Deceptions Revealed

by Lillith Payne

  The idea of being the cause of their tongue-wagging made her physically ill. Her palms went clammy, and her stomach clenched. Drawing deep breaths, she made her way to the kitchen. Out of sight she allowed herself a few moments to shatter into a hundred pieces then forced herself to pull them back one by one until she was breathing normally and thinking clearly. Her only hope was the town would learn Daniel’s father had come back, not the circumstances that separated them.

  Seeing James had been jolting. The pull towards him was still undeniable. It always would be. She’d known deep in her heart she’d never stopped loving him. Not letting him know would take energy she didn’t have to spare. Running on adrenaline since Dr. Harris appeared in her life last week, JoAnna rationalized he’d see it for himself as they spent time together. Her only hope was he’d changed, become hardened and bitter. But he wasn’t, at least not the man she saw this morning. He was still the man of her life. Test results and history couldn’t change her feelings for her first and true love. Now she could stop day dreaming about an accidental meeting with him and deal with the here and now of working it all out.

  She’d been young and so in love, but she’d never been naive enough not to notice Benjamin’s obvious dislike of her. James had turned a blind eye, telling her with time she and Ben would make their peace. But she knew deep down, Ben didn’t want her around long term. It all became very clear when he visited her apartment without James’ knowledge, offering her money to abort her child, more if she left New York and finished school somewhere else. JoAnna shook her head at the memory. She never told James about that visit, a definite mistake in hindsight.

  * * * *

  James showed up on her doorstep exactly at three o’clock, forcing her to greet him as an old acquaintance.

  “James, it’s good to see you again. When did you get back in the area?”

  He’d clasped her hand, hadn’t let go and she could feel the heat building between them. He was doing it on purpose.

  She watched him intently, deciding how to handle him, understanding it would set the tone of their relationship, especially on her turf. This was her domain, and she’d rule it. Gently she pulled her hand back, waiting for his answer as several others in the store did.

  “Just recently. I heard you settled up here. This is quite a place, Joey. I’m impressed,” he said, and she felt he meant it.

  Taking a moment, he gazed around her world. One half of the space was books, old and new. A section had been separated as a child’s reading and play area. The other half was a bakery and coffee bar. Sprinkled amongst both spaces were unique gift items. It was welcoming and serene. A better, given smaller, version of the chain book stores, settled in the heart of this small community near the resort. The whole store smelled of fresh coffee, spices and sugar. Liz Story played softly in the background.

  James couldn’t help but notice how her employees and a few of the customers were noticing him. Joey had been right. This was a small town and his arrival would be noteworthy. After several protracted seconds of silence he went on, his voice low and husky. “I’m early, I know. I’d hoped we could talk.”

  “Let’s get some coffee. Danny’s bus will be here in half an hour.”

  Following her to the counter, he chose plain coffee and was glad she carried both cups to the rear of the store. He got to watch her walk away, her hips moving fluidly into a lazy sway. The fabric of her skirt smoothed with each step, making him want to grab her and pull her back, to feel her locked tight against him, how she fit aligned with him in all the right places. His erection started thinking for his brain, a dangerous combination, one he’d make sure didn’t override common sense. But it didn’t hurt to watch.

  The kitchen was small and spotless. Joey indicated a stool under the counter and took one opposite him, a small but defensive move on her part. He stared at his cup, watching the steam rise, hoping she’d start their conversation.

  “I’d like to clarify a few things.”

  James nodded, easing as she took the initiative.

  “First, I’ve never left him alone upstairs.” She pointed to a small monitor next to a smaller television in a far corner. “It’s a two way system. Danny can see and talk to me from his bedroom if he woke while I was down here baking.”

  “You do the baking, all that out there?” He was astonished and walked back to the doorway, gazing at the assortment in the sparkling glass cases.

  “In the beginning I did all of it. Since the expansion I’ve had to hire help.”

