by Amber Kalkes
“Where do you think you’re going?” She asks with a sneer.
“I… I….”
She steps towards me, her violet eyes turning reflective in the darkness, “He thought you were special, even the master thinks so. Idiots! The both of them! But who am I to question plans, especially when they’ll get me back in the master’s favor?”
“T-The master-r?” Is she talking about Renshu or someone else?
“Stop stuttering!” She hisses, making me jump, “You’re a woman for god’s sake! Show some self-respect!”
I press my lips together, trying not to piss her off right now. Clearing my throat, I try to sound as strong as I can, “Where is he?”
“In his ivory tower as usual.” She says resentfully, “Always willing to give orders, but never one to dirty his hands. I don’t see the resemblance to be honest, but as I said before, who am I to be picky?”
I frown. I don’t think we’re talking about the same person. In fact, I don’t even think we’re even talking about the same thing. Resemblance? I have a resemblance to whom? Is she insane? Is that her issue? My eyes flicker over towards the office door and remember Tobias. Where is he?
“Where is Tobias?”
“Tobias.” She repeats, her eyebrow doing this odd twitching thing, “We were lovers, once, you know. In the early twentieth century. My maker was upset that I would leave his side, seek companionship with another, but it was thrilling for both of us. I didn’t love him mind you. It’d be impossible to try.”
“Why would it be impossible?” I ask, more curious than scared at this point.
“My god, vous êtes stupide.” She mutters lowly before brushing back some hair, primly, from her face, “Because he is soulless. You cannot love something without a soul.”
“Explains why he didn’t love you.” I hiss at her.
I flinch when she laughs, “You’ve got some fire, I see. That’ll make this even more fun. Do me a favor, little human, struggle for me will you?”
“What…”
She doesn’t answer. Instead she starts walking towards me with a smirk on her face. When she gets too close, I start backing up and jump when my back hits the side of the piano. I look around, trying to find an exit, but I know she’d catch me before I even made a move.
I hold very still as she reaches out to touch my neck. It’s not a harsh touch but it does put me on edge. All the hair on the back of my neck stands on end and my stomach churns. It’s my fight or flight response, I realize, and right now it wants me to run for the hills.
“This should have been mine.” She says more to herself before sighing, “Expected a bit of a fight from you, Shoshanna. I’m disappointed. We have very important people betting on you to be a fighter. I suppose I won’t be the only one disappointed then.”
Nothing about what she’s saying is making sense, but it doesn’t seem to matter when she lashes out and grabs me. Her hands harshly grab a chunk of my hair in the back, and she pulls my head to the side roughly. My neck is now exposed to her, and fear grips my heart tightly. I can’t even get in a full breath to ask her to stop, before a blinding pain wracks through my body. It’s a pain so intense, I can only open my mouth in a silent scream.
I try to get away from the pain, but her stone arms wrap around my body before I can even attempt to move. Tears come to my eyes, and my vision begins to blur. The pain is so overwhelming, and it doesn’t seem to ever stop. I see no end and I think, very faintly, that it’s not supposed to end.
Pulling her fangs from my neck, Josette lets my body fall unceremoniously to the Oriental rug below with a thump. I start to convulse from the aftermath of the pain, and I feel blood pumping from the brutal bite mark over my pulse. My eyes are open, but see nothing as I try to get anything past my numb lips. Tyler said the saliva can give pleasure but right now, all I feel is the pain.
“It’s a pity really.” Josette says wistfully from above me, “I’m sure in another time, we could have been something friendlier. Seems silly to dwell on what could have been though, isn’t it? Of course, they’ll all be feeling a little bit of that when they find you. Then again, maybe the Master will have a change of heart.”
She kneels before me and brushes some hair off my face, and I shift my eyes to look at her. I’m shaking and gasping for air. But with every intake of breath, I feel a stronger round of pain. I can’t really make out her face anymore, but the red of her dress is hard to miss.
“I wasted time, and now it is time that wasted me, I’m afraid.” She says distantly, before getting to her feet again, “Goodbye, Shoshanna.”
