The Couple

by Helly Acton

  ‘How are things going with the summer party?’ Millie asks, changing the subject.

  ‘Honestly, Millie, I thought it would be a good way to get to know people better. But the more I get to know people, the more I hate people. I wish I’d never stuck my hand up for it. Do you know how many complaints I’ve had about the theme? Fuck me, if you don’t want people to know your fetish, make one up, it’s not that hard! We work at one of the coolest companies in the world, but you wouldn’t think so speaking to some of these nerds. Most people here have the imaginative capacity of a lobotomised pigeon.’

  ‘So, what are you going as?’ Millie gets a word in.

  ‘A leather-clad dominatrix, of course!’ Sasha laughs. ‘I just need to find someone to pair up with who’s willing to wear a lead and a pair of handcuffs. Are you up for it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Imagine if I could get Adrian to do it! That would be wild. Have you thought about your outfit? Wait! Let me guess . . .’

  Sasha squints at her for an uncomfortably long time, and Millie despairs about how cold her eggs must be by now.

  ‘A geography teacher,’ Sasha finally says.

  ‘No.’

  ‘A file on the server that needs reorganising?’

  Millie stares at her blankly.

  ‘An old leather book with a musty smell?’

  ‘Yes!’ Millie replies with false enthusiasm.

  The truth is, Millie hasn’t a clue what she’ll go as. She doesn’t have a fetish. She’s always liked it slow, simple and, most important of all – silent. Two people in a totally intimate moment. No toys, no talk, no role play. Definitely no feet. Does it make her a bore? Maybe. But she isn’t going to pretend to be someone else. She tried sex talk with her last slide and ended up telling him that he had a filthy little bishop, which ended the session abruptly. The truth is Millie just isn’t Slide material. All the top Sliders are kinky, and Millie is about as kinky as a ninety-year-old nun.

  ‘Oh god, it must be something filthy if you’re not willing to even tell me!’ Sasha giggles, then, sensing Millie isn’t going to give anything away, she moves on. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry you’ve been lumped with that clown for the pitch,’ Sasha says, nodding towards the toast station behind Millie. Millie turns round to see Ben staring at the menu, swaying backwards and forwards on his white trainers, which have a visible hole in the side. He turns his gaze towards the window and the sunlight illuminates his face. He spots them, breaks out into a big, dimpled smile, and waves. Millie’s stomach flips.

  Save me, Millie thinks.

  As if he can hear her thoughts, Ben’s hand wave rotates into a hand gesture for Millie to join him. Millie throws her fork down with a clatter on her plate, stands up and glides across the canteen to his side. Hand in hand, they leave, turning heads as they go. At the door, Millie takes one last look behind her and lifts her middle finger up to Sasha, who’s mouthing something aggressively . . .

  ‘Are you listening to me or what?’ Sasha says.

  Millie blinks a little, confused by the daydream and hoping her cheeks aren’t red.

  ‘What did you say?’ she asks Sasha.

  ‘I said, why does he dress like he’s sixteen?’ Sasha whispers. ‘I mean, have some self-respect. And what’s his obsession with puzzles? How are we supposed to take a man-child seriously? I don’t know what Ruth was thinking when she hired him for the London office. Maybe it was her last “fuck you” to Adrian and this place.’

  ‘Maybe she was hiring him for how he thinks, rather than how he dresses. I mean, what he looks like doesn’t matter. I’d never hire someone who looked like they spent more time on their wardrobe than their work.’

  ‘First impressions are everything, Millie. And he looks like he doesn’t give a crap about what people think. Tell you what, if I’m made CCO, I’m going to bring in a dress code. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. I’d describe your style as . . . comfortable, not controversial. Plus, you wear the same thing every week. Hold on, apart from that necklace! Is that new? Millie Jones, are you trying to impress someone?’ Sasha laughs.

  Millie grabs hold of the stone around her neck.

  ‘No, I just found it yesterday. It belonged to a friend,’ she says.

  ‘No offence, babes, but I’m not sure a necklace is going to impress him!’ Sasha smirks.

  Millie blushes and darts her eyes towards Ben. ‘I’m not trying to impress him!’ she rasps.

  ‘What?’ Sasha frowns, following Millie’s eyes. ‘No, you dickhead, I meant Adrian.’

  ‘Oh.’ Millie exhales, dropping the necklace and wondering why her mind went there.

