“It’s late, David.”
“Please. Liv. I need to speak with you. I’ll drop on my knees and beg if I have to. I’ll scream at the top of my lungs. Whatever it will take to get you to open up.”
I open the door. “Screaming will only get the police called on you.” I open the door wider. “Come in.” He nods as he enters my house. This is supposed to be the one place where I feel safe, but having him here, I feel as if I might just break.
“Hi,” he says. The look on his face is one of uncertainty. He’s nervous.
“Hey.”
I continue into the living room. I know I’m only wearing the long white t-shirt I paint in. Well, it used to be white, but over the years and with hundreds shades of color splattered on it, I wouldn’t call it white anymore. The cotton of the shirt is thin. It allows me to move freely, and keeps me cool in the process, but it’s not the best to be sporting when I have uninvited guests. I take a seat on my love seat, hoping that he will sit on the other side of the room. Feeling the cushion next to me dip, I know I didn’t get my wish.
Before I know it, I feel his hands slide under my legs, pulling me onto his lap. “David—”
“Olivia, stop.” I feel his hand slide up my thigh, his thumb brushing over the rippled skin of my scar. The pain of the memories come back to me.
“David. Please, what do you want?” I watch his thumb gently move over the reminder of the time when I was weak.
I feel his nose brush against my jaw, over my ear. “Oh, Olivia, there are so many things I want.” he whispers into my ear.
“What are you doing here?”
“That’s the same question I’ve spent the last hour asking myself while I’ve sat in my car in front of your house.” He nips at my earlobe.
I swallow. His constant caress of my thigh is causing desire to pull between my legs. Chills breakout down my arms as his warm breath hits my neck.
“Tell me about this scar.”
I freeze. “What?”
“I want you to tell me how you got this scar.” His lip brush against my ear again.
Not in all these years has a man asked me about my scar. They never wanted to hear the story, I’m sure because they didn’t give a shit. They didn’t want to know and I didn’t want to tell them. “It was an a—accident.” My words trip over themselves, I can’t think straight.
“I think it was more than that, Liv.” I pull away from him so I can look him in the eye.
“What do you know about it?”
“Destiny—” I jump off his lap, shocked at his reveal.
“Get out.” I point to my front door. This is not the time or place that I want to have this conversation.
“Livie, talk to me.” He stands up.
“No, if I wanted to talk to you then I would have answered your million texts or ran after your car when you’ve driven by my house.”
“Why won’t you open up and tell me?”
“Evidently you already know. Your sister has a big mouth.”
“I want to hear it from you.”
“Well, the last time I opened up to you, you left me naked and ashamed. I’m sorry but I don’t plan on walking down that path again.”
“I’m trying here, Olivia.”
“You’re trying? By asking me about something that takes me to a dark time in my life. That’s how you’re trying?”
“I came here because this is where my heart wants to be. I want to know you, I want to know that you’re good for me, that you’re good for my kids. My heart feels it, but my head, it’s telling me to steer clear. That I’m not ready, but I want to be. I want to try. I want the chance, Olivia. I want to take the time we need, that I need to see where we can go. But I need you to be patient while I make sure what I feel is real and not the loneliness taking over. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing that I want, but I can’t stop thinking of you. I can’t stop seeing you with Brody and Clare. I can’t stop seeing you in my house with my kids playing with them, loving them. I’m just asking for a chance.”
Tears run down my eyes. I’m not sure I can give that to him only to fear that he isn’t ready. What would happen to me then? How will I be able to handle that huge of a rejection? I’m confused, so confused. I wish he was certain, that I heard conviction in his voice. I wish I could believe him, that he wants to try, but I can’t. I can’t risk him rejecting me.
“I need time, David. Please give me some more time.”
He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t try to touch me, comfort me, nothing. He just walks out of my house, again.
44
David
I slept like crap. Tossing and turning, thinking of how wrong everything went while I was at Olivia’s. The airport was busier than I remembered. People pushing me, blocking my way and forgetting that they’re pulling luggage behind them. I should know, I think my feet were ran over at least five times. From the way Bridgette looked when she boarded the plane, her airport experience wasn’t any better. Lucky for me though, because she was in such a foul mood, she didn’t bother flirting. When we landed, the weather was humid in Texas. Even at eight in the morning, I could feel the sweat run down my back. If I wasn’t a professional, I would have worn shorts. I was completely miserable, tired and didn’t want to be here. “You okay, David?”
I look up to see John sitting behind his desk. We’d just finished our business for the day. His secretary sent the courier to the county to have the purchase of his latest winery recorded so we can be sure nothing happens to stop the deal from going through.
“Yeah.” I can tell he isn’t happy with my answer.
“Bridgette, why don’t you head back to the hotel. David and I can handle things from here.”
“Sure. I can always use a cocktail. You sure you wouldn’t want to join me?” She asks John.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that. My eyes and my heart are with someone else.”
