It's Not Over

by A. L. Zaun

  I should have wanted to drown myself in hard, raw sex to push out the image of Rick’s eyes right before he’d left me standing in the cold. Instead, I thought of the way his hands had felt as they’d glided along my body, the way his lips had sent tingles to my core, and how his dick had rocked my universe. For the first time, I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to remember everything.

  It was a little after four o’clock, and the winter darkness was snuffing out the light of day. I sighed as I reached for the blanket that had covered us earlier this morning. Rick hated the cold.

  I’d tried texting him several times, but he hadn’t responded. When my grandfather had come out and hung my coat over my shivering shoulders, he assured me that Rick would be back. I wasn’t so sure. I may have pushed him too far this time.

  He shouldn’t walk away from me. The smart thing for him would be to run.

  Until now, I’d been quite satisfied with my life. My professional accomplishments and my goals drove me. I was great at what I did, and I still had potential for more growth. Mason and Alex might have thought they could stop me, but they were just speed bumps that were slowing me down. Then, I’d met Rick. I hadn’t realized that he would complicate my life the moment he’d walked through my doors and insulted me.

  Instead of strategizing, I was pining for a man. I’d reached new lows as I clutched the pillow he’d used, inhaling his scent. I had to stop with this nonsense. I was Madison Stuart. I lived life by my rules. They didn’t include attachments to temperamental, arrogant assholes. I climbed out of bed, determined to stop wallowing in my misery. I stood in front of the window, sipping wine. I stared at the city skyline, wondering where he was. I couldn’t spend one more second feeling sorry for myself. I’d made a poor judgment call.

  If he can’t deal with that, well then, fuck him. It’s probably better this way anyhow.

  Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

  I jumped when I heard my phone, practically falling over myself and spilling wine on my hands. Get a grip, Madison. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and wiped my hands, checking my reflection in the mirror. He’s a man, not a fucking god. Well…

  Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

  I bit my lower lip as I tapped on the screen to open up my Messenger app.

  Alex: When you’re mad, your pussy gets soaked.

  Bruce: Let me know when you’re ready for tonight’s walk-through.

  Alex: I’m stroking my cock. I want to fuck you.

  I stared at my phone. It’s not Rick.

  Pulling up Bruce’s messages, I responded to him.

  Madison: Give me five minutes.

  Bruce: Cool.

  I got my iPad, logged in, and began my video chat with Bruce.

  “Hello. Update me,” I said crisply, noticing the bruise on the corner of his eye and cheek.

  Bruce responded with his typical sarcasm. “Hello, sunshine. As always, it’s a pleasure to be serving you.”

  With a flat stare, I raised one eyebrow and tilted my head. “Your attention span is quite limited. I’m the boss. So, cut the crap. Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean anything has changed.”

  Everything has changed.

  “I see,” he replied, widening his eyes. “It’s going to be one of those meetings.”

  “Show me the front room. And what do you mean by that?” I asked as I paced the room, feeling the movement of the camera.

  The tables were set and in order. The room was pristine. The bar was stocked.

  “Mean by, what?” He shifted his eyes, confused.

  “Don’t play dumb. ‘One of those meetings.’ What does that mean? Let’s go to the kitchen.”

  My phone buzzed again.

  Alex can go stroke his fucking dick raw.

  Bruce took me through a tour of the entire establishment, even showing me the restrooms. Everything was exactly as it should’ve been. I was proud.

  “You’re doing a great job. Now, let me see your face, and answer my question.”

  He brought the camera close enough, so I could get a zoomed-in view of his face.

  “I took one for the team, Madison. The best fucking decision you ever made was cutting that asshole loose. What a motherfucker. He stormed in here like he owned the place. No, it was more like he owned you. He can rot in hell. If I ever see him again, I’m beating the shit out of him.”

  I pictured Rick in his obsessive, manic state, exploding in a tantrum, with Bruce. My lips curled, and I had to hold back the smile. “Thank you, Bruce.”

