The Fallen Queen: (Gods & Monsters Book 2) (The Gods & Monsters Trilogy)

by Janie Marie

  “That’s not true, Jane.”

  She didn’t look at him as she continued, “He said he knew you, and you would throw me away once you saw what I really was.”

  “Oh, my love.” David turned her to face him. “You know that is not true. You are my Jane. Whatever it is inside you, we will fight it. If there is a way to remove it, we will. If not, that’s okay; I will still love you and stand by your side.”

  I love you, she thought suddenly, crying as that realization filled her heart up so much it burst but somehow was instantly put back together when she stared into his eyes. She gasped, wanting to tell him, but she couldn’t. The words were held back because of one man. Death.

  It broke her heart. She accepted he had given her up, stopped loving her, abandoned her, but she still loved him. She couldn’t stop, and she could not tell David while she felt this way. He wanted her to himself, and she couldn’t let go of her deadly angel.

  She threw her arms around his neck, sobbing against his shoulder as he hugged her tight.

  “I love you, baby,” he said, kissing her shoulder.

  Jane closed her eyes, her tears soaking his shirt as she swallowed the words she wanted to say to him: I love you, too.

  Lucifer narrowed his eyes at the servant who had brought Jane and David their meals. The woman would not shut up about how much she looked up to Jane or how beautiful she thought she was. She also wouldn’t stop blabbing about how brave she, and others at the fortress, thought Jane was for saving Artemis.

  “How did you hear so many details about that?” Jane asked the chambermaid.

  “Oh, at the banquet tonight,” the chambermaid said, gathering dirty items around the room. “Odin began telling everyone in attendance of the incredible power Sir David’s Other harnessed, and Thor insisted he recount the battle. He told everyone how you fought while injured with silver, and you even took on infected wolves without a weapon! To have that sort of bravery and strength, not to mention, goodness in your heart, to risk your life when you were already injured . . . Incredible.”

  David placed a plate down for Jane. “I have told her the same. Perhaps she will believe it from another.”

  Jane smacked his hand when he stole a fry from her plate. “You have your own food.”

  David ate the fry anyway, grinning. “You were the one who insisted I try these fried potatoes. It is your fault I enjoy them.”

  Lucifer sighed from where he stood, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed; he didn’t enjoy watching their playfulness with each other.

  “Well, order fries for yourself,” Jane said, stuffing several of them into her mouth.

  “Would you like me to bring you some, Sir David?” the chambermaid asked as she carried a basket of dirty linens to the door.

  David waved her off as he grabbed his own plate. “No. Thank you, Hela. You may leave.”

  Lucifer focused back on Jane, watching her as she moaned while chewing her food. The woman confused him. He knew why she jumped from one emotion to the next, never a middle ground, but he was surprised to see her so happy after everything that had unfolded. None of this was in his plans for her, but she was still on the path he had chosen. He still had time.

  “She was very nice,” Jane said, smiling at David.

  “Yes, she was the other maid I was telling you about. I asked her to take responsibility for our room.”

  “Oh, good. I didn’t like the other one. I’m not sure I can deal with someone so pretty throwing themselves at you. Hela’s pretty, too, but she’s not looking at you like she wants to jump your bones.”

  David chuckled. “I would throw any woman off me, but, yes, the other one was unpleasant. Don’t worry about her, though, I expressed that I did not want her returning to our room unless it was absolutely necessary.”

  Jane was quiet as she ate. Lucifer studied her healing cuts and bruises. He wasn’t pleased to see her injured so severely. There would be consequences for those responsible. He did not want her marked up like this.

  Lucifer glanced at David as he chugged a blood ration. The knight was proving him wrong at every turn, but he knew David would make a mistake soon enough.

  Pushing off the wall, Lucifer approached Jane’s side. Only she would hear him and assume it was her own thoughts as he whispered in her ear, “You are thirsty, Jane.”

