3rd World Products, Inc., Book 1

by Ed Howdershelt

  "So you saw nothing and heard nothing?"

  "That's correct, Ed."

  "Thanks, Elkor. Go back to the emergency link, please."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I looked at Linda. She wasn't visibly relaxing.

  "How can we be sure of that, Ed?"

  "Why the hell does it matter, Linda? We took a private ride and made love at the edge of space. It wasn't illegal. If anyone found out they'd just be envious."

  "But..."

  "Aw, hell, Linda. Worry about something important. We aren't kids. We did what we wanted and we didn't hurt anyone. It's our business. Stephie?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "If you recorded our lovemaking, erase it now, please. There, Linda. Better? I'm gonna get a beer. Want one?"

  "Yes, please. I wish you had something stronger. Ed, this was my first time in years. I didn't expect a goddamned audience."

  I shrugged. "Well, ya done good, ma'am. You had a good time and so did I, so let's put it to rest that way. From now on we'll be more careful."

  Linda said nothing to that and opened her beer with a vicious twist. Maybe that was her reply, come to think of it.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Stephanie said, "We've reached maximum height, Ed. Nine hundred and thirty-seven miles."

  "That's a bit more than Elkor quoted me as possible, Stephie. Elkor, confirm our altitude with Stephanie, please."

  "Stephanie is correct, Ed. Weight and near-equatorial mass were factors in achieving your extra altitude."

  Linda wasn't finished being distraught, but she asked, "Near-equatorial mass?"

  "Yes, Linda," said Elkor. "The Earth bulges slightly as it rotates. Recalculations indicate that you might be able to gain almost another three hundred miles of altitude if you were directly above the equator. That would be height above the actual surface, not the average circumference of the Earth. My original calculations were based on mean sea level."

  "Stephanie," I said, "Move us to the equator and see how high we can go there, please. We've come this far, and the equator isn't that far away."

  "Yes, Ed."

  Linda asked, "Why are we doing this, Ed? What's the point?"

  I looked directly at her and said, "Fearless Leader, I just want to do it while we're here, okay?"

  I capped the sentence with a hand gesture that meant 'later'. Linda nodded and leaned her seat back.

  "I guess so," she said. "Let me know when we get there, wherever there may be. We won't be able to tell from the scenery."

  Something seemed to splash brilliantly against the canopy. Linda gasped and covered her eyes with her arms, but the flash was already over. The image on my retinas told me that it had actually occurred several feet from the hull.

  "Stephie, was that a meteorite?"

  "No, Ed. It was a piece of fabricated metal too large to redirect around the field, so I had to destroy it."

  I tried to look around and managed to find Linda through the afterimage I was seeing. Bear had jumped into the nearest available lap - mine - at the flash.

  "What sort of fabricated metal? Can you show me a picture of it?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  A piece of our canopy displayed a projected image of what appeared to be an aluminum rod about fifteen inches long and an inch in diameter. The ends were flattened and holes pierced the flat spots. It was some kind of strut. As we looked at the image there was another flash, then another, from the front of the flitter.

  "Stephie, is there much more of this kind of stuff up here?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  There were several more flashes not far enough from the canopy.

  "Can you zap them a little farther away from us? A hundred yards or more?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "Please do so, then. Stephie, what kind of gun are you using? I didn't see anything when you fired."

  "My defensive systems include a directable particle-emission capability. It isn't a gun, Ed. It is redirected energy and sub-atomic particulate matter collected by my field."

  I looked at Linda. She was staring dead ahead of us.

  I asked, "Did you know flitters could do that, Linda?"

  She shook her head without looking at me.

  There were immediately several bursts of light farther ahead of us.

  "Why are we suddenly encountering all this stuff, Stephie?"

  "We're entering the path of debris from a destroyed satellite, Ed."

  I thought a moment and looked at Linda as I said, "See how much of it you can destroy, Steph. Shoot anything that is not a functioning, man-made device in a stable orbit within two thousand miles of the Earth's surface. Anything that is too big to be deflected by your field, that is."

  "Yes, Ed."

