Sing Like Nobody's Listening

by S. J. McCoy

  Chase grinned. “Of course, I will. It'll be like the good old days, just the two of us.”

  Eddie nodded. “They were the good old days. I don't suppose you feel like recreating them do you?”

  “Are you serious?”

  Eddie nodded slowly. “I'm getting sick of all the kid stuff. It's making me feel old. Robin has had that Andrew guy call me about the cruise lines, Aaron and Dave are all over it. I hate cruise ships and I know you do—even if you didn't have the best reason in the world to stay right here. I'm starting to think I want out, but if you want to do it, I'd be happy to stay here just the two of us. What do you think?”

  Chase didn't know what to think. He'd always known the day would come when the guys would go their separate ways. He hadn't thought it would be this soon though. He didn't want to leave Summer Lake. Even aside from whatever happened with Kenzie, he loved this gig. He knew Eddie did, too. It wouldn't be fair to ask the others to stay on just because it suited him, but would Ben want just him and Eddie? Or did he want a full band for the resort?

  Eddie laughed. “Don't look at me like that! You look as if your head is about to explode. I know it's out of the blue, but think about it. I'm telling you what's going through my head. Do me a favor and tell me what's going through yours when you've had time to figure it out?”

  Chase nodded. “You know I will. My first instinct is hell yeah. Cut the guys loose to go do what they want. If they're not happy here they shouldn't have to stay.” He smiled. “And it was fun when it was just the two of us.”

  Eddie nodded. “It was, but I know it's not as simple as that. Take your time. Give it some thought and talk to me when you're ready. Don't worry about helping me set up though, you've got better things to do.”

  Chase frowned at him. “No, I don't. Let's go set up before the others arrive.”

  Eddie grinned and jerked his head to where Kenzie was talking to Megan outside. “You can help if you want, but I completely understand if you change your mind.

  Chase grinned. “Thanks, Ed.”

  Eddie waved him off as he made his way over to the stage.

  Chase watched Kenzie hug Megan. He loved the way they did that. They were so different, yet it was apparent they loved each other so much. Megan was a little sweetheart. He had to wonder what would have happened if she hadn't given him Kenzie's number that day down on the beach. Would she ever have called him? What would she be doing now? What would she have done if Errol hadn't called him? If he hadn't gone to Nashville? He shook his head. Too many questions that didn't need answers. All he knew was that he would be forever grateful to Megan. She turned and gave him a little wave before heading back to her car. He knew she was in his corner, it seemed Gabe was too, and Michael. He didn't think he'd have too much trouble winning Ethan over. As he watched Kenzie walk through the bar with that soft sweet smile on her face, he knew she was the only one that mattered. He loved her. He needed to tell her. He just needed her not to run once he did.

  She came straight to him and looped her arms up around his neck. “I missed you.”

  He hugged her to him. “I missed you too, lover. Did you have a good afternoon?”

  She nodded. “I did, thanks. Ethan kicked my butt at chess—again!”

  That made him smile. “When's he going to come over? Maybe he can teach me, too? Give your butt a break while he kicks mine.”

  “Michael said we'll figure something out. They might let him come on a weeknight if we promise to get him to school on time. For some reason, Megan wasn't too thrilled with that idea, though.”

  Chase laughed. “She knows you too well, you're not exactly an early bird are you?”

  She shook her head. “No, but I can do it if it's the only way Ethan can come stay. I told him he could. I don't want to let him down.”

  He knew how important that was to her. “We'll make it happen, lover. I'll promise to make sure you're both up and I get you to school on time.”

  There went that smile again, the one that slayed him. “You will?”

  He'd do anything in the world for her when she looked at him like that. “I promise.”

  “Thanks, Chase. I...”

  His heart was pounding. Was she going to say it?

  “I really appreciate it.”

  He let out a deep breath. “You're welcome.” He held her gaze. He wasn't going to say it here, not now. “I'll do anything for you. I need you to know that.”

