by Janie Marie
Death glanced at her. “Lives. This is death, where every soul passes after a person dies. Their soul is just a ball of blue light, like a flame, but they see, in a sense, their entire life before moving on.”
Jane continued watching the colors. “Do you see their lives?”
He laid her down before sitting beside her. “Yes. I see them; I remember every one.” He watched her for a moment before a faint smile touched his lips. “I never forget what happened to them or what they lived through.”
“Why does that make you smile?”
“It’s nothing—I was realizing something for the first time.” He lifted the arm she’d been trying to heal and trailed a finger along the red skin. “Does it still hurt?”
“No. Nothing hurts. I barely feel anything.”
He glanced at her with a sad smile. “You are feeling the effects of this place. There is no pain in death. There is nothing.”
“Is that why you are the way you are? With everyone else, I mean?”
Death caressed the inflamed skin, staring at it as he spoke. “Yes. I feel you, though. Only you. The first time you were dying, it felt as if a piece of myself was slipping from existence. Instead of letting a reaper harvest your soul, I went to retrieve you myself. When you looked at me, you calmed, but it was more than peace from death, and I calmed as well. I realized I had felt something for the first time in my existence—I panicked at the thought of ending your life. I could not lose you after that.”
“Then why didn’t you come? Why have you been ignoring me?” Her throat tightened as she watched a flicker of green fire burn in his eyes.
“You already know I was there, Sweet Jane.” He slid his fingers over her lips, sending those tingles across her skin, just like she’d felt so many times before. “You felt me, spoke to me—you begged me to show myself and not to leave.”
“But you did.” Her eyes watered as the ache in her throat spread. “You saw me with David, and you left.”
“No. I knew your feelings for David were going to grow into something powerful. I did not enjoy the sight of you in his arms, but that is not why I stayed hidden.”
“Then why?” Everything was suddenly crushing her. She could barely breathe, but she gasped and continued. “Why?”
He placed a hand over her heart. “I cannot explain, angel. Breathe. The longer you remain here with me, the more you will begin to feel. This is only meant to be a brief pause from one existence to the next. Your soul knows it should have passed here long ago. She is confused.”
“I don’t care about my soul!” She took several panicked breaths as she imagined Jason’s and David’s faces. “I deserve to know why you let these things happen. I needed you! You said you’d be there for me, and you weren’t.” She breathed faster. “I left him. I left all of them!” Her eyes welled up with tears. “I left my David.”
“Shh . . . I know, angel.” Death flattened his palm over her heart, and that strange but wonderful feeling of liquid fire and ice bloomed from his touch. It encased her heart before branching out, searching. Always searching. “Baby girl, I want to tell you everything, but I am forbidden. I have broken the rules by bringing you here, but I will break no more. You cannot know why I have done the things I have.”
Jane took slower breaths as his warmth hugged her. “Rules? You mean the bet with Lucifer?”
Something sparked in his gaze, something dark, and he shook his head. “Not the bet. We ended our bet.”
She glared at him. “Has he been tormenting me? I heard what Lancelot said—so has he? Or is that in your rules? Is he too powerful for you? So you let him mess with me?”
His thumb caressed her skin, and her heart began to warm under his hand. “Lucifer is not more powerful than I am. He merely has an advantage I do not. I cannot explain more, Sweet Jane.”
She raised her hand to shove him, but when she touched his arm, she had no strength. “What’s happened to me?”
“You have no power here. This is my realm; I control all—who comes, what they do, when they leave.” He slid his hand between her breasts, stopping just below her sternum, where all the fire and ice seemed to linger most. He stared at his hand as he spoke. “You were slipping. You’ve been pushed so far, and you were ready to surrender because you were desperate to save him. I knew you would make good on your threat, and I could not watch you fall this way. Not this way . . . I could not watch you destroy everyone because of something that was always meant to pass.”
“You took me just to save them?”