  Even as she spoke the sky immediately around us lit up with a myriad of flashes. She was obviously shooting the closest items first, but there seemed to be so goddamned many of them out there!

  The flashes began to recede into the distance and after a few moments there seemed only to be a rather constant flashing occurring in an area near the Earth's horizon in every direction.

  "Steph, how long can you keep this up?"

  "Indefinitely, Ed. I'm using ambient sources of energy and matter."

  "How long would we have to stay up here to get it all?"

  "Approximately ninety-one hours, Ed."

  "I don't think we want to visit that long, but keep shooting, Stephie. We'll get what we can while we're here. How much higher do you think we can go?"

  "Approximately another two hundred and six miles and four meters, Ed."

  "Approximately, she says. Okay, let's do it, then. Thanks, Stephie."

  Linda was staring at me. I sat up straight and stared back at her.

  "What, Linda? Can you imagine all that shit peppering another satellite or an astronaut?"

  Linda was grinning. She reached to pat Bear and said, "That's not why I was staring, Ed."

  I grinned back. "Okay... Then why were you staring at me just now, Linda?"

  She shrugged and her grin turned into a softer smile.

  "Oh, I was just marveling at the way none of this seems to faze you very much, Ed. You do realize how absolutely outlandish it is to be where we are and be doing what we're doing, don't you? You do realize that this isn't an arcade game or a movie?"

  I shrugged. "It was only outlandish before we had access to flitters and before we knew that they had serious defensive capabilities. Now it isn't, nor is doing something about some of the junk we've left up here over the last fifty years."

  "But, still..."

  At that moment there were several larger flashes above us and somewhat in front of us. The flashes were much larger than the ones from the debris in lower orbit. Then there was a flash almost on the horizon of the Earth below us that swelled to take up a good bit of the sky.

  "Jesus, Steph, cease fire! What the hell was that? Can you show us?"

  A picture appeared on the field. It appeared to be a space capsule of the type nobody had used since the sixties. Stephie rotated the view until we saw the USSR markings on the side of the object, then the cockpit. The cockpit?

  "That was a defunct spacecraft," said Steph. "The human within it was dead."

  Linda was stunned. "The human within it...?"

  "Oh, holy shit," I muttered. "I'll bet that was the Russian guy they couldn't bring back down in the sixties. No wonder it made such a big splash; one of those space capsules was the size of a small truck. Steph, are we on anybody's radar or anything like that?"

  "Yes, Ed. You didn't order me to not to allow detection."

  "Oh, hell. Well, from now on, stealth mode is your default operating mode, Steph. I'll tell you if I want it off, instead. Okay?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  Linda said, "Oh, holy shit, indeed. We just obliterated a Russian memorial."

  "It was a couple of thousand miles away from us. Let them guess about all the fireworks. Steph, how quickly can you get us back to the surface?"

&n
bsp; "We can be at the surface within twenty-two minutes, Ed, but you'll have to be seated for the journey. I'll use inertial dampeners to avoid damaging you."

  Twenty-two minutes?! Oh, WOW! I gotta read the manual on this thing!

  I looked at Linda. Her eyes were very wide. She shook her head 'no'.

  "You can take a ride like that by yourself, Ed. Don't even think about it."

  I gave Linda a wry grin and nodded. I was about to tell Stephie to take us back down the same way we'd come when Linda's voice filled the flitter like a whip crack.

  "I-said-'no',-Ed! I mean it! You will not drop this flitter like that!"

  "Okay, okay. Fine, Linda. Stephie..." I said.

  "Goddamn it! Don't you do it, Ed! I'm not kidding!"

  Linda had assumed I intended to take the quick route, even though she'd objected to the idea and I'd agreed. That lack of trust irritated me a bit even as I found her reaction kind of funny. I stalled a moment as I stared at Linda. She was truly scared, and was about to get out of her seat, so I tried to turn things into a joke to settle her a bit.

  "Aw, hell. My girlfriend's chicken, Steph. Ahead grandmother speed. Engage."

  "I don't understand 'grandmother speed', Ed. Please clarify."

