Live In Position

by Sadie Grubor

  Making, baking, and decorating cupcakes seemed more difficult when there was so many. The heat from the oven and moving around the kitchen finally caught up to me. I tossed my sweater on a chair leaving me in my super baggy jeans and a white tank top. My socks had already been tossed on the floor earlier in the evening, in hopes the cool tile floor would relieve the heat. I had my IPod ear buds in and was moving a little to the music, squeezing icing onto the most recently cooled batch. Movement in my peripheral vision scared me.

  I squealed and clenched my fist around the icing tube, resulting in a huge glob of green on the counter top. One hand on my chest and my eyes shut tightly, I tried to calm myself. Finally opening my eyes, I could see his lips moving, but all that was coming out of his mouth was Bob Marley. I bit my lip so not to laugh and pulled my ear buds out.

  "Sorry, I couldn't hear you." I held up the ear buds. "I didn't realize you were there." I smiled lightly and started scraping the icing off of the countertop. The only sound in the room was the splat of the icing glob hitting a nearby plate.

  I didn't have to look to know he was still in the room with me. The mixture of chill and pull buzzed between us. The fidgeting began, but I snapped myself out of it. It really bothered me how he could invoke the reaction from me. Finally I took a deep breath and turned my head toward the source of my irritation. His eyes were as intense as always and I furrowed my brow at him for a moment. The green orbs were not the familiar hard emeralds, but a swirling pool lime distracting me from my irritation.

  "Was there something you needed Dr. Bishop or did you just want to help decorate some cupcakes?" I broke the trance enough to speak. His eyes shifted from my face down my body and then back up to my face. The hard emeralds returned.

  "Could you please try to keep your clothes on when you are walking around the shared areas of the house?"

  My mouth gaped open for a moment and then I snapped it shut. He gestured to my sweater and socks hanging on the chair. I looked down at myself. Then anger boiled up from pit of my stomach.

  "I am clothed Dr. Bishop." I turned back to the cupcakes and tried to take my anger out on the icing tubes, instead of reaching for a bible and beating the antichrist.

  "I do not wish for you to roam around my home barely clothed."

  I slammed the tube of icing down on the counter and spun around. Gasping I backed against the counter when I realized how close gotten. He wasn't three feet away and his eyes were again swirling limes. I swallowed hard, fought the seduction of his eyes, and found my resolve.

  "I got overheated with the oven on for so long. I do not roam your home half dressed."

  Quickly I turned back to the cupcakes before I lost the little resistance I had found. I could have sworn he stepped closer to me. Close enough for me to feel the heat from his body and his breath against the back of my right shoulder. I didn't dare turn around. Then it was gone, the heat, the breath, and the buzzing tension. I finally released a breath in reprieve of his departure, using the cupcakes to distract me from over thinking what just occurred.

  The school party was interesting, to say the least. Each teacher had two helpers assisting them with fifty children. I figured there would be games, kids eating snacks, maybe a gift exchange, and other typical kid things. I was wrong, way wrong.

  In place of games there was a small orchestra, they played a multitude of Christmas songs. Then Santa arrived, but the kids didn't cheer or express any of the excitement that was obvious in their eyes. Instead they sat patiently until there name was called upon for them to approach Santa. There was no sitting on his lap, only approach, say hello and thank you for the present.

  After Santa left the children were organized into groups and the treats were passed out, but instead of on plates they were passed out in boxes and bags. Each child ate one thing and then it was time to listen to the librarian at the school read 'The Night Before Christmas'. And, well, that was it. I was seriously waiting for the Twilight Zone theme to start playing.

  When Victoria and I left her school that afternoon, which was also the start of her winter break, I didn't hesitate in my next idea.

  "So, what do you say we go see the real Santa Claus?" I looked at her quickly and her head snapped toward me.

  "The real one?" She contemplated. "That wasn't the real –"

  "Heck no, that was just a helper." I smiled broad.

