Live In Position

by Sadie Grubor

  "If we were truly engaged you would wear a ring. Don't you agree?"

  I couldn't help but notice the look of victory on his face, as if he had still gotten me to agree to marriage.

  "What about Victoria?" I glanced up from the new ring on my finger to his eyes.

  "We'll tell her we're engaged. There's no reason not to, since you won't be going anywhere, regardless." His eyes gleamed in satisfaction and the half smile was intoxicating.

  "But —"

  His lips cut me off and I melted into his body. A giggle pulled us apart from one another. Both of us looked to the kitchen door; Victoria.

  "Hi," she smiled wide.

  "How long have you been standing there?" I eyed her playfully and pulled away from Collin. She giggled.

  "Who taught you to eavesdrop?" Collin asked her.

  Her body stiffened slightly as he walked toward her with purpose. When his fingers found her sides, the stiffness was lost to wiggles and giggles. My body filled with warmth at their display.

  I was thankful Collin didn't just blurt out news of our 'engagement'. Instead Victoria carried her backpack to the table and began her homework. Collin left to his office after kissing my temple and whispering a promise to talk later. Carefully slipping the ring into my pocket and out of Victoria's sight, I began dinner.

  Later that evening Victoria became curious about today. Her questions started while we towel dried her hair.

  "Do I have to see Grace again?"

  I pulled the towel from her head and turned her to face me.

  "You will only see her if she comes here to visit you. Your father or I will be present when she is here."

  I sat on her bed and pulled her between my knees, facing away from me.

  "Do you think she will come?"

  There was no mistaking the worry in her voice, but there was also the hint of hope. How could she not hope her mother would want to see her, regardless of the situation? Honesty was all I could give her.

  "I don't know." Wrapping my arms around her shoulders I squeezed her tight. Swallowing the tears threatening to spill, I put her back between my knees. "Can you hand me the hairbrush please?"

  She handed the brush over her shoulder to me and stayed silent. I only hoped she wasn't upset or stressed out over the situation.

  "Can you hand me a hair tie now, please?"

  The hair ties were passed over her shoulder, just like the brush. The silence was killing me.

  "So, what do you have going on in school tomorrow?" I attempted to change the subject.

  It worked a little. She started to talk about some projects and science experiments they were working on in class. Her usual enthusiasm wasn't there, but at least she was talking. Once tucked into bed, I left her room.

  Back in my own room I started my nightly routine. After showering, drying, brushing, and dressing, I decided to kill some time going through my mail. There wasn't much and I had only killed about ten minutes. Sighing heavily I walked to Collin's room.

  Stepping through the open door, I found him sitting in one of his chairs with the news on the television and his laptop on the table in front of him. He was wearing his glasses and paying attention to the news. I walked over to the other chair and sat down. It got his attention.

  "Hello," he smiled.

  "Hey," I pulled my feet up under me and leaned onto the arm of the chair.

  "What's wrong?"

  I shrugged. "Victoria just isn't herself tonight and I don't like it."

  "Is she okay?" The concern his voice was genuine. I took some comfort in that.

  "Yes," I nodded. "I think she is just worried that Grace will and won't want to see her."

  "I see." He dropped his head. Then his head came back up and he looked to me.

  I had so many questions about today, before I was coaxed into an engagement.

  "I did what I thought was the best to keep everything I love." My eyes met his.

  "I know," I breathed out.

  "I want to tell Victoria tomorrow, before she hears it from anyone else." His eyes searched my face. I could only nod in agreement, though my stomach flipped.

  "Where was the chaperone?" It was the one thing that bothered me the most about the entire situation. He sighed.

  "Apparently, she received a call that there was a family emergency. The person told her he was a police officer and she was needed immediately at the station in regards to her son." He ran his hand through his hair. "She was panicked and supposedly Grace told her she would contact us to let them know the situation."

  I opened my mouth to argue that she should never have believed Grace, but then I could only imagine the state a mother would be in when she is faced with the fear of her child in trouble.

  "I can't prove it, but I believe Grace set up the whole thing, for some reason."

  "Grace set it up? How could she know..?" then it struck me, "There wasn't an emergency."

  He shook his head.

  "When she reached the station they told her they didn't know what she was talking about. She tried to call Grace multiple times and by the time she got back to the park everyone was gone." His hands rubbed roughly over his face. "She thinks it was Grace as well, but she has no proof."

  "Do you really think she would go that far?"

  "I wouldn't put anything pass that woman." His face hardened.

  "But why would Grace do it? What could she possibly have been doing?"

  It was confusing. She got rid of the chaperone, yet instead of just taking off with Victoria, she left her alone in the park. Why not just excuse herself from the two of them to do whatever it was she did?

  "I don't know," he growled out, "but she won't have the chance to do anything now that she has to have one of us present in the house with her visits, if she visits Victoria at all."

  He suddenly sounded so exhausted. I stood and grabbed his hand, pulling him up from the chair. Releasing his hand, I removed his black rimmed glasses and returned my grip to his hand. Guiding him to the bed, I pulled him down with me. We wrapped up in each other, the side of his face against my chest, and quickly fell asleep.

