The Couple

by Helly Acton

  ‘The latter, I’m afraid, Sasha. I’m sure you understand. Besides, you could have done a couple deep dive if you wanted to,’ Millie replies without looking at her. In her overflowing inbox, she spots an email from Ruth that she doesn’t remember getting.

  HOUSEWARMING

  Sam and Ruth invite you to celebrate their new home

  Tuesday 17th August, 8 p.m.

  Dress code: Your Secret Crush

  ‘How do you know we haven’t?’ Sasha says, throwing her yoghurt pot in Millie’s bin.

  Millie grabs her phone and finds the nearest empty meeting room, leaving Sasha lingering at her desk.

  ‘Um, excuse me? What do you mean, your new house? Are you living together? That’s huge!’ Millie cries down the phone at Ruth, who’s laughing. ‘Why am I only hearing about this in an invitation for a party tomorrow? I hope you don’t expect me to actually dress up. For starters, I haven’t got a secret crush. And second, the summer party’s coming up and that’s more than enough dressing up for me.’

  ‘It was last minute, Mils,’ Ruth says. ‘Sam’s lease was coming up, she couldn’t find anywhere that wasn’t miles away and it just made sense. She moved in over the weekend. Millie, I live with someone. I actually live with someone. Ruth from eight years ago would have a heart attack.’

  ‘Millie from right now is having a heart attack,’ Millie says, laughing.

  ‘Yeah, I can’t quite believe it myself,’ Ruth says.

  ‘Me neither,’ Millie replies quietly. She can’t believe it or imagine it. ‘So, what’s it like so far?’

  ‘I won’t lie, I’m having to get used to less cupboard space, and some of Sam’s ornaments aren’t quite my style. But it feels cosy. Warm. Secure. I mean, who knows, the novelty might wear off quickly. But I’m banking on her sticking around.’

  ‘I miss you,’ Millie says. ‘I mean, it’s only been a couple of weeks, but it feels like years.’

  ‘Well, let’s catch up tomorrow. You can come, right?’

  ‘Of course I’ll be there,’ Millie says.

  ‘We’ll grab half an hour at the party, just the two of us. There’s actually something important I want to talk to you about.’

  ‘OK, cool,’ Millie says breezily, feeling anything but. What could she possibly want to talk to her in private about?

  Millie:

  Pre-drink at Buddies before Ruth’s tomorrow?

  June:

  Hell yes, I’ll need it

  Al:

  Will it be that bad?

  June:

  Couple Central

  Al:

  Does it matter?

  June:

  I just hope we don’t stick out like sore thumbs

  Millie:

  Well, we have each other

  June:

  We can pretend to be a couple

  Millie:

  Ha, yes! X

  Al:

  Hey! What about me?

  June:

  You can be our adopted adult daughter x

  Millie:

  Ah, we’ve always said we’d have a kid together x

  June:

  Pretty sure we’d have grounded her for drinking by now . . .

  Al:

  Thanks mums x

  In the boardroom later that morning, Millie and Ben are propped against the table next to each other, staring at the three posters on the wall of Deion, Ginny, Thandi and the Rogerses.

  ‘No kids, right?’ Ben says, after a minute of contemplative silence.

  ‘Agreed. Our position is that this is an adults-only product, given that it’s irreversible. A treatment this final needs full, informed and proper consent, which kids can’t give, and parents shouldn’t be able to give on their behalf,’ Millie states.

  Ben grabs a marker, removes the lid dramatically and strikes a cross through Deion. He takes a step over to Ginny.

  ‘Ginny’s my favourite,’ Millie says. ‘This is where Oxytoxin could do some real good.’

  ‘Agreed,’ Ben says, keeping the poster up and scribbling a tick on it, before stepping across to Thandi.

  ‘Now, what are our thoughts on the fact that in another world, this could be you?’ he laughs.

  ‘I’m nothing like Thandi!’ Millie cries.

  ‘Yes, you are! The good bits, of course. Smart, ambitious, career-focused. It’s a compliment, promise.’

  ‘Well, actually, I think I love her,’ Millie says.

  ‘Oh yeah, do I smell a crush?’ Ben asks.

  ‘No! Not like that,’ Millie replies.

  ‘So, who do you fancy?’ Ben asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

  ‘You,’ Millie replies, matter-of-factly.