  I quickly drove her to the large department store that always had a huge set up for Santa. It even included Rudolph. Once we parked, I helped her out of the car and we maneuvered through hundreds and hundreds of shoppers to get in line.

  "He's the real Santa?" Victoria looked up to me in awe.

  I nodded.

  "Yep, he only makes it out on one special day and today's it. That's why we had to hurry to get here." She turned back around, practically bouncing with excitement.

  When it was her turn she got really shy and didn't want to go, so I grabbed her hand and we walked to him together. She hesitated to sit on his lap, so I had to show her how it was done.

  "See Victoria, this is how you do it." I smiled broad, sat down on Santa's knee, and then gestured for Victoria to come over.

  She walked slowly, but got on his other knee and told him what she wanted for Christmas, though she whispered it into his ear so I couldn't hear her. A picture was taken, both of us sitting on Santa's lap.

  "Your turn," She smiled.

  "My turn?" I raised my eyebrow.

  "Tell Santa what you want for Christmas." She said it like I was stupid.

  "Oh…well…" I turned my attention back to a chuckling Santa. "I want Victoria to get what she asked for." He chuckled again and handed us both candy canes before we were ushered away for the next child's turn.

  We stood for a few moments waiting for our picture. I got one for myself and one for Victoria. Before we headed back to the car and drove home, I decided to hit a few departments while we were there.

  Since I hadn't heard a word from Dr. Bishop about Victoria's Holiday Musical Recital, I figured he was not coming or he just would show up if he so desired. In my opinion he was an ass, so I could care less. At least that's what I said, though thoughts of him still nagged at the back of my mind.

  We picked out a red velvet dress with a white long sleeve button up shirt which had ruffles around the cuffs and the collar for her to wear tonight. She had on white leggings and black Mary Janes. She looked positively adorable with her hair curled to perfect ringlets and a large black bow pinned to the side of her head.

  Victoria had to be there an hour before the recital began, so we left at five thirty for the hall chosen. The inside was beautiful. There was balcony seating though I was pretty sure no one would sit up there since there seemed to be enough floor-seating to accommodate a children's recital.

  During the car ride I could see her nerves starting to work on her. Once we had arrived and gone back stage her nerves had her stomach hurting and she wouldn't let me leave her side. I stood there diligently next to her trying to calm her with small jokes, but she just kept looking at me with widened eyes and a pale face.

  "It will be fine. You are great and will show them how great you are." I smiled encouragingly at her.

  "I can't do it." She barely spoke out loud. She shook her head. "I can't go out there in front of all of those people."

  "Don't be silly Victoria you can do it. You're a Bishop." Both our heads turned to see Allison heading toward us in quick steps. She knelt down next to Victoria. "You hold that head up high and go out there, okay?" She smiled broadly.

  Victoria shook her head, fear filling her eyes with unshed tears.

  "There will be no crying. You will get out there and show them just how wonderful you are." Allison smiled at her, but her tone was demanding.

  "Hey, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." I pulled Victoria to stand in front of me, so I could get her full attention. I heard Allison gasp, but didn't care. "But you can do this. You have all this courage b
uried inside of you. Just let it out." I tapped her nose with my finger.

  Victoria's nerves were starting to ease slightly, but not enough. The person acting as stage manager came over and told her she was up next. Instantly the tears were welling up in her eyes. She turned to me panicked.

  Allison had stood up tall by this point.

  "Victoria you will go out there and do this. Everyone is waiting on you. We all came to see you play. Now you don't want to disappoint your family do you, Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Jonathan, Aunt Larissa and Uncle Max? Do you?"

  She bit her lip to keep from crying and shook her head. I had had enough.

  "Are you insane?" I stood up facing Allison. Her shocked face turned to me and then she glowered at me. "Don't guilt her. She is just a child."

  "Who do you think you are?" Allison started to yell, but when the stage manager shushed her she dropped to a lower yet still pissed tone. "You are not her mother, so don't tell me how to talk to my niece."

