The Battle Within

by LaShawn Vasser

  Camille left to go make a pot of coffee.

  Matthew put his elbows on the table and folded his hands, “Franklin…I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

  He was interrupted when Camille returned to the dinner table, and in what felt like slow-motion, the glass coffee pot slipped out of her hands and smashed onto the floor…CRAAAASSH!

  Franklin fell backward out of his chair, his heart started to beat wildly, and his hands then his body began to shake uncontrollably. He was hot, as if burning from the inside out, and he felt as if he were being suffocated.

  The walls were closing in on him. He couldn’t see clearly. Screaming? Who was screaming? It was him. It was his voice screaming and yelling. Then flashes of his father’s fist slamming down into his face. Once…twice…. He felt it…the pain…the crunching sound when his fist connected to his face. The blood spurting from his nose.

  Franklin drew up into a tiny ball trying to protect himself from his father’s blows. He put his hands up to stop him, but he wouldn’t stop. They just kept coming and coming and coming.

  Camille, Troy, and Matthew ran over to Franklin, who was seemingly trapped in his own mind.

  Troy yelled at Matthew, “No! You stay away from him. This is all your fault! You did this to him!”

  John Rutherford was outside when he heard all the noise. He’d come over to drop off some items for a joint fundraiser the Roth’s were having with the Rutherford’s. The door was unlocked, so he dropped the box he’d had and ran inside toward all the commotion.

  He’d seen this before. He took off his jacket and rushed to get down on the floor with Franklin, “Everybody stand back a little.” He kept his voice, even, calm, “Franklin, it’s me. It’s John. You can get through this. It's not the place that is bothering you…it's the thought. Come on son, breathe…slowly…deeply…breathe. I’m with you. I’m right here with you."

  Franklin could hear him. He could hear John’s voice then, slowly he started to come back to the present. However, his body was still shaking.

  This was the first time Camille and Matthew had witnessed one of Franklin’s episodes. And, Troy hadn’t seen it since he was a child.

  Camille stood by with her hands covering her mouth and tears in her eyes. Matthew stood anguished that he’d caused this to his own son and couldn’t help him. Troy sat back on his haunches feeling helpless.

  John spoke over his shoulder, “Camille, can you get Franklin some water?”

  She nodded and rushed off to grab it.

  John continued to talk soothingly to him, “Son, you’re okay.”

  Franklin was humiliated…embarrassed even. “I had an episode?”

  John nodded, “Let’s get you up and off of this floor.”

  Troy came over to help John get Franklin up. Matthew was rooted where he stood. He spoke quietly, “I’m sorry Franklin. I’m so very sorry.”

  Troy spat at him, “You did this to him! You sorry sonofabitch. You beat the living hell out of my mother and now…” He was so upset he couldn’t even finish.

  Firmly, John spoke, “Franklin doesn’t need that right now. Matthew has worked long and hard for his sobriety over the years.”

  Camille came back with the water. She held on tight this time before she sat it down on the table.

  Franklin needed a moment alone. Everyone staring at him as if he were a lab rat was too much. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He got up on shaky legs.

  Troy got up too, “I’ll go with you.”

  “No!” In a lower tone, he responded again, “No. I can get to the bathroom by myself.”

  Once Franklin was out of earshot, Troy was ready to lay into Matthew again but John wouldn’t have it. “Stop. I know you’re angry, but that’s not going to help Franklin.”

  Curious, Troy asked John, “How do you know so much about this? And, how to help him when his own parents didn’t even know what to do?”

  John rolled his neck and shoulders, “I’ve known about these episodes since Franklin was a little boy. I couldn’t love him more than if he were my own son. I took the time to find out how to help him. I know that you’re aware that Jason and Franklin met in grade school. They became fast friends. It was no secret when Franklin would come over to our house with all these excuses for his bumps and bruises, that something wasn’t right.

  Troy, that was right around the time your mother left. I gave Matthew an ultimatum, get help, or I was going to file for custody of Franklin.”