  “Are you laughing?” He shook his head. “You think this is funny. Wait—fuck no.”

  I felt a flush kissing my cheeks, a flutter in my heart.

  “You think this is romantic.” He set his iPad down and sat in front of it. “Please tell me you aren’t buying his bullshit?”

  “What did you mean earlier? It’s important to me,” I asked again, fighting the desire to gush over Rick’s impulsive, crazed behavior.

  He rolled his eyes. “I think you’re a great boss. You’re the bomb. You know your shit better than anyone I’ve ever worked for or with. But…” He paused as he placed his hands on top of his shaved head. “Let’s leave it alone. You’re the best, and if you give that motherfucker the time of day, I’ll never let you live it down. You’ll owe me big time.”

  “But, what?” The flutter settled. Setting my iPad on the table, I sat on the couch and crossed my legs, bringing the blanket over them.

  “Madison, come on. I say things and don’t even know what I mean. What was the question anyway? See, I already forgot.” He blew out a deep breath.

  “I’m losing my respect for you. You have no problem being sarcastic, but it seems you have issues with honesty.”

  “Look, you’re great, Madison, but you can be a royal bitch. I love working for you, but there are days when I’d rather swim in a shark tank with an open wound or be on the frontlines in Iraq than be around you.”

  He didn’t hold back. Rick had punched him in the face. Bruce figuratively punched me in the gut.

  With my lips pressed in a straight line, I exhaled through my nose. “Thank you for your honesty.”

  “See, you’re weird now. Forget I said anything.” He rubbed his hands and reached for a straw. “How’s New York?”

  I slumped back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “Am I really that awful?”

  Since when do I care what people think about me?

  I knew I was a bitch. I really didn’t care if anyone and everyone thought it. I was firm but fair. I didn’t put up with shit.

  Oh no, I’m getting soft. I can’t let that happen.

  He chewed on a straw. “Hon, I think we’re friends, but I don’t really do this heart-to-heart shit.”

  Friends—I didn’t have any, not real ones. I had scads of acquaintances, but no one I could count on in the middle of the night, except for Rick. He was my true friend. I didn’t talk about myself. I couldn’t stand the girlfriend thing. I didn’t need a group of weak women finding support and strength in their hysterics and irrational behavior. My mother was like that. Her life was one melodramatic soap opera event after another. Her friends served as her audience and encouragement to continue in her embarrassing antics. I’d barely spoken to her since my grandmother’s funeral. That was another story though. I shrugged my shoulders as the thoughts rolled through my memory.

  “Forget it then.” I shrugged.

  I didn’t know what I was expecting from Bruce. He was an employee. Boundaries—I had to respect them.

  “Fuck, okay.” He rubbed his head and pressed down on it. He looked like he was trying to keep it from exploding. “No, you’re not that awful. You’re not here to be our friend. You’re the boss, and sometimes bosses are bitches.”

  Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. My phone vibrated against the table.

  I smiled softly. “Thank you for everything. I’ll be home in a couple of days…maybe sooner. I don’t know. Oh, and thank you for doing a great job,” I said, tucking my hair
behind my ears. “Goodnight.”

  “Anytime.” He gave me a thumbs up. “I’ll hold down the fort until you come back and the reign of terror resumes.” He laughed. “Just kidding. Have a good trip. Good night.”

  I disconnected the video chat and reached for my phone. If I didn’t have to deal with Alex for work, I would block his calls.

  Alex: Are you touching yourself?

  Rick: Hey.

  My heart soared, and like an idiotic woman, I jumped up and down. You’re embarrassing yourself. Stop being so ridiculous. He’s only a man. I didn’t care that I’d pushed back the women’s movement a good sixty years. He’d texted me.

  Madison: Hey.

  I blew out a deep breath. This was good. I rolled my shoulders, trying to ease the tension.

  Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

  I looked at my phone with anticipation.

  Alex: Do you remember the last time we played this game? You were throbbing when I leaned you over the desk and slid my cock inside your wet pussy. You came so fucking hard you were shaking. Tell me he does that to you.