  "I may not be her mother, but I am with her more than you are. I take care of her and care that you are laying guilt on a seven year old child because of who your family is. It's ridiculous." I snapped and then turned my attention to Victoria. Instantly my face softened. "What do you want to do?"

  "She is going to perform that's what she is going to do." Allison grabbed Victoria's arm and walked her toward the stage. "Are you ready? This is so exciting."

  "I can't go out there." Victoria started to cry.

  Allison halted her steps and looked down to Victoria with a sad expression.

  "Don't cry baby, please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." I could tell she was upset at herself, but I was still too angry.

  "Victoria," the stage manager announced her name, "you are up."

  I moved to her side and turned her to look at me.

  "What do you want to do?"

  "I don't want to disappoint –"

  "Forget everyone else, what do you want? Do you want to do this, because if you do then….well, then we'll do it together."

  Her face lit up. "Together?"

  I nodded and stood. I held out my hand and after she took it, we headed out on stage.

  "Miss…" the stage manager hissed in a hushed tone. I ignored him and we headed out as her instructor announced her name.

  I straightened out my plum colored wrap dress and sat on the Bench next to Victoria. She looked up at me with large happy eyes. In the small glance we shared, nothing else mattered. I could care less if hundreds of people thought I was crazy or if Dr. Bishop would fire me for embarrassing him and his family. All that truly matter was that Victoria began to play and she was phenomenal.

  Once her piece was complete she stood at the edge of the stage and bowed to the crowd. I clapped from the Bench. She turned from the crowd of applause and walked back to me, taking my hand and walking us off stage. The minute we were through the curtain and I picked her up and swung her around.

  "I told you! You were amazing! You did sooooo well!" I laughed and she giggled as we spun.

  "Thank you Sophia," She hugged my legs after I setting her down.

  "What are you thanking me for? You were awesome." I rubbed her back.

  "You came out there with me." Victoria looked up at me with her arms still around my legs.

  "That was nothing." I waved her off. She was still holding on. "You are going to have to let go so I can walk." I laughed and she let go.

  We walked hand in hand toward the waiting room for those finished performing. After another hour, all the performers were pulled back out on stage for one last bow before they could head to their families. I grabbed Victoria's hand and walked her down the side stairs and out into the crowd of people.

  "Oh dearest, you were so fantastic!" Mrs. Bishop walked quickly toward Victoria. She stopped in front of her and patted her head. "Wonderful darling, just wonderful. Don't you think so Connor?"

  I looked over her shoulder and saw a white haired gentleman, who was obviously older, but still extremely handsome.

  "Yes, yes, she was amazing. Come give grandpa a hug." He knelt down to her and Victoria hurried to wrap her arms around his neck.

  "Connor, please, you are making a scene. Put the girl down." Mrs. Bishop snapped. Well that right there shed some light on the coldness in the house I now lived. It's not every day you can say you met the mother of the antichrist.

  "Come Victoria, we are taking you out to dinner." Allison grabbed Victoria's hand and then looked over her shoulder to glare at me. It took all the muscle I had to not narrow my eyes and stick my tongue out. Did Satan have a sister?

  "What about Sophia?" Victoria halted her steps.

  "What about her? Now come on." Allison insisted.

  Victoria released Allison's hand and ran up to me.

  "Are you coming with us?"

  "Oh, Victoria, thank you, but this is for family okay?" I smiled and rubbed her cheek.

  "I'll see –"

  "You are family." She looked at me with a sad expression and my eyes widened. I couldn't bring myself to look around at her families faces. I knelt down and kissed her forehead.

  "Thank you, but you should go. I'll see you when you get home. Now, go get your Aunt Allison, okay?" She furrowed her brow and then nodded slightly.

  "Okay." Her words were just above a whisper and I felt horrible for pushing her to go with them, but they were her family. As I stood up I instantly felt the tension and groaned internally. He was here.

  "Sophia?" I turned to see Dr. Bishop standing there. "Can I speak with you for a moment?" I nodded and he started to walk away from the crowd. I followed. Stopping abruptly he turned to me. "Did you yell at my sister?"