  Matthew nodded, “You literally saved my and Franklin’s life. I’ll never be able to repay you.”

  John continued, “While Matthew was trying to recover, I thought it was best to put Franklin in boarding school with Jason. The episodes seemed to subside some while he was there.”

  Matthew stood with his hands in his pockets, “But, I couldn’t afford the boarding school, just the day school. So, John paid for Franklin’s schooling, help me find the best rehabilitation center and counseling for Franklin. But, I had no idea about this, John. You should have told me.”

  John inhaled, “You’re right. I probably should have but at the time, you were dealing with your own issues. I didn’t want to add to it. And, by the time, it looked like you’d beat your demons, Franklin didn’t want me to tell anyone.”

  “You’re the reason that I got to spend summers with Franklin too aren’t you?”

  “Regardless, of your parents and their issues, you two are brothers. We figured out a way to make it work thanks to your Aunt Lyra.”

  Troy’s throat was thick, “Thank you, John.”

  The room was quiet for a few moments until Franklin returned from the bathroom. He was spent, “I think, I’m going to head home.”

  Chapter 10

  Sandy had been lying in bed for a while unable to sleep watching the purplish night sky turn into an orangish hue as the sun rose. She looked over at Roman, who was laying on his back sleeping peacefully. He seemed to be more at ease now that she had moved in.

  It had been a little more than a week since she’d made dinner for him, and they discussed his family. She was getting married in less than two months but was still wondering if she was ever going to meet his mother and sister. And, if so, what would that first meeting be like?

  That voice in the back of her head kept nagging at her. Saying common sense things like you should have met his mother a long time ago. That’s dating 101. First, you meet the guy, meet the friends, meet the parents, and then get engaged. Why did her thoughts have to be so loud?

  Unable to get comfortable, Sandy turned over onto her side facing Roman. As many times as she’d slept overnight, the bed shouldn’t have felt so foreign but now that she lived here, it had.

  Of course, she’d feel a little off, wouldn’t she? More than likely, Sandy just needed a little time to get used to all the changes. This was the first night that she wasn’t staying over as a guest. This was now her bedroom too.

  Sighing deeply, her mind just wouldn’t shut off. Of course, getting used to her surroundings had to be the reason she’d tossed and turned all night. The roller coaster of her thoughts kicked in. One thought led to another and another. It’s bad enough she hadn’t met his mother and sister but in two whole years, Sandy had only met a few of his close friends, his aunt, some of his work associates, and employees.

  Did it matter? She was marrying him not any of those other people. Roman proved to her every day that he loved but more importantly respected her. And, they were really good together. How many people actually married someone with whom they were compatible in almost every way?

  She whispered into the quietness of the room as she closed her burning eyes, “Stop self-sabotaging.” They didn’t stay closed for long as she realized she had focused in on a spot on the wall behind Roman’s side of the bed.

  Maybe a glass of warm milk, since it was too early for a stiff drink, would help her relax. Sandy rolled out of bed and walked down the hallway to the staircase. She couldn’t help thinking maybe th
ey should install a mini-refrigerator in the bedroom. The kitchen felt too far away to come down for just a glass of warm milk.

  Roman’s gourmet kitchen was twice the size maybe even three times the size of her kitchen in her apartment. It was going to take some getting used to all the gadgets. It was a chef’s dream.

  Sandy had a regular old coffee maker in her kitchen. Roman had something that looked like you’d need a college degree to operate. Her appliances were stainless steel fronts. He had sub-zero stainless steel appliances. Now she understood how Vicky must have felt when she’d married Jason. Going from modest means to wealth was a major adjustment. And, this was just the small stuff. While Roman wasn’t as rich as Jason or Franklin, he was still extremely wealthy. Roman wasn’t always rich, so they had that in common. However, he was a self-made man.

  While Sandy was standing in front of the microwave waiting for her milk to warm up, a pair of strong arms, wrapped around her waist. He kissed the side of her head, “Good morning, beautiful.”