  She licked her lips and slid her gaze over to David. Lucifer smiled as she sighed, her cheeks flushing the more David drank.

  “Is your hunger bothering you, baby?” David asked, placing his mug aside.

  Jane shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”

  “Why don’t you finish eating and then I’ll feed you?”

  Again, Lucifer went to her side, this time touching her temple as he whispered to her, “Remember.” He then pushed the memory of her and David nearly having sex into her mind, and he grinned when she pressed her legs together and released a shaky breath.

  “I’m full,” she said, making Lucifer chuckle.

  David watched her, a faint smile forming on his lips. “Baby, I promise I will feed you and give you whatever you are craving, but I want you to eat. You have not eaten properly for days.”

  Lucifer leaned away, realizing the knight was correct. He always forgot she needed sustenance other than blood.

  “Okay,” Jane said, reaching for the seafood on her plate.

  “Okay,” David said, chuckling as he finished his meal. As he got up to set his plate and mug on the cart left behind, he spoke again. “Are you really okay, though? I can tell when you’re thinking too much. Is it what Odin said or something else?”

  She frowned and looked at David. “I always think too much.”

  David lay on the bed and scooted close enough to rub her back. “I know you have trouble shutting down your thoughts, but I can see you focusing on something. I don’t think it’s Odin, though. So talk to me.”

  She sighed as she picked at her napkin. “There are several things, including Odin, but I keep trying to figure out why all of this is happening. You have so much faith in us—in God’s plan—but I don’t see it. I’m thinking maybe Odin is right. If I was meant to save us, why would I already have something evil inside me? Why would I go through the things I have all my life? I have prayed; people always said pray, but I have. And I have never received an answer.

  “It’s hard to believe in God, even knowing about angels, because I don’t understand why. Why are things the way they are? If God loves all of us, why am I hurt like this? Why won’t He answer my prayers, and why has He allowed the things that have happened? I just don’t get it. I’ve tried going to different churches in the past, and I would sit there, listening as they spoke of sins, but they never spoke about the victims. I hated how they offered nothing but forgiveness to the one sinning. They were almost rewarded for admitting they’d done awful things, but unless you had cancer or a backache, you were ignored. It was all about the person who did wrong. I felt judged, abandoned. Like I, and everyone else like me, were just there to be hurt so people would sin and be forgiven.

  “I prayed and prayed because so many people, whether they were ministers or just churchgoers, often said God spoke to them—I wanted that. I wanted answers or just to know I wasn’t forgotten. Yet, every Sunday, the messages were aimed at saving people who made bad choices. I don’t know how many times I watched people praising God because someone walked to the front to be prayed for because they were struggling with some sort of sin. Why the fuck wasn’t it people like me—people who were hurt by those individuals? Really, if you didn’t have an ailment or you were sinning, God had no message for you. I remember one time getting so mad when they started service and someone walked up to talk, saying the Holy Spirit spoke to them. They said the Holy Spirit told them someone there needed to be touched by God. I thought ‘maybe this is it!’ Then they said there was someone suffering with back pain, that God knew they were hurting, and they should come up to receive prayer.”

  She scoffed,
throwing her napkin on her lap. “I had fucking back pain! I had headaches so bad I’d throw up all freaking day—so bad I could barely see, but I still got up, took care of the babies, went to work, whatever, and I never even asked for help with that. But I watched a woman go up and everyone clapping as twenty people went up to pray for her back. She was freaking walking, so it wasn’t like she was paralyzed. I mean, I was sorry she was hurting, but I didn’t understand why that was focused on. It’s like emotional and mental issues don’t even matter at church or even to God.”

  Lucifer chuckled, amused with her rant. He didn’t expect this from her, and he enjoyed watching her question her faith. She had a lot of hate and bitterness that she’d been keeping to herself.

  “I cried so many nights, begging for help. I begged for the bad thoughts and memories to leave me alone. I begged for Wendy to be healed. I prayed to be a better mom, to make Jason see how much he was hurting me, and I just wanted a sign. Any kind of sign or guidance, and I got nothing.”

