The Boat-wreck

by Rabindranath Tagore

  Just as he was pondering over all this, Nalinaksha appeared. Annada-babu was somewhat surprised at his arrival. They had already met at length this afternoon. What had brought him here again just a few hours later? Smiling to himself, the old man decided that Nalinaksha was beginning to be attracted to Hemnalini.

  Just as he was considering how to get Nalinaksha and Hemnalini to meet on some pretext, Nalinaksha said, ‘Annada-babu, a proposal has been made for marriage between your daughter and me. Before it can proceed further, I seek permission to state what I have to.’

  ‘Of course, so you should,’ said Annada-babu.

  Nalinaksha said, ‘You do not know this, but I am already married.’

  Annada-babu said, ‘I do, but…’

  ‘I am surprised to learn that you do. But you are assuming that my wife is dead. It cannot be said for sure. In fact, I believe she is alive.’

  ‘May God will that she is,’ said Annada-babu. ‘Hem!’

  ‘What is it, Baba?’ Hemnalini appeared and asked.

  ‘The part of Ramesh’s letter in which…’

  Handing the letter to Nalinaksha, Hemnalini said, ‘He should read the entire letter.’ She left the room.

  Nalinaksha sat in silence when he had finished reading.

  ‘Such tragic incidents do not occur often,’ said Annada-babu. ‘We have upset you by asking you to read the letter, but keeping it from you would have been wrong too.’

  After another pause, Nalinaksha took his leave from Annada-babu. As he left, he spotted Hemnalini in the northern veranda, not too far away.

  The sight of Hemnalini saddened Nalinaksha. How was this woman’s still, serene form able to support her heart? It was impossible to fathom how she felt at this moment. He could not tell whether she needed him at this time. A disturbed Nalinaksha wondered whether it was possible to console her. What a vast gulf there could be between two people! How terribly lonely the heart was!

  Nalinaksha decided to take a roundabout route towards his carriage, passing in front of the veranda, just in case Hemnalini wanted to talk to him. When he arrived near the veranda, he found that Hemnalini had retreated into her room. It is not easy for hearts to meet; relationships are never simple. With these thoughts, Nalinaksha climbed into his carriage, his heart weighed down.

  Jogendra appeared after Nalinaksha had left. ‘Well, Jogen, why are you alone?’ asked Annada-babu.

  ‘Were you expecting someone else?’ asked Jogendra.

  ‘Of course,’ said Annada-babu. ‘Ramesh.’

  ‘Wasn’t the welcome accorded to him on his very first day warm enough? If he has not already ascended to heaven by jumping into the waters of the Ganga at Kashi, I don’t know where he is. There has been no sign of him since yesterday. All I have is a note left behind on a table, saying, “I’m running away – yours, Ramesh.” I have never been used to such poetic ways. I must run away too. Give me my headmaster’s job, everything is clear over there, nothing is opaque.’

  ‘But we have to decide about Hem…’ said Annada-babu.

  ‘Still? So I have to decide while the rest of you vacillate – this is not a game I enjoy playing. Do not involve me in all this – what I do not understand does not agree with me. Hem’s extraordinary ability to suddenly become inscrutable wears me down. I shall leave by the morning train, I have business at Bankipur on the way.’

  Annada-babu sat in silence, running his hand through his hair. The problems of the world were proving to be a challenge again.

  60

  Shailaja and her father were visiting Nalinaksha at home. Shailaja whispered with Kamala in a corner, while Chakraborty conversed with Kshemankari.

  Chakraborty said, ‘My holiday is over, I have to go back to Ghazipur tomorrow. In case Haridasi is proving troublesome for you, or if you would prefer—’

  ‘What do you think you’re saying, Chakraborty-moshai?’asked Kshemankari. ‘What’s on your mind, tell me. Are you planning to take her back on some pretext?’

  ‘I never take back what I have given, but if you’re facing the slightest difficulty—’

  ‘Chakraborty-moshai, you’re not being honest. You know very well the benefits of having a wonderful girl like Haridasi near oneself, but still you…’

  ‘Don’t say any more, I’ve been found out. That was just a ruse – I only wanted to hear you praise Haridasi. But I do have one concern – what if Nalinaksha-babu considers her a burden? Our girl is very sensitive, she will find it difficult if she thinks that Nalinaksha is annoyed.’

