3rd World Products, Inc., Book 1

by Ed Howdershelt

  Danny huffed up again and glared at me as I removed my hand from his drink. Charla giggled.

  "Well," said Danny, "He'd say something like that anyway, you know."

  Charla giggled again and patted his arm.

  "Think about it, Dan-Dan. Then think about it some more. Hit men don't let their targets drive away so they can go have a beer."

  Danny glared at me again.

  I grinned and said, "She has a good point, there, Danny. A good hit man would do the targets first, then do the beer somewhere else."

  Danny wasn't convinced. "You could just be trying to separate us. You could use her and dump her somewhere nobody'd ever find her."

  "I won't use her unless she allows it and I'll give her a ride home in any case, Danny. Scout's honor, and all that stuff. Want her to call you every hour? That'll have to do, 'cause you aren't coming along."

  Charla raised both hands and laughingly said, "Wait, guys. Just hang on a minute, here. Danny, you've done your duty and I'm a big girl. I'll see you tomorrow or I'll call you from somewhere, okay?"

  Danny's tone dropped to one of flat resignation. "You're gonna do it, aren't you? You're going with him, aren't you?"

  "I am," said Charla. "Thank you for caring so much about me, Danny. I really mean that. But I'll be fine. I really will. Okay?"

  He turned sullen. "No. It's not okay. I'll be worried sick, Charla..."

  I tapped on the table.

  "Danny, she'll be okay. I promise. Now drop it."

  Danny looked at Charla almost pleadingly. She shook her head and said, "I'll be okay, Danny. Thanks again."

  Charla sipped the rest of her martini and said to me, "I'll be back in a minute, then we can go."

  As she got up, I asked, "Anywhere in particular, ma'am?"

  She shook her head again and said, "No. Nowhere in particular yet. Let's just go for a ride in your Stephanie first."

  Charla headed for the restroom with the kind of quick, short stride that put everything in motion and made her legs stand out beneath the fabric of her skirt. Danny watched me watch her and said, "Oh, yes, I've seen that look before."

  When I turned to look at him, he put his hands up and said, "I meant that in the nicest way, of course. I just meant that... Well, Charla gets a lot of looks."

  "Uh, huh. Yeah, well, I guess she does, at that."

  When Charla returned I got up to accompany her to the door. Danny followed, of course. I turned around briefly along the way and stuck my almost-new beer inside my jacket, then got the door for Charla.

  When we got outside, I said, "Stephie, meet us in the parking lot, please."

  Seconds later Stephie settled to hover next to us. I handed Charla in, then stepped in myself and put my beer on the deck by the console. Danny stood by his car looking like a lost puppy. Charla looked at me questioningly.

  "Oh, hell," I said. "Come on, Danny. We'll buzz around a bit and drop you back here before we leave, okay?"

  He hesitated. "I've never been in a small airplane before," he said.

  "In that case, find something to use as a barf bag before you get in, and don't let Stephie hear you call her a 'small airplane'."

  Charla snickered. The snicker turned in to a laugh.

  Danny glowered for a moment.

  I said, "I'm not kidding about the bag. You've been drinking and I don't want to see what you've been eating since breakfast splattered on my deck."

  Danny looked around the lot, then snapped his fingers and opened his car's trunk to dig out a gym bag. He dumped out the contents and held it up. I nodded.

  "Keep that on your lap at all times and sit next to Charla in case she needs it, too. Stephie is a bit more than a regular airplane. To show you what I mean, I'm going to have her do a roll. Right here and right now. Are you ready?"

  "Belts!" blurted Danny, frantically searching around his seat, "SEAT BELTS?!"

  "Don't need 'em. Try to get up."

  I watched them both attempt to get up and then struggle to do so. As they struggled, I picked up my beer, sipped it, then put it back by the console.

  "Stephie, take us up to twenty feet and gently tilt us to port seventy-two degrees, please. We're going to see who's flying with us or not."

  "Yes, Ed."

  She did so. Charla and Danny gave little screeches and gripped their seats. After a moment, Charla slapped Danny's arm and pointed at my beer. It had remained by the console as if glued to the deck. Danny stared at the beer bottle, then looked up at me.