  I hung my hung my head in disappointment. It isn’t Rick.

  Alex was out of control. I refused to engage in his game. In the past, these little exchanges would land us both with sweaty bodies slamming against one another. What did that say about me? About him? I pushed away the notion that Alex could be right about the two of us being alike.

  If it weren’t for Rick, I would have fucked Alex on Thanksgiving and loved it. I would have gotten lost in the high and not felt the loneliness of spending a holiday alone. If it weren’t for Rick, I would have fucked Alex this weekend. I would have played Alex’s game. I would have sat on his cock, and he would have fucked me into oblivion, trying to get me to call out his name. I never had though, and I never would. I didn’t want to play with him anymore, and the more persistent and aggressive he got, the more repulsed by him I became.

  I stood and reclined against the wall, flipping through my messages. I’d finally listened to all of Rick’s from Saturday morning. He still hadn’t responded to my text, which was unlike him. I needed to get out of this victim mindset. I started itching when I allowed myself to go there momentarily.

  I pulled up my Contacts list and sent another text message.

  Me: I’m in New York. Would like to meet.

  I pressed Send, my heart pounding in my chest.

  Patrick: Full day of meetings. Can give you fifteen before lunch. 12:15. Be quick.

  I stared at the phone as an emptiness swallowed me. I felt the tears brimming around my eyes. I will have sunk to new lows if I went to see him. I hated that I felt like I had to. I didn’t respond.

  What would I say?

  Thanks, Daddy. Can’t wait to see you.

  He was keeping everything real, and so would I. This was business, not personal. I buried those emotions. Mark had really been my dad.

  Oh, Gramps. What have you done? I sighed. It’s just another day in my fucked-up life.

  I kicked off from the wall and headed back toward the bedroom when I heard a knock at the door. That’s strange. I peeked through the peephole. Familiar butterflies filled my stomach, and a flush touched my cheeks. I exhaled to calm myself.

  With the chain still on, I opened the door. “What do you want?”

  “Maddy, just let me in,” Rick said, sounding exhausted.

  “How’d you even get up here?”

  “I have my ways.” I heard the thump of his head against the door. Of course, he would implement the Walter phenomenon here as well.

  “Just open the door and let me in.”

  I was pushing him away. I didn’t even know how to stop myself. “You left me standing on a street corner in the freezing cold without a coat.”

  He poked his face through the narrow opening the chain allowed. “Don’t even go there. Open the fucking door.” His tired eyes met mine. “Please. I brought a peace offering.”

  “What do you have?” I asked curiously, softening into a pile of mush.

  “Open the door for me, babe, and I’ll show you.”

  “You’ll show me?” I crossed my arms, tapping my finger on my chin. “A seduction, perhaps? That’s the best you have?”

  His lip curved in a dimpled grin. “There’s a ninety-nine point nine percent chance I’ll seduce you, and you’ll love every second of it. But I do have something else that you won’t be able to resist.” He showed me a bag. “Now, open the damn door, please.”

  “Well, since you said please and brought a gift, I might be persuaded to listen to what you have to say,” I relented, opening the door for him.

  He waved the white bag, wearing his signature smile.

  I felt a rush of flutters fill my chest. My world came to a screeching halt because of him. His lip pulled into a sexy grin, and I wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and get lost in him. But fear gripped my heart.

  I stood across from him, hugging myself.

  “Are you done with your temper tantrum?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  After placing the white bag from Sarabeth’s on the table and draping his coat on the back of the chair, he closed the gap between us. My mouth watered, wondering what delicacy he’d brought for me. I looked at him and then away, trying to control the warring emotions I was feeling.

  “Are you going to tell me what you were doing with that cocksucker?” He tipped my chin up with his thumb. His lips hovered close to mine.

  My breath caught in my throat as I gasped. “I told you I had to take care of business.”

  “Bullshit.” His hand cradled my head gently while his free arm wrapped around my back, dragging me into him.