“Pity.” She grabs her briefcase and heads out of the office.
*
I knew John wouldn’t have a problem with me crashing at his place. So when he pulled up to his house, okay, maybe more like a mansionette, I immediately felt at home. I’m sure he purchased this house to make himself known in Texas. To get the lay of the land and to see what other business opportunities he may have here. It’s a far cry from the salted air that he and I both grew up in.
Through the years, John and I have grown to be more like brothers than friends. I was there for him when he was younger. I tried to keep his head above water. I didn’t want to see that kid drown in the foster care system. I even tried to get my parents to adopt him, but it never happened. We’ve always been there for each other, always had each other’s backs. I had his more than he had mine, since I was so much older, but that’s what being a big brother was all about, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I knew if I needed him when Kate died he would have been there, no questions asked. But I hated asking for help.
“She’s a character isn’t she? That Bridgette,” he asks pouring us both a glass of wine.
“You have no idea. If she wasn’t such a shark in the courtroom I would have suggested the firm let her go the first time I met her. Now I know how women feel when guys ogle them in the workplace. I feel like fresh meat around her.”
John laughs. “I never thought I would see the day when David McAllister is bothered by being looked at.”
“Hell, it’s not just that. I swear I’ve seen her licking her chops when I’ve caught her staring at my ass.”
“Tell Robert to change work buddies.”
“If it were that simple. I’ve tried, then he gave me this long talk about the future with myself and Bridgette holding the reins leading the way, blah, blah, blah. Now I just roll with the punches.”
“Ever thought about going out on your own? You know I would take my businesses with you. I’m sure I’m not the only one.”
“Back in the day, yeah, that would have been a dream of mine.
But not anymore. Not since Kate.”
“I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“Don’t be, John. You have your life and I have mine. I understand what it’s like for you. I know you have so many pans in the fire, if you drop one then your whole world will engulf in flames.”
“Don’t I know it.” He rubs his hand on the back of his neck.
“So what gives? I thought you loved the Napa wine industry. Why are you branching out to Texas? Does this place even make good wine?”
“You tell me, David. You’re drinking from the vineyard I just purchased today.”
“Touché.”
Giovanni Matteo Zanetti II is the head of the Zanetti empire. They own more than half the wineries in Napa, Sonoma, some down the central coast of California and about eight huge vineyards in Italy. Italy is where his father was from. John’s grandfather brought his father over here when he was just a boy. He thought America would give his son more of an opportunity, more advancement. Italy’s pace was slow and leisurely, but Matteo Mussolini Zanetti wanted more for his son. What he didn’t want was what happened.
Giovanni Senior had an affair with the help’s daughter. The very young help’s daughter resulting in Giovanni Junior. Giovanni loved this girl. She was everything he wanted, but his father didn’t approve and in old world style, the girl and the baby were sent away. Erasing the tarnish on the family’s name. Little did the Zanetti family know that Gio senior would have the last word by giving just about everything Zanetti to his long lost son, making Giovanni Matteo Zanetti II, who he is today.
“You know, David, love can make you do strange things. Love has brought me down to Texas and love is the reason why I just purchased the winery.”
“Love has it’s hooks into Giovanni Zanetti? I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Well, what can I say, old man. It happened.”
Old man. He loves to rub it in that I’m older, and it’s not by months, it’s by years. I met Giovanni when I was involved with Big Brothers and Big Sisters. John went off the rails for a while. His mother died when he was just a boy and he was shipped off into the system. The Zanetti’s wouldn’t bring him in. They wouldn’t allow John Sr. to take in his own son because if he did, then he would lose everything. John Sr. didn’t have a back bone. At least in my opinion.
“I never thought I would fall in love.” John stated, “I always thought I would just live my life. There are so many people out there who are just looking for a payday. They see my name, they see what it all entails and the women just lay down and spread their legs. I didn’t think I would ever find someone who doesn’t see past all this,” he spreads his arms wide. “Adera is more of a woman than I ever thought possible. Who knows, maybe it’s because she grew up here. Where fame isn’t something everyone thinks about. Maybe it’s because she’s younger, maybe the greed hasn’t hit her yet. But I don’t think that will ever be a problem. The only problem I have now is getting that stubborn woman to see that I’m the man for her. I’m the one chasing.”
“Wow, John. How you’ve grown; my boy, is now a man.” I say slapping him on the shoulder.
“Do you think you’re going to take a chance on love again?”
“That’s the million dollar question now isn’t it I have a chance, but I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Kate was the love of your life, David. I understand the struggle you must be having. You’ve always done what’s felt right. You’ve lived your life without any regrets. I know that. What do you feel is right for you now?”
“It seems that lately both my heads have come to agree to disagree in all things love.
I can see myself with her. She kinda just showed up out of nowhere. She’s this little thing, but she has so much presence. It’s like she’s this big person in a little body.” I laugh thinking about Olivia.