  The next couple of weeks finally brought with it some normalcy, as well as the tell-tale signs of fall. Halloween would be upon us again in a little less than a month. However, what I hadn't expected was to come home after an afternoon running errands to my room being empty. My things were just gone.

  It took me a few moments, but then I stomped to Collin's room. Surprise, there were all of my things. My clothes were on one side of his oversized walk in closet, a small desk had been set up with all of my writing materials and my laptop, as well as all of my other things distributed throughout the room like they had been there all along.

  In a moment of pure anger with his controlling behavior, I grabbed a laundry basket and filled it with a lot of my clothes, my notebooks and laptop, along with some of my other things. I drug all of it back to my room and plopped down onto the couch. It took me some time to get things set back up, though it wasn't all of my things, just some essentials. By the time I was finished, it was time to pick up Victoria. When we returned, Collin's car was in the driveway. I swallowed my anger as we entered the house.

  Victoria's evening routine was the same and there was no sign of Collin. I was partially thankful because I was sure there would be no holding back my anger, even in front of Victoria. That was something I definitely wanted to avoid. Once she was in bed, I went to my room and stayed there.

  It didn't take long for him to attempt to enter my room. When he realized it was locked, he was forced to knock.

  "Sophia?"

  I opened the door partially, just enough to see him.

  "Yes," I snapped.

  "What is going on?" He eyed me curiously.

  "Nothing," I shrugged and pulled the door open more.

  He took in the things returned to my room.

  "Why are your things back in here?"

  "Why do you still think you can make decisi
ons for me?" I countered. His eyes became cold and focused in on mine.

  "I told you I wanted to move your things –"

  "What about what I want Collin?" I snapped.

  "You don't want to –"

  "That's the point." I growled. "You have no idea what I wanted, because you didn't think to talk to me about it."

  "You're right, I apologize, now let's get your things –"

  "No," I tried to shut the door in his face.

  I was pissed. He was still just doing whatever he desired and I was tired of feeling like a child to him. His hand stopped the door and pushed it back open.

  "Sophia, this is ridiculous." He stepped into the room. "The rest of your things are in my, our, room."

  "Oh, you can have those things if you want them so badly. I have what I need." My tone was challenging. I hadn't realized it at first, but now I knew, I wanted this fight.

  "Don't be absurd. I don't want your things, I want you –"

  "Well, you treat me as if I am just another thing." I snapped.

  "I do not –"

  "What happened to my car?" I countered. "Where are my things?" I couldn't stop. "You decide what I will drive, you decide where I sleep, you decide if I work for you, and you decide you are going to miraculously be engaged to me!" My chest heaved as adrenaline rapid fired through my veins like gunshots.

  "I...I didn't mean to –"

  "How many times do I have to bring it to your attention before you listen to me?" I threw my hands in the air when he didn't respond. "What the hell is the point? I might as well not even be here!"

  I hadn't meant it the way he took it. His eyes enlarged in fear and shock and his jaw clenched tightly.

  "You're leaving." It wasn't a question and it sounded like an order. My confusion sent panic to spread over me.

  "You want me to leave?" I whispered out and braced myself for his response.

  "That's what you just said." He choked out.

  "No it's not."

  "You said you might as well not even be here. Are you leaving us?" I knew he really meant him.

  "That's not what I meant Collin." I covered my face with my palms and sat onto the couch.

  "Then why would say that?" I felt his approach.

  "I said it because you act as if I am not here when I speak. I told you before about controlling everything. We argued about it and now you just do it again, only a little higher on the control scale." I sat back and rolled my head around, trying to relieve some tension from my muscles.

  Silently, he sat down on the coffee table in front of me. Nothing was said for a couple of minutes.

  "I don't know what to do." He barely spoke the words aloud.

  "About what?" I looked at him in confusion.

  "I'm not good at this Sophia and I'm terrified you will be gone at any moment." He ran his hand through his hair. "I suppose I'm trying to hold onto you as much as I can so you don't leave."

  "I would never just leave Collin." I placed a hand on his knee.

  "But you could leave," he whispered out.

  "Anyone could leave, but it's not my plan, unless you want me to."

  He grabbed my hand as I slid it from his knee.

  "I don't want you to go, ever."

  "You say that now." I smiled small.

  "I mean it forever." He was nothing but serious.

  There was no mistaking his intentions. I knew this was a major point. I'm not completely sure how I realized it, but I had. Collin Bishop was planning to marry me. The evidence was all over his face and in his words. If I didn't want marriage, Collin, Victoria, and possibly more children, then this was the moment I needed to end everything. Either I walk away now or stayed for the duration. I pulled him toward me and wrapped my arms around him, accepting my future.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  The following morning brought a newly started tradition, Collin, Victoria, and I sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast together. The only thing different about this morning was the conversation about to take place.

  "Victoria?"

  "Yes, daddy?" She looked at her father with eyes of adoration.

  "Sophia and I would like to talk with you about something. We also want your honest feelings, okay?" She nodded nervously. Collin cleared his throat.

