by Josh Lacey
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Text copyright © 2016 by Josh Lacey
Illustrations copyright © 2016 by Garry Parsons
Cover design by Angela Taldone. Cover art © 2016 by Garry Parsons.
Cover hand-lettering © 2015 by David Coulson
Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
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Originally published in 2017 by Andersen Press Limited in Great Britain
First U.S. Edition: July 2017
Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017930065
ISBNs: 978-0-316-55582-1 (hardcover), 978-0-316-55584-5 (pbk.), 978-0-316-55580-7 (ebook)
E3-20170607-JV-PC
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Begin Reading
The Dragonsitter Series
You Might Also Like
About the Author and Illustrator
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Tuesday, October 24
Subject: Halloween
Attachments: Ghost and monster
Dear Uncle Morton,
Can I borrow your dragons?
Next week there is a costume competition at the Halloween Parade.
The first-place prize is a new computer, which is exactly what we need.
Our computer is Dad’s old one. He left it behind when he moved out, and that was four years ago. It was already ancient then.
Also, Emily spilled a glass of milk on the keyboard and now the keys only work if you press them really hard.
All our problems would be solved if we won that prize.
Unfortunately, we don’t have very good costumes.
I was planning to go as Frankenstein’s monster, but I can’t find any bolts for my neck.
Emily wants to be a ghost, but that just means wearing a sheet and going “Whoooo, whoooo” and she’s never going to win anything for that.
Could we borrow your dragons?
With them we’d be sure to win first place.
We would only actually need Ziggy and Arthur for one night, but Mom says you are welcome to stay for the whole week, as long as you don’t mind sleeping on the sofa.
Granny is staying for fall break, and I bet she would really like to see you, too.
Love from your favorite nephew,
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Wednesday, October 25
Subject: Re: Halloween
Attachments: I Oregon
Dear Eddie,
I would have loved to join you for Halloween. There are few things that I like more than tricks and treats. Sadly, though, I must stay here in Scotland because I am hard at work preparing for my trip to Oregon in search of Bigfoot.
However, Gordon has kindly volunteered to come in my place. I think he just wants an excuse to see your mother. He is always complaining about how much he misses her.
As you will see for yourself, Arthur is going through a growth spurt at the moment and hasn’t quite mastered the art of breathing fire. You may want to keep an extinguisher handy.
Thank you for the picture of your costumes. You both look lovely, but I can see why you need a little help. I’m sure the dragons will be just the ticket. If they aren’t, perhaps you could persuade your mother to buy you a new computer? Or a second-hand one? Surely they aren’t too expensive these days.
What a pity that I will not get to see my own mother. But please do send Granny my best wishes.
With love from your affectionate uncle,
Morton
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Thursday, October 26
Subject: Thank you!
Dear Uncle Morton,
Thank you very much for sending the dragons with Gordon.
I promise we will take very good care of them.
I know we’ve had a few disasters before, but this time will be different.
I just hope we win first place. The computer isn’t going to live much longer. It keeps moaning and groaning, and the screen has gone wobbly.
I asked Mom if she could buy us a new one, but she said single-parent families can’t afford luxuries like brand-new computers.
She said even a second-hand one would be too much for us in the current economic climate.
I asked what the current economic climate was, and she said gloomy.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: They’ve arrived
Attachments: Tams; Basket
Dear Uncle Morton,
Do you like our tam-o’-shanters?
Gordon gave them to me and Emily. He says we look like proper wee Scots.
He also brought lots of presents for Mom. We just ate some of the smoked salmon with our scrambled eggs.
Mom said it was the most delicious breakfast of her entire life, and I think it might have been mine, too.
I see what you mean about Arthur breathing fire. He’s already had a few accidents. But Mom said it didn’t matter.
I think she’s just happy to see Gordon.
Also, he peed on the carpet. (Arthur, I mean, not Gordon.) But you can’t blame him for that. He must have been desperate after driving all the way from Scotland.
When everyone has recovered, we’re going to make our costumes.
I’ve changed my mind about Frankenstein’s monster. I’m going to be an Egyptian mummy instead.