“So what’s the problem?”
“She’s not Kate.”
That’s a fact, she isn’t Kate. She isn’t the mother of my children, she isn’t my wife and those are the things that I really need to get over. I need to understand she may not be Kate, but it doesn’t make her any less valuable. If I could do that, then I would be set. It would be smooth sailing after that.
“David, have you ever thought that just because she isn’t Kate doesn’t mean she isn’t right for you? For your kids?”
45
Olivia
“So Clare, have you been drawing like I told you to when you need to get your feelings out?” Clare and I are at the local ice cream parlor. We just finished our session and I wanted to spend a little extra time with her. I’ve missed this girl, more than I care to admit.
“Yes. I did some drawings last night because I was sad that Daddy was leaving today for work.”
“I see, what did you draw?”
She looked up at me, her green eyes so innocent, full of so much emotion. “I drew my Mommy, watching over me.”
“Wow, I bet that was beautiful.”
“Daddy thought it was.” This was the first time that I’ve heard about David seeing her drawings. I’ve kept all the ones she’s done at therapy and any of the ones she has brought to me when she wasn’t in therapy. “I think I’m getting better.”
“I bet you are. Practice makes perfect.” I give her a wink.
“I told my daddy that he doesn’t smile like he used to and that I know you don’t come around as much anymore. I know Miss Olivia, I know you are mad at my daddy.”
This child picks up on way too much. I have never seen a child so perceptive. She sees and feels everything that is going on around her. Her brain may not understand it, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t see it.
“Clare, you know that your daddy and I are just friends. Sometimes friends spend time together and sometimes they don’t. We are both busy and I don’t want to take time away from your brother and you when it comes to your daddy. I know how much you both love him.”
“But now you never come over. And Auntie D takes me home even though I spend time with you. Friends go over to each other houses, and you don’t come over anymore. So that just means that you and my daddy aren’t friends anymore.”
“There is more to it than that, sweetie. Eat your ice cream so I can get you back to Auntie D’s house.”
“Well, okay I’ll eat my ice cream. But I’m gonna tell you what I told my daddy. The little people are involved so you big people need to get along.” Then she sticks a big spoonful of bubblegum ice cream in her mouth and smiles.
46
David
The plane landed right at 2:30, but the problem with that was Clare’s school had called an hour earlier telling me that she was having an anything but a stellar day. Stellar? That’s the word her principle used. She’s seven, I’m sure Clare doesn’t understand what that words means. I barely know what that word means and I’m a Stanford Law graduate. They wanted to meet with me, in order to meet the problem head on, to nip the problem in the bud, or so they said I knew being out of town wasn’t going to be easy, and it didn’t help that I didn’t call Clare last night. I should have called her to let her know that I was alright. Or at the very least, called her this morning; but I didn’t. These past months have been hell on earth and I’m sorry, but I just wanted a guys night. A night to just hang out and not worry about me being a dad. I’m a piece of shit. Clare’s needs should have come first. I shouldn’t have left her, I’m the reason why my daughter didn’t have a stellar day. It’s not her fault her father wanted a break, that he’s a selfish prick sometimes.
I pull into the parking lot, not sure where Clare is. I presume my parents have her, but that may not be true. At this point she could be with Destiny or Olivia. I have no idea where my daughter is. When my cell indicated that I had a voicemail, I listened to it, then jumped in my car and drove straight to her school. I was hoping I wasn’t too late. I didn’t want to hear about her day from someone else. I wanted to hear it from her teacher, her principle,
the freaking nurse, but I didn’t want to hear it from my family. Because I should have been here when she needed me. It should never be my family who takes the responsibility before me. She’s my damn daughter, mine.
I enter the building and head straight to her class. I see the door is open so I know her teacher is still here. Thank God. My steps falter as I come closer to the classroom. I hear Olivia’s voice. “I understand that. Mrs. Darby, I know where your concerns are coming from.”
“Do you, Ms. Conrad? Because Clare has not been the bright cheerful child that I’ve seen around the halls the past two years. I feel my blood begin to boil. How dare she speak about my daughter that way. Does this teacher not have a fucking soul? Does she not understand what my daughter has been going through?
“Mrs. Darby, her mother passed only 8 months ago. I believe she’s coming along extremely well from the trauma she has experienced.”
“The girl that broke down this afternoon hasn’t been showing me, or the administration for that matter, that she’s anywhere near improving. I’m not sure where you’re getting your information from.”
“I’m her therapist, Mrs. Darby. I work with her for several hours each week. I know more about her mental state and wellbeing than you do. Have you thought about what may have contributed to her breakdown today? Have you taken into account any outside influences? Have you paid attention to the other kids harassing her, making fun of the fact that her mother is gone?”
“No, I can’t say that I have.”
Love After Pain Page 17