by Lea Sims
She took the jump drive Lexie had left behind and plugged it into her laptop. It contained a long index of folders. She scanned the list and saw the folder labeled D. Hemming and double-clicked it. There were twelve video files in the folder, each of varying lengths. She double-clicked the first one and held her breath, closing her eyes as she did so because she wasn’t entirely sure her heart could handle seeing Drew again. Time has a funny way of either enhancing or eroding your memories of someone; it rarely preserves a true image. She had pictured his rugged face and golden eyes so many times in the last three months that it would probably be impossible for him to be as handsome as the picture she’d been holding onto in her mind.
“Hi. I’m Drew Hemming. I’m head of veterinary services here at Timber Ridge…”
Her eyelids flew open. The face she had been longing to see for months was now filling the screen in front of her, and she was unprepared for the swell of raw emotion she felt at the sight of him. She leaned into the screen, eyes roving every inch of his precious face, taking in his hair, his eyes, his lips. He looked directly into the camera, and it felt like those beautiful amber eyes were looking straight at her.
Lord, help me…I love this man.
There were times in the last few months when she tried to convince herself that what she felt for him was simply infatuation, magnified by the intensity of their parting and the unresolved nature of their separation, but looking at him now, she could not deny the truth. She loved him. Three months away from him had done nothing to diminish that feeling.
She clicked through every video in the folder, savoring the gift of seeing his face and hearing his voice. It was the happiest she’d felt in months. She had to smile at Lexie’s description of him. He was everything she’d said he was—honest, sincere, and full of integrity. He was doing an amazing job of telling the story of how the wolves are rehabilitated, his delivery natural and relaxed in front of the camera, his narrative unrehearsed. Some segments were filmed in his office, others in the enclosures. There was a trustworthy kindness and wisdom in his voice that made him an ideal spokesperson for the sanctuary. Delaney laughed out loud when she clicked through the other folders, where the video interviews with John and Emma were saved. Emma scowled at the camera every time she spoke and John looked like a deer in the headlights, his eyes skimming back and forth robotically across the cue cards he was obviously reading from. Yep, they needed to let Drew do a lot of their talking for them.
The last folder on the drive was marked Sasha, and Delaney opened it eagerly. She knew that Escape Artist was going to capture footage and interviews specifically about Sasha to create a separate promotional video for the sanctuary. She’d thought about her often, this beautiful red wolf with a story so similar to her own. The first video was another segment with Drew, this time standing in front of the solitary enclosure where new wolves were introduced into the sanctuary—the enclosure she had visited with Drew the day she met Sasha. Drew was telling Sasha’s story, her background and how she’d come to the facility.
The next few videos were shots of Sasha within the enclosure, head poking out of her den and sitting on the climbing platform. Delaney was reminded again how gorgeous the wolf was—her vibrant colors and regal bearing. Then Drew was inside the enclosure, sitting on the edge of the climbing platform with his legs dangling over the side. He described the long process of earning the wolf’s trust and how long it took her to come out of her den. This was followed by a video of him feeding her bacon inside the enclosure. Delaney suddenly recalled Drew’s words that day by the enclosure, when Sasha had tentatively approached him and finally taken the bacon from his fingers through the fence.
“God does the same thing with us. He doesn’t force himself into our circumstances. He simply watches over us, makes his presence known in myriad ways, and invites us to draw closer. And just like with Sasha, it’s a process. He loves us so much that he is patient to wait until we feel safe in his presence, until we trust him enough to lay down our fears and come to him on our own. And when we do…he has so much in his hands to give us.”
Delaney closed her eyes, feeling her reawakened spirit stir within her. This is exactly what God had done for her in the last few months. She had been too full of pain and resentment that day at the enclosure to appreciate Drew’s words, but recalling them now, she was deeply moved by the reminder. God had been so patient with her, waiting for her to cautiously and guardedly step into his Word, and when she did, he had not run amok over her soul. He had led her gently and with grace to the living water Jesus had promised the woman at the well. The gifts in his hands these last few weeks had been undeniable and immeasurable.
But Delaney was unprepared and caught off guard by the last set of videos in the folder. It had not occurred to her to wonder how Sasha’s rehabilitative program had progressed, but suddenly there was Drew, standing in front of a pack enclosure, introducing the viewer to Sasha’s new home. Sasha had accepted the authority of Loki, an alpha male from the pack living in enclosure #3. Several weeks of Loki visiting Sasha’s solitary enclosure had led to the day when Sasha was brought to the pack habitat. Drew explained that, just as they had all hoped, Loki accepted her almost immediately and the rest of the pack followed suit. Sasha was living as an adopted beta female within the pack, and so far, she was thriving within their hierarchy.
