by Genna Denton
“Yes, sir,” Alex replied.
Kay slipped back into the car and Alex continued to back down the drive.
“What?” he asked when he realized she was staring at him.
“Very impressive.” She clapped her hands together silently. “Thanks.”
He laughed. “You’re welcome.”
***
Meagan couldn’t believe she was on the back of a motorcycle. The trees, houses, and mailboxes blurred by as they sped down the street. She loved it, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, her hair flying in the wind, and his jacket. His black leather jacket gave off a very distinct smell. It reminded her of fresh, crisp snow in the winter.
For a while, she forgot all about her problems. She didn’t worry about Lena or Seth or the other kids at school who wanted to torment her. She didn’t think about being in therapy and what had driven her there. All that mattered was this moment with Ryder on this empty street, with the sun setting on the horizon. She wished she could capture this moment and freeze it in time.
***
Ryder took a turn that led back to the main street of their small town. He rolled into a parking space and stopped the bike. Meagan hopped off and removed her helmet; her long red hair blew fiercely in the wind.
“Wow! I had no idea that could be so fun.”
“I told ya.” Ryder pushed the kickstand back down and killed the motor. He climbed off and removed his helmet. He looked at Meagan. She had a glow about her, and excitement filled her eyes. He smiled at the thought of making her so happy.
“What a rush,” Meagan said, flashing him a gorgeous smile.
His eyes lingered on her pearly white teeth and full, luscious lips; maybe they lingered a little too long. Ryder couldn’t help himself. He knew Meagan was his “back-up buddy” in group and she probably had some deep-rooted pain of her own, but whenever he was around her, he felt different. He felt worthy and fun and for the first time since the shooting, he felt like he had a clean slate.
“Are you hungry?” he finally asked.
“Starving!” Meagan exclaimed. He could tell she was still beaming from the ride on his motorcycle. They crossed the street to Jill’s Grill. When they walked in, they slid into a booth by the window, Meagan sitting across from him. The server came and took their orders on her little notebook and then left.
“As fun as this has been, I think we should get on to our questions,” Meagan said, breaking an awkward silence that had fallen upon them.
“Right, the twenty questions game,” Ryder said, shifting in his seat.
Meagan reached into her purse and pulled out the computer printout of the questions. “Okay, how ‘bout I ask a question, then you ask a question? That’d be easiest, I think.” Ryder nodded and waited for her to ask the first question. “Who’s impacted your life the most?”
“Good impact or bad impact?” Ryder asked.
“Whichever sticks out in your mind the most, I guess. It’s not really specific.”
“I guess that would be my mom. She left when I was about seven...everything went to crap after that.”
Her eyes widened a little, then her expression softened in sympathy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Whenever he’d seen that look—whether it was on guidance counselors or social workers or foster parents, it’d made him furious. Coming from Meagan, though, it made him feel safe. He shook his head, giving her a small smile. “My parents were drug-addicts,” he said with a shrug, like it was no big deal. “I’m probably better off without them.”
Meagan didn’t say anything, didn’t try to put her two cents in, just acknowledged the answer and wrote it down. Ryder pulled out his sheet of paper and a pen from his pocket. He skimmed through the questions, trying to find a lighthearted one.
“What’s the best thing that ever happened to you?”
“Wow, the best thing?” Meagan was quiet for a minute. He didn’t think it’d be such a hard question for her to answer. “Winning the statewide FAME dance competition in the junior division.”
He was impressed. “Cool, so you dance?”
“Yeah…well, I used to…I kind of took this year off.” She glanced down and the table.
“Oh…” Ryder said, not trying to push the topic. Meagan seemed like the type of girl who would have no problem being self-confident, like she should be on top of the world. So why then was she always looking away, or looking down when he tried to make eye contact?
“Hmm, let’s see…number fifteen,” Meagan continued. “What’s one secret that nobody else knows about you?”