Emily is still planning to go as a ghost, and the dragons can just be themselves.
I’ll send you lots of pictures.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: HELP!!!!!!!!
Attachments: The proposal
Dear Uncle Morton,
We have a big problem, and we need your help.
This afternoon, Gordon asked Mom to marry him.
Obviously that’s not the problem. We all really like Gordon. Especially Mom.
The problem is he got down on one knee and pulled a ring from his pocket.
Then he said, “Will you marry me?”
Mom literally couldn’t speak.
If only she had said “yes” right away.
Then Gordon could have put the ring on her finger and everything would have been fine.
Unfortunately, Mom just stood there with her mouth open, staring
at the ring as if she’d never seen anything like it before.
Which gave Arthur enough time to fly across the room and snatch it out of Gordon’s hand.
I don’t know why he did that. I’ve never eaten a ring myself, but I can’t imagine it’s very tasty.
Even so, he swallowed it quicker than you could say “I do.”
Mom and Gordon tried to force Arthur’s mouth open and pull the ring right out again, which wasn’t exactly smart.
Gordon is very upset. Not just about his burned fingers, but also about the ring.
It belonged to his great-aunt Isla. She wore it every day for sixty-seven years.
Now it’s inside Arthur’s tummy, and we don’t know how to get it out.
Do you have any brilliant ideas?
Love,
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: Re: HELP!!!!!!!!
Attachments: A wee dram
Dear Eddie,
I’m terribly sorry to hear about Gordon’s great-aunt’s ring.
Unfortunately, I can’t imagine any way to extract it from Arthur’s stomachs. (As you will remember from reading my book, dragons have three.)
If I were you, I would simply keep Arthur indoors for the next couple of days. The ring is sure to progress steadily through his guts and emerge eventually in his poop. Make sure you check them thoroughly. Once you have washed the ring, it will be as good as new, if not even better.
To speed up the process, you could feed him some dried fruit. Figs or apricots would be perfect.
Don’t forget to keep all your doors and windows firmly closed. All would be lost if Arthur was allowed to leave the house and take flight. You would never find the ring again if he pooped in midair.
On a quite different subject, please share my congratulations with Gordon and your mother.
I hope they don’t mind, but I have already announced the good news to Gordon’s uncle, Mr. McDougall. Tonight we had a drink together in celebration.
Is Gordon planning to move south? Or are you all going to come and live in Scotland? I hope you do. I couldn’t imagine having nicer neighbors than you and Emily.
With love from your affectionate uncle,
Morton
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Saturday, October 28
Subject: The oven
Attachments: Potatoes
Dear Uncle Morton,
I asked Mom if we were moving to Scotland or staying here, and she said she hasn’t had a moment to think about the wedding, let alone where we’re going to live.
Mostly she’s been worrying about how to get the ring out of Arthur.
She said she was going to kill him. I am almost sure she was joking. Even so, I locked him in the oven.
He didn’t seem to mind. He just curled up and went to sleep.
I think he must have known it was for his own safety.
I would have liked to keep him in there until he pooped, but we’re having baked potatoes with dinner.
Mom said turning the oven on would be fine, Arthur or no Arthur, but Gordon wasn’t sure that was such a good idea.
I don’t think he was too concerned about Arthur’s personal safety. He just thought Arthur might explode, taking the ring with him.
So now he’s in a cardboard box on the kitchen floor.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Sunday, October 29
Subject: The point
Dear Uncle Morton,
Mom says we can’t go to the Halloween Parade unless we get the ring out of Arthur.
I asked why not, and she said we have to understand that actions have consequences.
I said that’s not fair because it wasn’t me and Emily who swallowed the ring, but she said that’s not the point.
I asked what was the point, and she said I should think about it.
I have been thinking about it. A lot. But I still don’t know.
All I do know is this: if we are going to win that new computer, we have to get the ring out of Arthur.
Do you have any other ideas apart from apricots and figs?
I’ve been feeding him both, but they don’t seem to be having any effect.
He just won’t poop.
What can we do, Uncle Morton?
We need that computer. We really do.