  ‘Anyway, I’m surprised you’re leaping to Ben’s defence,’ Sasha continues. ‘I can’t imagine a worse match, to be honest. I thought you’d hate him. He’s all over the place. You’re more of an always-in-the-same-place type.’

  ‘I don’t hate anyone,’ Millie replies.

  ‘Everyone hates someone, Millie. Oh, shit on a kitten, he’s coming over here.’

  ‘Greetings, desk associates!’ Ben says. ‘That looks good,’ he nods at Millie’s toast, which has gone hard.

  ‘It was going to be,’ Millie sighs.

  ‘Mine’s a sausage and ’shroom. With extra sausage. And ’shroom.’ He smiles, holding it up proudly.

  ‘Good choice! But you’ve made a fatal error.’ Millie shakes her head.

  ‘What?’ he replies, looking worried.

  ‘Extra butter.’

  ‘Bollocks! I knew there was something.’

  Millie reaches into her bag and removes a plastic wallet. It’s full of salt, pepper and hot sauce sachets. She happens to have some extra butter pats in there today too.

  ‘You’re such a fucking geek,’ Sasha scoffs.

  ‘Millie Jones, you’re my angel!’ Ben cries, as Millie hands him one, her heart leaping.

  ‘So, Ben, are you still going as a clown to the summer party?’ Sasha smiles.

  ‘I guess so. It’s the only fancy dress outfit I’ve got,’ he replies. ‘I dressed up as a clown for my niece’s birthday last year.’

  ‘Cute,’ Millie says.

  ‘Not really, actually,’ Ben says, grimacing. ‘By the time I realised I’d accidentally ordered an evil clown suit with a blood-squirting nose, it was too late. The theme went from circus to screamfest very fast, let me tell you.’

  ‘Evil clown fetish! Love it,’ Sasha replies.

  ‘I don’t actually have a fetish. The truth is, I should probably come wrapped in my weighted blanket, with a cup of tea.’ He shrugs.

  Sasha unfolds her legs and stands up straight, towering over him in her six-inch heels.

  ‘My god, maybe you two do make a dream team,’ she says.

  ‘May the best one win!’ Ben smiles, slipping behind her and taking her seat.

  ‘Isn’t she a saint?’ he says, when she’s out of earshot. ‘This morning, she was kind enough to make sure that all my paperwork was back on my side of the table, and not a millimetre inch over on hers. I’m guessing she didn’t want me to lose anything. So kind.’

  ‘Very considerate,’ Millie agrees, managing to match his mock-straight face.

  ‘I’m glad you’re here,’ Ben says. ‘Because I’ve had a brilliant plan for the Oxytoxin pitch, and I’ve been dying to tell you. I was going to text you last night, but it was a bit late. I didn’t want to message you about work during your evening. I was worried you’d think I was some kind of text pest.’

  ‘I definitely would have,’ Millie replies.

  ‘Well, I am, so you’d better watch out,’ he says, opening the butter pat. ‘I’ve got quick fingers and no friends in this city, so I have plenty of time on my hands. If you’re not careful, I might start texting you some hangman puzzles in the middle of the night.’

  ‘Is that a threat or a promise?’ Millie asks.

  ‘It’s a guarantee,’ he says, smiling.

  ‘So, what’s this brilliant plan?’ Millie asks, pushing her plate to
the side and leaning forward.

  Ben leans forward too, and suddenly they’re in their own little bubble at the table.

  ‘Do you like trains?’ he asks.

  Millie frowns at him, confused.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to visit the London Transport Museum with me, although something tells me you’d love it, because I reckon you might be a secret nerd, like me. I mean, do you enjoy trains as a method of getting from A to B?’

  ‘I do,’ Millie says with caution. ‘Depending on where B is.’

  ‘Well, then it’s settled. I realise we’ve only known each other for a week, Belle, but we’re going on a little trip together. Just two days, you and me. Leaving on Wednesday.’

  ‘This Wednesday?’ She laughs, her palms going clammy. On the one hand, the idea of being alone with Ben for two days makes her insides fizz with excitement. On the other, a trip requires planning ahead: tickets, wardrobe, a cat-sitter for Bruce. The last one walked out on her. How is she supposed to organise it all for Wednesday?

  ‘Yes, Wednesday. It’s not like we’ve got anything else on, is it?’ Ben smiles, taking a big bite of his sausage sandwich. An entire sausage falls out the other side of the bread and lands on the table. He picks it up and squashes it back in.

