The Fallen Queen: (Gods & Monsters Book 2) (The Gods & Monsters Trilogy)

by Janie Marie

  “Help the wounded, Akakios,” David said, walking faster.

  “David,” she said, refusing to look at the dead bodies.

  “Later, Jane.” He kept carrying her, and she realized he’d found the place where they’d dumped their supplies to hide. “We’ll talk later.”

  She nodded, searching within her until she found that little light where the sad girl refused to leave. They only stared at each other, knowing things were never going to be the same.

  “Don’t give up, baby girl,” came a whisper that no one else seemed to hear. She sobbed as the sad girl inside reached for Death again, and again, he didn’t comfort her more than that.

  Jane hugged David as Death’s presence faded again. She tried to calm down, but she was so lost. She’d done horrible things. Unforgivable things.

  “Let me get you fresh clothes and a jacket.” David placed her on the ground and searched through a bag. “After you dress, I will feed you. We’ll travel non-stop until we reach Valhalla.”

  She took the wet wipes he handed her and began cleaning her face as best she could. As she vigorously scrubbed her skin, she tried to think of what to say or do. David might not have heard everything or seen everything, but he’d seen and heard enough to hate her for the rest of his life.

  “David,” she said, opening her mouth to say more, but she shut it when he punched the bag.

  “Not now! I love you, okay? If that’s something you fear, don’t. I told you my love for you has no end—but we are not talking about any of this until I say.” He looked her in the eye, his blue eyes silencing her when they darkened.

  Jane nodded as her heart cried, but she tried to show him with her eyes what she still could not say out loud: I love you.

  He sighed, and after using a wipe on his face and hers, kissed her on the lips. “I know, baby. I love you, too.”

  Jane stared at her reflection in the foggy mirror. She was eavesdropping on the conversation David was having with Arthur in their room. It was wrong, but they were talking about her; she couldn’t resist hearing what they were saying, especially since no one had talked to her since the battle. Even David, later, ended up only giving her short commands on what she needed to do—never really talking to her.

  “She cannot be alone with anyone,” Arthur said quietly.

  “I know that!” David’s temper continued to show; he was short with everyone now.

  There was a moment of silence before Arthur responded as though David had spoken. “She was aware. She allowed it to come forward—embraced the entity, you could say.”

  Jane’s eyes brimmed with tears. She watched them turn red as she covered her mouth, realizing David was mentally asking Arthur if it was her who did the awful things.

  Arthur started speaking again. “I knew the entity was evil, but I have never witnessed something so dark before. David, she can destroy the entire world if she wants to.”

  There was silence for a while, and Arthur spoke again, “No, it is as though there are two sides fighting inside her. Jane, our Jane, is what I would refer to as the conscious Jane, the sweet girl you love. There is an innocent, pure girl inside her, and I believe that is who Jane really is. She feels everything, experiences everything as Jane does, and she’s where all of Jane’s goodness resides. She’s the one who doesn’t give up and doesn’t want to embrace any darkness, but she is often very far away, hidden, I suppose, from Jane. I think that is the work of this darker version. She’s so powerful and frightening—she makes it very hard for Jane to accept who she really is. She tricks Jane into believing she is a monster, and so Jane loses sight of that pure part of herself. She searches for her, tries to believe that’s who she is, but it is always stripped away by the horrible things that happen.”

  “So she has two entities?”

  “I don’t think so. I am not even sure this darker version is a true entity within Jane anymore. Death said it was a part of her, and she would die if he removed it. I think, in a way, this is all Jane. She’s carved into separate pieces. Literally. You always hear people have a good side and a dark side—I think Jane’s been altered to where they actually both exist separately within her. I have no idea why.

  “You could think of it as though we all have the person we want to be—the person we’re capable of being. Jane, the conscious Jane, makes the choices and her actions reveal who she is. We are all capable of doing horrible or incredibly good and brave things. The problem is somehow that bad side of Jane has grown so powerful that she has the ability to suffocate the real Jane. She can even overpower Jane so she has no choice. She can actually shut Jane in the dark if Jane’s mental state weakens enough. So, it’s the dark version who is choosing to do these horrible things. In the past, Jane has been able to only let this thing hurt her, and I think the combination of events, especially Death’s absence and losing her children, has created an opening in Jane’s defenses.”

  “So, you think this is more of a multiple personality?”

  “I think it is more complex than that. I honestly don’t know. It would be easy to say some entity or demon entered her, but she’s so intertwined with Jane that that does not make sense. It makes me think of conjoined twins, in a way. They were one but split, either by Jane or someone else.”

  “This is frustrating.” David sighed.

  “I know. It is no wonder she has tried so hard to keep her powers contained. I think on a subconscious level, she knew if she gave over to her powers, she would unleash this part of herself. I think she is finally reaching her limit. She does not seem as strong since Death left. The abandonment she feels from his absence is breaking a part of her I do not understand. Their love is deep, brother. I know she wants to do right by you, return your love, but she will not let him go. I worry about what will happen when he returns. I am not sure she will choose you.”

  “I’m aware of that, but I haven’t asked her to let him go,” David said, growling. “I promised her she didn’t have to worry. I think she just needs closure with him before we can go further.”

