It's Not Over

by A. L. Zaun

  Something I learned from Jonathan was that actions had consequences, and sometimes, those repercussions were far-reaching and affected me in ways we never thought were humanly possible.

  Rick opened my car door, extending his hand to help me out.

  “You’ve become quite the gentleman,” I complimented him, slipping my hand in his.

  I felt light-headed, and my chest tightened under the weight of the burden I carried. Rick needed to know my secrets. It was only fair. But more than anything else, I needed to share them with him.

  With a quick wave to Walter, we made our way up to the fifteenth floor. The elevator doors opened, and I stepped out, shifting my dress and wiping the corners of my mouth. My eyes darted over to Rick.

  His dimpled smile spread mischievously. “One of these days, I’m going to stop that elevator and finish what I started in there.”

  “What makes you think I’d let you do that?” I stopped in front of my door with my arms crossed in front of my chest.

  I loved his arrogant overconfidence—not that I’d admit that to him. For the moment, I welcomed it even more than usual. His playful seductions were soothing to my soul, and the anxiety gripping me began to ease.

  “You do know there are cameras in the elevators.”

  “I’m fully aware of the cameras.” His voice was husky.

  He closed the space between us, and his smoldering eyes focused on my mouth. Like so many other times, I wanted him to go through with his unspoken threat of taking me on the spot without a care for where we were. I could feel the blood pumping rapidly through my body as desire and lust swirled inside of me.

  “The fact you know that and didn’t stop me, oh my little exhibitionist, is hot. But I took care of that little inconvenience. Walter turns off the cameras when we get on.”

  I shook my head. “You think of everything.” I slowly ran my tongue around the O-shaped opening of my mouth as he nipped my elongated neck. “You think you know me so well.” I whimpered as he backed me up against my door.

  “Better than you think I do.” He brought his mouth over mine, kissing me as his body pressed up against mine. “I barely have to touch you, and I know your pussy is wet.”

  His warm breath tickled my neck.

  “But it’s your eyes, Maddy. They’re the mirrors to your soul. They betray you every time.”

  “You might be surprised at how little you actually know about me,” I said, turning around and pushing open the door.

  After I flipped on the light, I dropped my keys and purse on the table in the foyer. Rick walked right past me into the kitchen.

  Go ahead and make yourself at home. “Are you going to tell me what’s in that bag?”

  “Are you going to tell me what happened with my sisters?” he rebutted, ignoring my question. Instead, he opened and closed cabinets and drawers.

  “Nothing happened. Therefore, there’s nothing to tell. What are you doing?” I leaned curiously against the breakfast bar.

  “It’s a surprise. Wait for me in your room.” He looked at me, unconvinced. “I’m not letting this shit with my sisters go. I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

  I huffed in frustration. “You’re like a dog with a bone. Let this shit go already. There’s nothing to tell.”

  “So, there is shit.” He victoriously pointed a spoon at me.

  “You’re impossible. Let it go. The one who’s being mysterious is you.”

  He had a guilty look on his face. When I didn’t move, he stared me down while tapping that spoon on the counter.

  “Unless you’re going to tell me what happened, go and wait for me in your room. Now.”

  “I really hate when you tell me what to do,” I sneered, pushing back from the bar. “For the record, there’s only one thing I want to do right now. Take more than five minutes, and the chances of that happening are slim to none.”

  “I love it when you threaten me, but you’re so full of shit.” He waved me away.

  “Try me, Marin. You might be surprised. It’s late, and I’m getting very sleepy,” I said, walking toward my room. I glanced over my shoulder, and almost on cue, our eyes met.

  “Go.” He glowered.

  I went with a warm heart, knowing he was trying to surprise me. Who the hell would have ever thought that my asshole could be his own brand of sweet?

  “Don’t make a mess,” I called out to him from my bedroom door.