  Ben throws the marker over his shoulder and rushes to her, taking her in his arms and leaning her back on the boardroom table as they kiss each other all over. They aren’t in the office anymore, they’re lying on Castle Beach, with the waves lapping around them, her skin covered in sand. Suddenly it starts to feel itchy and . . .

  ‘Millie?’ Ben smiles. An instant trigger for a smile of Millie’s own.

  ‘No one. Who do you have a crush on?’ she asks him back, pressing her lips together to force the telltale grin off her face.

  ‘Now that would be telling,’ Ben says, raising his eyebrows. ‘So, Thandi.’

  ‘She’s another strong case for it,’ Millie says. ‘She and Ginny are the only stories I feel completely comfortable with. They’re both consenting adults who understand the consequences, and they aren’t being pushed into it by anyone.’

  ‘And, it’ll have no impact on anyone else,’ Ben adds.

  Millie nods. ‘What about the Rogerses?’

  ‘They’re only considering it for the financial benefits of being single, and to stop Lily from being bullied. I think there are other ways of dealing with that. Plus, I think my own heart would break if they split up.’

  ‘Agreed. They are far too pure to front this campaign. It feels too tragic,’ Millie adds.

  Ben rips down the posters of Deion and the Rogerses, leaving them staring at Ginny and Thandi on the wall, his marker pen poised to write.

  ‘So, what campaign lines have we landed on with Ginny and Thandi?’ Millie asks, tilting her head to read Ben’s scribble.

  ‘For Ginny, it’s Heal Your Heart,’ Ben says slowly as he writes it out on a blank piece of paper on the opposite wall. ‘And for Thandi it’s . . . Find Your Focus.’

  ‘I love them,’ Millie says, and smiles. ‘Sounds so positive, I might take one.’

  ‘Don’t say that!’ Ben bursts out, startling Millie.

  ‘Just kidding!’ Millie laughs, surprised that her comment seemed to touch a nerve.

  ‘Sorry, bit dramatic,’ Ben says, flustered. ‘I think I need a break. How about some lunch?’ he suggests.

  ‘It’s Asian Chicken Salad Monday,’ Millie replies, noticing his cheeks have turned pink.

  ‘Do you really have the same thing for lunch every Monday?’ Ben asks, taking the posters of Ginny and Thandi down and rolling them up.

  ‘Yes,’ Millie says.

  ‘Why?’ He shrugs.

  ‘Because it’s tried and tested. I know what I’m getting, and I know that I’ll like it.’

  ‘But you must have tasted it for the very first time at some point. So, how do you know that there isn’t something else you’d love even more? Something you just haven’t tried yet?’ Ben asks.

  ‘Would it make you happy if I tried something new for the first time today?’ Millie answers.

  ‘Only if it made you happy.’ He smiles.

  ‘OK, let’s take it one step further. How about you choose something new for me?’ Millie suggests.

  ‘Hope you like prawn cocktail,’ he says, putting a plate of pale pink goo in front of her and an Asian chicken salad in front of him.

  Millie detests prawns.

  ‘We’ll soon see!’ she chirps, stirring and poking at the rubbery blobs. She spears a prawn and brings it gingerly to her lip
s, swallowing down the bile that’s rising at the back of her throat.

  ‘Stop!’ Ben cries from across the table. Millie pauses, her mouth open in front of the dripping fork.

  ‘I can’t let you do that,’ Ben says, ‘It’s too cruel.’

  He takes the fork from her hand and swaps their plates.

  ‘If sticking to the same meal every Monday is what makes you happy, then that’s what you should do. You shouldn’t let anyone try to change you, let alone an eejit like me.’

  Twenty-Three

  ‘The worst is St Bridget’s Day,’ says the woman in red at Ruth’s housewarming party the following night. ‘Drowning in a tsunami of cards, flowers, chocolates and happy singles celebrating alone or with other single friends. Give me strength!’

  ‘My dad still buys me a gift on Bridget’s,’ says the man in blue, chuckling. ‘And when we moved in together, he gave me housewarming gifts for one. He even bought me a single egg cup! What does he think we do, eat breakfast one at a time?’

  The rest of the group laugh and nod their heads in acknowledgement.