“It has nothing to do with them.” He lifted his gaze to her face. “It would have ruined you to watch her destroy all that you love. You are no match for her like this. You blame every bad thing that happens on yourself, and you become this desperate, self-sacrificing mad woman. I know you mean well, but you do not think about the damage your sacrifice will cause.”
Jane put her hand over his. “But you will keep this promise? Me for Jason?”
Death dropped his gaze back to her hand. “Even now, that is all you can think of. You’re still willing to do whatever it takes to keep him alive.”
Her heart started to pound painfully fast. “But that’s why you brought me. Me for him.”
“Jane,” he said softly as his fingers curled around hers. “Baby girl, I—”
She panicked, dreading what he would say, and pushed his hand over her left breast as she reached to pull him down with her other hand.
He shifted his gaze from his hand over her breast to hers on his shoulder, before looking her in the eye. “What are you doing?”
Jane knew he was going to tell her something horrible. She couldn’t let him back out. So she smiled even though her heart shattered. “I’m keeping my promise, Death.” She squeezed her hand over his, so he would massage her breast as she tried to pull him with all her might.
He didn’t move, but he dropped his gaze to her breasts, and his eyes began to glow.
She felt that spot inside her warming, so she let go of his hand and quickly pulled her shirt up before putting his hand back on her.
“Don’t offer yourself to me, Sweet Jane,” he said, squeezing her breast and leaning down anyway.
A tear slipped free, and she saw Jason’s broken body along with her babies’ tear-stained faces. They needed Jason. They needed their daddy. “Love me.”
Those tingles spread across her lips as he brushed his over hers. He sucked in a deep breath. “No.” He pressed a featherlight kiss to her lips and removed his hand from her breast. “No, Sweet Jane.”
“What?” She wiped her tears and stared into his eyes. “What the fuck do you mean ‘no’?”
He pulled her shirt back down. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. I meant to bring you here so you would pose no threat to the others. I am returning for Jason, and I will explain everything to David.”
Her eyes watered as she weakly punched his chest. “NO! You promised! You took me in exchange for Jason’s life, you son of a bitch! I’m giving you all of me!” She sobbed, her body shaking even when he hugged her tight. “Death, please! Please don’t do this to me. They can’t lose their daddy! He’s their daddy.”
“I have to,” he said. “Jason is meant to die. I brought you here to keep them safe. I did not intend to be intimate with you; I know you’re with David, and I will not hurt you this way. If you destroy your relationship with him, you’ll be devastated.”
“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” She kept trying to hit him, but his hug was preventing her from getting in a good hit. “I’m giving you what you want. You owe me!”
“Jason knows I am returning. I bond with the dying briefly, and I told him you would destroy everyone if you watched him die. I intend to take you back once you start thinking rationally and are able to control yourself.”
She screamed against his shoulder, still trying to hit him. “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! Why can’t you just take me instead? You have me.”
He glanced down, his gaze fixed on her breasts.
“You have been with David, Jane. I can smell him on you. In you. You gave yourself to him because you love and chose him. I am upset, but I am not hurt in the way a human male hurts from this. I could still take you without concern for his feelings, but it’s you who will break. You love me, but you chose him. You are giving yourself to me for the wrong reasons. You’re doing just what Jason and those fucks conditioned you to do: using your body as the only way to please a man. I am not them! I will not ruin you.”
She frantically shook her head as he moved to get off the bed. “Death, you can’t kill Jason. David will be happier without me anyway, so please don’t do this to my babies.”
“No one will be happier without you, Jane.” He glared at her. “And it is not as if I am slitting Jason’s throat; I am removing his soul and stopping his heart from beating ever again.”
“NO!” She crawled after him, clutching his arm. “Yes, I am giving myself to you for them, but I love you too. You know I can’t stop loving you.”
“And you love Jason, Jane.” He shook his head. “You are so willing to sacrifice your happiness for others that you fail to see the damage you are causing.”