  I stretched my neck from side to side and rolled my shoulders. I kicked off my shoes and then placed them neatly in their box inside my closet. Stepping out of my dress, I tossed it into the dry-cleaning bag, and then I walked into the bathroom in nothing but my strapless bra and panties. I looked at my reflection and blew out a slow deep breath, bracing myself against the counter. Memories I was trying to bury were beginning to swallow me.

  You have nothing to be ashamed of.

  I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and splashed cold water onto my face, exhaling a couple more breaths.

  Why on earth are you a pile of rattled nerves?

  I studied the woman in the mirror with her tiny frame, flat stomach, and tight physique. Rick’s sisters were such bitches, saying I needed to eat a cheeseburger. Try again. They’re the ones who need to lay off the supersized fries. I laughed to myself and felt the tension slowly ease away.

  As I dried my face, I felt Rick’s hands on my shoulders as he began kneading them.

  “You’re tense,” he whispered as my body melted into his touch. “Close your eyes.”

  I did the only thing that made sense. I met his gaze in the mirror.

  “You’re so fucking predictable.” He shook his head and placed a kiss on my shoulder and followed it with a bite. “I came prepared.” He reached around and began to cover my eyes with a silk scarf.

  The silk caressed my skin, spiking my pulse, but the thought of not having control won over. I lifted my hands to stop him. “I don’t think so.” I uncovered my eyes. “You know I don’t like that stuff.”

  “Babe…” he cooed, running his lips along my neck and enveloping me in his arms.

  I rested in his embrace and breathed in his masculine scent mingled with his cologne. In his arms, all was right with the world, but there was no way he was covering my eyes.

  “Will you just trust me?”

  “I promise to keep my eyes closed,” I agreed, sighing. “No blindfolds. I don’t like that sensation of complete reliance.”

  “Fine,” he said, disappointed. He laid the scarf on the counter. “No peeking, or I’ll have to take drastic measures. Now, close your eyes.” He turned me around and my hand touched his bare chest and led me out of the bathroom. “My little control freak, your nails are digging into my arm.”

  I dug them in a little deeper. “You’re lucky they aren’t digging into your dick. Now, hurry up, and get me to where we’re going. I want to open my eyes.”

  He laughed. “We’d move faster if you weren’t taking baby steps.” He paused, and I felt his moist lips on my forehead. “That wasn’t so bad for phase one.”

  “Phase one?” I popped one eye open. “Marin, what are you up to?”

  “Close your eye. Climb onto the bed, and wait for me,” he said, unclasping my bra.

  I gasped at the light pressure of his fingertips on my nipples.

  “I love your tits.” He took a nipple in his mouth and sucked. “Now, wait for me.”

  “Where are you going?” I asked breathlessly, willingly scooting back a little more on the mattress. “If you’re going back to the kitchen, can you get my purse? I left it by the door.”

  “You’re fucking with me,” he snapped.

  “Well, I want to be fucking you, but first, I need my purse.”

  “You’re killing the mood with your damn purse, and don’t fucking open your eyes.”

  I lay back on the soft comforter with a smile of satisfaction. My anxiety was all gone. This is going to be fun. Everything felt perfect in our own unique way.

>   “Hurry up, or I’m opening my eyes,” I taunted him. “Or worse, I might fall asleep.”

  I lay on my bed with my eyes closed. It was dark and late at night. It had been a long and draining day. I had to fight to stay awake. I yawned and stretched my practically naked body across my bed while my mind went back to Central Park and ice-skating with Rick. After I slid the covers over me, I felt a startling thump next to me, bringing me back to the present.

  “Open your eyes at your own risk.” The bed dipped next to me, and his fingers slowly started a gingerly walk from my toes up to my legs.

  “So far, I like your little game.” I moaned softly.

  I took in a sharp breath when he flicked my pussy, but his hands didn’t stop there. “Hey, go back.”

  “Tell me how much you like me touching your pussy, and I will.” His tongue ran around the shell of my ear.

  I was not about to beg for him to touch me. “Fuck you.”

  “Your loss.” His fingers worked their way to my belly button, circling up along my belly. His hands slid over to mine, and he pulled me up and laid my hands on his bare legs.

