Love After Pain

by Torrie Robles

  “Destiny.”

  “She was pregnant.” A chill went through my body as she said the words. I didn’t want to continue to listen any longer. Why wouldn’t Destiny understand that? “She was so early, the hormones didn’t show up when she was in the hospital the first time. When she was first brought in after the accident, the blood panel was clear. It took a couple of weeks for the funeral since Olivia was in and out of consciousness. When it finally happened, it was almost three weeks after the accident. Brandon’s parents went to check on her after the funeral and they found her. Not breathing. After she was taken to the hospital and her stomach was pumped, they did another blood panel. They found Human Chorionic Gonadotropin in her blood. They had hoped because she was so early the trauma wouldn’t affect the pregnancy.”

  There was so much pain on Des’s face as she told the story of her friend. The emotion of what Olivia went through welled up in my throat. As much as I tried to swallow it, I couldn’t get rid of the lump. That beautiful creature, the one who finally wanted to love again, to have someone love her, unconditionally, had been through more pain that anyone I knew; myself included. There was so much strength in her small frame. So much more than in my large one, I was so weak compared to her. I didn’t deserve Olivia or any type of emotion she was finally ready to share with me.

  “The doctors were hopeful. Brandon’s parents were ecstatic knowing a piece of their son would live on in their grandchild. They kept talking about miracles and how Brandon had his hand in it. That he wanted them to have a piece of him. Olivia was a little over a month along. After weekly blood tests showed everything was going as it should, until it wasn’t. She started hemorrhaging. The cramps hit her fast and the pain was so strong, she passed out before she could get herself any help. When she came to, she called Brandon’s parents. They called the ambulance and Olivia was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late. She lost the baby. Brandon’s parents were so grief stricken they blamed Olivia for not only Brandon’s death but the death of their grandchild. It was then that Olivia tried to take her own life again. She stabbed herself in the femoral artery. She’d hoped to bleed out there in the hospital bed, in the middle of the night. She wanted to be gone by the time the nurses checked on her. By some miracle, her hand landed on the call button and the nurses came in. They were able to save her life.”

  My mind flashes to the silvery looking scar that was on the inside of Olivia’s right thigh.

  “David?” I hear the voice call me from my door. It was Bess. “Are you alright?” Shaking my head I try to bring myself to the present instead of the night when I saw proof of Olivia’s strength.

  “Yes, I’m fine, Bess. What can I do for you?”

  “Robert needs you in his office. It’s nice to see you, Destiny.”

  “Same to you, Elizabeth.”

  “Tell Robert I’ll be right there.” Nodding, Elizabeth closes my office door. I look at Des as she stands. “What do you want me to do with this information, Destiny?”

  “I want you to get your head out of your ass, David. It’s time for you to finally live and prove to Olivia that she’s worth the fight, that what you could have is worth the fight.”

  “I’m not sure I can do what you’re asking me to. Maybe I’m not what Olivia needs.”

  “You need to be honest with yourself, for once since Kate’s death. You aren’t fooling anyone. I know about the texts, I know about the drive-by’s, David. Everyone can see that you are willing to give love another chance. You are the one who’s too blind to see his own heart and to admit what it wants.”

  40

  David

  I really didn’t need any more distractions today. Seeing Destiny standing in the doorway was the last thing I expected. Hearing about the nightmare Olivia had to endure all those years ago was something I wished I never heard. But that’s just it. I know now, and I was never going to forget it. I know Robert wanted the contracts ready this afternoon for the winery purchase for Zanetti wines. Now all I wanted to do was find Olivia and hold her. To tell her that she’s worth the fight, but I’m still not sure if that’s true. I’m not sure I’m up for the battle. I haven’t been able to be completely honest with myself because the guilt I feel is still so fresh. Eight months is all that Kate has been gone. Eight months since I lost the love of my life and now I’m faced with the familiar feelings that allowed me to fall for Kate in the first place. Olivia makes me want to be a better person, just like Kate did all those years ago. “David, are you ready?” I look to see Bridgette standing in my office doorway.