  "Stephie, let's complete the roll. Make it last twenty seconds. We don't want to upset anyone too much more than we already have."

  "Yes, Ed."

  Charla and Danny again gripped their seats as the roll commenced. The beer bottle and I remained standing by the console and the beer remained in the bottle as we rolled completely inverted and then back toward upright and level.

  Danny was breathing pretty hard by then, but at some point he realized the gym bag was still in his lap. He glanced at Charla's purse in her lap, then at me.

  I shrugged and said, "That's how it works. Stuff stays where you put it. Are you doing okay, Danny? You, Charla?"

  I received terse nods from each and one very tersely muttered, "Fine" from Charla. By then we were approaching the upright position.

  "Good enough, then. Does anybody want to get off, or should I take us for that ride now?"

  "I need to pee," said Danny.

  Charla giggled again.

  "Stephie, let us down. Okay, Danny. Whoops, wait a minute. It's your turn to buy a round. Charla, will you drink a beer?"

  Charla nodded rather distractedly as she studied the flitter.

  "Okay, Danny. Three Ice Houses. They won't want you taking the beer outside, but once you've got 'em, just run for the flitter. I guarantee they can't catch us."

  Charla gave a sharp laugh. Danny just stared at me from his seat.

  I said, "Uh, you're not stuck to your seat anymore, Dan. You can get up now. Three Ice Houses. To go."

  Danny looked at Charla. She made an impatient gesture with her hands and said, "Yeah, yeah. Go. Go. Hurry."

  "You'll wait for me? Really?"

  "Danny," I said, "Go pee. Buy us some beer. Haul ass. Now, please."

  He seemed to make up his mind and gingerly got out of his seat. Charla again urged him to get moving, which he did. As he trotted to the door of the bar I asked her if she thought he'd hold together in flight.

  "I think so, Ed. He didn't barf during the roll. If not, he's got his baggie."

  "Make sure he uses it if he comes unglued. He seems a bit excitable."

  "Are you just saying that because he's gay?"

  I looked at her and laughed. "Hell no. I'm saying it because he seems pretty excitable. He was ready to bolt from the parking lot and then the table. We'll take a short run, bring him back here to his car, and then figure out where to go. By the way, ma'am, if it comes to that, you use the bag, too."

  She gave me a sour look and said, "I won't need it. Your flitter has an unusual voice, Ed. I've heard it before. Someone from TV? The movies?"

  "Movies. Jessica Rabbit, but I toned her down a bit."

  Charla just looked at me for a moment, then started laughing. "I... I'm sorry, but I never would have guessed!"

  "Sure you would have, sooner or later. She's done some other good stuff, too. Fact is, I can't think of a movie she's made that wasn't good or good enough."

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I waited a few minutes, then moved Stephie nearer to the bar's door. Not long after that, Danny came running out with three beer bottles dangling from his hands. He jumped aboard, dropped into his seat, and said, "Go! Go! I think they saw me take the beer outside!"

  I grinned at Charla and said, "Stephie, take us to three hundred feet quickly."

  We were there so quickly that my passengers had to look over the side to believe it. Two guys came trotting out of the bar as I took the beers from Danny's nerveless fingers. I set two of t
he beers on the deck by their seats and put mine by the console.

  My first bottle was empty, so I told Steph to hover over the dumpster and I let it fall when the drop looked right. The dumpster was empty, so it made a horrendous noise. As the two guys came running around the back of the building, I told Steph to take us up to one mile of altitude and head us toward Carrington, which was thirty miles away and visible in the distance as a cluster of light.

  "At what speed, Ed?"

  "Six hundred, Steph."

  "Yes, Ed."

  The lights of Carrington seemed to grow and spread like tentacles as the streets and buildings became more visible. Three minutes later we were hovering over the center of town.

  Danny said, "God, I wish I had my camera for this..."

  His words trailed off as he turned to Charla. She smiled and patted his hand and said, "Maybe you can bring your camera next time, Danny."