  ‘I guess not,’ Millie says, her heart pounding, but her face suggesting otherwise. ‘But why?’

  ‘It’s a research trip for the pitch. I’ll tell you all about it on the way there,’ he says, smiling.

  ‘And where exactly is there?’ she asks.

  ‘That’s a surprise too,’ he replies. ‘Trust me, Belle.’

  To Millie’s amazement, she does.

  Ten

  ‘Introducing our new chief creative officer, Millie Jones! Millie Jones, CCO, a few words about your appointment, if you will?’ June shouts across the table, when Millie returns from the toilet.

  ‘Hi, everyone. Wow, what an honour. I’d like to start by thanking Ruth. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be standing here tonight. Well, I mean, because she taught me so much. Not because she resigned. Bleurgh, sorry.’ Millie grimaces. ‘It’s a good thing she isn’t here yet, she’d kill me.’

  ‘Incredible,’ Al says, putting their bottle of Merlot down and giving a slow handclap. ‘My favourite bit was when you made everyone feel awkward in the first five seconds of the speech. Now that’s talent.’

  ‘How can I do this job if I can’t even accept it?’ Millie replies.

  ‘Just keep it simple. All you need to say is four things. Thanks. I’m excited. I’ll do my best. Sasha, you’re fired,’ Al says, backing away from the table.

  ‘This is stupid. I don’t even know if I’ll get it.’

  ‘Like you won’t get it,’ June says, and rolls her eyes. ‘You’re the shooiest of shoo-ins. Have you decided what you’re going as yet? What is your secret fetish? Your desk organiser? Your microfibre cleaning cloth?’

  ‘Soft furnishings!’ cries Al.

  ‘I see you two are being especially troll-like tonight,’ Millie says.

  June’s phone lights up with a Slide request.

  ‘Do you know what I wish?’ June says, staring at the picture and clicking the ‘Maybe Later’ button. ‘I wish they’d invent Oxytoxin for cheesy fries.’

  ‘I wish they’d invent Oxytoxin for Merlot,’ Al says, standing up and pushing her notepad into her apron. ‘No, actually, I don’t, I take that back.’

  ‘Obsession, yearning, butterflies, stomach cramps,’ June says, picking at the crumbs on an empty plate of cheesy fries in front of her. ‘It’s all there. That sounds like love if you ask me. Or at least, that’s how they describe it on Single Me Out!’

  ‘Maybe you’ve got stomach cramps because you’ve just finished your fries and now almost mine?’ Millie says, drawing her plate towards her.

  ‘You snooze, you lose, Mils. How do you not know that by now? It’s been twenty-four years!’

  Millie smacks June’s wandering hand away from her plate.

  ‘Anyone watching you two would think you’re an old bickering couple,’ Al says, laughing.

  ‘I guess we kind of are, aren’t we?’ June replies.

  ‘When we move into the house by the sea, you’d better not complain about the heating all the time,’ June says. ‘I’m telling you now, the temperature is fine!’

  ‘It is not fine, there’s a draught!’ Millie says in a shaky voice.

  ‘Put a bloody jumper on!’

  ‘Do you have to have the volume so loud?!’

  ‘Shut your toothless trap, you old tart!’

  They burst into laughter.

  ‘Yes! Tune!’ June shouts, swaying to ‘I Will Always Love Me’ as Millie waves at Al for another bottle. ‘Mils!’ June throws her eyes open. ‘We need to start thinking of your thirtieth playlist!’

  ‘Um, no we don’t, it’s almost a year away!’ Millie responds.

  ‘You’ve already done it, haven’t you?’ June’s face falls flat.

  ‘No,’ Millie says, pouring June a glass of water, avoiding her glare. ‘OK, fine, yes.’

  June frowns at her, and then suddenly breaks into dramatic lip-syncing at the song’s peak, as Millie texts Ruth.

  Millie:

  At Buddies. Are you coming hot stuff? x

  ‘Karaoke!’ June cries, slamming both hands on the table. ‘Tonight! Al!’ she shouts across the bar. ‘Karaoke later!’

  ‘Hell, yeah!’ Al shouts back.

  ‘Oh, go on, Mils, it’s Saturday night and we haven’t done karaoke in ages!’ June pleads. ‘And my vocal cords are all warmed up now. Is Ruth on her way? She’ll be up for it. Although she’ll probably have to check with Sam first.’

