From Sinner to Saint

by Jones, Janice

  Of all the crazy stunts Lynn had pulled while they dated, Antonyo could not remember her ever blatantly lying. She was constantly animated; definitely dramatic and on a few occasions even borderline psychotic. But all of these characteristics were exhibited during Lynn’s routine behavior; nothing out of the ordinary for her. Lying would be a new character flaw for this loony female.

  Just as Antonyo came to the conclusion that Lynn was more than likely telling the truth, Timber rang his phone and put away any lingering hope that perhaps Lynn had been less than honest.

  “Hey, Tone. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Some chick named Clarke called me today wanting to know about the seriousness of our relationship. She wasn’t hostile or anything; said she was simply asking from a standpoint of curiosity.”

  “Thanks for letting me know, Tim. I’ll make sure she never calls you again.” Antonyo ended the call. Now he had to face the inevitable. He had to confront Clarke and get to the bottom of her intrusive inquisition into his other relationships. He added to his conversation agenda the fact that he must give Clarke an ultimatum. Either she never called any of his friends again, or she never saw him again.

  Clarke fumbled around her bedroom, stumbling around her younger sister and all of her crap, trying to release the pent-up nervous energy that had surrounded her since she received Antonyo’s phone call. She went from sitting cross-legged on the floor to popping up a minute and a half later and lying across the bed, staring at the ceiling, to flopping onto her belly after just a few seconds.

  Nikia, one of Clarke’s five siblings, became annoyed and voiced her displeasure. “I wish you would sit your butt still, girl. What in the heck is wrong with you anyway? You are flitting around this room and kicking over my stuff like you have lost your mind.”

  “No, not my mind, Niki, but maybe my man,” Clarke replied absently.

  “What! What do you mean, you might have lost your man? I never realized that Tony was your man, Clarke. I thought you said the two of you were in a casual relationship, free to see other people.”

  Clarke and Niki were very close, best friends even, and Clarke shared just about everything with this sister since they were closest in age. While she had told Niki about her informal relationship and all of the juicy details, she had yet to tell her sister about the current state of affairs. Until Clarke had secured her position as Antonyo’s one and only, she felt it safer to keep that information to herself.

  “I don’t mean my man in the true sense of the word. I just mean . . . it’s really nothing, Niki. Antonyo called and said he needed to speak with me ASAP. So I’m just a little nervous about what he has to say, that’s all,” Clarke lied.

  Antonyo had called, telling her he needed to speak with her in person about something serious, informing her then that he would be over to pick her up in about an hour. While he gave no absolute reason for the need for this spur of the moment conversation, Clarke was sure it had everything to do with her conversations with Lynn and Timber, and she was more than a little nervous.

  That was forty-five minutes ago. Clarke finally settled on the bed, trying to think of a reasonable explanation, other than the truth, to give Antonyo for calling Lynn and Timber. However, nothing that came to mind made any logical sense.

  Clarke, you are an intelligent young woman. The best thing for you to do is simply play this conversation by ear. No need for any pre-conceived lies or manipulations. Answer the questions as he asks them, speaking clearly and confidently. What is the worst that can happen? “He’ll decide to stop seeing you, that’s what!” Clarke had not realized she voiced her last thought aloud until she heard her sister question her comment.

  “What are you babbling about now, Clarke?” Niki asked.

  “Huh? Uh . . . nothing, Niki. Just ignore me.” Before Niki could question her any further, Clarke heard her mother calling, announcing Antonyo’s arrival.

  Clarke descended the stairs with trepidation, feeling her knees go weak as she spotted Antonyo sitting on the sofa. His face looked pensive. She could tell he knew of her phone calls to Timber and Lynn and he was less than happy about it.

  “Hello, Tony,” Clarke said, trying to make her voice sound normal, contradictory to her jumpy emotions.

  “Hey, Clarke. Can you take a drive with me right now?”

  “Uh . . . sure, Tony. Give me a minute to grab my purse and let my mother know I’m leaving.”

  “Okay. I will wait for you in the car,” Tony said as he stood and left the living room.

  Clarke went back up the stairs as fearfully as she had come down them to go and retrieve her purse from the bedroom. She still had not come up with even a half-decent excuse to give for making the phone calls, and now the moment of truth loomed upon her. After grabbing her small handbag, Clarke sought her mother, finding her standing in the kitchen about to prepare dinner.

  “Mama, I’m going to go out with Tony for a little while, if that’s okay with you.” She almost hoped her mother would forbid her from going just so she would not have to face the music with Tony.

  “Sure, honey. It’s fine. Just remember I have to work tonight, so I need you home before six.” Clarke’s mom kissed her cheek and noticed the trembling in her daughter’s body. “Are you all right, Clarke? You’re shaking, sweetheart.”

  Clarke felt like telling her mother of the dilemma she faced with Tony. Perhaps she could offer some sort of sound advice on what she should say to him; but shame prevented her from spilling her guts. She did not want her mom to know how foolishly she had been behaving over a man who was supposed to be no more than a casual acquaintance.

  “I’m fine, Mama. I’m just excited to see Antonyo. I’m really beginning to like him a lot,” Clarke confessed as honestly as possible.