  When she looked up at me questioningly, I shrugged and sipped my beer.

  "Sure, if I'm still here tomorrow, we'll go up again. After all that happened before you guys came back to the bar, I was going to go back home to Florida and mope on the beach tomorrow."

  Danny laughed. "Yeah, I can just see that happening."

  Charla laughed too, then sipped her beer. She stood up, made a production of straightening her dress from top to bottom, patted her hair as if it might be out of place somehow, and faced me.

  "Oh, Lordy," said Danny. "Stand back, everybody, she's turning it on!"

  Charla gave him a condescending smile and asked me, "What might possibly be enough to keep you here for another day, Ed?"

  "Well, you might try making me an offer I can't possibly refuse, ma'am."

  She looked at Danny with an expression of mischievous innocence.

  "Danny, whatever do you think he could mean by that?"

  Danny gave us both a weary glance and said, "Oh-ho... Nothing I've got, sweetie, but everything you've got. That man has a thing for you."

  Charla turned back to me, sighed deeply, and said, "Well, then, I guess I'll just have to give in so that poor little Danny can get another ride in the flitter and take his pictures. He'd just be heartbroken, you know. Absolutely heartbroken."

  Danny gave her a look of vast suffering and said, "Oh, yes. Heartbroken. That's her Betty Davis, Ed. Can you believe this shit?"

  "Not for a minute, Danny, but don't let her know that until afterwards, okay?"

  Charla grinned at me, then lightly smacked Danny on the head as she whispered loudly, "If you ever want to go shopping with me again, you'll help me catch this one."

  Danny quickly sat up, rubbed his head, and said, "Oh, yes, ma'am! I'll be fucking heartbroken, Ed! Really!"

  I laughed and said, "You two should work up an act and play Vegas. Stephie, circle the city twice in half an hour, then head us back to the bar parking lot, please."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I slung my jacket on the back of the seat next to Charla and sat down to watch the show with them. There's something about flying over a city at night that is fascinating, no matter how many times you do it.

  About halfway through the maneuver, Danny said, "You just tell the flitter what to do and she does it? What happens if someone else tells her to do something?"

  "Try it and see."

  Danny just looked at me. I realized he wasn't sure whether my words had been a threat of some sort.

  "Danny, what I meant was that she's keyed to me. You wouldn't be able to make her do anything."

  He gave an enlightened nod and seemed relieved.

  "But what if something happens to you? How do we get down?"

  "If something happened to me, Stephie would head for the nearest hospital in her data banks and begin broadcasting a distress call on the way. She'd tell those who answer such calls where she was going and why, and they'd call the hospital to let them know what to do. That kind of programming is in all of the personal flitters."

  When we dropped Danny at his car, he made Charla promise to tell him all the juicy details later. Once we were back in the sky, Charla said she wanted to go to her hotel.

  She said, "I want something to eat, something to drink, a bath, and you. We're both free tonight, Ed. Let's make the most of our freedom while we have it, because it never lasts. By this time next week I'll be in DC, looking for a new ladder."

  "I won't ask if it really has to be that way for you. You're bright enough to figure that out for yourself and your answer would have to suit your needs, not my opinions. Tell Stephie which hotel and she'll find it."

  The hotel was downtown, of course, so we wound up flying back to Carrington and maneuvering among the taller buildings to land in one of the pay parking lots near the hotel. The attendant only gaped briefly as we settled to Earth.

  He walked over, looked carefully at Stephie, and said, "That's gonna take up six spaces, at least. You want the all-night rate?"

  I said, "No, thanks. Stephie, wait upstairs, please."

  "Yes, Ed."

  She rose so quickly that street trash tried to follow her some distance into the sky. As the stuff rained back to the ground, the attendant's face fell open and Charla giggled as we walked toward her hotel.

  The desk clerk picked up the phone as we entered and spoke to someone, then hung up. When we got off the elevator we found two men in conservative suits waiting by her door. I pulled the stunner out of my back pocket as we approached and tucked it up my right sleeve.

  Without preamble, one of them said, "Miss Perrin, the man is unhappy."