“We held our breath those first couple of weeks. We weren’t certain how deep her distrust would run. She’d given us every reason to believe she was an alpha female who might be unwilling to assimilate into a pack as a beta. The current alpha female in this pack is older and will soon reach displaceable age, so we expect Sasha to move into the alpha role with Loki as early as next year. But we were not prepared to see the change in Sasha’s demeanor. She gave herself over to pack life in a way we were not expecting.”
There were two long videos of Sasha interacting with the wolves of her pack, and Delaney gasped to see the beautiful wolf, who had once driven away anyone who would come near her den, now rolling around playfully with two other beta “siblings” in her pack, sleeping peacefully with them under the large live oak in the back corner of their enclosure, and walking easily up to and interacting with Drew when he stepped into their habitat. Fear had given way to trust, and not only was she surviving pack life, she was happy. She was as majestic and proud as she’d ever been, but there was an ease about her now that had not been there before. The self-protective defenses and isolating behaviors that neglect and abuse had once shaped within her were now gone.
She was home. Sasha had found her family.
Tears flooded Delaney’s eyes again, and her heart wrenched in exquisite pain. Her eyes were riveted to the screen, an intense and sudden envy gripping her. This was what she had been praying for without realizing it. Though she was utterly out of practice when it came to prayer and she struggled to communicate her heart to God, she had been consistently asking him to show her the way forward. She had an increasing discontent with her solitary life and a longing for something more fulfilling.
Come home, Delaney.
This statement came unbidden to her brain and rippled through her Spirit. God had already beckoned her back into relationship with him. Now he was telling her to abandon her isolation, her walls of self-defense, her doubts and fears about the future, and simply come home. If she was honest with herself, she’d known deep down for days that she needed to go back—in fact, wanted to go back. And as much as she wanted to see Drew again, he wasn’t the reason she felt her heart pulled so strongly to return to Savannah. She wanted to go home. She wanted to return, this time without pain, to the place of her childhood, to Claire and their deepening relationship, to Refresh Station and the people there.
You need a family.
The Holy Spirit spoke again, and she closed her eyes in acknowledgment of the very thing she longed for most…a family. This was the first and most painful thing that had been
taken from her as a child and denied to her almost her entire life. As much as she’d tried, her Aunt Beth could never have offered her the security and protection of a family. She and Danny had never been a family or even tried to build one. But now God was offering her his best gift of all. He was giving her a place in his family. For just a moment, the same old pain reared its ugly head. It was hard not to question God’s timing, to ask why these gifts had not been extended to her when she was young. It was still the great unanswered question of her life. She sighed and double-clicked the last video in Sasha’s folder. Drew was sitting under the tree in the pack enclosure. Sasha was sitting next to him and his arm was around her.
“We learned early on in our work here that it was a waste of time to focus on the abusive histories of these animals. As much as we’d like to, we cannot change their past. And we may never know or understand where they came from or why they were abused. We choose instead to focus on their healing and their future. When Sasha learned to do the same thing—to leave her past behind her—she was ready to step back into a pack family and live as she was intended to live.”
Delaney sank back into her chair, chewing her lower lip and thinking hard about Drew’s statement. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she knew—probably had known for a while—that she was holding out on God. She’d put a tentative toe back into the waters of faith, but God was beckoning her to swim out deep. Everything in her wanted to take the plunge, fully commit, and swim out to the God she had adored as a child and was falling in love with all over again.
But she was holding on to her past.
She was holding out for answers that may never come. And as long as she had a grip on the past and a paralyzing need to know, she wouldn’t be able to move forward. There were things she needed to revisit about her childhood—things that had shaped her thinking and choosing. She knew she needed resolution and healing, but she would have to accept that she may never know why the painful events of her childhood had happened to her or why God had allowed them.
Can you live with that, Delaney? Can you trust me despite not having those answers?
God’s voice echoed within her. The peace of his presence was palpable in that moment, filling the small space of her office and communicating to her in a way only the Holy Spirit can that he was a God who could be trusted—that it was safe to let go. She closed her eyes, silent tears slipping down her cheeks, knowing this was a never-look-back moment. She pushed her chair back and dropped to her knees on the rug of her office. She was ready to give up the fight, give her heart totally to God, and she opened her mouth to say the words aloud.
Come to the altar.