  “Well, just be careful, Clarke. You make sure you keep your head on straight and keep your priorities on your studies. Don’t you let no man get you sidetracked and have you give up on your brilliant future. You hear me?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Clarke kissed her mom and left the kitchen before she broke down and cried in front of her. She had a paper due in English in three days, and she had yet to begin working on it. Yes, she was beginning to let her class work slip, and that, too, made her ashamed. She had to get this relationship with Antonyo under control, and fast, before she really started messing up.

  Clarke approached Antonyo as he sat on the hood of the car waiting for her. She stepped up to him, kissed him gently on the forehead, and then walked to the passenger’s side of the car. Antonyo followed and opened the door for her to get in. Neither of them said a word during this interchange. Once Antonyo finally settled in the driver’s seat, he drove away from Clarke’s house, heading toward Belle Isle.

  Antonyo always went to Belle Isle to think, chill, and relax; and relaxation was just what he needed in order to confront Clarke regarding her intrusiveness and scheming. He would have expected something like this from Lynn, but from Clarke it was a severe slap in the face. He trusted her; he believed her to be mature and level-headed. Now he found himself distrusting his own instincts. He needed clarity, and he would settle for nothing less once he and Clarke began talking about what he regarded as a complete betrayal of his trust in her.

  Clarke sat nervously in her seat, feeling quite double-minded. While she wished Antonyo would say something to her, she dreaded hearing what would come out of his mouth. When she could no longer stand the pregnant silence, she aborted its existence.

  “So, what has been up with you, Tony? How has your day been so far?” Clarke asked with as much normalcy as she could muster.

  “Clarke, I would really rather we not talk until we get downtown. I have a lot on my mind and I would really like to use the drive to Belle Isle as an opportunity to think things through,” Antonyo replied pensively.

  Clarke’s breath nearly stilled in her chest. She could hear Antonyo’s anger and feel his disappointment in her, suffocating her within the few cubic feet of the automobile. She ne
arly began crying, but she fought the urge because she did not want Antonyo to witness her distress. She still had not decided how she would handle this situation. Breaking into tears at this moment would declare her guilty before the interrogation even began.

  Antonyo parked in the area where he normally did when he visited Belle Isle, the historical and beautiful landmark of Detroit. He shut off the engine and took a deep breath, inhaling the spring air drifting in off the Detroit River. Just being there helped to alleviate some of the stress he felt over his predicament with Clarke.

  For several moments the couple sat in the car silently. While the quiet gave Antonyo an opportunity to think and process his thoughts, it threatened to drive Clarke insane. To keep herself from screaming, if for no other reason than to simply end the horrible silence inside the car, she decided to start the dialogue with Antonyo. She figured she would begin in a position of offense versus defense, hoping to somehow gain a leg up on the crazy situation she created.

  “Tony, I think I know what this is all about. I called Lynn and Timber earlier today. I did this without really thinking about it, just kind of curious about your overall relationship with them. I know it was nosy and intrusive, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart.”

  Antonyo turned to look in Clarke’s direction for the first time since parking the car. He stared at her, realizing her strategy, and somewhat marveling at her initiative. Antonyo had always been impressed with Clarke’s intellect.

  “Clarke, what you did was wrong. It was immature and disrespectful. It was also embarrassing, hopefully as much for you as for everyone else involved. From the beginning of our relationship, you were informed I would be seeing other people. You were also free to do the same. You said you were cool with that. Now all of a sudden you decide to start sneaking around like a private eye, investigating me and what I do with my other female friends. I don’t understand it. You’re going to have to give me a better reason than sheer nosiness.”

  Clarke raised her eyes from her lap, where they had remained focused while Tony chastised her. She looked at him to find him glaring intently at her, waiting impatiently for her to answer his question. Clarke stared sheepishly at the love of her life, wondering if she should be honest with him, or use her book smarts to devise a crafty response.

  “Listen, Tony. I want to again apologize for calling Lynn and Timber. Like you said, it was silly and immature; but I was sincere when I said I was curious about the status of your relationship with each of them. I know we are not in a committed relationship, but I guess I just wanted to see if I could find out if you liked either of them more than you liked me. Call it pride or ego or whatever. As I think about it right now, I realize I just did not want to be the low man, or perhaps I should say low woman, on the totem pole.”

  After speaking, Clarke felt satisfied with her partially truthful response. She sat silently and prayed that Antonyo did as well, because she now knew for sure she was not yet ready to divulge the level of her feelings for him.

  As Antonyo sat and listened to Clarke’s response, he found himself just as confused as he was when he initially heard about the phone calls to Lynn and Timber. He knew that Clarke was smart, but he could not determine if she was also deliberately being cunning at this moment. In the beginning Antonyo would have bet money that Clarke was not a schemer, but he would have also bet that she would not have pulled the stunts of sneaking through his phone to find numbers and calling his other friends either. He was sure that the blank look he now had plastered all over his face gave Clarke indication of his cluelessness.

