“Why were you?” he asks softly.
“His friends bet him money to see what he could find out about the club,” I admit. “I never went out with another guy again.”
“And then whatever happened with you and Remy last year occurred?”
This sucks to admit to someone, how inexperienced I am. How little I’ve lived in life because I don’t know people’s true motives. “Right.”
“Honey.” He tilts his head. “Not everyone is like that, and I wouldn’t stick up for my brother if he was a dick. I hope you know me well enough to know that.”
“I know, he’s not.” I take a deep breath, putting my hands on my hips. “Truth is, last year was my fault. I made a decision, and it was an awful one. If anyone deserves blame for how he and I left things, it’s ninety-five percent mine.”
He comes around the counter and pulls me into a hug I need desperately. “Lucky for you, Remy’s a fixer. He’s willing to do what it takes to make sure the people in his life are good.”
I’m angry and sad that he’s had to do that most his life. I hug Cash back, burying my face in his shoulder. The words I whisper almost can’t be heard. “He shouldn’t have to do that.”
“It’s what he does. I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it one day, but my point is, let him. If this is what the two of you need to fix this rift – and it’s a huge one that anyone looking at the two of you can see– let him. Be open to fixing it. Life isn’t easy, Tate, and love isn’t either, but it can be beautiful – if you let it.”
He leaves me after those words, and I realize he’s right. I have to let things happen, I have to be open, and I have to be accepting. Which means it’s time to stop running, hiding, and blaming. I’m an adult, and I need to act like it.
Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I text Addie, seeing if she wants to join me after work to go look for some manly stationary. If he’s willing to take a chance, then so am I.
Remy
“You sure this is where you wanna go?” I glance over at Maddie. She’s getting so big, soon she’ll be nine, and I’m not sure what the fuck I’m going to do with myself when that happens. That’s too close to her being a teenager.
“Yeah,” she answers. “I need a new book to read, and they have really cute notebooks too.”
Everything has to be really cute right now in her life. It’s disconcerting, to say the least. “You wanna grab some dinner after this?”
“Can we go get greasy burgers? Mom hardly ever lets me do that.”
I grin, loving the relationship we have now. She’s old enough that we’ve started to have things that are just ours. Usually when we go out for dinner, it’s to get greasy burgers. We share a milkshake and a plate of fries. Creating memories with her is important to me; I want her to know someone loves her besides her parents. That if anything were to ever happen, she would have someone else. “Sure can,” I say, grabbing her hand as we cross traffic and ducking into the bookstore.
“You know where these really cute notebooks are?” I tease, ruffling her hair.
“No, but I know where my book is.” She drags me by the hand, back to the children’s section.
Immediately, she runs up to a rack of books and grabs one. “This it?”
“Yeah,” I glance at the price, realizing it was cheaper than I thought it would be. “You wanna get another one?”
“Can I?” Her eyes, so much like my brother’s, look up at me like I offered her the best gift ever.
“Sure, as long as you promise you’ll read it.”
As we walk along, her grabbing books that look interesting to her, I notice two girls standing at a stationary display. One of those girls is Tatum, I would know her anywhere. Chances are the other is Addie. Right then, Addie turns around.
“Remy, what the hell are you doing in a book store?”
At her words, Tatum turns quickly, and immediately my eyes go to what she holds in her hands. A box of stationary. My heartrate increases as I realize she got my note. I knew that would happen, I did, but I didn’t think I’d have to face her so soon afterwards.
“She wanted to come.” I put my hand on Maddie’s shoulder, pulling her close to me.
“Uncle Remy said I could get two books and a really cute notebook,” she tells the two of them enthusiastically.
“Uncle Remy is pretty awesome then.” Addie bends down to her level. “I saw some really cute notebooks over there.” She points to the front of the store. “How about we go check them out, and we let these two talk?”
Maddie is all for it, grabbing Addie’s hand. “You listen to her like you would me,” I caution my niece.
Then we’re alone. For the second time in two days. It’s awkward, even more awkward than I could have imagined, and I’d imagined a lot.
Finally, she breaks the silence. “I miss you too, Remy. More than you know.”
“I didn’t know any other way to tell you, not after how we left things. Everything else just felt so childish and insignificant.”
“No, I get it. It’s definitely easier to say things when we aren’t standing here looking at each other.” Her face is red.
“You’ve got that right, but at some point we’ve gotta face it all, Tate.”
“We do.” She agrees, reaching out to grab my hand.
I hang on for dear life, enjoying this touch more than I’ve ever enjoyed anything. It’s been so long since I felt her skin, and I’ll never take it for granted again.
“I wanna do this right,” she says. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes we made before. If that means days or weeks of notes back and forth, then so be it.” Her eyes are begging me to understand. “Whatever makes this right, I want it.”
“I’m willing to do what it takes. We fucked this up once, I don’t want to fuck it up again.”
“I fucked it up.” She bites her lip, face going red again.
“No, we both had a hand in it, I won’t let you take responsibility for something we both did. And if what you want is to take it slow, then that’s what we’ll do. This is between us, Tate, not everybody else.”