  She stared back into his eyes. Neither of them was saying those three words, but he could feel them. He was pretty sure she could, too.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Michael grinned at Chase. “You're sure you don't mind dropping him at school in the morning?”

  “Not at all. I'll make sure he's there on time.”

  Megan looked at Kenzie. “Don't let him stay up too late, and set three alarms or something. I know what you're like in the morning.”

  Kenzie rolled her eyes. “I told you. We'll be fine.” She shot a smile at Ethan. “We'll be good. I promise.” She wasn't about to screw this up. It had taken a lot of persuading for them to let the kid come and stay on a school night, but with her work schedule weekends were impossible. To be fair, Michael had been fine with it, it was Megan who was concerned. But then she knew Kenzie too well. Mornings were not her thing.

  “Come here, monkey.” Michael hugged his son and Kenzie was amazed at the way the little guy climbed up and somehow got on his dad's shoulders. He was just like a little monkey.

  He grinned and pulled on Michael's ears. “Are you leaving yet, Dad? I promise I'll be good. I'll do whatever Auntie Kenzie says.”

  She had to laugh as he winked at her over Michael's head.

  “That's what worries me,” said Megan with a wry smile. “You and Auntie Kenzie get up to all kinds of mischief even when I'm there to keep an eye on you. What are you going to be like when I'm not?”

  Michael set the kid down and he went to hug Megan. “I'll be good Meggie. I promise.”

  “I'll do my best to keep them in line,” Chase smiled at Kenzie. “I can't make any promises though because I'm not sure they'll listen to me.”

  Ethan gave him a cheeky grin. “Yeah, you need to be careful. You're still on trial remember.”

  Chase squatted down so he was eye to eye with him. “Yeah, but I'm doing okay so far. Do you want to teach me to play chess?”

  Ethan eyed him suspiciously. “Do you want to teach me to play the guitar?”

  Wow! Kenzie hadn't thought of that. She'd been a little concerned about how Chase and Ethan would do together. She hadn't even considered the kid might be interested in learning to play the guitar.

  Chase didn't hesitate though. “Of course, I will, if you want me to. In fact, if you like we could trade. I'll give you guitar lessons, you give me chess lessons. How does that sound?”

  Ethan nodded. “Sounds good to me. Let's go get started, shall we?” He hugged Megan then Michael. “See you tomorrow.” Then he ran up the path and into the house leaving them all staring after him.

  “Call us if you need anything at all,” said Megan

  “Don't worry,” said Kenzie. “We'll take good care of him. He'll be fine.”

  Michael laughed. “I'm not worried about him, darl'. I'm worried about the two of you. He'll have you run ragged by morning.”

  Chase put an arm around Kenzie's shoulders. “We can handle it. We're going to have a great time. Thanks for letting him come.”

  Michael nodded. “We'll see you tomorrow then. You know where we are if you need us.”

  “Go on,” said Kenzie. “You two get going. You've got the night to yourselves. Go and enjoy it.”

  “Thanks, we will.”

  She gave Megan a hug. Then followed Chase into the house to find Ethan. It seemed hard to believe, but she was looking forward to this evening. Who would have guessed that she would be looking forward to spending a night in—with a little kid, and the guy sh
e was living with, no less.

  Ethan was sitting in the living room looking at Chase's guitar. He grinned up at them when they came in. “Can I have a go?” he asked Chase.

  “Of course you can. Can I show you a couple of things first though?”

  Ethan nodded.

  Chase picked the guitar up and sat in one of the armchairs. “First of all, you need to remember how special a guitar is. It's not a toy. This one, in particular, is very special to me. I'll let you use it, because I trust you.” He looked Ethan in the eye. “But I'm asking you man to man, to please treat it with respect.”

  Kenzie had to smile at the serious look on Ethan's face. He nodded solemnly. “I'll be really careful with it. Thank you for trusting me. I won't let you down.”

  “I know you won't.”