  She jump and put her hand over her heart, “Oh god. You scared me.”

  “Couldn’t sleep?”

  Half-turning so she could see his face, “Not really. I’ve made a lot of adjustments over the last couple of years. And, in a very short time, I’ll be making the biggest one of all.”

  “Are you having doubts…regrets?”

  Sandy gazed into his eyes and saw the vulnerability there. No, she was confident in her decision, “Not about us. It’s just a lot of change.”

  “Good, because I was all prepared to try and change your mind.”

  Sandy turned completely around into his embrace. He was shirtless wearing only a pair of loose fitting sleeper bottoms. Those cinnamon corded muscles in his arms were one of her weaknesses. Not only was Roman brilliant, but he was also delicious. Keeping in tip top condition was important to him, and it showed. Sandy had always been a sucker for washboard abs. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him.

  “And…just how were you planning on doing that Mr. Benton?”

  “See…I know a lot of secrets about you.” Roman kissed the curve of her neck, “I know how and where you liked to be kissed.”

  “Do you now?”

  “I can show you better than I can tell you. You like to be kissed here…” He kissed the side of her jawline.

  “And here…” Trailing kisses down the side of her neck.

  “And here.” Placing his tongue and lips down the hollow between her breasts.

  “I also know how you like to be touched.” Roman moved his hands lower beneath her silky nightgown and hooked his thumbs into the sides of her lacy panties. He pulled on that scrap of material until it slid down her legs and fluttered to the floor.

  Roman hoisted Sandy up onto the counter and moved in between the silkiness of her thighs. She squirmed as he pressed himself into her heat and pulled a hardened nipple into his mouth.

  Through the haze of intimacy, somehow the sound of a doorbell broke through. “Roman…umm…that feels so good. Wait…Roman, the doorbell is ringing.”

  “Hmm…”

  Sandy gently pushed on his shoulders, “Someone is at your door.”

  He stilled for just a moment, “This early? They should have called. We’re busy.” Then, he bent low to continue what he’d started.

  She threw her head back in ecstasy.

  However, whoever was at the door was persistent. They continued to ring the doorbell.

  Sandy whispered, “I don’t think they are going to go away. Maybe you should answer it just to get rid of them.”

  Roman released her highly sensitive breast but nipped it one last time gently, “Damn it.” He stood up straight and wrapped her legs around his waist before pulling her into a deep kiss, “I’ll only be a minute. You stay exactly where you are.”

  She laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and locked her feet behind his waist, “If I stay exactly where I am…I’ll be coming with you to the door.”

  “Exactly. It’ll save me some time getting into you later.” He picked Sandy up from off of the counter, holding her by her ass, as he carried her with him.

  The doorbell rang twice more. He yelled, “We’re coming!”

  Unable to stop laughing, Sandy spoke as she wiggled her body into Roman’s hardness, “God…I sure hope so. And, make sure my butt is covered.”

  Roman opened the door and all but froze. Sandy could feel the change in him. She slightly turned to see who could elicit such a reaction. His arms loosened around her and she unwound her feet as she slid to the floor.

  “Well…I guess I know why it was taking you so long to answer the door, my dearest son.”

  Sandy was so embarrassed. The thin strap on her nightgown kept falling as she stood there in a pale pink slip that barely covered her breasts or her behind. Quickly, she moved to stand behind Roman. What a way to meet her future mother-in-law.

  *****

  Sandy high-tailed it up to their bedroom to change. Of all the ways to meet Roman’s mother who probably won’t approve of her anyway. She would give them a little bit of privacy before making her way down for a proper introduction.

  Feeling like she was going to burst, Sandy picked up the phone to call Vicky. She hoped it wasn’t too early.

  The phone didn’t even get a full ring before she answered in a whisper, “Hello.”

  “I didn’t wake you did I?”

  Continuing to speak in a whisper, “No. I just fed the baby, and I’m putting him back to sleep. What’s up? It’s Sunday you’re not normally up this early.”

  “I just had the pleasure of meeting Roman’s mother and sister.”