  "He should be," said Charla. "I'm quitting. If there's nothing else, I'd like you both to leave."

  The other elevator door opened and a couple came out. They only glanced at us before heading down the hallway to their room. Neither man said anything more until the couple had entered their room.

  "We can't do that, ma'am. The man wouldn't like us to leave you alone until he's had a word with you."

  Charla looked at me and said, "I didn't think it would go this far."

  I held my coat open so they could see I had no gun and said, "Would it help if I showed you guys some ID?"

  I reached into my coat pocket as the spokesman for the pair was saying, "No, it wouldn't. Miss Perrin, open the door and let's all go in and get comfortable."

  Charla glanced at me and I shrugged. That put the stunner in my hand. I went in ahead of Charla and the two men followed us in. As soon as the door closed, I turned and stunned them both twice.

  "How the hell did you do that?" she asked.

  "Magic," I said.

  I checked for guns and found three. One guy had a .32 in an ankle holster. Both had badges, too, from a town near DC. I handcuffed them together, each man's wrist to the other man's ankle, put their guns on one of the beds, and asked Charla what she wanted to do next.

  "Leave," she said, "But first I want to pack and call the Senator."

  I put her six bags by the door when they were ready. The two guys were slowly waking up and discovering their predicament. The sight of Charla dialing the room phone seemed to wake them more quickly. When they saw their guns on the bed, one of them looked at his holster. The other didn't bother.

  Charla's voice behind me said, "Hello, Senator. Your goons will be just fine in a little while. No, you listen, sport. I have tapes and I have pictures. Your wife knows you fool around, but your adoring public doesn't. Leave me alone or my friends mail copies of everything to the media. Yes, friends, as in more than one. I told you I didn't want anything from you that I didn't already have. That's right. Nothing. Just let me alone. If you send anyone else or anything happens to me, you're going to be a cheesy footnote in American history."

  I tossed a cuff key to them and said, "Tonight, you're redcaps. On your feet and grab those bags. We're going downstairs. No talking, guys. You've got nothing to say that I want to hear."

  One of them moved at me as soon as he was halfway onto his feet. I stunned him lightly and his legs gave out in mid-lunge.<
br />
  "Look, guys, I could knock you out and leave you naked in the hall, chained together like good buddies, and turn your guns and badges in at the front desk on our way out. How would that look in the news? You can cooperate and save yourselves some trouble. We just want to leave and we want some help with her luggage, okay? The guns and badges stay here, but we'll give you the room key when we let you go."

  Charla was on the phone again, but this time it was a cell phone.

  "Hi, it's me! I'm back at the room and two of the Senator's men were here to meet me. I don't know. Probably just to scare me and get rid of my new friend. No, we're fine. We're leaving now. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. Yes. I'll call you every day and you know what to do if I don't. Okay! Bye, sweetie!"

  I thought a moment. Linda was always in need of political pressure points.

  "Charla, call a number for me and bring me that phone, please."

  I gave her the number and waited three rings until Linda answered.

  "The Senator," I said. "Goons with guns. Interested?"

  Linda said, "Talk."

  I told her what had happened in the room and asked if the Senator had been kind to her and the factory project as a whole. Linda said she'd send some people over and that we should wait in the room. Before I could agree, she hung up.

  "Change of plans," I said to Charla. "We wait a few minutes, then leave."

  Fifteen minutes later, Linda showed up with four people; three men and a woman. They bagged the hardware on the bed and took charge of the Senator's men, then Linda had each of us dictate a quick report. Charla didn't mention calling anyone other than the Senator, so I didn't, either.

  When Linda asked whether or not Charla wanted protective custody, Charla said she thought she probably already had some of that and indicated me.

  Linda didn't bat an eye at that. She said, "Sitreps daily as long as she's with you, Ed. Let us know if she needs covered. This is business. We'll leave watchers in case the Senator sends anyone else tonight when he doesn't hear from his people. Are you staying or going?"

  I looked at Charla. She looked around, shuddered, and said, "Going."

  Linda nodded, then herded her crowd out of the room.