  "Just take us back down the way we came up, Steph."

  "Yes, Ed."

  "Okay, Linda? See? I really wasn't going to do it just to scare you."

  Linda was wide-eyed and trembling from fear or anger or maybe both. I patted Bear and rubbed his cheeks and ignored her distress until she stood and came over to loom above us. When I looked up, she spoke in a low, forceful tone.

  "You can do whatever you want when you're alone in this thing, but don't you ever, ever, pull that kind of a fancy stunt while I'm aboard. Never, Ed."

  "I hear you, Linda. You don't think being a thousand miles up or zipping around faster than sound or shooting stuff in orbit are fancy stunts, but doing something else that's easily within Steph's parameters scares you shitless?"

  "It isn't the same thing, Ed."

  "It is to me. Just another damned fancy stunt, so let me up, lady. Forget it. It isn't happening this trip, but you can bet it will the next time I'm in Stephie by myself. You know, in all those years I don't think I've never actually seen you scared of anything."

  Linda's glare had softened a bit, but it hadn't disappeared. I turned my attention back to Bear, who had realized there was a problem and stood up on my lap. A few chin rubs and some patting reassured him enough to settle back down.

  Linda said, "Stephanie, would you make me a telescope, please?"

  The 'scope formed and Linda dragged it around the canopy to her chosen seat. I watched her zero in on the moon and fiddle with adjustments for a while, then I put Bear on the pilot's seat and said, "Stephie, take us back to the trailer, please, and if I'm asleep, wake me when we're five minutes away."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I said, "Linda, everybody's scared of something. Don't sweat it."

  She made no reply and didn't stop fussing with the 'scope. When I opened the cooler, I asked her if she wanted a sandwich. She shook her head slightly, so I made one for myself. When it was gone I stretched out on the sleeping bag and stared at the stars until I nodded off to sleep.

  Jessica Rabbit was calling me. I woke up and almost rolled over on Bear, who muttered a protest and moved just far enough away to avoid becoming a victim. When I sat up, I could see that we were approaching the piece of shoreline with the lime rock road that led to the trailer.

  "Thanks, Steph. Sorry, Bear. Didn't mean to almost mash my kitty, there."

  I realized a need to take a leak, but we were close enough that I could wait to get to the trailer or a tree. The telescope was gone and Linda was looking at me oddly. I checked my fly and my shirt buttons. Nope, no problem there. Linda turned away to face front without a word.

  "Well, good morning to you, too. Do we have a problem, Linda?"

  "No, Ed. No problem."

  "You sure?"

  "Yes, Ed. No problem."

  I wasn't convinced, but I didn't want to argue, either. I rolled up the sleeping bag and pillows and put Bear in his carrier. The cooler had already been repacked.

  Stephie stopped us a few feet from the Malibu and opened the canopy. I shoved the stuff we'd brought and Bear to the edge of the flitter and hopped down to open the car. The mosquitoes found me instantly, so I asked Steph to extend her field to cover me and the car.

  Linda stayed in her seat for a few moments, then jumped off Steph to go to the trailer. I put my stuff and Bear in the Malibu and then watered a nearby tree.

  "Steph, after you take Linda back to the ship, come find my house. Hover above it at an altitude of twenty miles and let me know when you're in place."

  "Yes, Ed."

  Linda came back out and hopped back aboard the flitter. She sat in the pilot's seat and coolly said, "It's been an interesting evening, Ed. I'll be going now."

  "Are you going to tell me what's bugging you, Linda?"

  "Maybe later, Ed."

  I stood looking at her for a moment, then said, "No. You got your way up there. We came down slowly. You got laid and had a great time of it, too, as I seem to recall. If you have some kind of a beef with me, tell me what it is."

  "I'd rather not go into it at this time. Let me get back to the ship, Ed."

  I gazed at her for a moment longer, then said, "Fine. I'll let you know what I've decided after I've had some coffee. Steph..."

  Linda interrupted my command to Stephanie. "Decided about what, Ed?"