“You pick the heavy questions, don’t you?” He picked up a French fry and dipped it into a pile of ketchup, twirling it as he thought. As if finally finding something, he looked up at her, a grin playing at the edges of his lips. “All right, but I’m warning you, I’ll lose major cool points for this one.”
“I doubt it,” she said.
He popped the fry into his mouth as if to stall, waiting until he swallowed before he said, “I’m a virgin.”
“Why?” She exclaimed, then quickly bit her lip. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. “I mean...obviously, it’s a choice you’ve made.”
His cheeks flushed a little, as if he hadn’t realized how attracted she was to him until now. “I mean, think about it. How many virgins do you know? Gage was married and Kay...well, she’s got a reputation. Kelly and Alex have this weird vibe thing going on—neither of them look at each other at the same time. I’m willing to bet they have some kind of history together. It just seems like everywhere you look, people are being way too casual about sex.” He glanced down, his cheeks flushing. Talking about this was embarrassing him. “If you ask me...it’s a big deal. One I’m not really ready to handle, especially with everything else going on. I’m only seventeen, and hopefully, I have my whole life ahead of me. What’s the rush?” He looked up at her, breaking his rant with a laugh. “You probably think I’m some prude or something, right?”
She shook her head, chuckling. “No. I think it’s cool you feel that way, and that you’re willing to say it.”
“I don’t know about cool,” he said with a shrug. Keeping his gaze on his plate, he twirled another fry in his ketchup. “Honestly, just the thought of being that close to someone terrifies me.” Ryder laughed to lighten the mood and make things a little less personal. She wrote down the answer, and he skimmed his questions again. “That’s a nice segue for my next question. What are you afraid of?”
The question must’ve caught her off guard because her eyes shot up and she looked pale for a second, then as if regaining her self-control, she flashed him a big smile. “Living life in fear isn’t living at all.”
Her answer surprised him. It wasn’t really an answer to the question at all, but hey, if that was her opinion, who was he to press?
***
“Have you ever been in love?” Alex asked as he and Kay sat on the bleachers at the edge of the Clearwater High football field. The place was completely empty. Pretty unusual for a Saturday afternoon, Alex thought, but he preferred to have to field to himself.
“No, not really. My romantic history is limited to…” She trailed off and Alex was sure she was going to say one night stands, although he wasn’t sure what made him think she was like that. “A bunch of mistakes.”
“Oh,” Alex laughed, but it sounded more nervous than anything.
“What about you?” Kay said. “Have you ever been in love?”
He looked down at the empty field he spent so much time on. Truly, madly, deeply, he thought. He rolled a football back and forth between his hands. “Yeah,” he said finally. “I was in love once.”
Kay looked curious. “What happened?”
“What makes you think something happened?”
“You’ve got that look…the love-lost look. You can tell me; I won’t say anything. I’m good at keeping secrets,” she added with a small laugh. The sarcastic sound of it made Alex wonder what secrets she was ke
eping. He looked at her, realizing that she seemed like somebody he could trust.
“I betrayed her,” he said finally.
“You cheated on her?” Kay asked.
“No.” There are worse ways to betray somebody, he thought, like by being a gutless pansy.
Kay’s eyebrow furrowed in confusion, but she didn’t press it and that’s exactly what Alex needed to open up. “Do you wanna walk?”
“Sure,” she said, giving him a small smile. They stood from their spot on the bleachers and began to walk on the big stretch of empty, green grass.
“We’d been friends forever,” he began, still rolling the ball in his hands. He wasn’t nervous, he just needed to have something besides what he was saying to concentrate on or he was sure he’d lose it. He might even cry if he wasn’t careful. “Best friends, you know? Like you and Zander. Somewhere along the line, we fell in love. You know how it is when you’re in love, all that matters in the moment you’re living, and you don’t think that your actions will have consequences.” He stole a glance at Kay. She was walking next to him, her hands clutched behind her back and her shoulder-length brown hair gently blowing in the wind. She looked very interested in what he was saying. “I remember the first time we…” For some reason, he blushed and decided to skim over that detail. “Anyway, afterwards, I remember thinking that she was the only one I ever wanted to be with. She was my everything.”
