What is it about the lure of a mince pie? Three minutes later, I can’t stand looking at them anymore and one is firmly on its way to my mouth.
Xavier scoops one up. Eden prods him and he hands her one.
‘You were waiting for me to cave, weren’t you?’ I ask them.
‘Yup, I wasn’t being the first,’ says Xavier.
I shake my head at them.
‘You know I need to be in a bikini in a couple of weeks? This is not helping.’
‘Just think, you’ll be enjoying the sunshine while we’re here in grey rainy Britain,’ moans Xavier.
‘Yeah, sorry, not sorry.’
‘Hopefully I’ll be enjoying squidges with my nephew soon, so I’m happy to stay here,’ says Eden.
‘Ah-em,’ Xavier nudges her in the side. ‘Is that the only reason you’re staying in Manchester?’
‘Of course, what other reason could there be?’ she replies.
He tickles her. I turn back to the television.
New Year passes quietly and before I know it, it’s the twelfth of January and my final evening in the flat. Eden has been moving her things into her new place over the last few days. We decide to have drinks, just the two of us.
Eden takes a sip of her wine. ‘I’m excited about my new place. The landlord is very laid back about how I decorate.’
‘Fancy that.’ I raise an eyebrow at her. ‘Are you bribing him using your wiles?’
She sucks on her top lip, which she does when she wants to say something but doesn’t know how to say it.
‘Oh, have you not been intimate yet?’
She looks down at her glass. ‘No.’
‘Hey, there’s no rush Eden. Xavier’s fully aware of what happened. Why not talk to Marnie about it at your next appointment?’
Eden plays with the stem of the wine glass. ‘I do feel ready. I’m not sure how to let Xavier know that. He’s all there’s no rush, let’s make sure it’s right. But I’m ready now. What if he doesn’t want to?’
‘Yeah, right.’
A knock comes on the door.
‘Now who can that be?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe you should answer it and find out,’ Eden says with a wicked glint in her eyes.
I open the door and DC Seth Logan stands at the other side.
‘Er, hey. I was passing and-’
‘Come in.’ I fling the door open. He steps through and follows me into the lounge.
‘Why do I feel this was all set up?’ I level at Eden.
‘He phoned me earlier with an update about my case and I just happened to mention you were leaving for a while. Anyway,’ she says. ‘I think I’ll make a cup of tea. Would anyone like one?’ Eden leaves the room, mouthing, “go for it.”
Seth shuffles his feet. ‘Well, I can’t stop long. I’m meeting friends, but I wanted to wish you luck on your travels.’
I stand on my tiptoes and pull his head down towards mine. As our lips meet, I give him a chaste kiss.
‘Our timings off.’ I tell him. ‘It’s a shame, but I won’t be around for a while.’
‘I know.’ He shrugs. ‘There’s definitely something between us though, isn’t there?’
‘Yep. I feel it too. But it’s the right feeling at the wrong time. I came back for Eden. I can’t not travel. It’s in my blood. I need to do this. In the future, I might be back, who knows? But don’t wait for a possibility. Find another connection.’
He nods, places his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. ‘You take good care of yourself and please don’t have me looking for you as a missing person. One was enough.’
‘I’ll behave.’
‘No, you won’t.’ His face looks sad, but I can’t do anything about that.
‘I thought I’d bring you a little present. A good luck charm. He hands me a keyring with a whistle on it.’
‘You can blow on it if anyone gets in your face. It’ll attract attention.’
‘Thank you.’ I kiss his cheek. He turns his head and before I know it, our lips are locked and I’m tasting the mint inside his mouth as our tongues tangle. As we hear the clatter of mugs and hear the door push open we spring apart.
‘Thanks, Eden, but I can’t stay for that drink after all.’ He gives me a kiss on the cheek. ‘Good luck in Lanzarote,’ he says and then he’s through the door and gone.
‘That man. He can’t even commit to having a cup of tea. That’s twice he’s said yes and then left,’ says Eden.