  ‘Nalin and annoyance! By the grace of God, he doesn’t know how to be annoyed.’

  ‘That’s true. But I love Haridasi more dearly than my own heart. It is not enough for me that Nalinaksha will not be irked by her, that he will remain indifferent. Since Haridasi lives in his house, he must be as fond of her as he would be of a member of the family – or else I am hesitant. She is not a wall, she is a human being. That he will not be irritated with her, nor be fond of her, that the only relationship will be the fact of her existence, seems a little…’

  ‘Don’t worry, Chakraborty-moshai, my Nalin does not find it difficult to develop a fondness for people and make them a part of the family. You cannot tell from appearances, but Nalin is definitely concerned about making it easier for Haridasi to live here. Possibly he has even made arrangements for this, but we will never even get to know.’

  ‘I feel reassured. But I’d still like to speak to Nalinaksha-babu before I leave. There are very few men in the world who can take the entire responsibility for a woman; since God has made Nalinaksha-babu enough of a man for this, I wish to request him not to keep Haridasi at a distance out of a false sense of reserve, but to accept and protect her as his own relation.’

  Kshemankari’s heart melted at Chakraborty’s faith in Nalinaksha. ‘I haven’t allowed Haridasi into Nalinaksha’s presence openly in case you don’t like it; but I know my son, you can trust him.’

  ‘Then let me speak without reservation. I’ve been told that Nalinaksha-babu’s marriage is being fixed; and that the bride is not young; nor does her education match the norms in our society. So I was thinking, perhaps Haridasi…’

  ‘I know what you mean only too well. That would certainly have been cause for concern. But this marriage is not taking place…’

  ‘Has the match been called off?’

  ‘It didn’t even materialize, so where’s the question of calling it off? Nalin was not willing at all, it was I who had insisted. But I have given up, for nothing good can come of forcing what is not meant to be. I do not know what God wants, but I shall not see my son married before I die.’

  ‘Don’t say that. What are we here for? Do you suppose I shall leave you in peace till the matchmaker has been paid?’

  ‘God bless you, Chakraborty-moshai. It is a matter of great regret to me that even at this age Nalin has not been able to take up the duties of a householder only because of me. That was why I grew anxious and fixed a match for him without thinking of the implications. I have given up hope of doing it myself, but will you find him a match? Don’t take too long – I shall not live much longer.’

  ‘You can’t say that. You must live a long time yet, and you shall see your son married too. I know the kind of daughter-in-law you need. She cannot be too young, and yet she must respect you, follow your instructions – we shall not approve of the girl otherwise. Now, you needn’t worry, by the grace of God it has been all arranged already. If you will allow me, I shall now give Haridasi some advice about her responsibilities while I send Shailaja to you – she has not stopped talking about you ever since she set eyes on you.’

  Kshemankari said, ‘Please excuse me for a little while, I have some things to attend to.’

  Going up to Shailaja and Kamala, Chakraborty discovered a trace of tears lurking in Kamala’s eyes. Sitting down by Shailaja, Chakraborty looked at her in silence. Shailaja said, ‘Baba, I was telling Kamala that it is time to tell Nalinaksha-babu everything, but you
r foolish Haridasi has been arguing with me.’

  Kamala said, ‘No, Didi, no, I beg of you, don’t suggest such things. It is impossible.’

  Shailaja said, ‘How clever! While you hold your peace, Hemnalini will be married to Nalinaksha-babu. You’ve already suffered enough, why do you want to invite more distress?’

  Kamala said, ‘My story is not to be told to anyone, I can bear everything, but I cannot bear the shame. I am fine as I am, I have no regrets, but if you disclose everything, how will I spend even a single minute in this house? How will I survive?’

  Shailaja had no answer to this, but it was difficult for her to look on in silence while Hemnalini and Nalinaksha were married.

  Chakraborty said, ‘Is it inevitable that the marriage you are referring to shall take place?’

  Shailaja said, ‘What are you saying, Baba? Nalinaksha-babu’s mother has already conducted the preliminary ceremonies.’

  ‘By the grace of the Almighty, the ceremonies have come to nothing. You have nothing to fear, Kamala, God is on your side.’

  Kamala stared at Chakraborty.