  ‘It’s the guilt that gets me,’ says a woman in yellow on the other side of the circle. ‘My mum puts on her best sad puppy eyes and tells me that she’ll only be happy when I’m single.’

  ‘I mean, don’t hold back, Jean!’ a man in black laughs, putting his arm around her.

  ‘And whenever we take a photo, she gets Jack to take the picture! Maybe I’m paranoid, but I think it’s because she doesn’t want him in the photo!’

  ‘Babe, you’re not paranoid, she told you she was future-proofing the memories,’ the man in black says.

  ‘She said I’d thank her one day,’ the woman in yellow laughs.

  ‘So how do you know Ruth?’ the man in black says, turning to Millie and June.

  ‘Ex-work wife,’ Millie says.

  ‘And how long have you two been together?’ Yellow Woman grins, her head darting between her and June.

  ‘Two magical years,’ June says before Millie can correct her. Then she takes Millie’s hand and brings it up to her lips for a kiss.

  Millie stares at the man and smiles.

  ‘And how have your parents handled it?’ the woman in yellow asks.

  ‘My mum lights a hope candle for me in her spirituality group every Sunday evening. Millie’s mum tells her that she doesn’t want her turning into an old housewife. And last week, we went to a thirtieth ceremony and had to sit on a “couples’ table”!’ June closes the lie with air quotes. ‘As if we’re something to gawk at. Basically, our parents think we’re total losers. But it’s worth it to spend every morning waking up next to this beautiful face.’

  June strokes Millie’s flushed cheek, which is pointed straight ahead as she tries not to catch anyone’s eye.

  ‘Who’d like a top-up?’ says Ruth, entering the circle holding a bottle of champagne.

  Everyone puts their glass forward.

  ‘Can we talk for five minutes?’ Ruth whispers in Millie’s ear, after she’s finished pouring the round.

  Millie is relieved to unhook her hand from June’s and follow Ruth towards the balcony. She can hear June continue to tell the group that she’s sick of being asked why she’s in a couple.

  ‘Ruth, the place looks amazing,’ Millie says, pushing the balcony door shut behind her. ‘I’m so pleased I came, even if it is a Tuesday.’

  ‘Sorry, forgot about your school night rule! Thanks, hon. I’m really happy. I mean, it hasn’t been a total bed of roses. Merging two lives means doubling up on items, deciding which ones go to the charity shop, making sure the place doesn’t become a bomb site. And the landlord has hiked up the rent, as predicted.’

  ‘Are they allowed to do that?’ Millie asks.

  ‘Two people cause twice the damage,’ Ruth shrugs. ‘I also had to declare that I was in a couple on my private health insurance, so that’s gone up too. Still, at least Sam earns a decent salary or we’d be screwed.’

  ‘That’s the real reason you’re with her, isn’t it?’ Millie shakes her head.

  ‘Obviously,’ Ruth replies, casually. ‘Did you know what the health insurers said?’

  ‘Being in a relationship reduces your life by ten minutes a day?’

  ‘Very funny. No, they said that being in a couple brings added stress that being single doesn’t, which can have a long-lasting and detrimental impact on my physical and mental well-being,’ Ruth quotes. ‘But, whatever. It’s worth it to have her here. Just for that morning cup of tea she brings me in bed alone.’ She smiles. ‘I’m easily pleased, I guess.’

  ‘Pff, I could train Bruce to do that, no problem,’ Millie says.

  ‘Knowing him, he’d throw it in your face, smash the mug against the side table and hold a shard of bone china to your throat,’ Ruth replies.

  ‘I’ll probably leave it. So, what did you want to talk to me about?’ Millie says.

  Millie has been racking her brain since yesterday, wondering what could be on Ruth’s mind. Is she going to tell her that she’s upset Millie stayed at Slide? Hurt that she’s gunning for her old job? Appalled that she’s happy to put Oxytoxin on the market?

  ‘I’m starting my own app,’ Ruth says, beaming, her excitement palpable. ‘It’s a matchmaking app for people who want to be in a couple. I mean, there are already a few smaller hook-up apps on the market, and there’s Buddy-Up, but this one is different – it is going to go deeper. It’s going to be focused on finding someone to fall in love with and guiding them on how to adapt to a long-term, monogamous, committed relationship. Not only will you use it to find a partner, but it will offer tips on how to make the change from single to couple life, how to handle concerned parents, how to keep things exciting in the bedroom, couples’ events. It’ll basically be a pro-couple lifestyle hub. The anti-Slide.’

