by Fran Jacobs
Then Rehea gave her final words and everything was done. The ceremony, which had taken weeks and months of planning, was now all over.
Silnia was weeping softly, hugging her daughter, and Kal was grinning like an idiot, as I made my way back down the aisle and into the castle, flanked as always by my guards. Now that everything was over I realised how hungry I was and I left my family behind me as I made my way quickly up to the hall to find something to eat.
The hall was simply decorated, with pretty spring flowers and white scented candles, and it was full of people all dressed in their finest. Teveriel was singing, as we walked in, and even though I could barely hear him over the sound of people enjoying themselves, his voice still managed to send shivers down my spine.
I pushed through the crowd slowly, heading towards the food tables. Every minute it seemed some noble wanted to stop and talk to me, congratulate me on my sister's betrothal and ask if I had given any thought to my own, before subtly hinting at their available daughter, niece or granddaughter. After seven or eight polite but brief conversations, Trellany stepped in and started to forcefully clear a path for me towards the table, with Milan and Breskarn on either side of me, leaving poor Silver to try and make his own way through as the crowd closed again behind me.
At the table I reached for a plate and started to pile food high on it. I was starving. Trellany watched me with amused eyes. "If you'd eaten breakfast or lunch ..." she began.
"I would have vomited it back up with nerves," I told her, tucking in hungrily to a small pastry stuffed with spiced meats. "This way is better."
"Don't eat too much or too fast or you'll be sick," she warned.
"Yes, Mother," I told her, with a grin, spraying pastry crumbs onto the floor.
"I wouldn't joke about that," Trellany told me. "It might give me ideas and I can tell you I would be far less tolerant of some of your behaviour than Princess Silnia!"
That was probably true, but I didn't have a chance to try and make some sort of sarcastic reply. My sister and Kal had arrived and the hall fell silent so they could be introduced to us as a betrothed couple.
Then the music started again and I turned back to my food.
The afternoon wore on into evening and I spent my time dancing with the young ladies of the Court, my mother and my sister, and talking to courtiers about my time in White Oaks and being told various things that had happened while I had been gone. After four hours of it, I escaped onto the balcony to catch some fresh air and have a moment of peace. Trellany and Silver came with me, while Milan and his brother waited by the open doors, to give us some privacy.
"This is some affair," Silver said.
"Why don't you go and socialise?" I said. "It can't be any fun for you to have to follow me around all evening." Silver hesitated and glanced at Trellany. "It will be all right," I assured him. "You'll still be around, if there's any trouble, and it's your first ball at Court --"
"My first ball anywhere," Silver said. "The dances at home were nothing like this."
"Exactly, so you should enjoy it. You can't spend your whole life protecting me."
Trellany opened her mouth to object, no doubt, that that was exactly what Silver should do, but Silver nodded.
"All right," he said. "Thanks, Dale."
When he'd gone, I turned and leaned over the railing. "It's his first ball," I said to Trellany. "Even Sorron wouldn't expect Silver to spend all of it with me."
"Actually, he would. Silver is your guard now and King Sorron would expect him to behave like one. If the boy is ever to do his job properly, to protect you, then you're both going to have to realise that and stop seeing each other as friends."
"But we are friends."
"No, you were friends. He is now your guard and you are his charge and you both have to realise that. There's no reason that you can't still talk to each other, spend time together casually, but things can't be the same as they were in White Oaks. He's here to protect you, not keep you company."
"He can do both," I said. "And still have a life of his own."
"Hmm," was all Trellany said.
A little while later Tev came out to join me. "Gods," he gasped. "I feel like my fingers are about to drop off!" He leaned over the railing beside me. He was holding two glasses of wine.
"Two?" I asked.
"Saves time for later," he said. Then he grinned as he handed one to me. "It's for you, Dale. I thought you might need it."
"Thank you." I took it from him and turned around, leaning my back against the railings. "It has been rather hectic. Dancing, talking, just trying to be social."
"I can imagine. It hasn't been easy for me, either. It's my first large social gathering as Court Bard and I had no idea that I would have so much to do! I had to organise all the music arrangements, make sure there was music to dance to, music to play while the jesters and jugglers were performing and make sure that it all pleased your sister and the majority of Court's more traditional tastes. And then tonight I had to oversee the other musicians and made sure that everyone knew what they were doing and that they did it. This is the first moment I've had to catch my breath since it started and I can't stay long."
"Well, it was worth it," I said. "Everyone seems to be having a very good time."
"Thank you," Teveriel said, with a smile. He studied me. "You're looking a lot better tonight, Dale. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you've been looking rather unwell recently. Pale and tired. I'm glad to see that has improved."
"I had help," I said, taking a sip of the strawberry wine he had brought me.
"Help?"
"Silver has been using his magic to help me sleep. We tried a sleeping draught from the healer, but it didn't work and I needed something. It's only temporary, though. Silver doesn't want me to get too dependent, and last night was the last time he was prepared to help me. I'm hoping Mayrila will be able to do something to help --"
"Mayrila?" Teveriel interrupted. "What are you talking about? How will she be able to help you?"