  She wiped a tear that suddenly fell and went on, her voice cracking as she spoke. “I stopped going to church when they were talking about porn addiction. Jason was with me that day, and I watched him as he listened. They did talk about the strain on marriage, but, as usual, it was all about the person addicted. When they called people to come up, they called for those struggling with either porn addiction or distraction with the flesh.”

  She wiped away more tears. “Several men went up, and again, people came to pray for them, laying their hands on them as the minister praised their bravery. He didn’t ask for those affected by their husband’s addiction. There was no mention of how devastating it could be for the other person. Nothing.

  “I still prayed while I sat there. I prayed Jason would change like these other men were. I thought it would be a sign if he stood and walked up there, but he didn’t. He sat there, nodding his head, not looking at me even though I know he saw me staring at him. That was the day I decided I would not go back to church.”

  “Oh, my love,” David said, taking her hand.

  Jane started speaking again, more fiercely as she avoided looking at David. “I still believed in God. I still prayed. I even tried to get Wendy to believe.”

  “She didn’t believe in God?” David asked, sitting up to pull her closer.

  Jane shook her head. “She didn’t believe in anything. She said it was a nice idea, but she couldn’t believe there was a loving God when she was dying and all she wanted was to live and raise her boys. She thought I would hate her for not believing, but I promised her I didn’t. I told her I just wanted to know I would see her again because I always heard people who don’t believe go to Hell. Still, she couldn’t believe. How could she when she was dying after praying to be healed? Because she did pray. Just like me, she didn’t have an answer. Just like me, bad still came no matter how good or beautiful she was. No matter how much she wanted to live her life, she suffered and died.

  “So, now I’m wondering again, why? What did I do wrong? What did she do wrong to deserve that? Why am I some sort of chosen one but left to deal with this all by myself? I see you dead, David. I see everyone dead by my hand sometimes, and I don’t understand. God would not let all of this happen to someone He loved. So, I can only assume I’m not loved. All those people were worthy enough to receive redemption and comfort, but I wasn’t.”

  David kissed her temple. “That’s not true. You are good, baby. You are so strong and definitely loved by God.”

  She shook her head and scoffed. “I love my children, David. If we are God’s children, He should protect us, comfort us when bad things happen, and definitely try to heal us when we are broken.”

  “Weren’t you, though?”

  Jane stared ahead of her, looking right at Lucifer, giving him a glimpse of the inferno roaring in her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  “Who was with you when you were broken, when bad things happened?”

  “No one.”

  “Jane,” David said in a serious tone. “I do not think Death would appreciate hearing that.”

  Her mouth fell open, but she stayed silent.

  David smiled as he caressed her damaged arm. “The most powerful angel God has ever created stayed by your side when you had no family, when you cried as a girl and as a grown woman; he comforted you the only way he knew how. The most powerful angel did his best to protect you from demons and saved your life over and over again. An angel who is not meant to feel any emotion, somehow figured out how to comfort you as a child and eventually fell in love with you, allowing you to feel loved when you thought no one loved you. You were never alone, Jane. Even when you didn’t know it, Death was there for you. You were never forgotten.

  “Now, I do not think God ordered Death to go to you, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence he is in your life. I believe God gave you what He has given no other soul: the love and comfort of His most powerful and beautiful angel.”

  He lifted her hand and kissed it. “He picked me to come into your life, which happened to be the moment Death was called from your side. God picked me to love you, and He knew I would never give up on you. He did not send evil after you, but He gave you the best men to love and protect you. He gave you a best friend whom you would cherish beyond death, and He even put Jason in your life. Things may not have worked out between the two of you, and Jason is responsible for a lot of your pain, but he is the only man who would give you Nathan and Natalie. Those precious children were chosen to have you as their mother, and all those times you suffered from illnesses or sadness, they were your reason to get up, weren’t they?

