Run Johnboy Run: The Glasgow Chronicles 2

by Todd, Ian

“Well, apart fae an assault wae a pitchfork, they’ve aw been as quiet as church mice, so they hiv,” Bick the Prick beamed o’er at her.

  “So, do we believe that Miss Flaw’s rehabilitation experiment is bearing fruit, or is that too premature at this early stage?”

  “Ah’m jist no convinced masel,” Rolled Back Neck harrumphed, wobbling aboot oan his wobbly chair.

  I’ll need to get that chair fixed, The Heidmaster thought tae himsel.

  “Ah wid second that,” chipped in The Grand Master.

  “Oh? And why is that, Mr Campbell?”

  “They might be settling doon where they’re working, bit they’re still piss…er, mucking aboot in the main building. Ah’ve yet tae see wan ae them sitting wae his erms folded, and no piss…messing aboot, disrupting the other boys. That’s why, heidmaster.”

  “Aye, bit Ah see that they’ve been getting some good behaviour ticks, though. That’s progress,” Alvin Jack, the school administrator, pointed oot.

  “That’s ma point, Alvin. They’re no getting them fae the hoose staff in the main building.”

  ”There’s a surprise,” mumbled Fanny.

  “Whit? Whit wis that, Miss Flaw?”

  “Ah said, that shouldn’t come as a surprise, Mr Campbell. We’ve only started the programme. It’s early days yet.”

  “See, and that’s another thing…there’s nae consistency here,” whined Rolled Back Neck.

  “Consistency? How do you mean, Mr Burns?” Fanny asked, looking puzzled and wondering whit wis coming next.

  “It’s the staff oan the work detail that’s gieing them the marks. It’s making it oot that we don’t support the rehabilitation programme. Some ae the staff ur ae the opinion that they’re jist behaving themsels oan purpose tae noise us up and tae make us look bad.”

  “What do you think, Mr Wilson? You haven’t spoken yet,” said The Heidmaster.

  “Ah cannae bit agree wae Mr Burns and Mr Campbell. Even the other boys in the school feel as if it’s aw a waste ae time. They’re asking us why they should be sitting there aw quietly wae their erms folded, while that manky crowd ur getting aw the rewards…end ae quote. So, Ah’m sorry, bit Ah agree wae Mr Burns and Mr Campbell.”

  “Which boys said that, Mr Wilson?” Fanny asked defensively, her voice rising, clearly showing that she wis getting irritated.

  “Aye, well, Ah don’t think it wid be fair fur me tae divulge names here.”

  “Why? We’re all staff, doing the same job.”

  “Aye, well, some ae us hiv goat harder jobs tae deal wae than others aboot here.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean?” Fanny demanded, feeling her hackles rising further.

  “Gentlemen…Miss Flaw…let’s not fall out over this. Miss Flaw has three months to turn round the situation with these boys, as an introduction to exploring the whole concept of rehabilitation. I will not have staff falling out over this. Do I make myself clear?” The Heidmaster said, looking roond the table.

  “Hear, hear,” chimed in The Grand Master, tapping the table as if he wis at a lodge meeting.

  “It really is quite remarkable, Miss Flaw. Whitever it is that ye’re daeing, ye’ve goat ma full support,” Alvin, the administrator, said.

  “No wanting tae put a fly in Miss Flaw’s ointment, bit there is wan wee problem though,” The Grand Master added.

  “Oh?” The heidmaster asked, oan behauf ae everywan sitting roond the table.

  “The staff wur a bit shocked, tae say the least, when they heard that wan ae them his been granted hame leave. Ah mean, don’t get me wrang, bit how far ur we prepared tae go wae this crowd ae shi…er, toe-rags?”

  Fanny felt her hackles go up again. She wis jist aboot tae jump in wae baith feet, when the heidmaster goat in there first.

  “What? Is that a problem, Mr Campbell?”

  “Well, Ah’ve yet tae meet a member ae staff…or inmate…who, who actually believes we’ll see the fat wan back here the morra night.”

  “Did he earn his home leave, Mr Campbell?”

  “He goat two ticks fae Badger Bailey, bit whether he earned them, well, that’s no fur me tae judge.”

  “Bit he did get two good ticks?”

  “Aye…”

  “So, whether he comes back tomorrow night is irrelevant. He’s entitled to the rewards for his good behaviour. He’s entitled to the same rights and conditions as everyone else. Would you agree, Mr Campbell?”

  “Oh, don’t get me wrang, heidmaster, Ah’m jist saying...”

  “Yes, well, point taken.”

  “Aye, thank ye, sir.”

  “Right…well done everyone. You’re all doing a spiffing job. Keep up the good work. Miss Flaw? Can you hang back for a minute? I’d like a word.”