  He shook his head and strode back across from her, dropping one long leg over the stool as he sat. The bitch was he still wanted her, knew instinctively if he took her upstairs now she’d give him free rein of her body and mind. Ridding his mind of the image of his naked body above hers or under her was getting harder and harder. They’d been very physical together, usually close enough to touch or see the other. It always landed them in some sort of sexual tension that was only eased with their joining, sometimes soft and languid, other times hard and fast. These were exactly the kinds of thoughts he couldn’t allow himself.

  “James, I want you to know I wasn’t out every week on my own. I was taking classes to get my food-handler’s certification. Miranda always sat with him. She’d stay over and leave for school in the morning from here. She’s a lovely girl. You’ll like her once you forget she’s Alan’s daughter. She’s quick and smart and definitely meant to be an artist of some kind. She did the murals in the children’s corner.”

  “You’re very proud of her, Alan’s child.” He hoped she didn’t notice hint of jealousy in his voice.

  “She lost her mother shortly before we moved here. We helped each other through some rough spots. Most important, Danny gets along with her.”

  Something in her words changed the air around them. James stood quickly, his fingers threading through his hair. He could almost feel the texture of her hair on his fingers if he closed his eyes, could still remember the individual scent of her. He turned quickly, caught her watching him.

  “Stop justifying what you’ve done, Joey. I have no right to question your decisions. Alone, you raised Daniel and built a business. For all intents and purposes, you’ve become Super mom!” Annoyance edged in his tone. Being hit over the head with the reality she’d gotten along fine without him was humbling. She didn’t need him or his money. Ben had been so wrong. So had he.

  “Not quite, I assure you.” Joey glanced to the wall clock and took a breath. “Ready or not, countdown,” she said, just as the bells on the front door clamored and the noise got closer, Danny saying his hellos.

  “I usually wait for him here in the kitchen when he comes home from school,” Joey explained to James.

  “Hi, Mom,” he said, dropping a book sack on a chair in the corner. “What’s to eat? I’m starved!” He paused and turned toward James, adding, “Hello.”

  James’ became speechless at the first sight of his son. He knew Joey was watching his every move. Daniel’s sandy brown hair was spiked in several directions. He was pure boy, his shirt untucked, his jeans dusty and his sneakers well broken in, one untied. Crossing the room, he threw his arms around Joey’s waist and hugged her tight.

  “Daniel, this is James. He’s an old friend,” she told him, rising to get a glass and the container of milk. “What will it be today?” she asked. James heard a slight tremble in her voice. Having him and Daniel in her kitchen must have been a very surreal moment. “Chocolate chip cookie or brownie?”

  Taking the decision seriously, he smiled with a semi-toothless grin and told his mother both. All three of them laughed, Joey and James somewhat stiltedly. He eventually decided on a brownie, and she left them alone in the kitchen momentarily. James knew she stood paused in the doorway with a plate holding several of the chocolate morsels, watching them as they discussed skiing until she heard Daniel offer her help teaching James to ski.

  “And she does the baking too. Nobody’s mom makes brownies like Mom.” />
  “And you’re not the least bit prejudiced?” she teased. Daniel thought for a moment then answered.

  “No, just biased.”

  James almost choked on his coffee. “I just found out today your mom was the baker here, it must be great to grow up living over a bakery.”

  “Yeah, most of the time, but I can’t eat all the stuff I want. Only after school, and for desert after supper, and if I finish the vegetables.” He gave a small sigh of compliance. “I can’t ever touch the peanut butter cookies. They make me sick.” His little voice sounded so stern to his ears.

  James glanced to Joey for the significance, and she just cocked her head to one side, forcing James to talk with his son. “Why is that?” he managed.

  “Cause I’m allergic to peanuts. I can’t ever eat them in anything. We got to be real careful when we’re out.”

  “We have to be careful,” Joey added, refilling his milk glass half way.

  “We have something in common then. I’m allergic to peanuts too.”

  “Cool, I’ve never met anyone else like me. Tara at school can’t have chocolate. Can you imagine never eating chocolate? But it’s not the same really.”