  ‘Wow!’ Millie says, trying not to sound sarcastic. Are there really that many people out there who want to be in a couple? Her work on Oxytoxin would suggest otherwise.

  ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Ruth says. ‘That it doesn’t sound like it would have a huge market. Maybe not. But I’d like it to start small, grow organically, see what the appetite is. I reckon there are more people out there who want to be in a couple than we realise. I think loads of people are single because that’s what society expects of them. Who, in fact, would be far happier in a couple if that was the ‘done thing’. If we could bring them all together and convince them that being in a couple is fine, I think we’d be surprised by the figures.’

  ‘So what stage are you at with it?’ Millie asks.

  ‘I’ve been slogging away at the seed funding presentation, and now it’s ready to send to potential investors. We just need enough money to build the platform and pay our salaries for the first year. But I really believe in this, Millie. I think it has legs!’

  ‘This all sounds . . . amazing!’ Millie cries positively, hiding her deep concern. It’s one thing joining a start-up like Slide when it already had the funding. It’s a whole new level of risk to start your own, without any guarantee that it’ll get off the ground. Especially one as controversial as a couples app.

  ‘Well, Sam has a few high-net-worth connections, which helped.’ Ruth smiles. ‘I’ve called it Twocan. Spelt t-w-o then can.’

  ‘Why?’ Millie laughs.

  ‘Well, toucans are monogamous. And they have a courting ritual where they toss each other fruit, which I thought was cute. I figured it could play into the whole app – throw someone a blueberry. And the whole idea of it being two people, who can.’

  ‘That is cute,’ Millie replies, her head filling with creative ideas already.

  ‘I miss working with you,’ Ruth says, ‘and I know you aren’t in a couple yourself, never have been and never will be, but I want you to come and join me, Mils. I want you to be chief creative officer of Twocan. I can offer you a fresh start, an exciting new challenge, the chance to be a CCO, like you’ve always dreamed. And unlimited holiday.’ />
  ‘You know I never take my holiday anyway,’ Millie smiles, floored by the offer.

  Millie’s heart leaps at the thought of working with Ruth again. Then sinks fast when she thinks of the risk. In her head a siren sounds. At Slide, she’s protected by working for a big conglomerate in Human. Monthly salary, holidays, sick leave, private healthcare, pension. At Twocan, she’ll have nothing – not even an office or a guarantee the business will survive.

  ‘I don’t need an answer right away,’ Ruth says, ‘but it would be good to know in a week or so. I mean, there’s always Sasha.’

  ‘Hey!’ Millie cries.

  ‘Kidding,’ Ruth replies. ‘Oh look, he’s here!’

  Millie looks through the balcony window and sees Ben hovering in the hallway.

  ‘What was the theme of this party, again?’ Millie asks Ruth. She knows, but she needs to hear it.

  ‘Your secret crush,’ Ruth replies. ‘June looks good as a redhead!’

  Millie isn’t listening. She’s too busy focusing on the Tenby T-shirt that Ben’s wearing.

  ‘I’m glad I spotted you first,’ Ben says as Millie approaches him. ‘I was seconds away from giving June a slap on the back from behind. Could have been awkward.’

  ‘And painful. June did judo at school,’ Millie replies. ‘Nice T-shirt.’

  ‘Laundry day,’ Ben smiles. ‘And I figured you’d be here, so I thought I’d give it back.’

  ‘What have you got on underneath?’ Millie asks, lifting the bottom of his T-shirt. Her three champagnes are kicking in.

  ‘Millie Jones!’ June shouts from across the room. ‘If you’re going to cheat on me, you could at least do it behind my back!’

  Millie lets go of the T-shirt and turns red when she sees June’s audience giggling.

  ‘Inside scoop – June and I are a couple here,’ Millie leans over and whispers to a bemused Ben. ‘We thought it would help us fit in.’

  ‘I can’t think of a more perfect pair,’ he says.

  ‘We’re soulmates,’ June says, striding up and leaning in between them to take a carrot from the crudités tray.

  ‘Well, that’s wonderful,’ Ben says.