  “Yes.” I grab the contracts and head to meet with Robert, and now apparently Bridgett also.

  We both head up to Robert’s office. I’m in no mood to make small talk with her and I think she senses it because she doesn’t try. “Mr. Keller is expecting you.”

  “Thank you, Elizabeth.” Bridgette’s tone is sharp.

  “Thank you, Bess.” I say, trying to sweeten the earlier statement.

  I open the door without knocking, seeing Robert behind his dark mahogany desk. He looks up from over the his glasses when he hears us enter his office. “Oh good, you’re both here.” He takes off his glasses setting them on the desk. “We need to move on those contracts for Zanetti. It seems there is a little uproar within the family and Mr. Zanetti wants to make sure everything is final before someone tries to stop the entire transaction.”

  “I don’t see how, Robert. This is something that I’ve been working on for the past few months. Why would someone want to stop the sale now?”

  “It’s seems that Mr. Zanetti’s aunt is trying to create waves. Saying he isn’t working in the best interest of the company.”

  “She’s never liked the fact that he took control of the family business. I should have seen this coming.”

  “He’s CEO, he holds the majority stake of the entire Zanetti Corporation. His father willed the company lock stock and barrel to him. How can she try to make this move now?” Bridgette asks.

  “It seems that his aunt has hired her own firm and is trying to fight the purchase of the new winery along with any other decisions that Mr. Zanetti is trying to make.”

  “So what does this mean for us? What do you need me to do?”

  “I need both you and Bridgette to be on the first plane out in the morning. This deal needs to be sealed by midday and we need to make sure all of the rest of Mr. Zanetti’s interests are covered. I don’t want to waste any time on this one. His business means too much for the firm.” I nod my head in agreement.

  I’ve managed to stay in town over these pasts few months while getting accustomed to working and juggling the kids. Brody is sleeping through the night now so I’m sure my parents won’t mind keeping him overnight. Maybe Destiny can take Clare, so my parents don’t have to take care of both kids.

  “So we’re needed overnight then?” I can hear the smirk in Bridgette’s voice.

  “Yes, I think it would be better for the both of you to stick around while everything is signed and recorded. We don’t need anyone trying to block the sale at the last minute.”

  “That sounds smart, Robert. Besides, it will give David and I some time to get to know each other better. I think it will strengthen our working relationship and the future of the firm by doing so. Don’t you think?”

  “Wonderful idea. Don’t you agree, David?”

  “Not this time, I’m afraid. John and I have a lot of catching up to.”

  “John?” She raises her eyebrows.

  “Giovanni Zanetti.” I say matter-of-factly.

  “Oh of course, how can I be so absent-minded. David brought Zanetti to our firm. They’re friends.”

  “Oh, how nice.”

  I look at her in amusement, “I’ll make sure Bess makes your reservation at the hotel closest the winery, that way you don’t have far to travel.” I grab the contracts from my lap and get ready to leave.

  “Where will be you staying?”

  “With Gio, I’m sure
. Lots to talk about.”

  Score one for David.

  41

  David

  It seems like it’s been a lifetime since I’ve had to pack for a business trip. My hanging suitcase is laid out on the bed full of my suits and neckties. I instinctively pack the tie Kate bought me when I was first hired at the firm.

  *

  “I knew you were going places, David Gideon McAllister. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were going to be someone.”

  She places the turquoise tie around my neck. The different hues of blue are supposed to bring out my eyes. I don’t see it, but she does and that’s why she bought it for me. My first necktie as an attorney. I watch her face as she loops the tie around making the perfect Windsor knot. Her green eyes shine with pride. The dusting of freckles are more prominent since we just spent the past ten days on the beaches of Hawaii celebrating our graduation from Law School.

  She’s taking some time off before she starts her job at a firm just down the street from where I’ll be working. While we were celebrating our much deserved vacation, our parents got together and moved us into our first apartment together. She’s been living with her best friend while we attend school and I’ve been living with my parents. It was easier that way, since they refused for me to apply for any financial aid. They’ve paid for my entire education.