Her breath hitched as she stared at him through glassy eyes. “My happiness is not worth more than my children’s.”
“Did they believe that when you turned into a shell of a human being? WHEN THEIR FATHER RUINED YOU?” His voice shook the room. “No. They asked your mate to make you happy. Now, I love you, more than you will ever know, and I will do anything—anything—if it means you benefit in the end. But you deserve to live a happy life. If that was with me, I would accept your offer, but you made your choice. That choice was David.”
“But I gave him up for my children and Jason.”
“Your mind is so fucked because of what—” He shook his head. “You did not give him up. You jumped to me out of fear. I get it, I really do; you don’t want to have your children suffer as you did. I know you more than David ever will, angel, but you need to think clearly. You will destroy him if you offer yourself like a prostitute. You will destroy me. You are not that girl anymore! You never should have been. David was teaching you that you’re not a fuck tool, and you fall right back to thinking you are when you don’t know what to do. He’s the man for you, not me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt any of you, but I can’t let my kids lose their dad.”
“IT’S HIS FUCKING TIME, JANE!” he yelled before taking a calming breath. “Life ends in the mortal world, Jane—that is how it is meant to be. I know you have had it worse than some, but you don’t get to stop experiencing the bad because of that. What is meant to be, will be. Jason is meant to die, and he will. I will comfort you, just as I have with the others, but I will not spare him because of the pain it will cause you and your children. I wish you never had to endure loss and suffering, but that is not possible. And I will speak to David so he knows you are safe and why I took you. It may take time, but I know he will forgive you. A mother’s bond to her child does not break easily, and he knows that. Just give him time. Give yourself time to grieve and resume your duty. Make up with David; you are good at that with him.” He looked away, huffing as his chest heaved for a few moments.
“Are you doing this because I chose him?”
He whipped his head around, glaring at her. “I would never inflict harm on you because you chose David, Jane. I am doing my duty. I am Death! My love for you is why I revealed myself. I wanted to comfort you because I knew how much it would hurt. I could not hold you properly during your friend’s death, so I wanted to this time. I should have known you would take it personally, but I hoped you would see it as a sign of my love for you. I know you have missed me, baby. I have missed you, too. But I can’t stop my purpose.”
She looked away, suddenly feeling numb. “If I took my clothes off right now—lay on this bed with my legs open—would you do this one thing for me? Would you choose me over your purpose?” She looked back at him, taking in his flared nostrils and clenched jaw before she spoke again. “If I said I choose you instead, would you spare Jason?” She swallowed the lump in her throat, ignoring the rapid beating of her heart. “Would you wipe me from David’s memory—from everyone’s memory?”
He took several deep breaths, his gaze occasionally taking her in before shifting to the bed. “Do not offer yourself to me this way. You don’t want me to show you what I am capable of. If I have to hurt you for your greater good, I will. So stop this. I am not sparing Jason, and I will not wipe the memory of you from existence! Stop pushing me, Jane, because you will not like it when I push back.”
She felt his control slipping, so she got on her knees and grabbed the hem of her shirt.
“Don’t.” His tone was deadly, and even deadlier, the emerald glow illuminating his sharp features, showing her the monster many feared.
“I will let myself be hurt if that means my family won’t be.” She lifted her shirt over her head, tossing it off the bed before unclasping her bra. He didn’t move, so she unbuttoned her pants and shimmied out of them. “I choose you for my family’s sake. I love you. So please choose me for once.”
“He doesn’t want you,” her demon said, smiling in the back of her mind.
Death’s eyes narrowed. “Put your goddamn clothes on.”
She shook her head, ignoring the image of David’s face. She had to let him go for her children.
“Maybe he needs to be pushed harder.” Her demon moved closer, excited. “Let me show you how to do that . . . We have not seen him bare.”
“Jane, don’t listen to her.”
She gasped, holding her hand out as her demon requested they remove his clothes.
Nothing happened.
