Live In Position

by Sadie Grubor

  "There is no baby." I stated.

  "Well, then can I have a puppy?"

  Both Collin and I dropped our heads down looking at her batting eye lashes. I couldn't help it. I burst into a fit of hysterics. The entire situation had become humorous and I laughed hard. Victoria looked at me oddly and then gave Collin the same look when he started to laugh.

  "Did she just ask for a puppy?" I laughed out. He nodded.

  "Yes, just between flower girl and baby sister." We roared with laughter.

  "What's so funny?" Victoria whined.

  Once we calmed down, I felt we should really talk to Victoria about things. I was pretty sure she wouldn't be going back to see Grace again, but if the court social worker started asking questions about mine and Dr. Bishop's relationship I wanted her to have the answers she needed. We sat with Victoria between us on the couch in my room.

  "Victoria, Sophia and I are –" she cut him off.

  "Kissing?"

  "Well, um, we have, but we are not getting married." Our eyes met briefly. "Yet."

  I opened my mouth, but closed it. That was a conversation for another time.

  "But you were kissing," She stated matter-of-factly.

  "Yes, but –" It was my turn for her to cut me off.

  "Then you have to get married. If you kiss then you should get married."

  "Listen, Sophia and I are more like boyfriend and girlfriend right now. Perhaps one day there will be a wedding. We will have to wait and see. Do you understand?"

  She nodded.

  "Good. Do you have any questions?"

  She opened her mouth, but I cut her off this time.

  "Besides wedding and baby questions."

  She closed her mouth. I could see the wheels turning in her head.

  "Is it okay for me to come to your room if I can't sleep?" She looked up at me.

  "Of course, I'll be right where you always find me."

  Her face twisted up in confusion.

  "You aren't sleeping in daddy's room?" She looked up at me curiously.

  Collin suddenly gave me the same look, but with pleading in his eyes.

  "No, sweetheart, this is my room. All of my things are here." I couldn't bear looking to Collin's face, fearful of what I would see in his eyes.

  "For now," Collin added.

  Victoria and I both looked up at him.

  "Grace slept in Daddy's room though."

  Now that was something I had really been trying not to think about. She was really making a great case for me to stay in my own bed. There was a small rumble from Collin's chest.

  "We will have your things moved to the master bedroom." My eyes flashed from Victoria's face to his eyes, which were hard and dared me to defy him.

  "Do I have to get a new nanny?"

  Her question pulled me from the argument about to unleash between Collin and me. Worry lines on her face quickly softened my demeanor.

  "I, uh, no. I am still, um, I'm still your nanny." The words were stumbling out of my mouth.

  "But you kiss my daddy? Miranda didn't kiss my daddy. Wait, did Miranda kiss my daddy too?" Her eyes widened.

  I felt the heat rush into my face and shook my head.

  "Can't you be my mommy now?" Little hands gripped my upper arm and tugged. "Please?"

  "I'm not your mommy sweetheart." I pulled her into a hug hoping it would reassure her that I cared about her deeply.

  "Victoria," both she and I looked to her father, "she is still your Sophia. She isn't going anywhere and I promise not to hog all her attention." He winked at her. She giggled.

  "My Sophia," she whispered and wrapped her arms around my waist, burying her head in my stomach. I hugged her tightly in return.

  "Nanny swear," I whispered.

  She shook her head in disagreement.

  "Sophia swear." Her smile lit the dim room. My heart felt like it would burst.

  We sat that way for a few more minutes before finally getting up from the couch. Dr. Bishop had some things to tend to in his office, while Victoria and I went down to work on dinner together. She didn't ask any more questions or make any more requests, but there was an obvious excitement around her.

  It was beyond frustrating trying to get her settled into bed, going on and on about babies and weddings. The one good thing about her incessant talk about babies was that it reminded me to make an appointment at the health clinic for birth control. While Victoria showered I typed a reminder into my cell phone.