“So what happened?” Kay asked gently.
“I got her pregnant.” Saying it out loud like that made him feel horrible. Kay’s expression softened even more. He’d expected her eyes to get wide or her mouth to drop open, but no, she just looked at him, waiting for the next part of the story. “When she told me, I kind of freaked out…I didn’t know what to do. We were only sixteen. So, I confided in my dad.” He looked down. “That was a mistake…the biggest mistake ever. I made her get an abortion. She never forgave me for that.”
Kay shook her head. “What do you mean you made her? Seems like to me if I wanted to have the baby, I’d do it no matter if my boyfriend was with me or not.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” Alex said, remembering how big of a jerk he turned into. “Our parents are really proper. I knew if my mom found out, she’d make me do the right thing—which in her eyes is marriage, of course.” He sighed, the brutal memories of his behavior surfacing again. “I was so mean about it. I threatened to tell her parents she was on drugs, and tell the teachers she cheated in class. I threatened to tell other guys she slept around. Unless she did what I said.”
“Oh,” Kay said. “Yeah...that kinda makes you a jerk, huh?”
I must seem cruel so cruel to her, Alex thought. He let out a self-defiant laugh.
“But you told your dad. What’d he say?”
Alex considered telling her, considered finally opening up about his dad’s role in the sordid situation. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words just wouldn’t come out. “Hey,” he said finally. “A friend of mine’s having a party tonight. Do you wanna go?”
“A party?” Kay said, thinking about it for a minute. “Yeah, sure, why not?”
***
Gage searched his apartment for a working pen. At only six months old, Lizzie loved to draw—or at least pretend to draw. All she really did was press down really hard and scribble on paper, eventually shredding it in the process.
Every pen he picked up was broken. He was surprising himself, but he really wanted to write in the journal Daphne had given him. Giving up, he sighed and slumped down onto his couch. He picked up the remote and started flicking through the channels. It landed on SpongeBob Squarepants and Gage immediately started missing Lizzie. He picked up his phone and dialed his sister’s phone number.
“Hey…what’s up?” Gage asked when Sarah answered.
“The same thing that was up ten minutes ago when you called.” Gage could hear the smile in Sarah’s voice.
“I’m just wondering—”
“Lizzie is fine, Gage,” Sarah said. “You’re seventeen. You have the night off. Go have some fun for once.”
“But—” Gage started, but Sarah interrupted him.
“Gage,” she said in her motherly tone, “go have some fun.”
With that, she hung up the phone. Gage didn’t know what to do without Lizzie. That little girl was his life. He sighed and started scrolling through the contacts on his phone. When it landed on Kelly, he thought he would see if she wanted to hang out. He figured it’d be as good a time as any to work on those cheesy questions for group.
***
“So, how’ve things at home been?” Gage asked Kelly as they walked down the sidewalk toward the park.
“Surprisingly supportive,” she said. “She’s been on this mother-daughter kick. Lots of shopping and movie outings. It’s actually been nice...I can’t remember the last time we spent so much time together.”
“Is she finally off that golden boy Alex trip?”
“Oh, yeah.” Kelly laughed. “I think she’d really like to tell him off. Thankfully, she’s kept what I told her between us.”
“You just can’t catch a break, can you? Finally get your mom to stop pushing you together and then he joins the group.” They turned into a park. “Is it weird?”
“It’s awkward. I feel like I can’t say anything without him badgering me about it later.”
He glanced over at her as they started for a picnic table underneath a shade tree. “Does he do that a lot?”
She shrugged. “Kind of. He keeps trying to apologize—as if. I just can’t figure it out—why is he even in the group? Is this another lame attempt to get me back? Or does he...does he really need help? And if he does, is it because what happened between us or is it because of something I don’t even know about?”