Silently I cursed myself for letting it slip out like that. This wasn't how I wanted Tev to find out. "Tev, I'm sorry. I should have told you, but ... Mayrila is coming here to help me with my gifts. I should have told you sooner, but she only just replied to my grandfather's letter, accepting his offer, and with the betrothal it just slipped my mind. I'm sorry."
"She used me, Candale. How could you forget to tell me she was coming back? I'll have to see her around Court, try and be polite to her and I don't know that I can do that."
"No," I said quickly, reaching out to touch his hand, which was clenched tightly around the bar of the railing. "No, she's coming in secret, she has to. My father would never allow her back, you know that." Teveriel's jaw tightened and I tightened my grip on his hand. "It will be all right. You won't have to see her, and I won't be alone with her --"
"Promise me," he said suddenly, turning to look at me.
"What?"
"Promise me you won't be alone with her. Not even for a moment." His eyes were intense, pleading with me. I'd never seen him look so concerned before and I couldn't understand why he was so worried. It was only Mayrila, but I knew I had to say something, reassure him, so I nodded.
"All right," I said. "I promise."
Teveriel relaxed with relief and took a long drink from his glass. "Thank you."
"You don't need to worry, Tev. She's only going to help me control my visions, so that I don't disturb meetings and banquets with them, or draw attention to myself. And, as I said, I'm hoping she can help me with the way I've been behaving recently. I can't be sure if my bad moods and lack of concentration was because of the insomnia, as Silver hasn't been helping me to sleep for long enough for me to be able to tell that, or if it is Seer related. If it's the latter then perhaps she can help ..."
"Candale," Teveriel said slowly, "I'm not sure how long you've had trouble sleeping. You didn't speak of it in White Oaks, but your bad moods have been going on since a
t least then, although, they were mild."
I blinked and stared at him. "They have?"
"Do you remember the first night in White Oaks? You snapped at me, compared me to your father, and then said that you couldn't remember why you had been so angry?"
"Yes," I said slowly. I felt the colour fade from my face. "I remember. And I don't know why I got so angry with my father or Kal either. W-why do you think that is? This never used to happen to me. I wasn't the most patient man but ..."
"I don't know, Dale," Tev said. "Perhaps it's a result of your gifts awakening, the same way a boy will have growth spurts and his voice will crack before it finally breaks? If it is, then it won't hurt you."
"No," I said, "but what if I hurt someone else!"
Teveriel turned a shade pale and he masked it by pretending to be cold, shivering and drawing his coat tighter around his shoulders. "It won't happen," he told me. "You're just worrying about nothing. I know you, Dale. I know that you would never hurt anyone, no matter how badly you might lose your temper, or whatever else might come over you."
I wish that I found it so easy to have faith in myself like that, but I didn't want to talk about this anymore, so I changed this subject by reaching out to touch the harp shaped pin he wore on his lapel. "That's new," I said.
"A gift," he replied uncomfortably, "from Lady Yailinna."
"You had a say in the design?" I said. "She has garish taste usually."
"I did, yes." He smiled, covering it with his fingers. "I like being in this position, Dale. Like some sort of pampered pet. It was so hard for me to get to where I am now. I spent years freezing my backside off, sleeping rough, or being hungry, without any idea where my next meal would come from, or playing for hours until my fingers bled, for the entertainment of a rude and indifferent crowd. I think I deserve to enjoy the attention and pampering after everything I've been through to get here, don't you?"
"Yes," I said. "Of course you do."
"I'm glad you agree." He rolled his shoulders irritably. "Well, I better get back inside."
"All right," I said. "I'll see you later then."
"Yes," he said. "And you know, you didn't need to change the subject like that, Dale. It's all right if you have doubts about yourself. You just have to trust me when I say that I know you will never hurt anyone."
"It's not easy to do that when I'm scared of losing my mind, Tev," I said.
"I know, but that doesn't make what I said any less true."
I stayed out on the balcony for a while, after he had gone, letting the fresh air cool me, as I watched the sun set, enjoying the feeling of being released from the heat and claustrophobia of the hall and all the dancing, heavily dressed and made up Courtiers. I could smell the flowers from the Shrine below, sweet and gentle. It was far more pleasant than the smell of the heavily scented candles in the hall. I took a deep breath of the cool air and let it out slowly, with a soft sigh.
"I'm glad this all went so well," I said to Trellany. "Aylara must be happy."
"I imagine so and relieved that it's out of the way, with just the wedding to go," Trellany said.
"Yes," I agreed. "Although that will be a lot easier on me. I won't have anything to say or do, after all."
"Yes," Trellany agreed. She shivered, wrapping her arms around her. "It's cold out here, Prince Candale."
"Far better than being too hot back in the hall."
Trellany's face told me that she didn't agree, so with another sigh, I led the way back inside.
Something felt different about the hall as soon as I stepped back inside. It was quieter, as though my ears were suddenly stuffed with wool. The minstrels were still playing, people were still dancing and talking, and I knew that the volume couldn't have suddenly decreased, that it must be me.
And then I saw why.