  As she watched Chase smile back at the little guy, Kenzie fell in love with him a little more. She was surprised to feel a lump in her throat. Watching the two of them together like that was doing funny things to her. “Will you two be okay for a minute while I run to the store?” she asked.

  They both turned to her. “We'll be fine,” said Ethan. “Just don't be long, okay?”

  Chase gave her a puzzled look but nodded.

  Kenzie grabbed her purse and fled. She didn't need to go the store, she simply needed a moment alone to gather her thoughts. She hadn't been prepared for the wave of emotion that hit her sitting there in the little living room. It was as if she'd stepped into a different world somehow. A different life than any she had ever known. She'd been overcome with a desire for that to be her world, her life—but it wasn't. She didn't deserve a life like that. She hurried down the street, wondering as she went if that was really true. She thought back to her conversations with Laura and with Chase. Was she the only one who thought she wasn't good enough? Did she really judge herself too harshly? And what might life be like if she could just relax and enjoy life? All the good things that were happening may not feel like her life, but they were happening anyway. Why not own them and enjoy them? And why not own her truth while she was at it—just as Megan had suggested.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chase watched Ethan place his fingers. The kid was a fast learner, he was impressed.

  He looked up and smiled. “Like this?” he asked.

  “Exactly like that! Are you sure you haven't played before?”

  Ethan grinned. “You know I haven't. You're just shitting me now.”

  Chase bit back a laugh. “And you're just testing me now.”

  The kid feigned innocence, turning big round eyes on him. He didn't do a very good job of hiding his grin though. “What do you mean?”

  Chase narrowed his eyes and gave him a knowing smile. “You know full well what I mean. You may be too smart, but I'm not stupid.”

  Ethan giggled. “I didn't think you were, but I had to be sure.”

  Chase laughed out loud at that. “So tell me. Were you expecting me to tell you off for using that word or did you think I'd try to suck up to you, be cool with it and it'd be our secret?”

  Ethan shrugged. “I couldn't tell which way you'd go.”

  “Well, if you have a preference, let me know would you? Because I don't know which way to go.”

  “It doesn't matter. I just wanted to see what you'd do. You're cool, that's all I needed to know. Are my fingers in the right place still?”

  Evidently Ethan had the answers he was looking for. As Chase helped him spread his fingers a little wider, he knew he'd just made a new friend.

  Ethan was strumming away happily by the time Kenzie came back. She leaned in the doorway, grinning at Chase while she listened. He'd been a little worried at the way she'd run off to the store. She kept doing that. He was trying to take comfort in the fact that she didn't run far or for long, but he was still concerned that she might just up and leave on him one day. The way she was smiling at him right now made him believe she wouldn't. Right now, she looked as though she loved him, just as he loved her. He made his decision, he needed to tell her as soon as he could.

  Chapter Twenty

  Chase opened the front door and smiled at the smell coming from the kitchen. He'd been over to the resort to check in with the guys. At least they were all talking openly about what they wanted to do now. Robin's friend Andrew had offered them a gig on a cruise ship that would be sailing the Caribbean for the summer season. Eddie had flat out refused to go. Chase had said he wouldn't be going either. He'd felt bad at first that it might cost the others a gig they wanted, but Eddie had talked with Andrew and he was happy to take on the other three if they wanted to go. Robin wasn't happy about it. He wanted all five of them to stay together. But that was his deal. He wasn't ready for things to change. Aaron and Dave were happy to roll with whatever. It seemed Eddie was ready for change, same as Chase was. Well, perhaps not quite as ready, since the change had already happened for Chase. For years the band had been his priority but that wasn't true anymore. Kenzie was. He needed to talk to Ben, to know what he wanted for the resort. Chase hoped he'd be okay with just him and Eddie if it came down to it, but he needed to know. He couldn't imagine what he'd do if Ben wanted to stick with a full line-up band and the other guys wanted to leave. He'd figure something out though.