  Once she was dried, dressed, and brushed, I got her into bed. During the middle of her second bedtime story Dr. Bishop entered. He kissed her head and told her goodnight before stepping back out. Not five minutes later her eyes fluttered and closed. For a couple of moments I lie next to her just watching her sleep.

  This little girl had infiltrated my entire being from the moment I laid eyes on her. I didn't think I could possibly love anything more than her, not ever. With a quick kiss to her cheek, I left her.

  Back in my own room I set about getting a shower. My thoughts were wild with the events of the day, Victoria being left alone in the middle of a park, picking her up at the police station, her discovering her father and me. With my palms against the tiles in front of me, I bowed my head and allowed the hot water to fall over my back.

  My mind couldn't rest. What would've happened if someone else had gotten to her first? What if no one would've found her at all? Anyone could've swooped in on her and taken her away without much notice of her abduction. Fire tingled at my belly, spreading to my fisting hands.

  Stepping out of the shower and into the towel-wrapping embrace of Dr. Bishop, my head fell against his chest. His hands rubbed slowly up and down my back, allowing me to cry out my pent up frustration and fear. He wiped the tears away before leading me out of the bathroom.

  "I talked with my lawyers this evening." I turned from my dresser, holding the towel to my body with one hand.

  "What did they say?"

  "First, they told me to press charges against Grace, which I'll be doing." He ran his hand through his hair as he sat onto the edge of my bed.

  Slowly I stepped toward him. The moment I was within arm’s length, he reached out, pulling my body to him. His fingers dug into my hips before he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face to my chest.

  "I'll be leaving first thing in the morning to file charges at the police station." His head didn't move from my chest. I cupped his right cheek.

  "It will all be fine. She's home and I would hope to God the judge wouldn't dare allow Grace to see her again." My words had transformed from soft and soothing to ground out through clenched teeth.

  "My lawyers are pretty certain Grace's case ends here. However –" I didn't like the sound of that.

  "However what?"

  He cleared his throat. "If Grace does have photographs as she stated, well, we don't know what the judge is going to say to that."

  "Oh." I let me hand drop from his face. Panic flooded me and every bad scenario, regardless of how irrational the thought was passed through my head.

  "Oh god, I told you this shouldn't happen." I tried to step back, but his hold tightened.

  "Don't." The command made me freeze. "Don't do that." He stood from the bed and pulled my face to look up to his.

  "There is nothing wrong with what is going on between us. We want to be together and we, well, I'm happier than I've been in a long time." My head started to shake, but before I could protest he continued.

  "Sophia, I have my daughter more in my life than ever before, because of you. My daughter is the happiest and liveliest I have ever seen her, because of you. And I have never," he paused, staring into my eyes, "loved someone as much as I love you."

  I couldn't breathe. He loved me? He couldn't possibly… His lips pressed to mine returning me into the firm embrace of his arms.

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pushed up onto my tiptoes. The towel fell from my body and pooled into an Egyptian cotton pile at my feet. Wa
rmth spread across my body where his hands touched my bare skin.

  Slipping my hands under the hem of his cotton shirt I could feel the toned planes of his back. I worked my way toward his shoulders and in one swift motion he removed his shirt, pulling me against his hard chest. The moment we were skin on skin he growled and tightened his hold.

  Collin lay us down onto the bed. He pressed his body and hardness against my thigh. Then it vibrated. Either he has some amazing skills or something in his pocket was happy to get me naked. I felt the vibration again. He growled, but this time in anger. Yanking his cell phone from his pocket he looked at the screen.

  "Shit," he sat up and looked back at me, "it's the lawyer's office. I should probably –"

  "Answer it."

  His eyes perused my body slowly with a lick of his bottom lip. He put his phone to his ear.

  "Hello?" he was stern and cool, all business.

  Oddly enough, it was turning me on. The stern ordering tone he used sent goose bumps across my skin.

  I shook the thought off, rolling to get off the bed. Long strong fingers wrapped around my thigh. Looking up to him in surprise, he shook his head. I smiled and pulled his hand away. He frowned while I hurried to dress.