The dead eyed child, the one I hadn't seen for months, except for a quick glimpse in my mirror in White Oaks, was standing there in the crowd, watching me. No one else seemed able to see it. I watched one dancing couple move right past it, so close that the woman's arm brushed against it, but they didn't react, and the child didn't move, just carried on, staring at me. My mouth was dry and I shivered as I turned away, deliberately turning my back in the hope that the child would disappear as quickly as it had appeared. I didn't need this, not now, not today, of all days.
"Candale?" Trellany sounded concerned as she looked up into my face.
"I think I need a drink," I said.
"Is something wrong?"
"No." I shook my head firmly. "No." I walked back to the table of food and drink and helped myself to a bottle of red wine. I filled a glass and drained it in one go. Then I refilled it. "Everything's fine." I turned back around slowly. The child was still standing there, in that tatty little gown, with blood-stained legs and ragged hair, looking at me.
"Candale ..." Trellany said softly, as her fingers closed around my arm. "You're making Lady Issayle uncomfortable, staring at her like that."
"I'm sorry," I said. I forced myself to face her. "It's just ... that child, the one that bruised me, do you remember it?"
"Of course," Trellany said dryly. "I'm not about to forget something like that."
"No," I agreed. "Nor I ...well, the child, it's over there."
Trellany turned to follow my gaze but I knew that she wouldn't be able to see it. If what Teveriel had told me was true, then the child wasn't there, not really. It was inside my mind and no one would be able to see it except me. "I can't see anything, Candale."
"No," I said. "I know that, but the child is there."
And, almost as though it knew I was talking about it, the child started to walk towards me. It moved through the crowd like a man through fog, as though the people around it weren't there at all, as though they were ghosts, when I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that it was the child who wasn't here.
Then my ears popped and everything became clear again as the child was suddenly gone.
I let out my breath in a relieved sigh. "Why is it bothering me again, Trellany?" I asked her. "It's been so long, I thought it must have found help elsewhere or ... or died. Why is it here now, after all this time?"
"I don't know, Candale," Trellany said.
"Tev said that I should talk to it, ask it what it wants, but ... but it's gone now and I don't know if, or when, it will return."
"Personally I think that you should try and ignore it. You have more than enough to deal with. You don't need this."
"I wasn't aware that I had a choice," I said. "The child can come to me whenever it wants to. I can't stop it." I turned away to refill my wine glass. The presence of the child, for no matter how brief a length of time, had thrown a dampener on the evening for me.
"Why don't you go and dance?" Trellany asked me. "Take your mind off it?"
"I don't feel like that now," I replied. I sipped my wine. "I just wish I knew what it wanted. I haven't seen it for so long but it came back tonight, of all nights. I don't understand it at all, Trellany."
"Silver is dancing with Lady Keyla," Trellany said.
"Changing the subject?"
"I'm not sure what I can say, Prince Candale. You can spend all evening worrying about this, fretting about what you saw, what it might mean, and have a miserable time and probably ruin it for everyone else, or you can try and forget about it for a while and enjoy yourself."
"I'm glad Silver is having a good time," I said, my way of acknowledging that, as was so often the case, she was right. "But I'm not sure what Keyla's parents will say about him dancing with her. They were always pushing her towards a good marriage."
"I'm not sure Silver is thinking about marriage, Candale. It's only their second dance."
"He might not be but I bet her parents are. Keyla was always the black sheep of the family, as it were. She's shy, plump, clumsy, nothing like her sisters. I imagine any man who shows Keyla any attention is thought of as a potential husband. And I'm not sure how they will rate Silver."<
br />
"He's bodyguard to the prince. I think he makes a very good match."
"Yes," I said. "That's true."
We talked about other things after that, I ate and drank far more than I actually wanted, and danced a few times, mostly with my sister and mother. Around midnight, Kal and Aylara left the hall and I finally felt free to do the same. As I was leaving I caught sight of Silver. He was standing in the corner of the room, with his arms around Keyla. They were kissing.
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Chapter Twenty-Eight
SILVER
"You have ink on your nose," Trellany told me. "And on your cheek and on your wrist."
I glanced down at my hand, twisting it over to see the black ink splodge smeared across my pale skin. I laughed. "Yes."
"You've been that caught up?"
"There's so much to do." I got to my feet and headed into the bathroom where I reached for a cake of soap and lathered up, to wash the ink blobs from my skin. "It takes a lot of preparation to be able to run a meeting," I said loudly, hoping Trellany could still hear me, "and this one's fairly important, not only because it's my first, but because it's with the Idryan diplomats. I don't mind making an idiot of myself in front of people who have known me all my life, but it's very different when it's a group of strangers and I'm representing the kingdom to them. If Mayrila wasn't due soon, I'd have more time to get everything organised, but she is, so I'm trying to get as much done now as I can."
"Well, I think you'd better make some time before they get here to warn Silver about their arrival," Trellany said, appearing in the doorway behind me.
"Yes," I said, uncomfortably. "I know. I've been meaning to do it since Father told me about their visit, but I've been putting it off. I just don't know how to tell him that people who hate mages like him, who burn them alive at the stake, are going to be sitting alongside him for supper."