by Lucia Franco
Reaching for the knob and bolt, I opened the door and sobered right up.
Heart instantly racing, my lips parted in absolute shock. I blinked rapidly.
After three years of no calls, no texts, nothing so much as a picture, just yearly journals filled with his thoughts and desires, except for this year, the stupid Russian who’d claimed my heart years ago stood in front of me.
My lips parted further. Tears immediately welled in my eyes.
“Allo, Malysh.”
Epilogue
Thirteen Years Later
Kova
"Come, Lili. Come to Daddy."
I stayed squatted as I waved my fingers, encouraging her to take a step.
Her chunky bowlegs were apprehensive as she attempted to walk to me for the first time. Drool fell from her toothless smile and plopped on the chalky floor next to her purple toenails. Mia, her older sister, had painted them for her when she was sleeping because she does not ever sit still any other time.
I had four daughters, all gorgeous, just like their mother. And all under the age of six.
I was fucked.
Double fucked.
I was cursed, certain I had pissed someone off in another life. I do not even joke anymore that God was testing me. I knew he was.
Lili picked up her stubby leg. Just like the time before, I held my breath and hoped this would be the first step she took. My knees were screaming in rebellion staying in this position so long, but I held still if that meant seeing her walk.
"Da, Da, Da," she babbled.
More slobber fell to the floor. Lili had a slight Russian accent, but my wife insisted it was just baby speak. I firmly believed she was wrong, and I told her that often. It made her heated and she would argue; she was even more beautiful when she was fired up.
Lili mumbled again, the enunciation in the back of her throat. Totally Russian there and not that American baby speak.
"Yes, Lili, Da, Da, Da," I said, heavy on the Russian enunciation.
Lili squealed. She lifted her knee and balanced on one leg, her toes curling into the floor for support. My brows rose and I encouraged her again to take another step, holding my breath. I wiggled my fingers and made a funny face trying to make her come to me. All my daughters have taken their first steps inside our gym. I was hoping Lili would too.
Her cherry chocolate hair was tied up in some messy thing I did for her. She tried to pull it out and whined because she could not accomplish it. I gave her a stern look and she dropped her arms with a pout. My wife had been trying to teach me how to do their hair since Mia was born.
No matter how much I tried, I still could not figure out how to do it without ripping hair out.
Looking at me with massive amber eyes, Lili began to lean too far to the side. I reached out quickly and caught her, making a big splash about it so she would try again. I planted a huge, loud kiss to her cheek. Her eyes twinkled and she giggled as I stood her up again. Lili was the first of our daughters to attempt to walk by eight months. Something told me we were in trouble with this one.
"Lili, come Lili. Come to Daddy, malyshka."
She shrieked excitedly then took a step. I held my breath as she placed one foot in front of the other and stayed upright. She hesitated, and I gave her a little push, telling her to keep trying. She did it again and I waved my fingers impatiently just as she took two steps and fell into my arms.
I heard a gasp behind me and quickly turned around, blindly standing Lili up.
My wife. I smiled seeing the happiness written across her face
"Is that my girl walking?" my wife cooed.
I glanced back at Lili and let go, watching as she took three steps this time before falling into her mother's arms with a shriek. She scooped up Lili and held her tight to her chest, right above her growing belly. Lili's fat feet dangled on the sides of her waist.
Our gazes met and my stomach tightened. I will never get over the fact that this beautiful woman was now my wife. How I fucking loved her to the ends of the earth.
Her eyes shimmered up at me and her soft smile made my heart pound.
"Allo, Malysh. When did you get here?"
This was my favorite time of the day that I looked forward to after we said our morning goodbyes—when Adrianna brought all of our daughters to gymnastics practice. It was one of the very limited things she could do while being on bed rest. While she should not be doing anything at all, I knew I had to give her something, otherwise she would take the directions lightly and overdo it. She could take the girls to and from school, and she liked to bathe and put them to sleep. That was it.
I reached out to palm Adrianna's belly and stepped close to her with Lili sandwiched between us.
"Just now."
She smiled and rose up on her tiptoes to give me a kiss, but Lili gave her a wet one first. There was slobber all over my wife's cheek and she laughed. My lips twitched seeing her happy.
"Why? Did you miss me?" she asked, and she angled her brows.
"You already left me once, just making sure you were not making another run for it. I never know with you."
Her eyes lit up ready to retaliate and she punched my stomach. I grabbed her hand and held it tenderly. I looked down at her with nothing but love. I do not let her live down the fact that she left me.
My palm skimmed along her pelvis to feel her rounded stomach. Her shirt was too short and showing part of her lower belly. I loved that little space of skin on her. For someone so small, she wore pregnancy extremely well. Adrianna claimed to enjoy being pregnant, and since I loved seeing her grow with my child, it was a win for the both of us.
Breaking apart, Lili rested her head on her mother's shoulder and then placed her thumb in her mouth, twirling hair around her finger.