  “But she doesn’t think that’s fair. She knows everyone will believe you deserve all of her—I think you deserve all of her. She wants to give you that. That part of her, though, that sweet and pure girl within will not release him—nor will Jane, I fear.”

  “I don’t care what anyone thinks! If she needs him, she needs him.” He let out a frustrated growl. “Is she listening?”

  “I told you I can no longer hear her thoughts. I’m not sure she realizes she has completely blocked me. Her pull has weakened as well. Have you noticed?”

  “Yes.” David sighed. “It barely exists now. It made it difficult to locate her in battle.”

  “This makes me consider Lancelot’s comment about her resembling the moon and the cycles. All three of them revealed they are drawn to her, but I think they were feeling that pull weaken as well. It’s as though we are the tide, and she pulls and pushes us away . . . I am simply speculating; I am lost. We should probably discuss more when she is not so close. I do not think she will understand my concern for the safety of you and everyone else. I am proud of her for fighting back, but she nearly killed Artemis because she got drowned by the horror of what she’d done. When you protected Artemis, she—your Jane—became jealous as well. She was just as furious to see you save her.”

  “I will not let Artemis die simply because Jane is evil!”

  Jane gasped but kept staring at her reflection.

  There was no more talking, but she heard a door shut and then, after a few seconds, the bathroom door opened. She didn’t look at him; she kept her eyes on the broken girl in the mirror.

  David slowly approached, stopping right behind her but never touching her. He looked at her reflection, too, watching her silent tears, and he made no effort to comfort her. Why would he?

  “How is your wound?” he finally asked.

  Jane tightened her fingers on the white towel, pressing it to her chest as she answered him. “It’s heal
ed.”

  David watched her for a few seconds and rubbed his face. “Good.” He glanced at the running shower. “Did you leave this on for a reason?”

  “I left it on for you.” She looked away from his reflection when he pulled his shirt off.

  “Were you listening?” He sat on a stool to remove his boots.

  “You weren’t talking quietly when you chose to speak.” Her hands started shaking.

  David sighed, holding his face in his hands. “I was trying to keep from upsetting you.”

  “I know,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  “So you kept the shower on to pretend you were still in there?”

  She stared at his face in the mirror. “Why would that be what you’re focusing on?”

  “Because I don’t know what to say to you.” He stood and walked up behind her. “Baby, I don’t know what to do for you. I don’t know what to ask you after everything that I saw. I don’t even want to think about it again, and I don’t want you to either. So, yes, I’m frustrated you’re deliberately eavesdropping when I’m asking the only person I know who can help me with this.”

  Her face began to ache as she struggled not to show how hurt she was. He was telling her he didn’t know how to deal with her. “You could have asked me.”

  He stared at her eyes from the mirror for what felt like a long time before sighing. “Let me grab you something to wear. You can change while I shower.”

  Her tear fell so fast, but he had turned away from her before he could see the devastation visible on her face. She looked within herself and saw the sad girl crying. She felt ashamed for what she’d allowed her darker twin to do. She had helped Jane reclaim control, but they’d failed, both of them, because Jane had allowed it.

  “Baby?” David was standing behind her when she focused on her reflection again.

  She barely recognized herself. She was paler, broken. Her lips were slightly parted, reminding her of victims right after an accident—that shocked and confused expression people had when their world had just fallen apart.

  “Jane,” he said, turning her around. He hesitated before touching her face, and that caused another tear to fall. “I’m sorry, my love. I did not mean what I said out there. I’m sorry.”

  She wiped her tears away and took her clothes. “It wasn’t you who turned evil.”

  “Jane,” he said, walking toward her when she began to leave. “Where are you going?”

  She stopped at the doorway, answering him without looking. “Don’t worry. ‘Conscious Jane’ is still driving this scarred vessel. Evil Jane laughed herself to sleep when you and everyone else started to avoid talking to me or even looking me in the eye. So, don’t worry—I’m just going to bed.”

  “Baby, I don’t think you’re going to go kill anyone.”

  She looked over her shoulder, smiling sadly as she opened the door to their room. “Yes, David. You do . . . I didn’t say anything about killing anyone.”

  Jane looked away from watching David discuss news about their allies with Thor, Arthur, and two men she hadn’t been introduced to. They were obviously the leaders of the immortals who helped them, but no one seemed interested in her. Everyone stayed away or David kept her away.

  “Hey, love,” Gawain said, sitting beside her.

  David quickly looked up from his discussion, glaring at Gawain but saying nothing.

  Gawain waved him off and smiled at her. “How are you feeling?”

  Jane met David’s stare, holding it until he finally went back to talking with the other men. “I’m not sure we should talk about how I feel.”

  He sighed and put his arm over her shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  She covered her face, leaning against him because he was the only one who had come to her in three days. David stayed with her at all times, but he would sit her off to the side whenever he needed to talk to anyone, and he never kissed her on the lips. They slept in the same bed, but he didn’t pull her into his arms or make any move to be closer. She even tried to seduce him, in a way, by wearing a tight shirt and thong, but he covered her, kissed her on the forehead, and said, ‘I love you’ before rolling onto his side.