  “Hmm, you took your pants off.” I grazed his legs with the tips of my fingernails. “Can I open my eyes now? I feel like a puppet.”

  “Nope, I’m just getting started. I need to get you in position.”

  I gasped, surprised, when his hand unexpectedly caressed my face. “In position for what?”

  “I love it when you don’t fight me.” His lips traveled up my arm, leaving behind a small path of tingles. “Keep your eyes closed.”

  He ran his finger along my lower lip, and I opened my mouth, sucking in his finger and swirling my tongue around it.

  “Fuck,” he groaned. “You can run your hands up and down my legs, but that’s it.”

  “Rick—”

  “Trust me. You’re going to like this.”

  “I highly doubt that.” I had never been a fan of the power-shift sex games. In fact, I hated them, so I didn’t participate in them ever. I liked being in control all the time, but he’d said the magic words—trust me—so for now, I was playing along with him.

  “Have I ever let you down?” Before I could answer, his lips covered my mouth. “Let me rephrase. Have my surprises ever let you down?”

  “Your surprises usually make up for some of the asinine things you do on a regular basis. So, don’t keep me wait—”

  I felt a cold…spoon against my lower lip, teasing me. My mouth parted, curiously wanting to taste what was on it. He then pulled the spoon back, and my chin jutted out, searching for it.

  Asshole.

  He dripped cold creamy chocolate along my lips. I inhaled the tantalizing scent, and my tongue darted out and licked the delicacy, savoring each drop. I wanted more. My mouth opened, and he ran the spoon with chocolate ice cream along my lower lip and rested it on my tongue.

  “You like that?” His mouth hovered right over mine. “I have more for you.”

  “Mmm, Marin, you did good.”

  “Open your eyes,” he whispered.

  When I did, I saw his tender yet passionate gaze, and my heart swelled, threatening to burst out of my chest.

  “Well? What do think?” He scooped up some more ice cream and teased my mouth with it.

  “Much better than that mousse.” My eyes glanced away for a moment because my emotions were running wild. “You’re going to ruin my reputation as a cold, heartless bitch. I can feel the ice melting in my veins, and maybe just maybe, a little blood is flowing through my body.” I took the spoon out of his hand and dipped it into the bowl to feed him. “Very nice touch, Marin. You blow me away, and that’s not easy to do.”

  “You missed dessert,” he said nonchalantly. He took the spoon from my hand and placed the bowl on the nightstand. “Maddy…” His eyes bore into me as he laid me back. “Let me take care of you.” His lips grazed my mouth. “Let me love you.” He nuzzled his face in my neck, nipping up toward my ear. “Let me spoil you.”

  “I want you to,” I said softly. I did, but I also felt conflicted. “Why do you love me?”

  “Why is the sky blue or the grass green? How the fuck should I know?”

  He pulled back and laid on his side. His fingers lightly brushed up and down my body. Tingles erupted everywhere he touched, and my body moved to meet him in anticipation.

  “Why do I love you? I just do. I can feed you some bullshit about my life being a series of bad choices until I ran into you, and then everything turned around. I can tell you I wandered aimlessly through life, like a man without a compass, and then I met you, and my life started going somewhere.”

  He smiled, and I reached for him, pulling him close to me.

  “You really go for my laying it on thick and adding something corny.” He lowered his mouth and kissed me as his hands fondled my breast. “I don’t know. I was lost, and now, I’m found. You don’t take my shit, and you still believe in me. That’s a lot, considering you know me better than anyone else. It would all be true and still not answer the question.”

  “There are things about me you don’t know.” I gulped. “Reasons why I do what I do or am how I am.”

  He tapped my nose and kissed my forehead.

  “And no, I’m not bipolar.” I sighed deeply and covered my eyes with my arm. “No one knows everything.”

  He moved my arm from my face. “The past is the past. It doesn’t change today or tomorrow,” he reassured me.

  “I hope you’re right.” I closed my eyes and relished the caress of his hand on my cheek. When I opened them, he was looking at me with so much emotion that he took my breath away.