  He said, ‘The match has been called off. Nalinaksha himself is not willing and good sense has prevailed on his mother.’

  Very pleased, Shailaja said, ‘Thank goodness, Baba. I haven’t been able to sleep ever since I heard last night. But anyway, must Kamal spend the rest of her life as an outsider in her own home? When will everything be clarified?’

  ‘There’s no hurry, Shaila. When the time is right, everything will be fall into place.’

  Kamala said, ‘What is happening now is easy enough, nothing can be easier. I am happy, don’t change my fate again, Khuro-moshai, by trying to make me happier. I beg of you, don’t tell anyone anything, leave me in this corner and forget about me. I am very happy.’

  Her eyes began to stream with tears.

  Chakraborty said anxiously, ‘Why are you crying, Ma? I understand what you’re saying. How can we destroy your peace? We cannot rush in like fools to destroy what the Almighty is slowly building himself. I am old enough now to know when not to interfere.’

  Suddenly Umesh entered, his characteristic smile stretching from one ear to the other.

  ‘Well, Umesh, what news have you brought us?’ asked Chakraborty.

  Umesh said, ‘Ramesh-babu is outside, asking for the doctor.’

  Kamala turned ashen. Chakraborty jumped to his feet, saying, ‘Don’t worry, Ma, I will ensure that everything will be all right.’

  Going downstairs, he gripped Ramesh’s arm, saying, ‘Come with me, Ramesh-babu, there are some things I have to tell you while we take a turn on the street.’

  ‘Where did you come from, Khuro-moshai?’ asked Ramesh in astonishment.

  Chakraborty said, ‘I came for you, I’m very glad we met. Come, there’s no more time, I have something important to tell you.’

  Drawing Ramesh away from the house down the road, he said, ‘Why are you here, Ramesh-babu?’

  ‘I came looking for Doctor Nalinaksha,’ said Ramesh. ‘I have decided that it is important to tell him everything about Kamala. Sometimes I feel Kamala is alive.’

  ‘Suppose Kamala were alive and were to meet Nalinaksha,’ said Chakraborty, ‘how would it help to have Nalinaksha hear her story from you? His aged mother is alive – if she gets to know, do you suppose it will turn out well for Kamala?’

  Ramesh said, ‘I do not know what the social outcome will be, but Nalinaksha must know that Kamala has not been defiled. And in case she is dead, Nalinaksha-babu will be able to honour her memory.’

  Chakraborty said, ‘I don’t understand all this modern talk of yours – if Kamala is indeed dead, I see no need to drag her memory into the life of a husband for one night. You see that building there? That’s where I stay. If you can visit me tomorrow morning, I will explain everything to you clearly. But I request you not to meet Nalianksha-babu before that.’

  ‘Very well,’ said Ramesh.

  Returning, Chakraborty told Kamala, ‘You’ll have to come to our house tomorrow morning, Ma. I have decided that you shall explain everything to Ramesh-babu yourself.’

  Kamala bowed her head. Chakraborty continued, ‘I assure this is the best way – today’s young men do not change their minds based on what old-fashioned people tell them. Rid yourself of all hesitation, Ma – you must not allow anyone else to set foot where you have a claim and this you alone can do.’

  Still Kamala stood with her head bowed. Chakraborty said, ‘Most of it has been cleaned up, you must not hesitate to sweep out the remaining refuse.’

  Hearing footsteps, Kamala raised her eyes to discover Nalinaksha standing outside the door. Her eyes locked with his – unlike the other occasions, Nalinaksha was in less of a hurry to look away today. Although it was only a fleeting glance, it seemed to draw something out of Kamala instead of rejecting her as though he had no right to set his eyes on her. Seeing that Nalinaksha was about to leave at the sight of Shailaja, Chakraborty said, ‘Don’t run away, Nalinaksha-babu – we consider you one of us. This is my daughter Shailaja, whose daughter you have treated.’

  Shailaja greeted Nalinaksha, who returned the greetings and said, ‘I hope your daughter’s well.’

  ‘She is,’ said Shailaja.

  Chakraborty said, ‘You do not give us the opportunity to spend some time in your company – now that you’re here, do sit down.’

  As Chakraborty offered a seat to Nalinaksha, he noticed that Kamala had fled. Meanwhile, Kshemankari appeared and said, ‘Chakraborty-moshai, I’ll trouble you to come with me.’