“Even if he did need help after what happened, would it change anything for you? Would it change how you feel about him?” Gage’s question trailed off as his attention drew toward a bench where a thin figure dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans lay stretched out. Kelly could see it was a boy about fourteen, maybe a little older, with dark brown hair.
His eyebrows furrowed in an obvious expression of concern, Gage stepped up to the bench and then reached down and tapped the boy on his shoulder. He stirred, opening his eyes to squint up at Gage. Letting out a groan, the boy turned from his side to lie on his back, draping an arm over his eyes. “What do you want, Gage?”
“Why are you sleeping in the park? How long have you been here?”
The boy stretched and then sat up, giving a disinterested glance at Kelly with bloodshot eyes. “I was wasted. Didn’t feel like going home. Wanna call the cops?”
“Cole...would it kill you to use your brain once in a while?” Gage sighed, bringing a hand to massage his temple as if he had a headache. “You could get hurt out here. Mugged or...”
“You care now?” Slipping the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, Cole stood up and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for the concern, but it’s pointless. I’ll be fine.”
With that, he walked away toward the exit of the park with his shoulders hunched.
Kelly looked over at Gage, seeing he wore a tired and worried expression as he watched the boy until he was out of sight. “Everything okay?” she asked, cautiously reaching out to touch his shoulder.
Glancing over at her, he looked like he’d completely forgotten about her. “Cole’s my brother.”
“Oh! I had no idea.” Gage never talked about his family, at least, aside from Lizzie and on rare occasions, Peyton. She’d forgotten he had a life before he married Peyton and had a baby. “Is he okay? He looked...um...” Too young to be sleeping in a park, she thought. How old could he have been? Fourteen, fifteen at the most.
He shrugged. “He’s the only kid left at home since Sarah and I both moved out. So...no, I wouldn’t say he’s okay living with my parents. But there’s not really anything I can do about it. He just needs to survive the same way
Sarah and I did.”
She wondered what he meant by that, and what his parents were like. With all of the drama and pain she’d been through, she was thankful to have a mom who cared and she often forgot that other kids weren’t always so lucky.
Gage stopped at the picnic table and he sat down while Kelly reached into her purse to take out the questionnaire she’d tucked inside. “We better get started on these questions, huh? How about we alternate—I’ll ask you a question and then you ask me one?”
“Sounds good.” He leaned an elbow on the table and gave her a pleasant smile that made butterflies tickle her stomach.
Focus, she told herself, searching for a question for him. “What do you consider your biggest flaw?”
“Wow, you’re kicking this off with a big one, huh?” Turning serious, he thought for a minute. “I tend to be too hard on people…sometimes I expect them to handle more than they can, and I’m cold when they say they can’t.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Well…it’s like…take Peyton for example.” Gage smoothed his thumb over his wedding band as he talked, and Kelly wondered if he knew he did that all the time. “She had these enemies…for whatever reason, this clique of girls decided to make her life hell. Rumors, graffiti—you name it, they did it. I didn’t care. I didn’t see why it was such a big deal to her. And it cost me everything.”
She wasn’t sure what to say, but before she could think of something, Gage continued.
“I mean…what kind of asshole doesn’t realize his wife is miserable? Peyton always said I was the tough one…that I could handle anything life threw my way.” He looked down at the wedding ring again, watching the sunlight glint off the yellow gold. “She was wrong.”
“What was she like? Before all of that happened, I mean. When you fell in love with her in the first place.”
Gage smiled, just a little, one of his rare and genuine smiles that made Kelly remember just how handsome he was. “She was sweet, and shy. Beautiful, but kind of damaged. I never did find out what made her that way.” Gage blinked, scraping his teeth across his bottom lip as he grabbed the paper from Kelly’s hands. “Enough about me. Your turn.” He scanned over the sheet of paper, pretending to be fascinated with it, but Kelly could see the slight shake in his hands, and once again, she felt overwhelming compassion for him. “What’s your favorite food?”