  “I can’t imagine a world without chocolate,” James told him, not holding back his smile. “Is there any thing else you can’t eat?”

  “Like what?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you’re allergic to burgers or fries or, worse yet, pizza!”

  Daniel’s eyes grew wide for only a second before quickly answering. “That would be horrible, a world without pizza! You can eat it, right?” His little face became concerned and James stomach clenched.

  “Yes, so far.” James said as he watched his son finish the last bite, satisfied all was right with the world because pizza was allowed.

  He paused and studied James. “Why are you here?”

  Joey smiled at his bluntness but corrected him anyway. “Danny, don’t be rude. James and I knew each other a long time ago when I was in college. He’s on a short visit to the mountain today and stopped to say hello.”

  “Then you want to talk adult stuff, right?”

  James laughed aloud and now understood Alan’s comment about Daniel’s outlook.

  “Actually, I’m heading out. I have to get back to the city for work.”

  “Okay. Just remember, my Mom’s the best skier around. She’ll teach you.”

  “I’ll remember,” he said. “I have some vacation time coming to me. Maybe I’ll be able to spend some of it up here.” It was a direct way of letting the child know they’d meet again. Joey gave him a warning glare.

  “Okay, see ya.” Daniel stopped to rinse his hands and wipe his mouth than paused beside his mother. “Can I go set up the paints and brushes, Mom? Please?”

  “Yes, you may. But don’t open the containers until help arrives.” Accepting the truce, he started to run from the room, skidding to a halt at the door. “Nice to meet you, mister.”

  He disappeared from sight, and James burst out laughing.

  JoAnna visibly relaxed. “So much for anticipation!”

  “God, Joey,” was all he managed. His voice choked, and he stood quickly, turning his back toward her. “Get a grip,” he whispered aloud, knowing she was studying him. “He’s quite a kid. You’ve done an amazing job.”

  She had. He was quite a kid, although he knew he was biased. A new feeling swam inside him, pride. There’d been only a few times he’d felt this. The day Joey accepted his proposal. The day his son entered the world. It all came back with blinding clarity. His feelings of helplessness at her pain, the miracle they shared, the child he held. It was a surreal moment for him, their time together whirring around him, all in the blink of an eye.

  “Thank you, James. There have been moments… Maybe we should let him spend some time with Benjamin. It might be the best revenge.” He stared at her in disbelief before she gave him a mock smile and shook her head. “Just kidding, jeez, chill.”

  “Helen was right. How we approach each other will ultimately make his life better. I don’t want him feeling guilty for circumstances he had no control over.”

  “Agreed,” Joey whispered.

  “Thanks for the coffee,” he struggled to say and bolted for the door, afraid he’d tell her how he missed her. Crossing the shop, he saw Daniel with several children, all huddled around a teenaged girl, watching her intently as she showed them how hold the paint brush to make a certain brush stroke.

  He watched for a second and was about to turn away when he saw Daniel rise and go to another child across the table. He knelt down beside her and after saying something, helped her move the brush to a better position. The smile he received in thanks sent James into a tailspin. Daniel moved back to his seat, unaffected by his gesture.

  Fresh air forced him to breathe again. Joey followed him outside, watching until he got to his vehicle. James hit the remote, unlocking the doors and starting the engine. He leaned on the roof of the car, staring at her.

  “We’ll make it work, JoAnna, I promise.”

  “I hope so. Now that you’ve met him, you understand why I’m so protective.”

  “Absolutely, and just for the record, he’s the spitting image of me at that age.”

  “Yeah, but he’s got my coloring.”

  “And your wit, and your innate kindness.”

  “That’s what did us in, James. My inability to see the bad before assuming good in people. I’ve worked hard to change the habit, but I don’t want to taint Daniel’s outlook.” There were several hidden meanings in her words, none of which he chose to challenge at the time.