And with that, she’s gone.
They say an animal will wander off alone when it’s ready to die, and that’s what it feels like I’m doing, dying. I feel very cold, and from the way my body is shaking, I can imagine that it won’t take much longer. I’ve been this close to death a few times before, and that’s what this feels like but worse. The pain is still in my body, swimming through my veins, and causing me to convulse on occasion.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my blood spilling out my neck, and staining the oriental carpet below. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I think. I wasn’t supposed to die in pain. This isn’t how I wanted to go, but I guess that’s the way death works. Sometimes you don’t get to choose how it all ends. All you get to do is experience the agonizing last minutes.
Pain shoots through my body and I try to cry out, but all that comes out is a wet cough. Warm blood pools in my mouth, and I hope I don’t have much longer. As I close my eyes, my mind starts to wander. I saw Tobias with Josette. Did that mean anything? He hasn’t come to find me yet. Maybe he doesn’t want to. Maybe that was the point of her biting me like this.
She mentioned something about her master thinking I was special. That doesn’t make any sort of sense, but then again, nothing in our long-winded and mostly one-sided conversation made much sense. What does it matter what she meant anyway? I’m going to die and be beyond all this shit. I close my eyes and wonder, what’s taking me so long to bleed out. It’s never taken this long before. Didn’t she bite over an artery?
My mind starts to wander again, and absently, I wonder if he’s okay. The thought is replaced by pain as it wracks through my body again. I start to seizure on the floor again, and just in time to draw attention. I know it’s Tyler from the warmth of his touch. He explained to me once that it was a Lycan thing. He was warmer because he was housing two bodies, instead of one. It didn’t make sense, but I didn’t question it. Though now, in my last moments, I’m more than a little curious.
“Shit!” He curses lowly, “Shoshanna, can you hear me? Where’s Tobias?”
When I don’t answer, Tyler growls lowly before putting his arms under my body and lifting me off the carpet. I don’t know where he’s taking me, but the trip isn’t long. I feel myself being placed down gently somewhere. Where am I? Does it matter? Tyler’s warmth is taken from me and I start to shake again.
“Can’t leave you two alone for five fucking minutes.” I hear Tyler grunt before a sickening and wet sounding crunch reaches my ears.
A sharp gasp fills the room, and I feel a presence in my head. It must be Tobias. It feels like him. I feel waves of murderous rage wash over me, and I feel the urge to smile. Yeah, that’s definitely Tobias.
“Shoshanna!” He calls harshly as he comes over to my side. I know it's him from the faint hum over my skin.
His voice sounds frantic, but I don’t have the strength to assure him. All I can really do is take in as much of him as I can in the time I have left. Inhaling brokenly, I’m enveloped by his scent. It’s wonderfully musky. I never appreciated it before now. Whatever his connection to my death or none at all, I try to move closer to him. He cared for me, enough to try to stop the impossible. That’s enough for me right now.
“She’s losing too much blood.” Tyler informs him in a detached tone.
I recognize the tone. I used it often when I went to visit Charlotte, my li
ttle angel sister. I stare at the ceiling and see a mural painting. Has that always been there? Despite my heavy eyelids, I see a small blue star in the night to day sky scene above me. I feel a tear slip from my eyes.
“Charlotte.” I whisper but I don’t think it’s audible.
Charlotte’s middle name was ‘Hoshi’ meaning star. I decide it has to be a sign. Her way of sending a sign that it was going to okay. Maybe it’s the blood loss talking, or pre-death delirium, but the thought is comforting. I think about my parents. How will Tobias tell them? Will they be upset? I never told my mom I loved her.
I wish I could hear her sing me a lullaby one last time.
Tingles swirl across my face, as Tobias runs his nose along my cheek. Something warm and wet drops on my face, and I turn to see Tobias’ tortured face stained with bloody tears. He cries blood, I think faintly. I never knew that. I try to reach up to wipe away his tears. My hand does nothing but twitch.
Not long now, I think.