Though each pregnancy Adrianna glowed more than the previous one, it came with a steep price. I did not want her light to burn out and I was terrified it would. Our growing family was a heavy burden on her body, one I did not wish to keep chancing. We were fortunate enough to have made it this far after several specialists had agreed we most likely would not.
When we were told that Lili's pregnancy was the last her body could handle, Adrianna had cried her eyes out for days. We knew this would come one day. She was not ready and had begged me for one more baby, hoping it would be a boy this time. She did not want that choice to be taken from her again.
She wanted one more chance to give me a son on her terms. Our terms.
I felt we were blessed to have our daughters and I had told her it was not necessary, but Adrianna had this incessant need to defy all odds.
We had argued about it at first. A lot.
Adrianna was the love of my life. We had walked through fire and hell to get here. I had told her she could fight me all she wanted but I was not changing my mind. Call me selfish, I was selfish. I wanted her to stay healthy to be with our family. I was not going to lose her for good this time, because I knew I would never survive living this life without her again.
Lili had only been born about two months prior before she went on this emotional tirade. Her hormones were making her crazy. Of course, I could not tell her that. However, I had told her she was being irresponsible and that we had four gorgeous children already and was that not enough for her.
She had slapped me.
The woman loved to slap me.
She would not talk to me for a full two weeks, though every night she came to me.
I had tried to put my foot down, but she was adamant. My wife had this endless need to push her body to the limit. It drove me absolutely insane, but I loved her so fucking much that I had eventually caved and we tried for one more baby.
Surprisingly, it had not taken long to conceive.
Adrianna loved to remind me it was meant to be and the reason why it had happened so easily.
I wanted to give Adrianna the world, not hold it back from her. I felt like she was taking a huge risk every time we conceived, but it was hard to say
no to her when I knew all she wanted was a big family.
Our doctors were confident she could carry to term one last time, but she was still labeled as high-risk.
As I approached the golden age, I had this constant fear inside of me that something was going to happen to her and my kids. It consumed me. They were little spitfires who took after their mother, and they were my world. I was already wrapped around their boney little fingers, which was why I planned to keep them locked up until at least thirty-five. No public schools. No cell phones. No boyfriends. Adrianna laughed every time I brought it up because she thought I was kidding, but I really was not. I could already feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about who I would have to fight off. It almost made me feel bad for being with Adrianna when she was so young.
Almost. Not entirely.
"Where are the rest of the—"
Before I could finish, Mia, Svetlana, and Nastia came barreling into the gym, running straight for me in a race of who could get to me first. Squatting down again, my knees popped and Ria winced at the sound. I opened my arms as Lili squealed behind me at seeing her three sisters.
"Daddy!" I heard about eight times in the span of three seconds right before they plowed into my chest.
I pretended to fall back on the floor, and they giggled in response, falling over me dramatically. I glanced above their little heads at Adrianna. Our eyes met and she smiled down at me. I loved the sound of our girls’ high-pitched laughs. It did shit to my heart that I could not explain and made this life that much sweeter. Leaning my head up, I gave them tons of animated kisses and they chuckled even more. I never knew how much I could love like this until my wife gave us children. Now I felt like I was going to erupt from it.
Nastia jumped on me again and I grunted in response. My wife covered her mouth and tried to stifle a laugh. I could see the smile behind her hand. At this rate, I would not be able to give Adrianna any more kids even if I wanted to if they kept kneeing my dick all the time. I wrapped my arms around the three of them and held them until they were giggling from my tickles, begging me to stop.
At first, we had been concerned if Adrianna could get pregnant after many failed attempts. She had said it was karma and a constant reminder of what we had endured as a couple. She was never able to fully let go of losing our first child and had nearly damaged herself emotionally in the process. It had wrecked me to see her so miserable.
All of Adrianna's specialists had gathered in one room to discuss if she could get pregnant at all when we had decided we were ready. She had not had a regular period for years, and the doctors were concerned about the health risks she could possibly undergo being pregnant with stage four kidney disease. The medication she had been taking for years had caused harsh side effects. She was not the same. The medication damaged parts of her body that would never be able to recover.
After a year of trying to conceive and false pregnancy tests and tears I kissed my way through, we had turned to fertility drugs.
It had not been easy for either of us, her more so. Adrianna had been brokenhearted when we filled the prescription for the first time. She had blamed herself for the pregnancy she lost all those years ago, saying it was her fault she was unable to conceive naturally. I had kissed her all damn night and let her cry on me until she fell asleep, and when she woke with fresh tears the next morning, I stayed right where I was and held her until she stopped shaking. It had fucking devastated me to see her like that, but I stayed strong because she needed me. I owed my wife everything for the life she gave me. If she had wanted a baby, then I would move mountains to give her one.
Weeks had gone by and she began to feel inadequate as a woman, that something was missing from her. I had told her she was crazy and to calm down because she was perfect the way she was—biggest mistake I ever made as a husband. The moment I had said to calm down, she exploded.
Apparently, women did not like to hear those two words together.
We had considered adoption from Russia—her idea—but I was not ready to give up on having our own children one day, even if we were only granted one. I had never wanted little hellions until Adrianna had put the idea in my head. Now I cannot imagine my life without them. I wanted a plethora of them.