  “Is that why you fell in love with me?” I raise my eyebrows in question.

  “That and other things,” she says.

  “All this time, I thought it was my smile that got you.”

  “That’s just the first thing. I can’t tell you everything or I might just inflate that ego of yours. We can’t have you walking into the firm on your first day unable to make it through the doorway because you suffer from craniums maximus.”

  “Craniums maximus?”

  “Yes, big head.” She tightens my tie, a little too tight for my liking.

  “Well, my dear,” I loosen my tie up a bit, “That’s why I keep you around. To keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.”

  “Seriously, David. I’m so damn proud of you.” She runs her hands over my shoulders straightening out my jacket. “Not only did you graduate Summa Cum Laude, but you landed a position in one of the top corporate law firms in the city. I’ve never doubted you for a minute, honey.” She places a kiss on my lips.

  “Marry me?” I whisper against her lips.

  She pulls back, the shock is written all over her place. “What?”

  “Marry me, Kate.” I run my hands over her hair, cupping her face. “I know this isn’t how you pictured it and hell, this isn’t how I planned it. I don’t care. I just want to leave here knowing when I walk into the firm, when I’m faced with more than I’m sure I can handle that I’ll be doing it knowing that you agreed to be my wife.”

  She nods. The tears form in her eyes, making them like bright emeralds. “On one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That you’ll wear that tie when you say ‘I do’”

  “You got it, baby.”

  *

  With my bags packed, I head into Clare’s room. She knows she’s going to be staying the night at her Auntie’s house, while Brody stay’s with Grammy and Popa. She isn’t happy that I’m leaving, but she’s dealing with it. We haven’t had the breakdown I was expecting, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m not sure if I want her to react like she can’t live with the fact that I’m going away, or if I should be proud that she is getting stronger. Maybe it’s the fact that my sister has bribed her with extreme amounts of ice cream and a dancing marathon of One Direction. Better her than me. If Brody grows up loving pop music and not rock, I’m screwed.

  She’s busy at her table. I peek over her shoulder to see what she’s doing. It takes a minute for my mind to register what I’m looking at. Its a picture of a little girl, from the length of her hair, I see that it’s Clare. The little girl is wearing Converse, something that Clare wears on a daily basis, cementing the fact that this is supposed to be her. She’s sitting there, with her legs drawn up. Her face is covered by a veil of long hair. Over the little girl is a huge angel. The angel’s face is blank, maybe she hasn’t finished the face yet. Or maybe she doesn’t want to draw one in. The angel’s wings are spread wide, acting as a cover or a shield to the little girl.

  “What are you drawing, Bink?”

  “Me,” she says as the graphite of the pencil scratches away at the paper.

  “What else do you have going on there?” I squat down so that my face is level with hers.

  “Miss Olivia says that I should draw when I have lots of feelings in my heart.”

  “Well, that’s very smart of Miss Olivia.”

  “She is a very smart lady.” I laugh at her statement.

  “Well, what types of feelings are you having right now, Bink?”

  “Sad. I’m sad that you have to fly away on business so I’m making sure Mommy is watching over me since you won’t be here to do it.”

  Her words are like a knife in the heart. I never want my kids to feel like I’m not here for them. I don’t want her to ever think that I would go away. But then again, I’m sure she never thought she would be without her mother. I’m half tempted to tell Robert to send Bridgette by herself. But then this is John’s account and he’s a friend. I wouldn’t want to place my business, my livelihood in the hands of someone I didn’t know. Plus, once Bridgette gets a look at him, I’m sure she will be concocting a way to get him into her bed. “Bink, I’m only going overnight. I will be back tomorrow night. Besides you won’t even notice that I’m not here.”

  “I’ll notice.” She looks at me. “I notice things, Daddy.”

  “Oh you do? Like what?”

  “Like the fact that Miss Olivia doesn’t come over anymore.”

  “Clare.”