Jane looked at her hand, then stared at her demon as that sad girl covered her ears.
Death growled, stomping to her quickly. “I told you—she has no power here.” He snapped his fingers, instantly causing his clothes to disappear. “Is this what you both want?”
Jane was stunned on too many levels to respond. Part of her was terrified of the furious glare he was giving her while the other half of her was completely captivated by the sight of him naked.
“I told you not to push me.” He grabbed her hip and flipped her on her stomach with a hard tug. As he ripped her panties, he shoved her head onto the mattress and lifted her ass. “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?” he roared, letting her feel the tip of his cock on her butt cheek. “You are willing to let that bitch out to seduce me? YOU ARE WILLING TO BE MY WHORE SO YOUR PIECE OF SHIT HUSBAND CAN LIVE WHEN HE’S MEANT TO DIE?”
She began sobbing. “My babies need their daddy! I can’t let them lose their daddy.”
He gripped her hair, turning her so she would see him. He was breathing heavily as he looked down between them, squeezing her ass, hard. For what felt like hours, he continued to stare down where he could make them one and then finally spoke in a detached voice she wasn’t used to hearing from him. “I have fucked countless women on this bed.” He didn’t look at her when she sucked in a sharp breath, and he went on in that same emotionless tone. “Besides you and Hades, I can only bring other angels or demons here. I bring females.” He slowly raised his gaze to her face. “The night Jason raped you, I brought one. I fucked her to numb the image of what I witnessed happening to you. I fucked her in every position I have fantasized having with you. She pleased me enough to give me multiple climaxes.”
She sobbed as a part of her roared in agonizing pain.
“I yelled her name when I came in her.”
Jane collapsed on her stomach, her chest and throat burning as she bawled like a baby.
“I did not think of you when she screamed my name,” he said, cutting her heart into a million pieces. “I simply wanted to fuck her again.”
“I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” She cried so hard she thought her heart had stopped beating until she screamed again. “Oh, God! What have I done?” She felt him move away, and she scrambled of
f the bed, smacking the stone floor hard before he could catch her. “STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Her body trembled as she crawled to the wall. She couldn’t be on that bed. “Stay away from me.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward as he held his head with both hands and mumbled words she could not hear over her cries.
“David, I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “Please forget me. Oh, please, just let me die, Death. I can’t do this anymore.”
“You can, and David will forgive you,” Death said quietly. “I will talk to him. I told you not to push me. I apologize for doing that, but you left me little choice. You always do this, angel. I realize now, this is simply how you were created, but you have to see your worth. You are not a fucking payment. You’re not a whore I take to bed. You are not like the whores David fucked to compete with other knights. See your worth for once! That is one thing David and I have both tried to make you see. You are not what they conditioned you to be.”
She closed her eyes, feeling so weak now. “I’m nothing. But stay the fuck away from David. Stay away from all of them.”
“No. I will speak with him after I take Jason. I’m sure he is in your place, sitting by Jason as you should have been. Why can’t you fucking see that’s all I wanted for you? I wanted you to have closure. That’s what you were seeking with me, baby girl. I was trying to give you that.” He exhaled loudly. “Forget it . . . I’ll let David know you’ll be returned as soon as you are stable. We both know you have been pushed too far; I thought my presence would help, not back you into a corner where your only option was to let that bitch out.”
“She’s stronger than me.” Jane stared at a corner. “I’ll let her have my body, just like I’ll let you, if it means others don’t have to die.”
“You’re doing exactly what they want.” He didn’t say more about who they were, and she didn’t ask.
“Just prepare yourself for returning. It’s up to you how long that takes.”
She opened her eyes but kept staring at the wall, refusing to look at him. “I’m not returning to him. Even if you take me back, I will go somewhere else. Somewhere he won’t find me. And when it comes time for me to die again, I don’t want you—or Sorrow—keeping me alive. I want to die. Do you understand? I want to die. I can’t go back to him.”