  “Yes, headmaster.”

  Fanny wisnae too sure if she wis gonnae get telt aff or congratulated. The meeting hidnae gone the way she’d expected it tae. She’d known she widnae get a pat oan the back, bit she wis disappointed at the level ae hostility. She prayed that the plug wisnae gaun tae be pulled.

  “Right, Miss Flaw…I detected quite a bit of dissatisfaction from some of my key housemasters today. You’re still convinced this programme is on track and will work then?”

  “Oh, more than ever, sir,” she cooed.

  “And the horrible fat joker, what’s his name?”

  “O’Hara, sir.”

  “And you believe in miracles?”

  “Sir?”

  “You actually think O’Hara will return tomorrow evening?”

  “Er, no, sir.”

  “Yes, I thought you might say that.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Johnboy hidnae slept a wink. Tony hid telt him that he’d clocked him wandering aboot in the middle ae the night, being followed by the two nightshift teachers, while Johnboy wis daeing his ‘Casper The Ghost’ routine. A couple ae boys fae Easterhoose hid telt Johnboy a couple ae weeks earlier that they’d jist aboot shat themsels wan night when they’d been up, oot ae their beds, trying tae get a dorm windae open withoot letting aff the alarm, trying tae escape. Johnboy hid appeared, oot ae the blue, and hid stood looking at them fur a couple ae minutes before turning and walking away. They’d telt him that they’d decided no tae go as he’d freaked them oot that much that they didnae want tae go oot intae the dark. Johnboy hidnae remembered a thing aboot it. He’d tossed and turned aw night, wondering whether Baby wid return. Wis Tony calling Johnboy’s bluff? And whit aboot Joe? Johnboy hid overheard Joe telling Tony that he thought Tony wis bang oot ae order asking Baby tae come back oan Saturday night, given that this wis Baby’s first real chance ae getting away since he’d been there. It wis clear that Patsy and the other Uglies wurnae that happy either. He’d heard Patsy telling Baby tae go back and tell Tony tae fuck aff and Minky, who’d been staunin nearby, hid nodded his heid in agreement. Johnboy hid tried tae get a haud ae Baby before he left tae tell him no tae bother returning, bit every time he’d goat a chance tae speak tae Baby, wan ae the uglies hid appeared oan the scene.

  “Ah feel really bad,” Johnboy said miserably tae Tony when they wur painting a snow-capped mountain scene oan the back curtain prop.

  “Whit aboot?”

  “Y’know, us asking Baby tae come back the night.”

  “Why ur ye worrying aboot it? It wis me that asked him, no you.”

  “Ye know whit Ah mean.”

  “Why did ye no tell me aboot this dream ae yers before, when Ah repeatedly asked ye whit wis wrang wae ye, Johnboy? That’s months ye’ve kept this tae yersel. Whit’s the point ae being part ae a team, if ye urnae prepared tae share whit’s happening wae yer mates, eh?” Tony scolded him.

  “Is that whit ye think it wis…jist a dream?”

  “That’s no whit Ah’m saying.”

  “So, whit ur ye saying then?”

  “Johnboy, if we don’t get this o’er and done wae the noo, efter ye telling us aboot yer…er…vision, then ye’ll always be wondering. There isnae any other
way, so there isnae. We need tae nip this in the bud.”

  “Ah wish Ah’d kept ma big trap shut, so Ah dae.”

  “Whit fur? Ah thought it wis funny as fuck. Ah could jist picture Skull telling ye a heap ae shite when ye asked aboot God and Heaven. If it wis him, then he hisnae changed a day,” Tony said, dry-brushing a bit ae white paint tae make a wee swirling cloud, the way they’d been showed by Basil Brush, the teacher who wis also the director ae the whole show.

  “That’s whit wis weird aboot it. He hidnae changed. He still looked ten years auld. When Ah telt him Ah wis thirteen, he said he knew.”

  “Even if he wis thirteen, he’d still be farting aboot like a ten year auld, believe you me. Kin ye imagine whit he’d be like if he wis in here wae aw us?” Tony asked, looking doon the ladder at him.

  They baith laughed.

  “Ah sat there greeting. Ah couldnae haud back they tears ae mine. Ah felt terrible, especially when he asked why we hidnae come back fur him.”

  Tony stoapped painting and stood there looking at Johnboy. He hid a strange look oan that face ae his as if he wis searching oot the truth in Johnboy’s eyes. It wisnae anger, bit Johnboy thought the look wis pretty weird, aw the same.

  “Tony, Ah want tae say Ah made this up, bit tae be honest, Ah don’t think Ah kin. Ah swear tae God, Ah bloody-well spoke tae Skull…honest.”