  “You are loved fiercely by God, Jane. The question should never have been: why you, why did these things happen, or to give you a sign—or even making you ‘better’. The question you should have asked is: what is it you want me to do, Father?

  “You were shaped into the most beautiful person I have ever met, my love. Every terrible event impacted you and influenced the woman I see now. I do not think God would put Death in your life if you had no worries or sorrow. Everything that happened to you has led to another, and your greatest tragedies seem to have brought you closer to God than you ever imagined possible. It just doesn’t seem that way when you are tormented so much that all you can feel is sorrow, anger, and hate.”

  Her stunned expression matched Lucifer’s as the silence grew uncomfortable. He glared at David. This would only bring her hope and peace, and both would ruin everything.

  David slid Jane her plate and kissed her temple. “Eat, Jane. You don’t have to say anything, but what I have said is yours to hold onto. Believe in God as you believe in my love for you. One day it will make sense, and I believe then you will be at peace.”

  She smiled sadly, wiping another tear but reaching for her food again.

  “That’s my girl,” David said, giving her one more kiss. “Would you excuse me for a moment?”

  “Where are you going?”

  David chuckled as he got off the bed. “I need to piss, Jane.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” She blushed and looked down at her plate. “Go ahead.”

  Again, David chuckled, but he walked into the bath suite and shut the door.

  Lucifer approached Jane and looked her over as she ate. He could tell she was pondering everything David had said, and she was happy. Still unsure about things, trying to see the bigger picture, but she was smiling, and her eyes were bright, alive. Lucifer frowned, thinking on what must happen now. He had expected her to linger on the incident with Odin, but she always managed to surprise him with the way her mind worked. Now, David had uncovered her eyes. He’d lit the right path, giving her the chance to follow it.

  “He was right. It will all make sense one day,” Lucifer said, not letting her hear him this time, though. He slid his finger down her arm and watched her skin prickle. “And it will destroy you. It will destroy him.”

  Jane turned toward him, looking right at his face but not seeing him
. He stared at her mesmerizing hazel eyes and admired how they shifted from the darkest shades of forest greens to the dull olive tones that danced around her golden-brown center. Beautiful. And it was exactly why he had to ruin her.

  He caressed her damaged cheek and watched her sigh upon feeling his numbing touch. She swallowed her food before closing her eyes, slightly tilting her face toward his hand.

  “Keep eating, baby,” David said, coming out into the room again. “I want your plate empty before I feed you.”

  Lucifer stepped back against the wall to watch them again.

  “I’m already so full, though,” she said, rubbing her stomach.

  David shook his head at her. “Jane, you haven’t eaten a proper meal in a while. Eat, because while we are gone, a warm meal is not going to be possible.”

  “But it hurts,” she said before letting out a loud burp.

  Lucifer’s surprised eyes matched David’s as she slapped her hands over her mouth.

  “Oh my gosh,” she mumbled into her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

  Lucifer didn’t know what to think about her unladylike display. It should have disgusted him; humans were vile creatures, but he didn’t know how to describe what he felt watching her wide eyes and pink face as she grew more embarrassed.

  David chuckled and began searching through a bag. Jane still had her hands pressed over her lips. She was staying still as if that would somehow make the incident disappear.

  “Baby, don’t be embarrassed,” said David, not looking away from the bag. “I think everything you do is either sexy or adorable, especially when I know you will be wearing the cutest panties and nothing else later.”

  David smirked at her blushing cheeks and quickly tugged off his shirt before removing his pants.

  Lucifer went to her side, once again speaking so only she would hear him and assume it was her own mind. “You are ready for him to take you.”

  She sighed, and Lucifer bent, pressing his lips to her shoulder. She shivered and grew more aroused at the sight of David. Lucifer caressed her damaged cheek, numbing the pain there as well as her leg and hand. He watched as relief flitted over her face and then he touched her temple. “No sadness or doubt. No flashbacks. Just David.”