  Millie looks at her phone and shrugs.

  ‘She’s not coming.’ June sighs. ‘She never comes out anymore.’

  ‘She was out with us last week!’ Millie laughs.

  ‘OK, but you have to admit, she isn’t coming out as much,’ June says. ‘I give it another six months until she gets too cosy at home with Sam and stops coming out completely.’

  ‘That’ll never happen. You heard what she said the other night after spin. She’s determined for her and Sam to lead their own lives. She’ll keep on coming out.’

  ‘But with Sam in her life, she has to split her time even more. It’s inevitable that she’s going to see less of us. Plus she’s not in town for work anymore – she’s at home making dinner for her girlfriend. We’ve got to accept that Sam is her priority now. Not work, not us. Not family. Look at Single Me Out! Ashley and Alice did the same thing. Us singles pay the price when a friend falls in love and leaves us behind.’

  Millie thinks back to the Single Me Out! episode when Ashley’s mum was interviewed for the show. You could see how conflicted she was between wanting them to be happy and worrying that they couldn’t possibly be. Ashley’s mum was adamant that she’d done something wrong in raising him to make him feel like he wasn’t good enough to be on his own. Alice’s co-parent dads refused to be interviewed at all – clearly they didn’t approve.

  ‘Maybe they close off from the people around them because they’re uncomfortable. They know that people can’t relate to them. They know everyone’s whispering behind their backs. I guess that’s why Ruth and Sam have couple friends and go to couples’ bars, because it’s easier to hang out with people who’ve made the same life choices, who have to deal with the same issues. I mean, would you go out with a bunch of couples? Or throuples?’

  ‘No, I’d feel like a total random.’

  ‘Maybe they’d be jealous.’

  ‘Yeah!’ June says, holding up her phone to Millie’s face to reveal a close-up dick pic.

  Millie shuts her eyes quickly.

  ‘Oh Mils, such a sensitive little soul, aren’t you? It’s just a willy wearing a sombrero!’

  It isn’t the first time June has teased her about being a sensitive little soul, and Millie can’t deny there’s a grain of truth. But after the millionth time,
it feels like a dig. The way June says it makes her feel like she’s small and silly. To keep the peace, Millie is happy to continue sidestepping these sideswipes, instead of tackling them head-on. Unlike June, confrontation isn’t her thing.

  ‘Why do you want to see a willy in a sombrero?’ Millie asks. ‘Penises aren’t exactly oil paintings, are they?’

  ‘Um, I beg to differ,’ June says. ‘But if they bother you so much, how about this?’

  June holds another one of her Slide matches up. It’s a naked woman doing the splits on a paddleboard and winking at the camera.

  ‘That’s more impressive than a sombrero,’ Millie comments.

  ‘Woah!’ cries a new but distinctive deep voice next to them.

  Millie spins round to see Ben standing next to her, shielding his face from June’s phone.

  ‘Um, sorry, can we help you?’ June says, bristling.

  ‘June, this is Ben!’ Millie quickly adds, surprised to find herself grinning.

  Ben smiles that perfectly imperfect dimpled smile and stretches his hand out across the table.

  ‘Lovely to meet you,’ Ben says. June shakes his hand with a confused frown.

  ‘Ben’s from work – he just joined us last week from the Cardiff office.’

  June’s forehead relaxes, and she raises her glass. ‘Ah, I see. Sorry, I thought you were just a nosy creep.’

  ‘Hey, I might be a creep, but I’m not nosy, I promise,’ Ben replies, laughing.

  ‘Welcome!’ says Al, appearing as if by magic at their table. ‘And who is this?’

  ‘This is Ben from Millie’s office,’ June says. ‘And, apparently, your neighbourhood creep.’

  ‘I’ve just moved here from Cardiff,’ Ben says. ‘I live round the corner on Prince of Wales Drive.’

  ‘How apt,’ Millie smiles, and he grins back at her.

  It might be her imagination, but it feels like there’s a moment between them. Why her imagination would go there is a mystery.

  ‘Well, I see you’re fitting in already, finding the coolest spot to hang on a Friday night,’ June interrupts loudly.

  ‘Indeed! And only five minutes from my flat, too,’ he says, sitting down at their table. June glances at Millie and frowns for a second, before smiling at him again. Millie immediately notices that he’s changed outfits since work earlier. He looks more polished than he does during the day, and he smells of eucalyptus again. It’s delicious.