The screen on this one is flickering so much it’s given me a headache.
Also, the space bar fell off. I strapped it back on with Scotch tape, but I don’t know how much longer it will last.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Sunday, October 29
Subject: Blockage
Attachments: Stinky medicine; Granny
Dear Uncle Morton,
Today Arthur ate a package of apricots and a package of figs plus six sausages and two lamb chops, but nothing came out the other end.
Granny said cod liver oil would get things moving.
We had some in the bathroom cabinet, so I tried to give a teaspoon to Arthur, but he wouldn’t touch it.
Granny says hello, by the way. She arrived from Spain this morning.
She wants to know why you never go and visit her.
I said you were very busy with Bigfoot and the yeti and your dragons, and she asked what kind of son is too busy to visit his own mother, Bigfeet or no Bigfeet.
Also, she wants to know when you’re going to settle down and have some children of your own.
She thinks you should take a leaf out of Mom’s book.
I told her you have the dragons instead, but she said they don’t count.
Love,
Eddie
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Monday, October 30
Subject: Candy apples
Attachments: Costumes; How to make a dragon puke
Dear Uncle Morton,
The costume competition is tomorrow night. Our costumes are finished. Mine looks awesome, and so does Emily’s. I bet we’d win first place.
But Arthur still hasn’t pooped, so we’re not even going.
I can’t understand why he won’t. I’ve fed him about a hundred figs and apricots. Also, he had three candy apples.
Mom spent the afternoon making them. She said she needed something to take her mind off the ring.
I only ate half of mine. It wasn’t very good. But Arthur gulped down three of them without even blinking.
Granny said we should hold him upside down and shake him till the ring comes out.
I explained about Arthur’s new fire-breathing abilities, and Granny said she wasn’t scared of a few flames.
I said, even so, it probably wasn’t a good idea, but she did not care.
I really don’t know why Granny got so mad about her new shoes. If you fed me two packages of figs and three candy apples, then held me upside down and shook me, I would probably be sick, too.
Granny says if you had a scrap of decency you would come down here yourself and clear up this whole mess.
I don’t know whether she means the barf or the swallowed ring.
Maybe she means both.
But do you think you could do that, Uncle Morton? Couldn’t you just come here and sort things out?
We really do need some help.
Eddie
From: Morton Pickle
To: Edward Smith-Pickle
Date: Monday, October 30
Subject: Re: Candy apples
Dear Eddie,
I’m terribly sorry, but I simply don’t have time to come and help you. You wouldn’t believe how many books have been written about Bigfoot, and I am hoping to read them all before I leave.
At the same time, I am cleaning and checkin
g every inch of my camping equipment. Yesterday I found a big hole burned through the middle of my tent. Arthur must have had another accident while I wasn’t looking. I spent the entire evening sewing it up with a square of new canvas and some thick thread.
I am terribly sorry that he is proving to be so obstinate. I can only suggest that you try massaging his stomachs. Perhaps you can ease things toward the exit.
I hope the ring emerges in time for the competition and you manage to win first place. I shall be thinking of you tomorrow night.
What a pity that I shall not get to see my mother. Please send her my best wishes. I shall make every effort to visit her in Spain as soon as I can.
With love from your affectionate uncle,
Morton
From: Edward Smith-Pickle
To: Morton Pickle
Date: Tuesday, October 31
Subject: Costume changes
Attachments: Mummy; Devil; Witch
Dear Uncle Morton,
I wish I could say Happy Halloween, but it’s really not.
There are only a few hours until the start of the costume competition, but Arthur still hasn’t pooped.
I don’t know why we even bothered trying on our costumes.
I did what you suggested and massaged his tummy, but he didn’t like that one bit. In fact, he blew a big blast of fire directly at me.
Gordon says my Egyptian mummy costume looks even more authentic with a bit of smoke damage, but I know he’s just trying to be nice.
Luckily, I’ve got a skeleton costume upstairs in my closet, so I’m going to change into that.
Gordon’s costume is amazing. I never would have thought he could look like the devil, but he really does. He even has horns on his head and a forked tail that swings from side to side when he walks.