  "Sophia and I have become engaged." He paused and we both gauged her reaction.

  Her eyes looked glazed over for a moment, but then a fire lit in them and a large grin spread across her face.

  "You're getting married!" She jumped from the chair and jumped into my arms. "Can I be in the wedding? I want to be the flower girl. Please, please, please? Can I call you mommy now or after the wedding?"

  "Slow down Victoria, we are not planning a wedding at the moment. It will be a long engagement." I tried to back pedal a little.

  She crinkled her face in confusion.

  "What Sophia means is that we will be taking some time to plan things, so it will most likely not be very soon." Her face fell at Collin's words. "I promise you will be our flower girl." She perked up a little at that.

  "What about calling you mommy?" She turned expectant eyes on me.

  "Sweetheart, I'm not –"

  "I don't see an issue with it." Collin blurted.

  My shocked eyes shot to him. I scowled.

  "What?" He looked at me confused. "I figured you would like it if she did."

  "Oh, I want to call you mommy, can I please Sophia? Please?" Her hands were clasped like she was saying a prayer, but instead this little red headed angel was begging to call me her mother. The antichrist sat across from us with a large smile on his face.

  "I'm not sure you should –" She halted my words with a large pout of her bottom lip. "Okay." I surrendered.

  "Yes," she cheered and threw herself into my lap. "Thank you so much Soph…mom!"

  My heart skipped a beat the instant she called me mom. I only wondered what kind of result this was going to have with his family.

  "I've got a mommy, Sophia is my mommy," she sang as she sat back down to her breakfast.

  For the rest of the morning, up until I dropped her off at school, every question or response was accompanied with mom. "Yes, mommy." "Mommy, do I have to go to dance tonight?" "No, mom." It was almost humorous.

  The drive back to the house was quiet which only allowed my mind start going over everything. In less than a year I had started a new job, fallen in love with a little red haired girl, finished my book, fallen for my boss and silently agreed to marry him. I groaned into the empty silence of the car. How did so much happen and what the hell could possibly happen next.

  I never should've asked myself, because two weeks later a guest arrived in the Bishop home, an unexpected guest.

  Victoria was in her room, cleaning up all the art supplies she had gotten out for a school project, and I was working on dinner when the house alarm went off. My first instinct was to run to Victoria, but when I got to the bottom of the stairs I halted. There at the alarm pad stood Allison.

  "Goddamn thing! Why did he change the code? Christ!"

  Slowly approaching her, she didn't hear me. I reached over her shoulder and punched in the code. She jumped to the side.

  "Jesus, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She was her typical grouchy self. The phone rang. I hurried to answer it.

  "This is Charles with Cole Security Systems—" I cut him off.

  "Sorry Charles, it was a false alarm. There is no emergency."

  "Can I have the password mam?"

  "Password?" I questioned.

  "Yes I need a confirmation –" the phone was pulled from my ear.

  "Grace," Allison spit into the phone and hung up. Her eyes turned to me. "I see you are still here."

  "I see you are still in a bitchy mood," I countered, returning to prepping for dinner.

  She gasped. "I can't believe you haven't been fired yet." She huffed.

  I ignored her.

  "Where is Collin?" She spat.

 
"Work," I answered curtly.

  The twins rushed into the kitchen.

  "What are you making?" Gregory questioned.

  "It smells so good," Michael added.

  I turned and smiled down on them. They had grown so much, looking so much like Jonathan.

  "Well, tonight is spaghetti and meatball night. I may have just enough for you two as well." I smiled large.

  "That sounds good," Will entered the kitchen with a backpack on.

  "Hey, how are you?" I stirred the sauce. With a quick glance I realized Allison had left the room. I relaxed a little.

  "Good," he smiled.

  "Come on boys, your mother wants us to get settled in a room." He looked at me nervously at the completion of his sentence.

  "You guys are staying here?" My eyes were wide.

  He nodded. "Yeah," then he gave me a small apologetic look.

  I gave him an understanding smile.

  "Well, it will be fun to have people around again." I winked at him.

  "Sophia," I almost cringed at the sound of her saying my name. I turned to look at Allison.

  "Yes?"

  "Put together a salad. I am not much for pasta."

  Now, I really had no problem with the salad, because hell there was already one made to go with dinner, but the flippant way she 'ordered' me was annoying as hell.

  "And tomorrow, could you please make something a little healthier?" The snobby sound of her voice made it clear this was another order.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off by a surprise voice.

  "Sophia is not the cook or the maid for that matter. She doesn't function on your command." Collin stepped into the kitchen and looked down at his sister's shocked expression.

  "Since she will be making dinner regardless, I don't see the problem with—" He stopped her by putting his hand up.

  "Allison, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need, you know that, but you will respect Sophia."

  I was still internally grumbling over 'as long as you need', when he continued.

  "Also, you can have the suite to stay in." I wanted to sink into the floor or suddenly become the invisible woman. "There will be more room for you and the boys. Though Will and the boys are welcome to a separate guest roo—"