  “Amor, of course, I’m right,” he said before running his lips over mine. “You taste good. I could lick you all night long. Stop your negativity.”

  I sat up and reached for my purse.

  Rick rolled onto his back. “You’re kidding, Maddy,” he growled. “You’re going to check your fucking phone?”

  “Shut up,” I said, pulling out the envelope. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Forget it. The mood is ruined. I’m going to sleep. Fucking workaholic,” he muttered angrily.

  “You’re such a pussy.” I dropped the envelope on his chest and turned his face to me. I pressed my lips against his. “Stop it. This is big.” My heart hammered in my chest as the reality of the moment hit me. I blew out tiny breaths from my mouth to calm down as I slowly rocked my body.

  “What’s this?”

  He sat up, eyeing me curiously, but I couldn’t look at him.

  “Maddy, what the fuck? What’s going on?”

  Then, just like in the movies, everything stood still. His every movement went in a very slow and methodical motion. At any moment, I was sure that some mood music would be cued in for dramatic effect, like a pounding drum, but there were no instruments in the room. It was only my heart beating a frightful rhythm and the whirring noise of my blood racing through my body at lightning speed.

  I cleared my throat. “You keep telling me to let go. Well, I’m taking a leap,” I said with a shaky voice, staring at the envelope in his hands.

  “And I’ll catch you,” he promised, his eyes searching mine as he pulled me close to him. “You’re freaking me out.”

  “I don’t know how long this”—I motioned between the two of us—”is going to last, but however long it does, I’m in it all the way.”

  “This”—he mimicked my action—”isn’t ever going to be over. So, get that shit out of your head.” He tilted my chin up. “I won’t let anything happen to you or us.”

  “Rick, sometimes…” My eyes focused on the envelope. It was only a piece of paper that stated what we both already knew to be true, but it challenged the fabric of the life that I’d woven for myself. “Open the envelope before I change my mind.”

  He held it in his hand, examining it. “What do we have here? Did you buy me a star?” he asked, pulling the paper out of the envelope.

&
nbsp; Leave it to Rick to switch gears and lighten things up.

  “How did you guess? Oh, that’s right, you know me so well.” I tucked a rebellious strand of hair behind my ear. “Astronomers recently identified a new constellation in the shape of an asshole. It was only right it be named after you.”

  “You’re so romantic,” he mocked, unfolding the paper. His eyes scanned it from top to bottom as a smile spread across his face. He looked as if he’d won the lottery. “Your word would have been enough. I trust you, Maddy.” He tossed the paper aside and pounced on me, kissing me like he meant it.

  I laughed. “Are you disappointed it’s not a star?”

  “I think you’re going to have to make it up to me.” He positioned himself between my legs and pressed his very eager dick against me. “Nothing is between us.”

  That was what he’d wanted. After I’d accused him of being irresponsible, he got tested with rapid three-day results. I did the same, but I just hadn’t told him. After all, that was the responsible thing to do. I was never concerned about the results. I knew I was clean. I had my reasons though for being overly cautious. There was just too much on the line.

  Rick had always been a serial monogamer, bouncing from one relationship or pussy to the next. It was mostly due to his own selfishness and errant ideas that women had been created to serve and pleasure him. I, on the other hand, had chosen my proclivity for promiscuity with random men because it was easier and had offered me a degree of control. How many times had I said I fucked who I wanted, when I wanted?

  There was still more though. I just had to come up with the words to tell him.

  “Sometimes…” I snaked my legs around his and held his face in my hands, trying to summon the courage, but the words were failing me.

  I’d never talked about this with anyone—ever. I rehearsed it this morning after I took a shower. Pacing back and forth between my living room and bedroom, the words had come easily. In fact, when I’d stopped to look at the view of the bay, I’d felt empowered, liberated. Now, my mouth was dry, my heart was skipping beats, and my palms were sweating.

  Get a grip, Madison. Drama queen at her best—who would have thought?