  "I'd rather not go into it at this time, Linda. Take her to the ship, Steph."

  Linda was glaring at me as the canopy closed. Tough shit, lady. That's how it feels. I walked over to the Malibu as Stephanie headed away.

  When I got to the house I let Bear out, unloaded the car, and made a coffee. The place seemed unnaturally empty, which I attributed to Ellen's absence and the vibes I'd received from Linda.

  I gave some thought to the matter of what I might have done that would have changed her mood and manner toward me so quickly. Nothing came to mind that seemed significant enough to me, so I checked my email instead of devoting any more time to the puzzle.

  I forwarded a couple of WiccaWorks orders to Stone Circle for fulfillment and then hit the newsgroups. They were full of drivel and crap about trivia. No gleaming nuggets of interesting info stood out, or perhaps I just wasn't in the mood to concern myself with what there may have been.

  Stephanie's voice came through my watch.

  "I'm in place as ordered, Ed."

  "Thank you, Steph. Any difficulties?"

  "No, Ed."

  "Hold position, Stephie. That's where you'll be parking by default from now on unless I have reason to change your location."

  "Yes, Ed."

  When I tapped the corner of the pad and pulled up the syndicated news, the lead story was about something having happened to an antiquated Russian spacecraft that contained the revered remains of an astronaut.

  Theories abounded, but the most popular was one that theorized that a meteorite shower had hit it and somehow caused an explosion. The fact that no meteorite showers had been detected seemed not to be of consequence.

  That's good enough for me, y'all.

  I emailed a copy of the story to Linda without adding any personal comments, then sipped coffee and thought for a few moments before going out to the Malibu, tossing my watch in the trunk, and driving to the grocery store at Northcliffe and Mariner.

  A woman was using the pay phone, so I waited in the foyer of the store to avoid the Florida heat. When she finally headed into the parking lot, I went to the phone and dialed up Clark's offices. After the usual identification hoops, Clark answered.

  "Hi, Ed. What's up?"

  "Not much. I was just curious about something. Linda said you wanted to borrow me a few times. True?"

  "True. We needed an extra man or two now and then. She wouldn't go for it. I think she was a
fraid we'd try to make the temporary assignments permanent."

  "Huh. I thought she was just buttering me for something."

  "Nope. The last time I asked, she told me not to ask again. Politely, of course. Sort of. Politely for her, anyway. Why do you ask? What do you think she was trying to get you to do that required ego-stroking?"

  I decided to pretend ignorance for the moment.

  "Damned if I know, Clark. Nothing's come of it yet. You know how tough she can be about things."

  "Well, you two were an item once. Maybe she wants to see if you've still got whatever it was that I never had, Ed. If I were you I'd be hoping that direction. She's looking real fine these days."

  He laughed and I laughed with him, then I said, "Yeah, maybe that's all it was. Could be she had something in mind. I guess she'll let me know later."

  "Okay. Anything else, Ed?"

  "Nope. Can't think of a thing. Later, Clark."

  "Later, Ed."

  Apparently Linda hadn't made any transfer arrangements yet. That meant I was still working for her, regardless of our interlude among the stars. I drove back to the house and went inside, then remembered my watch and retrieved it from the trunk of the Malibu. I didn't put it back on my wrist.

  Instead, I set it on the coffee table and stared at it for a few moments as I sipped my coffee.

  "Elkor?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "How do I prevent Linda from calling me over the watch?"

  "At the moment, you can't, Ed. You can turn it off, but you can't specifically exclude contacts within the command structure."

  I nodded to myself. "Thought so. Just asking. Thanks, Elkor."

  "Are you and Linda having difficulties, Ed?"

  "Yes, but I don't know exactly what they're about, Elkor. If you ask her and she happens to tell you, maybe you'd share the info with me?"

  "If it isn't of a privileged nature, yes, Ed."

  "Thanks again, Elkor. Will there be any problems about my keeping Stephanie if I should really re-retire?"

  "No, Ed. Stephanie officially belongs to you."

  "Could I maybe get a replacement engine for her, just in case I live longer than she ordinarily would?"