knife out, carefully cutting parts of the furry fabric away from Lionel’s body. The sounds coming from Lionel’s mouth were feral. Whole-bodied. Horrific.

  Not a prank.

  Tallie’s mouth locked in a voiceless scream as she watched Emmett carefully raise Lionel’s legs and place them lengthwise along a concrete planter he’d knocked over. He put his face close to Lionel’s and talked to him.

  “I called 911!” someone shouted.

  “Hey, Lionel. Lionel, look at me. You’re all right. You’re going to be okay. EMS is on the way,” Emmett said.

  Zora was crying, screeching. “Oh, my God! Lionel! Shouldn’t we get it completely off him?”

  “No. It could make it worse where he’s burned. I’m cutting away the unburned parts to cool him down. Let them do the rest. What’s important now is to keep him calm. They’ll be here. They’re on the way. It’s okay now. The scary part is over,” Emmett said, unshaken.

  “What can I do? How can I help?” a man in a bee costume bent down and asked.

  “Okay, okay. Go out to the street and direct the ambulance here,” Tallie said to him, speaking for the first time since it all happened. The bee flung his bobbing antennae in the leaves and ran. The heat whipped through the cool air. Someone threw a bucket of pool water on the fire pit, then another, until it finally fell dark. The back of Tallie’s hair splashed cold on her neck.

  “Li, are you okay?” Zora asked, from her knees.

  Emmett touched her shoulder. “He’ll be okay.”

  “Are you okay?” she asked him. Emmett was nodding as soon as she opened her mouth.

  Lionel hissed and groaned, mumbled incoherently. Emmett touched his face, talked to him in a measured, soothing voice, like he was a small child. Tallie was scared to look at his body again; she could smell the burning flesh. She sat down next to them and echoed Emmett in words and movement. Looking only at Lionel’s face and talking to him, reassuring him they’d called for help. She told him how much she loved him and that he’d be okay. Lionel’s best friend, Ben, was next to them doing the same thing until a siren pinched the air and whirling red lights dizzied streaks across the sea of trees encircling the house.

  “Hey, Li. Li, look at me, man. Help is here already, and God sees us. He’s not going to let anything else happen to you. This was it. We’ll be right here with you,” Emmett said.

  “Li, you’ll be okay. Don’t move. Just don’t move, okay?” Tallie said, repeating it like a charm. Zora did the same. Emmett put his hand flat on Lionel’s chest and kept his mouth close to Lionel’s
ear. Tallie watched Emmett’s whispering mouth move. Lionel grunted, sucked in a deep breath, sobbed it out. Tallie hadn’t seen her brother cry since they were kids. Seeing Lionel cry scared her more than anything else. She shivered on her stockinged knees next to Emmett. The ground tilted beneath them, didn’t it?

  “Help is here, Li. Help is here,” she said to him. Was he nodding? “Don’t move.”

  “Hold still,” Emmett said.

  “Li,” Zora said through tears.

  The costumed crowd was silent now save for crying and reverent whispers. Someone had turned off the music. The glowing water licked the swimming pool, ticked like a slowed clock. The projection screen flickered blue.

  “Dear God, please, please, please let him be okay,” Tallie prayed aloud, standing once the EMTs jingled up and clanked through the leaves, the night grass, onto the stone.

  * * *

  Once Emmett and Tallie were at her car, she got her phone from her purse in the trunk and called her parents, told them what had happened, what hospital they were following the ambulance to. Emmett was driving. Tallie had taken his face in her hands and made him stare into her eyes, double-checking to see if he was too impaired. “I’m fine, Tallie. Tallie, I’m good,” he’d said, loosening his tie and slipping it out of the collar. He’d tossed it in the backseat before starting the engine and putting the car in reverse. Zora’s brother and sister were staying behind at the house to keep an eye on things. The partygoers who were okay to drive had stuffed themselves into cars, disappearing into the night. The too-drunk or too-stoned ones who weren’t passed out were left wandering around the house in a daze. The world was so loud again—engines and slamming car doors and tires slicking the wet pavement—the sharp shift in mood still vibrating the air. They followed the ambulance down Lionel’s street, turning onto the main road and gunning up the highway ramp.