‘Fuck the tea, get the tequila,’ I tell her.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Xavier
I’ve been trying to take it slow with Eden, but let’s be honest here. It’s killing me. I have a serious case of blue balls and a very well defined right arm. She told me last night that she’s ready but I’m as nervous as hell. How do you start intimacy with someone who’s been sexually assaulted for God’s sake? In the end, I ring Marnie, her psychologist, for advice. Marnie tells me to go at Eden’s pace. To be guided by her. If Eden says she wants to try, then I should go for it, we can always stop.
Our new living arrangements are working fantastic. Eden has gone to town on decorating her flat. It’s like rock chick clashed with Barbie. Black and pink everywhere.
Sometimes I hear her cry out in the night and I stay awhile with my head pressed to the wall that divides our apartment bedrooms until she quietens. She reassures me that when the flashbacks occur, she handles them. I reassure her that should she need me she need only knock on the wall and shout my name.
Eden loves working at Harrington’s too and says even though she has a degree she’s not interested in seeking a career at this moment. She genuinely seems to be enjoying life and her appointments with Marnie have been reduced to once every three months.
I splash aftershave around my neck and head out to Eden’s. I still find it amusing that I close my own door, walk about three steps and knock on hers.
‘Come in.’ I hear.
I push open the door. The room is darkened and small tea lights lead down the corridor to her bedroom.
‘Blow the candles out on your way down. The landlord will have a fit if I start a fire,’ she says. She languishes in the doorway in a pink babydoll. I feel myself harden.
‘Hurry up and I might blow a candle too,’ she winks and disappears into her room.
Tealights extinguished, when I enter the bedroom, Eden is atop her bed, her back against a fluffy cushion, her legs curled up under her. Although she is doing her utmost to present an air of confidence, underneath you can tell she’s nervous by the fact she keeps smoothing her babydoll. Though I’m apprehensive, I walk around the bed towards her. As I get nearer, she sheds the flimsy material and bares herself to me. She’s beautiful. Her breasts have the rosiest coloured nipples; my eyes trail down to the small line of silky hair at the juncture of her thighs. I remove my own clothes and watch Eden as her eyes move across my body, taking in my tattoos as if she’s recording every one of them in her mind. Next, I move onto the bed and pull her down flat on the covers. I throw the fluffy cushion to the floor and move a pillow so it's resting underneath her head. She looks at me, a question in her gaze. I answer her by taking her lips with my own.
Breaking off, my lips trail down her body. I swirl my tongue around her nipples. They peak under my touch. Confident that she’ll stop me if she wants to, I refrain from asking her if she’s okay, knowing it would end the spell that’s happening right now. She emits tiny moans which speak directly to my groin and it takes everything in me not to ravish her right then and there. Instead, my fingers stroke her smooth skin as I caress every inch of her body. After minutes, she makes a frustrated growl, grabs my hand and guides it between her thighs. I enter her with two fingers. She’s so wet. With an overwhelming need to taste her, I move further down the bed and position myself between her thighs. My tongue flicks against her clit and she pushes herself against me. My mouth feasts on her pussy. I lick her over and over, bringing her close to climax.
‘I need you now,’ she pants, digging her nails into my skin. ‘There are condoms in the top drawer.’
Suited up, I rise over her, my thighs either side of her body and push my cock against her entrance. She opens her legs further accepting me. I can sense her breath, heavy against my shoulder. We move together, slowly. I focus on the sensation of being inside her. The feel of her warm skin as it rubs against mine. This is nothing like the first time we met in Escape/Find. I can detect her responding to me. Her rocking against me becoming ever more fervent. She makes a gasp that indicates she’s on the point of climax. I quicken my pace and stroke her clit with my finger. As she explodes, pulsing around my cock, I lose myself in her, emptying my load. When my cock has finished throbbing in ecstasy, I withdraw and pull her into the crook of my arm and that’s when I feel the splash of cool water on my skin. She’s crying.
I grimace. ‘Shit. What did I do? I’m so sorry. Tell me.’