  “I’ll call you in a few days when I’ve settled some things at work. Is it better to call during the day or in the evening?”

  “Evening’s better if you need to talk. The shop gets busy at odd times.”

  “I’ll see you soon, JoAnna. Count on it.” His words were straightforward. .

  “Drive safe, James.” It was the only concession she gave him. At this point in his day he was exhausted physically and emotionally.

  Chapter Four

  James stood at the window wall, all of Manhattan below him, Benjamin Montgomery two floors above him. Ice rattled in the crystal tumbler he held, the bourbon long gone. Throughout the drive home he was forced to focus on the road. Now he couldn’t avoid it any longer.

  Pilar was pissed. There were three messages on his voice mail, each a bit more tense. He’d been ordered to return her calls along with Ben’s messages to turn on his cell phone immediately. He did neither.

  The apartment had never really suited him, but he hadn’t bothered much with it. Furnished when he bought it, it was simple to move in his clothes. He began to wonder what other mail or messages he’d never gotten.

  The first time he brought JoAnna to see the place she’d laughed. Her initial reaction to the elegance was Ben forcing him to fit the mold. She’d asked straight out if he’d found the apartment, and he admitted Ben had arranged it. JoAnna had laughed again, openly telling him if he expected to spend time with her it wouldn’t be in this space. She’d said it gave her the willies, like there was a deadening force around them.

  From then on, they spent most of their time in her small loft across town. They agreed to find a new place together, one they both liked that wasn’t so convenient to his grandfather. How he wished he’d done it when she asked.

  And it all fell into place. The few arguments he ever had with Joey were about his grandfather’s hold on him. He figured she was intimidated by Benjamin, an effect he had on most people and used in the conference room with regularity. But Joey hadn’t been afraid of him, instead she’d seen, as an outsider would, the way Ben manipulated him, constantly reminding him Montgomery Industries was his life. Anything else was supposed to be secondary, including the woman he loved.

  James let his mind wander and wondered if his mother had felt the same way. Had Ben always controlled his father? He remembered his mother vividly, as well as h
is father. Had their life turned into something similar to his? Or was Ben’s version the truth?

  Frustrated, he didn’t think he’d really find out. His father had died when he was sixteen. His mother’s breakdown had ultimately ended his contact with her.

  His phone rang, and the machine clicked on. Ben’s voice filled the den. The old man’s tone sounded much like Pilar’s. James decided on one major, life-altering change. He was no longer at the beck and call of anyone. He was past thirty, a man in his own right. It was time he started taking back control of his life, both business and personal.

  Several of the projects he was currently working on bored him, and he decided to pass them on to juniors. He knew how it pissed off Ben when he used his pro bono time to help out at the food bank. Between reconnecting with JoAnna and Daniel and looking for a new apartment, he was going to be busy.

  It would be simple to leave this apartment behind, he’d never been particularly comfortable here - it was convenient. He’d find a new apartment. At hand, he couldn’t think of anything but his clothes and papers he’d added. Even the kitchen had been outfitted. At the time it seemed a sound investment. He’d reinvest in another section of town as soon as he decided if he wanted to stay in the city.

  The glass slipped from his fingers, shattering on impact with the cold marble floor. It didn’t matter. Aloud he said the word, “If”, and he felt a strange calm slip over him, through him. Somehow he felt lighter. It was a concept he’d never considered. But why not now? James watched the skyline start to swirl before him and he took a few steps, dropping his weight onto the piano bench. His head fell into his hands, his fingers threading through his hair. “If,” he said aloud a second time. “Oh, my God…”

  James drew a breath and turned to put his fingers over the keys. Nothing came. No music or notes filled his head. His fingers stayed poised while he tried to make them play. Only he had no clue what to play. It was as if he’d never played before. Forcing himself, he drew a breath and started playing Moonlight Sonata. It was mechanical to his ears, and the instrument was sorely out of tune. This piano had once been his salvation, had gotten him through the rough nights. Now it was as foreign to him as his grandfather was.