  “I noticed you were smiling when she was here and now your smile is gone again.”

  “This is big people stuff, Clare.”

  “It can’t just be big people stuff, Daddy. Not when the little people are involved too.” She stares at me, waiting for a comeback. Waiting for me to tell her that she’s wrong. But she isn’t wrong; the kids are very much involved. When Kate was alive, there wasn’t any question about who would be in the kids’ lives, but things have changed. “Mommy likes Miss Olivia, Daddy.”

  “What?” Her statement throws me for a loop.

  “I said Mommy likes Miss Olivia.”

  “Oh she does. How do you know that?”

  “Cuz she told me in a dream. She told me that she likes the lady with the blue and green eyes. Mommy knows about Miss Olivia’s special eyes. Mommy said that when you put green and blue together you can get turquoise. Did you know that, Daddy? Turquoise was Mommy’s favorite color.”

  42

  David

  The kids have been taken care of. I’ve dropped off extra clothes for Brody with my parents and I’ve said my goodnights as I dropped Clare off with my sister. I should be at home. I should be getting to bed since I need to be up at four so I can make it to the airport on time. But instead of being where I’m supposed to be, I’m where I can’t help but be. I’m sitting in front of Olivia’s house, watching it like a creeper.

  For the past twenty minutes I have played and replayed everything that has transpired between Olivia and I over the past few months. Few months, that’s it. That’s the time frame that I’ve known this woman, but I can’t get her out of my mind. Even when I don’t try to think about her, I do. My thoughts are with her more than they are with Kate nowadays. More so today after what Destiny told me.

  What does that say about me? What kind of man thinks about another woman when his wife’s grave barely has grass covering it? I should know, I just came from there. There’s something serene about a cemetery at night, it’s calming. I thought being close to Kate tonight would give me some answers, but it didn’t. I’m still in the same situation, battling against what my heart and mind want. My heart w
ants to take Olivia and make love to her, tell her everything that she wants to hear. It wants to beat again, wants to make her smile and tell her that she’s worth it. But my mind, it keeps the memory of my wife alive. It tells me that it’s too soon to want another. That my grief and loneliness is what’s causing these feelings. That my feelings aren’t real, it’s just my heart playing tricks on me.

  Clare’s description of her dream plays in my mind. Is it possible that her dead mother came to her in her dreams? Or was it just wishful thinking on her part? Why hasn’t Kate come to me? Why hasn’t she reached out letting me know that she’s alright? The only things I get are the constant nightmares of seeing the life fade from her eyes. Seeing Kate’s blood splash onto the hospital floor. Her body going limp as her heart stops beating. Those are the things that keep me warm at night.

  I wish I was able to allow Olivia to be by my side at night. I wish it was her that held the nightmares at bay. But she isn’t because I’m too weak to acknowledge what my heart is trying to tell me. Is Olivia what it wants? I believe so. I haven’t been this preoccupied about a woman since Kate. No one else has been able to get underneath my skin like she has.

  Watching her with my children is amazing. How Brody reaches for her to soothe him. How he tucks his head in the crook of her neck, relaxing. Clare lights up when Olivia comes around. It pains me to know that Clare hasn’t had that lately. A small visit here and there, but nothing like it has been. She hasn’t had the luxury of spending time with Olivia in her home. It’s sad how the drama that goes on between adults affects the children. How the children suffer when it’s not their burden to bear. There is no reason for the negativity of life to touch my children when they’re so small and innocent. They’ve had enough of it already.

  43

  Olivia

  I hear the pounding on my door. The constant thud pulls me from my trance that I sometimes get into when I’m painting or drawing. The pounding doesn’t stop. Whoever it is, it must be important. I glance at the clock, nine-thirty. Another night that has flown by without me even noticing. I switch on the porch light, peeking through the curtains that cover the glass panels of my front door. It’s David. Damn, it. It’s not like I can pretend I’m not home. I know he’s seen me. “I see you, Liv.” See. “I need to talk to you. Can you please open the door?”