“T-T…”
“This is bullshit.” Tyler growls and comes to snarl right in Tobias’ face, “Turn her, now!”
“I can’t.” Tobias tells him softly.
“You can, and you will! She’s here because of you, Tobias! You owe her this!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Change her or I’ll make you change her!” Tyler threatens.
Thump, thump.
I can barely move my mouth. I want to tell him something. I don’t know exactly what I want to tell him. Maybe some long thank you for everything he’s done for me. Maybe it's some pathetic attempt of expressing my affection for him. Maybe, so I can curse him to hell for ever coming to my apartment all those nights ago. I don’t know what I want to say, but whatever it is, it will probably go unheard anyway.
Thump…thump.
My heart is slowing. I feel almost euphoric.
“Do it!”
Thump.
“Tobias! Do it now!”
Silence.
I had two weeks left. Figures.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Resurrection
I am in an endless darkness.
As someone who’s lingered on the idea of death for a long time, I kind of figured this is how it would be. It is an endless darkness with no sign of light. Maybe this is my punishment for everything I’ve done in my life. It is just this floating existence of nothingness. I could snort at the justice of it. It seems like a perfect representation of my living life up to this point.
Nothing moves, nothing can be seen, and nothing is here but me. Then, a slow drumming, and even beat echoes in the darkness. At first, I don’t know what it is, or where it’s coming from, but I get used to it. Later, this noise is joined by pain. A sharp pain begins somewhere below me, but still in me. Steadily, it starts to get sharper, and seems to move around. It throws my whole idea of death into a tailspin. I used to think that in death all the pain would disappear.
I try to scream, but nothing comes out, nothing moves. Everything feels separated from me and incredibly heavy. Gradually, the pain recedes. Like some slick sickness being bled out of my system. The darkness begins to fade as well, and my limbs begin to lighten enough for me to feel them. Wait, limbs?
The realization hits me, and it immediately pisses me off. I was supposed to be dead! I bled out on a damn oriental rug for god’s sake! I should be dead! It’s almost an improved justice than the floating in nothingness thing. Now, I get the one thing I didn’t want in the first place. I would be bitter about it, but another emotion grips my heart, replacing it with something much more overwhelming.
I am overwhelmed with fear, as my back arches and my heart seems to explode in my chest. This isn’t what I was expecting at all. Something about me is changing. It’s terrifying. Not only because I don’t know what’s going on, but also because I don’t know what I’ll be when it’s over.
I let out a purging scream, and it reverberates through my head. My ears are buzzing with new noises. There are just too many noises. I cry out again and try to move my hands over my ears, but they don’t even move an inch. The pain in my chest is starting to fade now, but there’s a burning in my throat. It's what I imagine sucking on a red-hot fire poker would feel like.
“Shh.” A familiar voice soothes, “It’ll pass.”
I still can’t open my eyes, but I try to frown at the voice. It’s incredibly soothing, but also makes me feel sort of… restless. I know who it is but the name is sitting in the back of my mind, like an itch I can’t scratch. I want to speak, but I need more oxygen for that. So I inhale sharply, filling my starving lungs. They seem sore and underused, which strikes me as odd.
I inhale again, but this time my exhale turns into a groan. This scent, so close, is mouth-watering. Musky, with a hint of something subtler, invades my lungs and dances on my taste buds. Something about this smell is incredibly appealing. Where is it coming from?
I force my heavy eyelids open, and see a black lacquer canopy above me. Am I still in the darkness? An intense electric current spikes up my arm, and I look down towards the place of contact. I let out a groan at the sensation, before my eyes focus enough to make out a blurry hand gripping another smaller hand. I think the smaller one is mine, but if it was, wouldn’t I be able to move it? I try again. Nothing happens.
“You’ve been resting a long time. Your limbs are suffering from a mild case of atrophy.”
I know the meanings of those words, but I can’t string them together. My head is pounding too much. His voice triggers that itch in the back of my mind, again. I try to turn my head, and I’m surprised when it moves. Everything within sight seems blurry at first. I blink a few times and eventually, it clears. When it does, I frown. At least I try to.