  Chakraborty said, ‘I’ve been waiting impatiently for this trouble ever since you left.’

  After they had eaten, Chakraborty returned to the drawing room and said, ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

  Then he led Kamala by the hand from the other room into this one, where Nalinaksha and Kshemankari were seated. Shailaja followed them in.

  Chakraborty said, ‘Nalinaksha-babu, do not consider our Haridasi an outsider and draw back. I am leaving this poor girl with your family, please accept her as one of your own. She needs nothing but the right to serve all of you – you can be certain that she will knowingly do no wrong.’

  Her face red with embarrassment, Kamala sat with bowed head.

  ‘Don’t worry, Chakraborty-moshai, Haridasi shall live here as a member of the family,’ said Kshemankari. ‘We have had to make no effort with her – I was the undisputed monarch of the kitchen all this time but I am a nobody there now. Even the maids and servants no longer consider me the lady of the house. I did not even realize when this happened. I used to have some keys – but Haridasi has usurped them too by some ruse. What more do you want for this dacoit of a girl, Chakraborty-moshai? The greatest act of plundering would now take place if you were to say, we are taking her back with us.’

  Chakraborty said, ‘Even if I were to say it, do you think she will agree? Perish the thought. You have enchanted her so much that she knows no one else in the world today besides you. After a life of sorrow, she has finally found peace with your family – may God let this peace reign undisturbed, may you always look favourably upon her. This is my prayer.’

  Chakraborty’s eyes turned moist. Nalinaksha listened to him in silence; when everyone had left, he went to his own room. The winter sunset had coloured it with a crimson glow that seemed to bathe Nalinaksha’s soul, harking back to a wedding night.

  This morning a basket of roses had arrived for Nalinaksha from a friend. Kshemankari had given it to Kamala to do up the house. The fragrance of those roses wafted towards Nalinaksha’s senses from a flower-vase at one end of the room. Mingling with the reddened evening framed in the window, the bouquet made Nalinaksha restless. Earlier, his world had comprised complete restraint and the dignity of knowledge. Where had this music arrived from now? What invisible steps of dancers with tinkling anklets had made the sky and earth so vibrant?

  Turning back from the window, Nalinaksha found several of the
roses arranged in a niche on the wall near the head of his bed. Like a stranger’s eyes they gazed at him, submitting silently to his heart.

  Nalinaksha picked a single flower out – a tender golden rose, its petals yet to unfurl, but unable to conceal its fragrance. When he held it, it was like touching someone’s fingers, every nerve-ending in his body vibrated. Nalinaksha brushed his eyes and face with the soft, gentle flower.

  Gradually the light of the setting sun disappeared from the evening sky. On his way out of his room, Nalinaksha went up to his bed, lifting the bedspread and putting the rose on the pillow. As he was about to leave, who was it on the other side of the bed who was suddenly trying to sink into the floor, her face hidden in the end of her sari? Poor, poor Kamala, nowhere to conceal her shame. She had been about to leave the room after placing the flowers in the niche when, on hearing Nalianksha’s footsteps, she had quickly hidden on the other side of the bed. Now it was impossible to escape and difficult to hide. She had been caught, complete with her embarrassment.

  Nalinaksha made to leave the room quickly to release Kamala from her discomfiture. But he stopped at the door and turned back. Going up to Kamala, he said, ‘Please get up, you have nothing to be ashamed of with me.’

  61

  Kamala arrived at Chakraborty’s house early the next morning. As soon as she found a private moment with Shailaja, she embraced her. Holding Kamala’s chin, Shailaja said, ‘What makes you so happy, my dear?’

  Kamala said, ‘I don’t know, Didi, but I feel as though all the burdens have been lifted from my life.’

  ‘Come on, tell me everything. We were there till last evening, what’s happened since then?’

  ‘Nothing special, but I keep feeling he is mine now, God seems to have smiled on me.’

  ‘May it be so, my dear, but don’t hide anything from me.’

  ‘I have nothing to hide, Didi, I don’t even know what I have to say. As soon as I woke up this morning I felt my life was fulfilled – I cannot tell you how pleasant my day is, how light my work feels. I want nothing more than this – I only fear lest this is spoilt. I cannot even imagine that I can spend every day like this, that fate can be so kind to me.’