  “Johnboy, don’t get yer knickers in a twist. If Baby speaks tae Flypast the day, he’ll tell him whit he said tae Skull. If Skull did go back tae hiv a look at Flypast’s doos that night, he’ll remember. If it wis a dream, it wis a dream and there’s nae harm done. Bit if it wisnae, fuck knows whit we dae next. Ah mean, how wid we go aboot finding oot who the mystery basturt wis that Skull wis aboot tae tell ye aboot before yer pal booted ye in the ribs?”

  “Tiny wid know.”

  “Oh, don’t ye worry aboot Tiny, Johnboy. That wee fucking limping midget won’t know whit’s hit him if we find oot he wis involved in this. Thank Christ Paul isnae here. If he wis, he wid’ve been aff like a whippet back intae Glesga last night,” Tony said, clearly letting Johnboy know he’d awready put Tiny in the cross-hairs.

  “Is he still in St Ninians?”

  “Aye, as far as Ah know. Anyway, get a haud ae that broon paint and get that paintbrush in yer haun. Bali Hai’s waiting tae be created, so it is.”

  Johnboy wis shiting himsel twice o’er. He wis sitting sideways oan the windae sill, watching the uglies fae the Garngad arguing o’er every shot, feeling miserable. The snooker table hid become their pitch. The Everly Brothers ‘Aw Ah Hiv Tae Dae Is Dream’ wis oan the radio and that ugly bunch ae basturts wur aw singing it oot loud, gieing Johnboy wee fly looks and laughing at him. The mini-bus hid jist arrived back fae picking up the Saturday hame leavers fae Gilmore Street Railway Station, doon in Paisley. Johnboy hid clocked the well-known fat face jumping oot ae the back ae it. Seeing that fat arse hid made him jittery. Johnboy hid been hoping that Baby widnae come back. Whit if Flypast hid said he never saw Skull that night or couldnae remember hivving spoken tae him? Johnboy wid be in Shite Street and the uglies widnae let him furget it either. It wis agony hivving tae wait until Baby wis strip searched and then taken aff fur his tea. Why could he no jist say he wisnae hungry, Johnboy wondered? When Baby finally arrived, he strolled in wae a big smile oan his coupon.

  “Ah’m back, ya bunch ae fud pads, ye,” he shouted, pushing Freckles oot ae the way and grabbing Patsy’s cue before taking a shot.

  Everywan wis chuffed tae see him and wur full ae questions aboot how he’d goat oan.

  “Fucking shite! Ah hid tae hing aboot Montrose Street aw day, waiting fur that eejit, Flypast, tae appear. His maw kept hinging oot the windae, saying he’d be back in five minutes as he wis jist away tae get her a packet ae Kirby grips and a couple ae single fags.”

  “So, ye never saw him then?” Joe asked, trying tae be nonchalant, bit eager tae prove Johnboy hid been talking through a hole in his heid.

  Johnboy wis starting tae get irritated at Tony. He wis jist sitting there, laughing alang wae everywan else. Why wis he no demanding tae know whit happened?

  “Oh, aye, jist when Ah’d decided tae fuck aff, he turned intae the street. He’d been doon at the doo shoap in the Saltmarket. He telt me his maw wis talking a load ae shite. He’d been tae get her kirbys yesterday. He said she’s been gaun doo-lally fur the past year and he’s waiting fur word tae get her carted aff tae the loony-bin.”

  Johnboy wanted tae run across and kick him in they fat hee-haws ae his, bit he didnae think that wid be such a good idea. Baby might be a wee bit thick, bit they erms ae his wid be able tae snap a skinny basturt like Johnboy in two, withoot too much ae an effort. He wis convinced Baby wis daeing aw this delaying tactic shite tae noise him up.

  “Never mind aw that shite, Baby. Did ye get yer hole then?” Patsy asked.

  “Ma Nat King Cole? Five times, and that wis jist fur starters. Ah feel bad though, cause that youngest sister ae yours will be disappointed. Ah managed tae gie her a body-swerve because yer other five sisters wanted second helpings.”

  “That’s fucking right oot ae order, ya tadger, ye. Ye know fine well ma sisters died when they saw the inside ae they underpants ae yers, that weekend ye stayed at mine.”

  Oan and oan it went. Everywan wis pissing aboot and laughing. The only wan other than himsel no getting involved wis Silent. He hid that vacant look oan his face that he put oan when he didnae seem interested in whit wis gaun oan roond aboot him. Johnboy’d hid enough. He wis jist aboot tae scream and tell them tae shut the fuck up, when Tony butted in.

  “Right, Baby, get o’er here. We need tae talk.”