“Thank you,” she says softly as she leans in, kissing me on the cheek.
“There is one thing I want to do this time.” My tone is low, private, and serious.
“What?” The way she looks up at me, takes my breath. Goddamn she’s gorgeous.
“I wanna be honest with Liam. I don’t want to sneak around with you, don’t want us to hide what’s happening. It is our business, but I want him to know, I want to give him the respect he deserves.”
“I agree, I want to do this right this time. We made a lot of mistakes before. If we’re going to give it a shot, we’ve got to truly give it a shot, Rem. I can’t take the heartache again. Either this works, or it doesn’t.”
Those words strike a fear in my heart I’ve not felt before. What if we can’t make this work? What if we fuck it up again? But I know without a doubt I can’t do what I’ve been doing, can’t go through life as sad and lonely as I’ve been. I have to be at peace if this doesn’t work – if it wasn’t meant to. I owe it to both of us to be able to do that. And what kind of a man am I if I can’t?
“I feel you, and you’re right. So let’s give it all we got.”
“Okay.” She grins, holding up the package in her hands. “So I’m going to go buy these, and hopefully I’ll have something for you tomorrow. I’m afraid I’m not a poet like you.”
The chuckle sticks in my throat. “Babe, I don’t even know where that shit came from. It was just how I feel.”
“Then maybe I’ll write you how I feel.”
I give her a smile, cupping her cheek in my palm. “There’s no other option. Truth or nothing, Tatum.”
“Got it.” She leans into my touch. “Truth or nothing. It’s going to be hard to be so exposed to you.”
“It’s not a cakewalk for me either, but it’s what people do when they care about each other.”
She nods, giving me
one more smile before she walks away. This isn’t at all what I expected when I walked into this store, but I’m glad it happened, thankful for the chance, and excited for the future.
When was the last time I thought about future with excitement? Possibly never – and all it took was a girl with dark hair, blue eyes, and my heart in her hands. Whether she knows it or not, she’s the key, I’m the lock, and I desperately need to be set free.
CHAPTER SIX
Remy
This morning I’m running later than normal. After taking Maddie home last night, I had to go work some protection for the Wet Wanda’s girls, a strip club the MC has interest in, as they left. Now I’m helping Drew by working the morning hours of his shift at Walker’s Wheels so he can go with his wife and kids to a doctor’s appointment. Dragging ass doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling.
Today I’m planning on having a talk with Liam, ya know, to get the whole situation with Tatum out in the open, and I’m hoping I’ve made the right decision. Even tired as fuck, I hope I can articulate the words to explain to him how much his daughter means to me.
“You’re running late today.” Denise, Liam’s wife, laughs as she’s cleaning up the dishes from the early morning breakfast.
“I know.” I run my hand over my tired eyes. “It was a long night, and I don’t want to be late for Drew’s shift.”
“Since you’re covering for his son, I would hope my husband gives you a few minutes. You want anything?” She nods toward what little food is left on the table. Her words remind me that Liam and Denise have a marriage where they share aspects of their lives with each other. Goals for Tatum and I if we can get this shit sorted out.
“Nah, just coffee.”
I quickly make it, waving at her as I take a drink and grab my phone from my pocket, texting Harper as I walk out to the garage to let her know I won’t be there this morning. As I’m about to straddle my bike, a black envelope with metallic pink writing on the front catches my attention. Propped on the handlebars, it stops me in my tracks.
I’d know that writing anywhere. Looks like Tatum’s paid me a visit. The grin on my face is one of amazement knowing she got up early. Knowing her well means knowing she normally gets up twenty minutes before she has to be at work – I can count on one hand how many breakfasts I’ve seen her at – and the clubhouse is twenty minutes from her apartment. Which means she got up at least an hour early to get this out to me. This is important to her.
The physical reaction I have isn’t one I expected. My stomach flips, my hands shake, and a rivulet of sweat (even in the cool air of winter) makes its way down my back under my thermal shirt. Grabbing the envelope and flipping it over takes forever. I run my finger under the seal and take a breath before I lean back against my bike to read the words she’s written.
Bedroom eyes
Muscular thighs
Smooth lips
Kisses like sips
Remy, with you my heart flew
Fuckin’ missed you too
Don’t judge…sips rhymed.
The smile threatens to break my face apart. Happiness like I haven’t felt, since I’m not sure when, maybe ever, gives me a light feeling. The tightness in my shoulders that’s pressed down for so long isn’t there as I take a breath.
The most cleansing, easiest, and deepest breath I can remember ever taking.
*
“You wanted to see me?”
That breath is coming a bit more labored now as I sit in front of Liam Walker, preparing to tell him I want to date his daughter. We have to do this right this time. We have to give it our attention and our respect if we want it to work. What we did last time? It was fucking stupid, and we both hurt each other in ways we’re lucky are repairable.
“Yeah.” I do my best not to appear nervous, but I am. I’ve never in my life met the dad in any kind of capacity like this. Which proves to me how important Tatum is to my life. How much Liam’s approval means to me.
“Are you okay?” His blue eyes, so much like his daughter’s, are worried as they rake over my body, seeming to look for injuries or something of that nature.