"Daddy! Throw me in the air," Nastia demanded, her red ringlets falling in front of her eyes.
"Me too, Daddy!" Svetlana, Nastia's twin, screamed like a hyena in my ear.
I winced, going deaf for a split second.
Yes, twins.
Both my wife and I were still perplexed over it. We knew twins were a strong possibility because of Sophia combined with the potency of the fertility drugs, but we did not anticipate them.
"Again, Daddy!" Nastia said, elbowing her sister out of the way.
"How are you feeling?" I asked and stood up. I gave the kids one last toss each in the air. "Girls, go change and warm up." They dashed off. They loved gymnastics.
Adrianna's dreamy smile took my breath away as she peered up at me. I fucking loved this woman. The light was shining through the large window showcasing the dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose. The older she got, the more pronounced they became. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and held her close to me.
"Great? Amazing? Wonderful?" She smiled bigger, then yawned. "I slept most of the day. Thanks for taking Lili for me."
"Malysh, I am not taking Lili for you. She is my daughter too."
She pouted and I had the urge to kiss her lips deep.
"I know. I just feel bad because you have to work."
I shook my head. "You know World Cup is family. We rotated events—I took her to vault, Danilo took her on floor, Madeline had her on bars, then she ended on balance beam with me."
She grinned, and her eyes lit up. It was the little things we found satisfaction in now.
Madeline and Danilo had phoned me one night explaining that they wanted to expand World Cup, and that they wanted me to come back and coach. They had sweetened the proposal by allowing me to buy my way back into the gym. I countered back with adding Adrianna to the offer.
When I had returned to World Cup with my wife, I was placed under scrutiny. They had no idea we were married, let alone together. It did not faze me one bit, and I had answered every question they asked. I was proud of us and refused to hide what I felt for Adrianna ever again. I knew how it looked, we had heard it all, but that was then, and this was now.
Adrianna, on the other hand, did not have the same reaction. She had been uncomfortable, edgy, like everyone looked at her with disapproving eyes.
It was not until she had become pregnant with our first daughter that everyone had a change of heart. The whole gym shifted and we suddenly became one big family. They saw her go through the emotions of longing to have a child and failing, how her chances had been so slim. They saw how she leaned on me, how I cradled her when she was finally pregnant. They saw how strong our love was during one of the hardest times for us, and it had lifted the curtain for them.
"Need any help today?" she asked eagerly.
I knew where she was going with this. "I got it covered."
Her eyes dropped and a laugh rumbled in my chest. "Tell me you love me." I demanded, my eyes penetrating hers.
"Never," she said with a smile on her face. "Come on, Coach, let me help a bit. It's not like I'm asking to make a comeback. Maybe if you let me help, I'll make it worth your while and we can go into your office like old times…"
She loved to be in the gym as much as I did.
"Go put your feet up in my office. Call a friend or buy some shit online. But I do not want to hear that your blood pressure dropped again or see you rushed off to the hospital."
Her eyes flared. "That was one time, three pregnancies ago."
"And I never want to relive that moment."
Her eyes dropped lower now. Just as I was about to add something else, I saw Svetlana, or as Nastia called her, Lana, stop walking and drop her head. I peered around Adriann
a and frowned as I watched her stand alone in her metallic pink leotard. She balled her tiny hands in her mouth, her creamy fingers twisting against her teeth. She was our little pixie of a girl with untamable red curls and sabal eyes. Svetlana was noticeably smaller than her twin.
I nodded with my chin and we both looked at her.
"Svetlana, idi syuda I skazhi mne, chto ne tak."
My children understood both Russian and English, at my wife's request.
Her little feet padded across the floor. Svetlana glanced up with tears shimmering in her innocent eyes.
"What's wrong?" my wife asked, handing me Lili before kneeling down.
We had a rule. When one of the girls needed us, we would give them our undivided attention, if we were capable in the moment, of course. Between their close ages and female emotions, we did not want them to feel we favored one over the other.
I also was trying to prevent meltdowns before they happened. That was a lot of female hormones under one roof.
"I do not want to do the bawance beam." Her little voice squeaked.
I had a good chuckle over her lack of contractions. Every once in a while, my kids sounded like me and I found it hysterical. Now I understood why Adrianna made jokes about it.
"It is scary. Can I just do the other ones and not that one today?"
"Are you still thinking about when you slipped off yesterday?" Adrianna responded, and Svetlana nodded, her chin staying tight to her chest.
Reaching for her, my wife picked up Svetlana and cradled her to her hip. She sniffled and placed her thumb in her mouth. Normally I was against Adrianna picking up the children while she was pregnant, unless it was Lili, but I never said anything when it came to Svetlana.
Her muscle tone had been very weak since she was born. She had to be supported for a solid two years by us holding up her and her neck. Adrianna and I had worked diligently with our daughter to build muscle tone through play.
Doctors firmly believed that Svetlana's hypotonia was actually caused by muscular dystrophy.