  In an effort to remain in control of the situation, Antonyo decided that he would give Clarke the benefit of the doubt and believe her story of temporary insecurity. No need in her sitting here assessing and detecting his own uncertainty and later using it against him at some point. One of the keys to his being able to maintain his current player status was making his women feel like he always knew what they were up to. Antonyo resolved to simply keeping a closer watch on Clarke, her actions and her attitudes.

  “Clarke, I believe you, and I assure you that you are not the low woman on the totem pole. In fact, because of your intelligence, you are probably the one I like spending time with the most. But, I am still a long way from being ready to settle down and have a monogamous relationship with you or anyone else, so now that you have heard it from the horse’s mouth, can you please stop with the spy games so we can get back to being good friends and lovers?”

  “I’ll be good from here on out, Tony. I promise. I will never do anything that silly again. I want you to always be able to trust me,” Clarke replied wholeheartedly with her mouth; however, she began plotting and scheming on her next move to make Antonyo all hers in her heart and mind.

  Chapter 15

  After months of relentless persuasion, Antonyo had finally consented to attend church with his mother. As he changed from the outfit he’d worn to service this morning and prepared for his date with Clarke, he reflected on the words of the sermon. Today’s message was delivered by the youth and young adult minister, which was one of the reasons Trina completely insisted and practically demanded that Antonyo attend church with her that day. Trina kept reiterating that today’s message would be something he could more than likely relate to because of the messenger.

  Being that the messenger was a beautiful young female named Keisha Hearn, who could not have been more than a couple years older than himself, Antonyo was amazed that he was able to actually hear and concentrate on anything she said. Minister Keisha spoke about how important it was to capture and hold the attention of the youth, being that they were the future of the church. Antonyo remembered specifically the four Rs she used in her sermon to inspire the younger generation: Real, Relevant, Relational and Rousing. Minister Keisha was all of that, in addition to being really sexy. At some point during the morning, Antonyo stopped noticing how pretty she was and started paying more attention to what she was saying. He even remembered one of the key scriptures she used, I Timothy 4:12: Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith and your purity. As well as 5:1-2: Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as though he were your own father. Talk to the younger men as you would do your own brothers. Treat the older women as you would your mother, and treat the younger women with all purity as your own sisters.

  Minister Keisha explained that Timothy was a young minister being schooled by an older man named Paul, who gave Timothy life lessons as well as spiritual messages to share with those he would preach to. After hearing and reading in his mom’s Bible that scripture about how to treat women, Antonyo jokingly wondered if Timothy was once a playboy like himself.

  In an afterthought, he also pondered on the scripture about respecting older men as if they were your father. Antonyo was sure that God did not want him to have the same amount of respect for all older men as he had for his own pathetic dad. Only every blue moon would he even entertain a thought about his father, and the things he thought about were far from anything that could be considered respectable. Since his mother had become saved, she would often quote scriptures to him about forgetting the past and forgiving those who had hurt him, including his father, Sheldon. Antonyo always insisted that while he wanted nothing to do with the counterpart in his conception, he held no ill will for the man. Sheldon was simply a dead issue to him.

  Now it seemed as if the two things his mom spoke to him most often about were also being reiterated to him in church by the beautiful minister. Was God really trying to tell him something? Of that he was not sure, but he did tell his mother after the service that he would attend again on Youth Sunday.

  “No, Clarke! Please tell me you are kidding. This cannot be happening. This cannot be real,” Antonyo roared after hearing Clarke’s revealing news.

  “Antonyo, I’m sorry, but it’s true. I am seven and a half weeks pregnan
t. Here is the pregnancy verification they gave me at the clinic today. The expected date of delivery is two days before your twenty-third birthday. It is all written right here in black and white, Tony.” Clarke attempted to hand the paper to her infuriated lover, but Antonyo simply glared at her, never even bothering to look at the paper she held.

  “It doesn’t even matter what that paper says, Clarke, because you are going to have to get rid of it. You are going to have to have an abortion,” Antonyo stated plainly, as if the matter had already been decided for both of them.

  “No, Tony. I am not having an abortion.” Clarke was just as plain in her denial of his demand.

  “What do you mean, no? Clarke, I’m only twenty-two years old, I live at home in my mother’s house, and I’m not even really your man. You are only nineteen and you still have a year to go before you finish college. Neither of us is in the position to parent a child.”

  Clarke calmly listened to Tony rant, already knowing ahead of time that he would try to talk her out of keeping their child. She was prepared for his anger, his opinions, and even his denial, if it should come to that. But Clarke was adamant about keeping the baby she had been planning to conceive for the past few months, ever since he had confronted and forgiven her for calling Lynn and Timber. Since then, another female, Cocoa, had been added to his collection, but Clarke fretted not. She knew in her heart of hearts that Antonyo would one day be all hers, and the child she now carried would seal the deal.

  “Tony, I hear and understand all of your opposing viewpoints, but you can’t honestly believe that they are enough to warrant us getting rid of our child. Your mother raised you after giving birth to you at age fifteen and without a high school education. My mother had me when she was just seventeen and has since had five more children and we are all surviving. Both of our parents were single mothers. Tony, we have more going for us than either of our parents did when they started having babies, so I know we can do this too, especially if we do it together. You have a good job, and having this baby will not keep me from getting my degree on time. Tony, we can do this.”