  "I understand," "I will meet you there tomorrow," "How soon can we arrange the mediation?"

  Sitting on the bed with my back against the headboard and Collin at my feet, I waited for him to finish his call.

  "Of course," "Obviously I want it as quickly as possible," "Let me know," "Good bye," He ended his call.

  "Everything okay?"

  He took a deep breath, exhaling it loudly.

  "He is going to meet me at the police station tomorrow and then he'll begin filing the motion to address the current circumstances." Collin tossed his phone onto the side table and turned his body toward me. A grin spread on his face and his cool emeralds blazed. "I didn't want you to get dressed."

  "You weren't the one damp and naked. It was a little cold." I rebutted. He began to crawl up my body.

  "Hmmm…only damp?" He paused. "I would have guaranteed you were wet for me."

  My mouth fell open. This naughty side to him was definitely intriguing. I wanted him, but there was also something important I wanted to discuss. My body pulsed when he pulled me down flat on the bed.

  "Collin?" The tone of my voice must have given away the seriousness of my next statement because his grin fell from his face.

  "So help me God Sophia if you are going to call us a mistake or tell me how wrong it is I will strangle you with my bare hands." His cold icy tone emerged and while I knew he wouldn't really strangle me, a part of me cowered in fear.

  "No, it's not that. I mean I still question…" the hard angry look on his face deterred me from finishing that sentence. "Anyhow, I was wondering, where was the court appointed chaperone person that was supposed to be with Grace and Victoria? Wasn't she there?"

  Collin moved onto his right side, propping his head upon his hand. He pulled me against his chest.

  "We are looking into that now. I suppose I could ask Victoria about it tomorrow. She was there when I left Victoria with Grace, but it's something that's bothered me as well." His left hand was rubbing from my hip to the side of my breast and back. The rotation was causing a throbbing ache between my thighs.

  "You don't think Grace did something to her, do you?"

  "I don't know, but I don't like this situation at all." Suddenly he rolled to his back. "How could she just leave her? Why is it that she can just walk away without a care or two thoughts about who gets hurt?"

  The current situation was his disguise, but, deep down, we both knew he was referring to both Victoria and him. My heart was conflicted between ache for him and unreasonable jealousy that she could still affected him. Of course, guilt made an appearance since I shouldn't feel jealous. Grace was, after all, his first love, Victoria's mother, and had hurt him deeply. I was pretty sure he no longer loved her, but his hurt still prevailed.

  Not knowing what words to say, all I could offer compassion. Slipping my arms around him, I pulled him to my chest. No more words were spoken; we simply lie in silence until sleep claimed us.

  Three days had passed since that horrid Sunday. Dr. Bishop was either working or attending to legal matters. There was still no date set for the mediation and he wanted quicker results. Victoria was back in the routine of school and after-school activities.

  With no immediate errands to run, I sat in the dance studio waiting area listening to women discuss their lives. One woman's eldest daughter was going to Yale next year, another was getting a face lift, and one woman was going to be a grandmother. The grandmother statement stuck with me. Then it slammed into me.

  My period, oh god, I missed my period. Wait, did I? When was it due?

  My hands fumbled as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, my shaking hands dropping it onto the floor. The group of woman gave me a look of annoyance when the 'F' word slipped from my lips. Once my hands were stable, I pulled up the calendar and started counting.

  Oh dear anti-Christ! Two days. Instantly I felt nauseous. I groaned. I was an idiot. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

  "Are you sick?" The sound of Victoria's voice brought my head back up. I forced a smile.

  "You done already?"

  She nodded, but looked at me curiously. Taking her hand I practically drug her to the car. The drive home was interesting.

  Victoria seemed to be in her own little universe in the back seat, while I swore every person walking down the street had a baby or a large round baby bump. The urge to pull over at every pharmacy we passed was almost too great, but how would I explain it to Victoria. I forced myself to go straight to the house and resigned that I would take care of everything tomorrow.