  “Oh, Jane,” Gawain said, caressing her hair. “You have me, okay? I know what I saw, and I saw you—horrified—inside that demon. I do not fear you, and I love you as I have loved you for a while now. I hate that this thing is a part of you, but I believe in you.”

  “So do I.”

  Jane lowered her hand as another person sat on her left.

  Gareth smiled, patting her knee. “We love you. We know that wasn’t really you. Hell, I have personally encountered your entity, whatever she is, and I am still here. That should tell you how much I see the difference between you and her.”

  She smiled as he took a hold of her hand. “Thank you, boys. I don’t want the others shunning you for sticking by me, though.”

  Gawain scoffed. “What kind of brothers would we be if we abandoned our baby sis?”

  “Awful brothers,” Gareth said, grinning. “It’s very dishonorable for a knight to abandon his sister based on the opinions of others.”

  “I don’t deserve you two.”

  Gareth kissed her hand. “You deserve happiness and a chance to explain or, at least, show that you are not her. They do not understand your burden, so they should not judge you.”

  “I don’t deserve a chance. And, not to sound mean, but the only person I want to explain anything to is him.” She watched David argue with Thor about something. “And he thinks I’m a monster.”

  “He doesn’t, Jane.” Gawain shook his head. “He is terrified for you. None of us stand a chance against her, not even him. That scares him, makes him feel weak.”

  “He won’t kiss me,” she whispered before she could stop herself.

  Gareth squeezed her hand. “Give him time. He is trying his best to protect you. After hearing what Lancelot said about Lucifer, I am sure he is worried about how intimate you two are.”

  Jane hadn’t even been thinking about Lucifer. It was silly, but he seemed like the least of her worries. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to kiss me because of what I did to that vampire and suggested to Lancelot.”

  “Well, it would have helped had she not been interested in Lancelot,” Gawain said, smiling. “The woman has horrible taste.”

  “I mean, she’s got dream boat David right there, but she goes for that chump?” Gareth knocked her shoulder. “He does not even know how to dress properly.”

  “A simpleton, really,” Gawain said, nodding. “Humans really dropped the ball with their tales about Sir Lancelot.”

  Jane smiled and wiped more of her tears. “I’m sure Lancelot was handsome, but he is certainly no David.”

  “Evil Jane must like the troubled ones.” Gareth sighed. “Girls these days. They all think they can tame the bad boy.”

  Jane chuckled but a voice made all three of them look up.

  “Are you three done making a joke about all of this?” David glared at Gawain and Gareth, but he didn’t look at her.

  Gareth let go of her hand and stood. “We are trying to cheer her up and treat her the way she should be treated—like our Jane. Your Jane.”

  Gawain stood up too. “Jane came back from that fight, brother. You need to remember that.”

  David lowered his gaze to her. “Are you ready to go?”

  “We were going to see if she would like to come watch us spar,” Gareth said.

  David shook his head. “Another time.”

  “You shouldn’t keep her locked away from everyone,” Gawain said as David held out his hand for her. “This will only increase fears that Jane is that thing. And it’s hurting her to be alone with you, especially with the way you are acting toward her.”

  He ignored them. “Jane, we should go. The others will be gathering here to discuss the arrival of other allies.”

  “Just let her come for an hour or two,” Gareth said, earnin
g a glare from David. “Only our brothers will be there.”

  Jane took David’s hand. “It’s fine. I’m tired anyway.” She didn’t want David fighting with them over her.

  Gawain pulled her away from David, hugging her tight. “We love you. Never doubt that.” He kissed the top of her head.

  Gareth was next. He hugged her tight, lifting her off the ground as he whispered in her ear, “We saw you, Jane. No matter how much she looks like you, you are not her.” He kissed the side of her head. “Find us if you need. You are welcome to stay in our quarters any time yours become uncomfortable.”

  David tugged her away, growling. “Let’s go.”

  Jane tried to turn and wave, but David walked faster. “You’re going too fast.”

  He shot her a dark look at the same time the doors opened with Hades, Artemis, and Apollo on the other side.

  They stopped and stared at each other until Artemis glared at David before running out of the room.

  Apollo sighed and followed his sister. “I will see that she is fine and return, Uncle.”

  Hades nodded to David and passed him without even glancing at her.

  “Let’s go, Jane.” David was gentler this time as he led her out of the meeting hall.

  Jane followed him, stunned into silence because she hadn’t been told of Artemis’ condition. There were handprints that looked like they had been burned onto the goddess’ neck. Handprints that matched the size of Jane’s hands.

  “She will scar,” David said quietly. “I didn’t want you to see. No one knows what you did to her, but she is healing as if she had been burned with silver.”

  Jane couldn’t say anything. It was awful, of course, and she hadn’t known that had happened, but she was focused on his word choice: no one knows what you did to her.

  When they got to their room, Jane let go of his hand and walked to the bed. She stood there, staring at it, remembering those beautiful memories she’d made with David there. Now, she dreaded forcing him to sleep next to her. He would never love her the same way again. He had proven that with his obvious fear and disgust. Sure, he loved her, but so did Jason.