  He followed his nose down the narrow hallway to the kitchen. It seemed as if Kenzie had had a busy afternoon of her own. Whatever she'd been making smelled wonderful. He stopped in his tracks. She was singing! He smiled and leaned against the wall. Her voice was beautiful—sweet and clear it sounded like her smile. She stopped and muttered something to herself as she banged pans around. He took advantage of the pause and opened the kitchen door. Her head snapped around when she heard him enter.

  “What are you doing back?” All the sweetness was gone from her tone. The hard edge was back, what he couldn't figure out was why.

  “Hey, lover. It's nice to see you, too.”

  Her face softened. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you.”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “That's okay. I know where I'm not wanted.”

  She frowned up at him. “You obviously don't. You are wanted here. I'm just trying out this relaxing thing you were telling me about. I'm giving it a go and trying to be domesticated for you. I didn't realize you were back and then I felt as if you might have come back to check on me. See how badly I'm screwing up this lasagna!”

  He hugged her to him. “I came back to see you because I want to be with you. I'm not checking up on you, nor will I ever. You're not screwing the lasagna up, at least not by the way it smells, but even if you were, I wouldn't care. If you could never cook anything, I still wouldn't care. I sure as hell wouldn't judge you for it. You are too harsh on yourself, and you're taking it out on me.”

  He felt her relax in his arms. “I know. I'm scared though, Chase. I'm scared you’ll judge me, and find me lacking and want to get rid of me. I guess I'm trying to see my own faults before you do, so I can know when the end is coming and get out before you hurt me.”

  How about that? At least she knew what she was doing and was prepared to admit it. “I don't want to get rid of you—and no matter what so-called faults you come up with, I won't want to. I love you. You're not going to escape me that easily, okay? You're stuck with me if you want me.”

  “You know I do.”

  He decided to risk it. “Then why not start trusting me? You keep singing and I'll get us a drink.”

  She stepped back from him. “You heard?”

  He grinned at her and nodded. “I heard. You have a beautiful voice. I don't know how you could think anything else.”

  She shook her head. “I sound so much better when there's no one else around to hear.”

  “That's why you have to sing like nobody's listening. You saying that tells me that you do the same with your singing as you do with everything else. You decide people are judging you when they're not.” He tucked his fingers under her chin and made her look up to meet
his gaze. “Why?”

  She shrugged but didn't look away. “I just can't do it as well when people are listening.”

  “Yes, you can. It's all in your head, don't you see that?”

  She shrugged again. “Maybe, but it doesn't change the fact that I sound much better in the kitchen or the shower than I do holding a microphone in my hand with a bunch of people staring at me. Anyway, what does it matter? I have a job now, I'm not auditioning anymore.”

  “It matters because you love to sing. It matters that you're holding yourself back from doing something that makes you happy because you're afraid to get it wrong, to not be good enough.”

  He looked deep into her eyes. “You're doing the same thing as you're doing with me. You say you love me, but you're still afraid, still ready to run. I think maybe if I can get you singing you'll see that there really is nothing to be afraid of.”

  She turned away from him and checked on the oven. “I think you're getting a bit deep and meaningful on me, Chase. You're reading too much into it.”

  He let it go. He knew she was considering his words, but pushing too hard wouldn't do any good. It didn't matter to him if she never sang if she didn't want to. What he didn't want was for her to hold back through fear of judgment, when she was the only one judging. More than that, he really did see a parallel between her singing and her sticking around. She had this hang-up about not being good enough. He needed her to realize she was wrong—she was more than good enough. Now that he'd heard her sing, his suspicions that she sang beautifully had been confirmed. If he could get her to overcome her fear and realize just how good she was, maybe she would be able to translate that understanding to the rest of her life, too. He'd done enough pushing for today, though, and he knew it.

  As she bent down to peek through the oven door, he closed his hands around her hips. “You once told me you were interested in this kind of deep.” He pulled her back against him. He was already hard and when she rubbed her little ass against his cock he knew that more conversation—and dinner, would have to wait a while.