  It was fine. It would all be fine. I was overreacting. I mean it was only a couple of days. It's not as if I had never been late before. I had, right?

  I was antsy and distracted for the rest of the day. Barely being able to think straight I couldn't even cook. I decided pizza was the best option for dinner.

  If there was ever a night I wished Collin was working or away on business, it was tonight. However, since God now shunned me for cavorting with his arch nemesis, Collin got home just when the pizza arrived.

  He no longer hid any type of affection between us. Pulling me in to kiss him after he walked through the door with Victoria watching was nothing new. But what he didn't know was that my mind was still on 'Code No Flow' alert.

  "Are you okay?"

  I nodded and walked away. Pull yourself together before you get Victoria's hopes up and Collin…oh damn, what would he do or say?

  "Sophia?" The heat of his hand upon my shoulder pulled me out of my troubles.

  "Yeah," I spit out too quickly. He eyed me suspiciously.

  "She's been like that all day." Victoria sounded annoyed as she climbed up on a barstool.

  "Are you not feeling well?" Collin was immediately concerned and searching my face and body for injury or signs of illness.

  "I'm fine," I waved them both off. I hadn't sounded as believable as I had hoped. "Just a little tired." I tacked on for good measure.

  I went about getting plates, cups, drinks poured, and pizza served. All of this was done while under the scrutinizing emerald stare of Dr. Bishop.

  Once everyone was finished eating, me having picked at one slice the entire time, I took my time cleaning up. Victoria went to get a shower and pajamas on.

  "What's going on?" His hard cold tone caused a shiver against my spine.

  "Nothing, I'm just tired." I shrugged and didn't dare look at him.

  "Don't lie to me."

  I knew that tone, the voice I hadn't heard as of late. He was angry and cold. It was like an arctic blast against my back. But I couldn't tell him, not until I was sure. With a deep breath I turned around to face him.

  "I'm tired. Maybe I am coming down with something." I shrugged. Yeah, I was coming down with the spawn of Satan.


  Eyeing me for a brief moment, he walked away stiffly. He wasn't buying it and I was dreading being alone with him. A coward, I was a coward.

  That night I stayed with Victoria in her room reading her the original story of 'The Little Mermaid' by Hans Christian Andersen. She was shocked to learn there was a version other than Disney's and I was happy to introduce her to a classic. About three chapters in, she fell asleep. With a sigh, I left her to peaceful sleep and went to my own room.

  Pulling my night shirt down my body, I felt his presence in the room. Without saying a word I walked into the bathroom. Once my face was washed and my hair and teeth were brushed, I stepped back into my bedroom. He sat at the edge of my bed looking at me with familiar intensity.

  "Are you going to be honest with me yet?" His cold tone almost made me stiffen.

  "It's nothing," I shook my head and made my way to my bed. As I pulled back the blanket to climb under he grabbed my hand.

  "Please Sophia."

  My heart fluttered with ache at the sound of his appeal.

  "I'm late." I mumbled and climbed into bed.

  "What do you mean you're –" He paused as realization crept over his face. I covered mine with the blanket and groaned. The blanket suddenly slipped from my fingers and my eyes flew open.

  "Are you sure?" The gaze of his eyes on me was almost interrogating.

  "Am I sure that I'm late? Yes." I threw my arm over my face.

  "So, you aren't sure that you're pregnant?"

  "No. I'll handle it tomorrow." My voice had fallen into a shaky whisper.

  "Why didn't you come to me?" His fingers wrapped around my arm and pulled it from my face. I kept my eyes closed.

  "Because, I wasn't sure. There's no need to worry you about it until I have a definite something for you to worry about."

  "Look at me." I refused. "Look at me." He meant business now, so I opened my eyes. "You should have come to me."

  "Why? So you can worry about something that may not even be an issue? That's stupid. I'm not going to concern you about a mistake you –" The deep scowl that formed on his face halting my words.

  "Mistake?" he growled. "You believe my child would be a mistake?"