She shakes her head from side to side and gathers her breath. ‘You did nothing wrong. It’s the relief. Just hold me a minute. I need this.’
It’s the strangest thing, to bring a woman to climax and then watch as she weeps on your shoulder; not small cries, but great wracking sobs, until she can hardly breathe. I reach over to her bedside table and get her a tissue. She blows her nose noisily, making a sound akin to a foghorn and I can’t help laughing. She smiles back. ‘Sexy, yeah?’
‘Seriously though, Eden, are you sure you’re okay?’
She nods. ‘Yes. I really am. It’s just, you know. I was so worked up I wouldn’t be able to go through with it, that I’d panic. Now I’m just so relieved.’
‘Thank God for that. I thought I’d hurt you.’
‘No. You were amazing. Thank you.’
She closes her eyes and falls asleep on my shoulder, my arm around her back. She’s so beautiful. That has got to have been one of the most emotional experiences of my life. A positive one. Beyond being just a fuck. It was intense and I understand why she cried. Reassured I haven’t hurt her; I stroke her back. I know she wants her own space but now I never want to sleep without her. Giving her space will kill me. One day I will marry this woman. It may take time but one day I’m going on my knees for this girl.
While I wait for her to be ready, I’ll worship her with my body.
Later that night she stirs against me and then her hand dips lower until she’s milking my cock. This time there’s no hesitation on either part and our lovemaking is frantic and urgent. I turn over to sleep with Eden snuggled into my back and realise I’m pussy whipped. I can’t think of anything better.
Chapter Thirty-six
Stitch
When you’re destined for back door parole there ain’t nothing to lose. Family don’t visit no more. My family’s the fellas on the inside now. My wife and kids? They were at risk so I cut them loose. Got a favour done through here. Now they won’t be found. They can be happy somewhere fresh. A person don’t forget that. When someone asks for that favour back, you say yeah, cos you never know when you might need them again. Anyway, what they’re asking is my crack.
Getting a blade. Easy as pie. Getting another inmate to create jigs so you get a moment? Easy as getting a prostitute to suck your dick.
And motherfuckers who take a woman without her consent? We have beef with those here, same as the kiddy-fiddlers. Fucking no-dicked pansies.
My blade flashed in the shower as I approached. Fucker’s face went white and he did what they all do. Begged for his life. Said he’d do anything. That he knew people. Fucking Fish. He knows fuck all. I’m an O.G. here, that’s the first thing he should have learned. I see that white like a sign from God that I’m doing justice. My blade went across his neck like a finger swipe on Tinder. He was bleeding like a stuck pig which made me high and my dick hard. I watched the life drain out of him, it sprayed and coated me in a glorious shower of red that I tasted on my tongue. Divine. It swirled in the shower toward the drain like a piece of live art. By the time the screws realised what was happening, the pig was ready for the butcher’s shop window.
So once again I’ll get put in the hole. No worries. Gives me plenty of time to dine out on these fresh new memories. My contact’s going to get some money to my lady. I’ll sleep good tonight.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Eden
August 2015
I’m in my apartment dancing along to the radio while I tidy a few things away. I make out the sound of the telephone above the dance-track, silence the tune and answer the phone.
‘Eden?’
At the sound of DC Logan’s voice, my fingers tremble around the phone. The court case is coming up and I’ve had to have extra sessions with Marnie as the stress has increased my flashbacks.
‘I have news. Are you seated?’
I sit on the sofa and close my eyes. Please don’t tell me he’s got away with it.
I make a noise that’s supposed to be a yes but sounds like a strangled cry.
‘Jack was stabbed in prison this morning. He didn’t make it.’
‘Pardon?’
‘An inmate attacked Jack with a knife in the early hours of this morning. He died at the scene.’
‘How did someone get a knife in?’
‘It happens. Staff shortages mean more illegal drugs and weapons end up in prison all the time. One found its way to a lifer.’
‘Oh my God.’ My mind tries to process the information.