  “It’s not what you think,” I said breathlessly, untucking his shirt and sliding my hands against his taut muscles.

  A slow smile spread over his lips as his stared at my mouth. “So you said before, but you don’t know what I’m thinking.”

  His lips brushed over mine, sending a flood of warmth to flow through my body.

  “I didn’t fuck him,” I panted, pressing myself up against his erection.

  “I didn’t think you did.” He slipped his hand down between my legs as his tongue grazed my lips. His fingers spread my wetness, causing me to whimper and tremble.

  “You didn’t have your just-fucked look.” He inserted his fingers inside me, pumping in and out of me. My breathing was fast and short. I felt my muscles clamping around his fingers as he massaged my G-spot.

  “Fuck you,” I mumbled between shivers, digging my nails into his back. “I hate you.”

  “You hate me as much as I hate you.” He sucked on my lower lip and began kissing me. He groaned in my mouth as he brought his thumb over my clit and rubbed it.

  “You don’t,” he added.

  My legs weakened. “I’m going to fall,” I whimpered as my head fell back.

  “Hold on to me,” he said before nipping my ear. “I won’t let you fall, and if you do, I’ll catch you or die trying.”

  I held on to him as the convulsions rippled through my body. His name flowed from my mouth in a moan. As my body exploded, he held me up.

  He pulled out his fingers and ran them along my lips. “Taste how fucking delicious you are.”

  I wrapped my lips around his fingers, swirling my tongue and sucking off my sweet, salty arousal. I purred in satisfaction. Holy shit, I think I’m going to die.

  “What was that for?” I asked, half-comatose.

  He gingerly placed gentle kisses along my cheek, forehead, nose, and lips. “Remember when I first met you, I told you I could slide my hand inside your pants?” He kissed me deeper. “I wanted to give you the orgasm I owed you.”

  “You’re an asshole,” I murmured.

  “I’m your asshole.” He gently caressed my face with his palm before tucking my hair behind my ears. His head tilted to the side as his eyes followed the path of his hands. “This, Maddy, is your just-fucked face. Now, tell me what you were doing with that motherf
ucker.”

  I broke away from his hold. “That was low,” I accused, feeling a lump form in my throat. Turning my back to him, I covered my face with my hands, trying to stifle the ache that gripped my heart. I’m just a fuck.

  He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Maddy,” he whispered.

  I took a deep breath and turned around. My eyes were steeled as I buried the sting of his words. Did he see me as a slut? “I will not have anyone treat me like a whore in my own home. So, you can take your shit and get the fuck out of here.”

  Chapter 18

  Rick

  Did she just kick me out?

  “Maddy, what the fuck?” I begged, my eyes narrowing and my mouth hanging open. I ran my hands through my hair. “How the hell did I call you a whore?”

  This wasn’t going the way I’d planned. Granted, the finger-fuck wasn’t part of it either. In my defense, she really enjoyed it, and so did I.

  She stood in front of me with her arms crossed, glaring at me. Fuck, we were in the midst of another mood swing.

  This is exhausting.

  “You know I don’t think of you as a whore,” I promised, grabbing the bag from Sarabeth’s and heading to the kitchen. “And I’m not leaving.” I pulled out the box with the slice of chocolate cake and rummaged through the drawers, looking for a couple of forks. “I’m too tired for this shit. I don’t know how you do it. Happy, playful, pissed, crazy—I can’t keep up.” I gave her a sideways glance as I reached for a plate.

  She raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are you doing? I told you to leave!” she shouted with a deadly stare.

  “I’m having cake. I haven’t eaten since brunch, and I’m hungry.” I licked some frosting off my finger.

  Her mouth hung open, and her eyes widened.

  “What? The whore thing? Fine, I thought that before I got to know you,” I admitted, setting the cake in the center of the microwave. I shut the stainless steel door and tried to figure this shit out. This thing looks like a fucking complicated spaceship. It’s Madison’s, so of course, it’s complicated.