“Nervous,” I admit, running my hands along my jean-clad thighs.
“Then go ahead and spit it out, son.”
“I will, just hear me out. That’s all I’m asking.”
Liam shifts in his seat, and I worry that he’s losing patience with me, so I go in with everything I have.
“Last year, Tatum and I had a flirtation. We ended up hurting each other in a bad way, and long story short, we haven’t spoken in the last year up until a few days ago. We’re working through what it was that caused the friction, and I want to do it right this time. I want to ask for your permission as her dad and my pres to date her. At my age, sneaking around holds zero appeal, and I respect both of you greatly.”
“So if I say no, what does that mean to you?” Liam leans forward, folding his hands in front of him, forming a fist.
“It means I respect your decision, but I don’t know if I can follow through with it. I want your permission and blessing, but my life has been a dark place since she and I had a falling out. I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, Liam.”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, before he runs his hands through hair that’s still long, thick, and black as night. “You’re the reason she’s not been herself in so long?”
I’ll take the blame on that. If I hadn’t pushed her away, she wouldn’t have pushed me, and we wouldn’t have ended up where we are now. “Yeah, I pushed her away, and she reacted badly.”
Liam chuckles, a smile spreading across his face. “I can imagine. The traits that make her such a great person are the same traits that make me want to take her over my knee and spank her – even as an adult. I think maybe she didn’t get in trouble enough as a kid. We weren’t as hard on her as we should have been, and sometimes when she didn’t get what she wanted, she acted like a brat.”
I swallow roughly. Those were the words I used to describe her last year, when she didn’t get what she wanted from me. “I may have said those same words to her – about being a brat.” I’m quick to make that clarification, not wanting him to think I want to spank his daughter.
Not that I don’t, but you get what I’m saying.
“She needs someone who’s going to challenge her, Rem. She’s young, younger than you, and she’s got a lot of growing up to do. She’s gonna have more moments when she’s a brat. Are you going to be able to handle that?” He’s earnestly asking me, truly wanting my answer.
“I’m willing to work at this, to figure out our issues before they have us not talking for over a year again.”
Liam sighs. “More often than not, you may have to be the one to give in; you’re the one with experience. She may think I don’t know a lot about her life, but I know she keeps people at a distance so they don’t hurt her. I know she’s worried most people want to get close because of me, and I know as much as she acts like she does, she doesn’t have much experience when it comes to relationships – physical or emotional. You’re going to be her first at so many things. Can you take that responsibility?”
If only he knew. “I want the responsibility. It’s not about whether or not I can take it on. I’d be honored to. This isn’t some situation where I want to be the guy who teaches her everything, I don’t want that feather in my cap. I wanna be the only guy, you feel me? I know how I deal with life with her in mine, and how I deal with it without her. She makes me a better man, Liam. She may be a little slip of a girl, one who isn’t even old enough to drink yet, but she fuckin’ gets me.”
“And I can see you get her.” He gets up, coming around so that he leans against the desk, eyeing me.
I don’t back down, because I know that’s what he’s waiting on. He’s testing to see if I will, but I won’t. I let this slip through my hands once, I won’t do it again.
“All I ask is you treat her with respect, you don’t fuck around wit
h her feelings, you don’t fuck around on her, and you don’t snuff out that personality. She’s got a smart mouth on her, but she gets it honest. There’s not many men I’d give my blessing for her date – only because I know none of them can handle her. You, I think can, and I know how she acted in those weeks where she was trying to impress you. She was alive and happy. The way she’s been since then is a shadow of who she really is. I wanna see a true smile on her goddamn face, and I know you’re the man to put that there.” He holds out his hand to shake mine.
“Remy don’t make me regret this, but you have my blessing to be with her,” he cautions me. “Make her happy, make yourself happy, and keep relationship shit away from the club. The last thing I need is Drew being pissed because you’ve hurt his sister’s feelings. You got me?”
“Got it.” I reach out to grip his hand and shake it, not able to keep the smile from my face. “You won’t regret this.”
As I’m leaving, he speaks again.
“Make sure you don’t. Because if I do, it could mean your patch and your ink. Remember something else kid, that’s just your president talking. You hurt my daughter, and I’ll have your balls in a vice and you’ll be singing soprano for the rest of your life.”
I nod knowing everything he says is true. I’m willing to leverage it all against the girl who tells me I make her heart fly.
Tatum
“Did you give Remy his note today?” Addie asks as we work in the kitchen, making one of the three things we know how to make for dinner.
“Yeah, but then I didn’t hear from him again, so I don’t know how to feel about that.” I chop the tomatoes and lettuce for our taco salads.
“Maybe he got busy. When I talked to Dad earlier, he was heading over to the gym to work out with Drew and Remy, so maybe he had previous plans.”
I bite my lip, tilting my head to the side. “I just figured he might have texted me after he got my note, ya know?”
“Didn’t you tell me you asked him to take it slow? How romantic would it be if the two of you corresponded with nothing but the notes for a while?” Her eyes are swoony as she turns around to face me from where she’s grilling the taco meat.
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