  “It’s barely after 7 AM? Kind of early don’t you think? Anyway, it’s about time you met them.”

  “Well past, but…I didn’t want to meet them this way.”

  “What way?”

  Sandy laughed, “Almost ass out!”

  “No! Really?”

  “Yes…really! She just showed up.”

  “Roman didn’t know she was coming?”

  “No. He was shocked. I’m certain had he known we wouldn’t have answered the door almost naked.”

  Vicky laughed, “No…I suppose not. So, what are they like?”

  Sandy closed her eyes, “I didn’t really get a good look. The second I could get away, I ran to our room to put on some clothes. However, according to Roman, it might take some doing to win over his mother.”

  “I hoping that’s not the case.”

  ‘Miriam seems great, but mothers can be tricky. Now that I think about it, you’re the perfect person to ask.”

  “I am pretty lucky. Miriam is great. And, of course, you know you can ask me anything.”

  “Did…Jason’s parents ever have a problem with you being black?”

  “Wow…can’t say I saw that coming. Umm…no. Well, not Miriam. She was always warm and welcoming to me. But, you know John, he had to get to know me first. He’s been great, but some of Jason’s friends were complete utter assholes. Why?”

  “Roman hasn’t even told his mother about our engagement. He thinks she will have a problem with me being white.”

  Vicky didn’t say anything. She hoped that Sandy and Roman’s marriage would be successful. But, they’d been dating for two years. He should have told his mother about Sandy by now. This was a bad sign, and she just didn’t have a good feeling about this union.

  “Hello…are you still with me?”

  “Yes…yes. Of course, I’m with you.”

  “Well?”

  “Well…what?”

  “What should I do?”

  Vicky was hesitant, she didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings. It would have been awful if she hadn’t had the support of Miriam. “Sandy, if that is the case, there really is nothing you can do but give her some time. I think most mother’s just want their sons to be happy.”

  “She’s really important to Roman. It’s obvious her opinions mean a lot to him. And, I could accept i
t more if she hated me because she just didn’t like me. But, to dislike me right off the bat because of the color of my skin is ridiculous.”

  “You don’t have to tell me about that. It’s ridiculous. And, I understand up close and personal.”

  “After this morning, I won’t know if her disapproval of me is because of the color of my skin or because she thinks I’m a whore.”

  “My suggestion would be not to spend your energy wondering. If I wonder about what people thought of me and Angel, I wouldn’t be able to get anything accomplished. It’s hard, but I’ve learned to not care about how others see us. The only thing that matters is how Roman sees you and how you see yourself.”

  “True.”

  “Listen, you haven’t actually met them yet. There may not be any disapproval at all, but if I were you…I’d find the most conservative outfit in your closet and wear anything with a crucifix on it. A necklace, earrings, bracelet or something. Wait…do you own a Bible?” Vicky tried to keep her laughter down so that she wouldn’t wake the baby. “It couldn’t hurt.”

  “I am now hanging up on you. I hope Jay wakes up!” She couldn’t hold back her laughter either, “I’ll talk to you later.”

  Sandy disconnected the call, got up off of the bed, and went into her walk-in closet wondering if she owned a turtle neck.

  *****

  Roman took his mother and sister into the living room. “Mother, Lisa….what are you two doing here?”

  Claire Benton looked over at her daughter, Lisa, “Apparently, we now need a reason to come for a visit?” She turned back to Roman, “Does that half-naked woman have anything to do with that? Things are even worse than I imagined. At any rate, we’re here to save you from yourself.”

  “I don’t need saving, and her name is Sandra, mother. You know that.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t know she was white! You never told me that part. I had to find out from my sister, Janine, of all people.” Shaking her head, Claire took a seat on the sofa, “I can’t believe this. Roman…you’re actually engaged to a white woman? What the hell is wrong with you? You know better.”

  “Keep your voice down. She could be coming down the hall. And, yes...I’m in love with an amazing woman! Black, white, it shouldn’t matter.”