  “Whit aboot?” Baby asked wae a smile, as Johnboy slid aff the windae sill and went across tae join Tony, Silent and Joe, who’d been sitting cross-legged oan the flair in a semi-circle.

  “Right, how did ye get oan then?” Tony asked.

  “As Ah said, the basturt kept me waiting hauf the day. He widnae take me oan at first and kept wanting tae know why the fuck Ah wis asking questions aboot things he knew fuck aw aboot. Ah kept telling him that you’d sent me doon and Ah wisnae sure why ye wanted to know.”

  “Right, well, cut the cackle, Baby. Jist get tae the point, eh? Ye kin tell us aw the rest ae the details later aboot how much ye deserve a medal,” Joe interrupted him.

  “Fuck aff, Joe. Ah could’ve been hinging aboot up in the Garngad the night if it wisnae fur youse wankers.”

  “Don’t listen tae him, Baby. He’s only noising ye up and ye’re biting. Carry oan wae whit ye wur saying,” Tony said encouragingly, gieing Joe a ‘shut the fuck up’ look.

  “As Ah said, he wisnae wanting tae know me until Ah telt him that if he didnae gie me the gen, then ye’d probably fuck aff fae here and turn up at his place the morra. That goat that tongue ae his shifting.”

  “And?” Joe and Johnboy asked in unison.

  “Ah’m no sure if Ah kin remember everything he telt me because he spoke in a whisper and kept looking aboot tae make sure nowan wis hinging aboot, even though we wur sitting oan tap ae a midden inside his fucking dookit.”

  “Baby, Ah’m gonnae fucking punch that fat face ae yours so fast if ye don’t fucking stoap farting aboot and get tae the point,” Joe warned.

  “Joe, shut the fuck up, ya prick, ye. Ye wurnae there, so ye wurnae, so haud yer wheesht! Ah’m losing ma train ae thought because ae aw yer butting in. Any mair lip and youse kin aw furget it,” Baby threatened, as a wee faint smile appeared oan Tony’s mooth.

  Johnboy wanted tae grab Baby by the ears and bite the fat basturt oan that nose ae his. Joe jist burst oot laughing while Silent sat looking amused at everything that wis gaun oan.

  “Ye wur saying, Baby?” Tony asked patiently, although Johnboy could see his eyes hid narrowed.

  “So, here’s whit he telt me. He said he did speak tae Skull oan the night ae the fire. He’d jist nipped roond tae Sherbet’s fur a couple ae fags fur that batty auld maw ae his an
d hid met Skull heiding up the road. Skull went back wae him tae hiv a swatch at his new doos and he anchored fur a couple ae hours, talking aboot doos and stuff before fucking aff hame.”

  “Whit did they talk aboot?” Tony asked.

  “Ah telt ye, doos and stuff. He said that he telt Skull aboot how him and Skull’s auld man used tae run aboot thegither, fleeing the doos and aw that.”

  “And whit?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Whit dae ye mean, that’s it? He must’ve said something else?” Joe growled.

  “Naw, that’s it. The only other thing he said wis that Skull wis wanting tae get aff hame tae make sure he goat in that night before his auld man locked him oot. He mentioned Skull saying that he’d be gaun back tae school the next morning. He said that Skull kept asking questions aboot whit Flypast and his auld man goat up tae when they wur younger. Flypast said that that wis the last time he saw Skull. Efter that he clammed up and started fucking aboot, fidgeting wae his doos. It wis obvious he wanted rid ae me, so Ah jist legged it up the road tae see ma maw before Ah hid tae get back doon tae the Central Station tae get ma train back here.”

  “Did he say anything else?” Johnboy persisted.

  “Jist tae say he wis asking efter yersel and Tony.”

  Nowan said a word. Tony and Joe looked sick as fuck. Tony’s face hid turned white. Everywan wis thinking ae Skull, wishing he’d left tae go hame early that night. The last person they thought wid speak, spoke.

  “How did ye know whit happened that night if ye wurnae there, Johnboy?” Silent asked.

  Again, nowan said a word. Baby goat the hint and stood up and went o’er tae join the mayhem that wis gaun oan roond the snooker table. Beanpole wis telling Patsy tae stoap shouting and waving the cue aboot the place or he wis gonnae get evicted fae the table. Tony looked across at Joe and grimaced. Joe jist sat and stared back. Johnboy kept his trap shut.

  “Johnboy, ur ye sure Flypast’s never telt ye anything aboot that night ye left Skull at yer closemooth?”

  “Naw, Tony, Ah swear.”

  “Fuck! Wait until Paul hears aboot this wan,” Tony said, shaking his heid in disbelief, as the three ae them looked at Johnboy as if he hid three heids.