‘I called Marnie before I called you. She’s on her way to yours to talk you through things. I’m guessing it’s a shock.’
‘The court case?’
‘Adjourned while investigations are under way into Jack’s death. Sienna was informed this morning. She attacked a member of staff and was moved to a high-security psychiatric facility for the present time.’
‘Jack’s gone. I’m- I feel… free.’
‘Take care of yourself, Eden. I’ll be in touch again if I hear anything further.’
‘I heard from Kara,’ I tell him.
‘Right. She doing okay?’
‘Yes, she’s having a fantastic time, but she says she’s finding it impossible to get a certain DC out of her mind. Have you any leave coming up? You might want to send her a text.’
July 2016
I stand at The Registry office and watch as my brother exchanges his vows with Angela. Tommy makes a beautiful pageboy. Myself and Xavier are their witnesses and only guests. Afterwards, we take Tommy to McDonalds. Tommy looks just like Drew did when he was younger, except he’s not a brat. Something I delight in reminding Drew about regularly. Our relationship is still tentative, but we’re working on it. He was released last week and wanted to marry Angela the first opportunity he got so I helped them plan the wedding. They kept it simple.
As we walk down the steps from McDonalds, Drew catches my arm and draws me towards him. ‘How are you really? I could never properly talk to you in prison, they were always bloody listening.’
‘I’m fine. Honestly. Sienna keeps trying to kill herself you know? She’ll be in hospital a long time unless she succeeds.’
‘I’ll send her some paracetamols,’ says Drew.
‘Drew!’
He shrugs.
‘Do you know, the day I found out Jack was dead, it gave me closure. Is it wrong that I hope his death was slow and painful?’
‘That’s what I asked for so it should have been.’
I gasp. ‘What?’
‘You know I’m no angel, Eden. I sorted things out for people. I was owed a favour. He got what was coming to him.’
I stand back, my jaw drops as I start to accept that my foster brother is indeed far from an angel although he says he is trying his best to improve. Then again we all have our demons. I’m happy Jack’s dead. I can’t deny it and I’m not going to try.
I lean over and kiss his cheek. ‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘Just don’t do anything crazy again. Tommy needs you.’
‘We’ll call it my last hurrah,’ he s
ays. ‘Though don’t be too disappointed if my life doesn’t go how you want it to, Eden. It’s who I am. I’m trying, but I can’t promise.’
I nod, and then Tommy hurtles at his father to tell him his Uncle Xavier just gave him a fiver and could they go to a toy shop.
When I get home I start thinking. I’m not entirely free yet, but I could be. I find the screwed-up business card from Malcolm, which was in my belongings from the house. I don’t expect a response. He’s probably dead with what Sienna hinted. My guess is he was rather more than a business associate who got nosy. The phone is answered but no-one speaks on the other side.
‘Hello,’ I ask.
‘Well, Miss Stark. I’m kind of surprised you haven’t mentioned me to those detectives you hang around.’
‘I thought you were dead.’
‘If you thought that, how come you’re ringing? You a medium now?’
I laugh.
‘So how did you know it was me?’
‘Took your number from Jack’s phone. Piece of piss. So, what do you want? In return for my silence, I get it. At any given time, you can say my name and I’m toast. Those fuckers tried to kill me you know? Unfortunately, my associate was the poor twat who got in the car with the tampered brakes. Not likely to walk again, but still, he’s alive. Worse than death if you ask me.’
‘Shit, you’ve worked me out. You see, I’m feeling a lot better now and realise that I still have some loose ends.’
‘Well, Miss Stark. There I was thinking you were a tart with a heart.’
‘I’m the daughter of a drug addict and I’ve been to hell and back. Unfortunately, my NHS therapist can’t deal with this, so I’m having to go private, Malc.’ I say his name with derision.
‘The therapist. Has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?’
‘I think I’ll be losing your card after this and getting rid of my phone.’
He laughs. ‘There’ll be nothing to tie either you or me to what goes down. I’m not a man who messes around.’
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