He looks familiar, achingly familiar. His face is full of angles, pale skin with dark veins visible here and there. I zero in on the veins, and feel my lips part in shock when I can make out the pumping of blood through them. My eyes feel sore suddenly, and I close them again. Why does everything feel so sore and underused? I inhale again and something clicks in the back of my mind making a single letter float through the fog.
T. Something about this man is associated with that letter. I can’t make out what it is though. Maybe it’s a name, or just a trait. I don’t know, but it’s irritating that I don’t know. Maybe I’m saying this out loud. Maybe he can just sense my confusion. I don’t know, but when he speaks he answers my question.
“My name is Tobias. You know me. This seems disconnected right now. Your body has been through a lot. It’s different now. You’re different now, but you’re still you.”
He’s speaking in riddles. I just want to know what happened.
I open my mouth to ask, but all I do is make a strange rasping noise. Tobias helps me sit up before producing a silver flask, one that strikes a chord of recognition. A salty smell hits my nose as Tobias unscrews the lid, and my mouth waters. As he puts the flask’s mouth against my lips, I open my mouth as widely as I can. When the taste hits my tongue, I groan.
It’s thick and warm, but it seems to ease more of the grogginess from my brain and body. Tobias takes back the flask, and I whine as I try to get it back. Whatever is in there, tastes fantastic. I don’t know what it is, but I want more of it. It’s all I can think about and I lick my lips, hoping to find some left over my tongue. That’s when another puzzle piece clicks in my head.
Turning my head, I glare at him and hiss, “Vampire.”
He winces and has the grace to look contrite, “Yes.”
I want to scream at him, but I can’t get the noise out. That one word took a lot of effort on my part. It was blood he gave me, I realize. That’s what I’m craving. I close my eyes, and try to fight the urge to punch something. He said he wouldn‘t do this to me, but here I am, craving blood like any other bloodsucker I’ve met.
Blood. The word strikes an odd chord with me. My mind conjures all my memories of the subject, and to my
horror, I feel my mouth begin to water. I intend to glare at Tobias, but instead, my eyes land on his neck.
My tongue licks my lower lip in interest, as I watch the overactive pulsing in his neck. I can nearly hear his heart pumping his veins. It makes my own speed up in my chest. I press my hand to my chest in wonder. I have a heartbeat and it’s beating so fast. I’m distracted by this fact when he speaks again.
“I know you’re upset, but I did this to save you.” He tells me lowly. “I couldn’t… your death would destroy me. That, I believe, was the reason for your attack, to weaken me. I had no choice but to at least try. It was selfish, I know it was, but I can’t say I regret it. I can’t say that I regret any of it.”
Unrepentant as ever, I think bitterly, but can I blame him? If he were near death, would I have not done the same? I look at him again and try to think of a situation that I wouldn’t have. I can’t think of any. I scowl at that thought. I may not be able to think of any, but I can still be mad that he did this without asking my permission. Though, to be fair, I was bleeding out and dying. Would I have even been able to answer him?
My eyes flicker down to his neck again. It’s distracting to see his pulse fluttering under that pale ivory skin like it is. I vaguely remember how he tasted, sweet and thick like syrup. A dull pain resonates in my gums, and I try again to lift my hand. This time it works. I lift one hand to my mouth and hiss as something sharp cuts open the fleshy tip of my finger. Ow.
The smell grabs my attention though, I can’t really describe it. It smells appealing, but not as appealing as the stuff in the flask, or the smell of Tobias. It’s not unpleasant, just not attention grabbing. Experimentally, I stick the tip of my finger in my mouth. Surprisingly, the fire in my throat simmers for a moment before raging again.
I need more.
My eyes move over to Tobias, and the sight of his pulse grabs my attention again and I can’t ignore it anymore. Reaching over, I grab his wrist and pull it towards me. I inhale the scent coming from his wrist and squeeze my thighs together. I feel warm and needy.