  I bit my lip and furrowed my brow.

  "I'm afraid so." I wasn't going to lie.

  "That's it. That's all you have to say?" He looked at me confused.

  "What do you want me to say? That your sister had Victoria on the verge of a mental breakdown before going on stage and I got angry, or do you want me to lie and say I was being irrational and yelled at her?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

  He stood looking at my face with the same familiar intensity, but with a mixture of emotions splayed across his beautiful face before he resumed his familiar stoic expression.

  "I apologize for arguing with your sister." I spoke quickly and then turned to go. He didn't stop me.

  Once in the car I screamed at the top of my lungs to alleviate some of the tension and then slouched into the driver's seat. After the moment it took to regroup, I started the car and headed to the house.

  I was sitting in the living room of my suite when I heard them come home.

  "Victoria, don't run." His normal icicle tone was in effect.

  "Sorry, daddy." I heard her feet on the stairs. Getting up, I headed out to meet her at the top of the steps. She saw me and ran the other half of the steps.

  "Don't run." I laughed. "You're going to get in trouble."

  She giggled.

  "So, how was dinner?" I asked as she hugged me.

  "It was good, but I wish you would have come. It would have been more fun with you there." She headed toward her room and I followed. Then I felt the tension and heard his footsteps behind me. Ignoring him, I kept my course.

  "Let's get you changed for bed, okay?" I headed to her dresser and pulled out a nightgown.

  "Okay." I could hear the zipper on her dress. "I can't reach." She whined.

  "I'll help you." I spun around and then stopped when I saw him standing in her doorway.

  "Yes?" I managed to choke out.

  Victoria froze when she saw her father standing there.

  "I, uh, I wasn't aware Victoria had invited you to dinner tonight. Not until we had gotten into the car and you were gone. You could have joined us." He rubbed the back of his head.

  "That's alright. It was a family thing, but thank you." I returned to the task at hand and walked to Victoria. I had her zipper completely taken care of when she spoke.


  "I told you, you are family." She turned her big eyes on me.

  I ruffled her curly hair.

  "Thank you. I think of you as family too, but still tonight was for you and your family. We'll do our own family thing tomorrow, I swear."

  "Nanny swear?" She smiled large.

  I nodded with a big smile on my face and a light chuckle. I stood up and pulled her dress over her head, but while her arms were trapped in the dress with her head covered I tickled her sides.

  "Ahh…stop," She laughed. "Quit it!" She laughed harder. I stopped and finished taking her dress off of her. Turning to toss it in the hamper I realized Dr. Bishop was in the way. I snapped my wrist too late and couldn't get the fabric back in my hand. The dress hit him in the face.

  "I am so sorry." I spit out. "I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you had left when I started to undress her. I am so…"

  He lifted a hand.

  "It was an accident." Then I think for the second time since I've met him, his face cracked into a smile, but I couldn't be sure. Victoria burst into laughter and I tried to get her to stop.

  "That was so funny!" She laughed and then I couldn't help but let the laughter bubble up and out of my mouth. "You hit daddy with my dress," She giggled out, "In the face!" Tears formed in her eyes.

  "I," laugh, "really, laugh, snort, laugh harder, "don't mean…" laugh, "to…" laugh "laugh!"

  Victoria and I broke into a larger giggle fit and had to sit on the floor to try to catch our breath. I thought I heard a masculine chuckle, but when I turned my head back in his direction he was on his way out the door. Once he was gone we laughed even harder.

  Christmas was approaching quickly and Allison had already informed I was expected to be around. Apparently the Bishops held a Christmas party at the house. During the day was for all of the family and the evening would turn into an adult get together with friends of the family. However, I couldn't think about the Bishop party when I had to focus on Victoria's school play.

  With Victoria in full costume we came down the stairs to leave for the play. When I reached the bottom of the stairs we ran into Dr. Bishop.