Delaney blinked in surprise, but the directive was clear and unmistakable. For her, this confession of faith needed to be public, in the presence of other believers, from whom she had run for so long. She needed to take the walk to the altar, where she could lay it all down—her past, her pain, and her questions. She needed to surrender her life, completely and totally, but she needed to do it in a church. She needed to reconcile with God’s House. Delaney didn’t question why. She knew that she had harbored as much resentment and distrust of the church as she had of God himself. As a prodigal daughter, she had to return to the House of her Father. She knew that God would meet her there.
And if she was going to take a walk to the altar, there was only one place on earth she wanted to do that.
At that moment, there as a rap at the door, and Callie popped her head in, bagged lunch and water bottle in her hand. The smile on her bright-eyed face faltered the instant she saw Delaney on the floor behind her desk. “Hey—what are you looking for?” she asked, thinking Delaney had dropped something and was attempting to recover it. But when her boss raised her head to respond to her question, Callie inhaled in surprise at the mascara-streaked tears streaming down Delaney’s face. She grew alarmed and rushed the rest of the way into the room. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Delaney gave her a teary-eyed and grateful smile. “I had an epiphany,” she said, rising from her knees and sitting back down in her chair. At Callie’s perplexed look, she shook her head slightly, knowing any attempt at an explanation would likely make no sense to her assistant. “Never mind. I’m fine…honestly. But I do need you to do something for me.”
“Name it,” Callie said without hesitation.
“I need you to clear my schedule for the next week. I’m heading back to Savannah.”
There were a million questions Callie wanted to ask in that moment, but she simply asked softly, “Are you okay?”
Delaney nodded slowly and smiled up with great affection at the girl who’d been a ray of sunshine in her world ever since the day HR had sent her up from downstairs to interview for the position as her assistant. “Callie, I can’t thank you enough for the countless ways you’ve supported me these last few months. I know it hasn’t been easy. I have been walking through a very dark season and trying to find a new normal in my life.” Callie’s eyes widened, startled by Delaney’s sudden admission. She stared mutely back at her boss, uncertain how to reply.
Delaney chuckled. “I know. It’s very unlike me to talk about my personal life, but I just want you to know that nothing you’ve done for me has gone unnoticed or unappreciated—every attempt to cheer me up, every kind gesture, every cup of coffee and pastry you’ve surprised me with—all of it means so much to me. This company could never have given me a greater gift than having you as my assistant.”
As uncharacteristic as it was for Delaney to make such personal remarks, it was even more uncharacteristic of Callie to be moved to tears by them, but that’s exactly the response Delaney’s words evoked. Callie’s lustrous green eyes welled up with tears, which she flicked away with her ebony fingernails, and her adorable nose crinkled up as she smiled gratefully down at her boss. “I wish I could have done more for you,” she said, voice full of emotion. “You’re the best boss I ever had. I tell people all the time I want to be you when I grow up.”
That statement touched Delaney deeply. “I hope to one day be worthy of such a sentiment. It means the world to me that you feel that way.”
For an awkward moment, they just stared at each other with silly grins and streaming tears. Delaney suddenly stood up, walked around the desk and hugged Callie before the girl even knew what was coming. Callie wrapped her arms enthusiastically around Delaney and squeezed her tight.
“Wow, I feel really left out right now. What’s the occasion?” Lexie’s voice boomed from the doorway. She was leaning casually against the door frame, arms folded across her chest, one well-penciled eyebrow curved up questioningly.
Without hesitation, Delaney walked across the room, threw her arms around her friend, and whispered in her ear.
“I’m going home.”
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
—Lewis B. Smedes
Delaney set out for Savannah early on Saturday morning, driving straight through to Charleston before finding a hotel for the night. After an early run this morning with Rogue, she’d gotten ready, checked out, and was back on the road again by nine. She was now heading down I-95 to Savannah, and it was her hope to make the eleven o’clock service at Refresh.
She hadn’t told Claire she was coming. Something inside her said she was just supposed to get in the car and go—make no calls or announcements or alert anyone to her intentions. After reassuring Callie and Lexie that she wasn’t crazy and that she would keep them posted throughout the week, she’d notified her boss that her quarterly report was in his Inbox and that she was taking a week off.
The only stop she had made on the way home Friday night was to meet Danny after work at Starbucks. She’d called him not long after Callie and Lexie had left her office. He was surprised and immediately guarded to hear her voice on the other end of the phone, but she asked if he was available to meet her for
coffee after work. She told him there were some things she really wanted to talk to him about. He was immediately suspicious but reluctantly agreed, likely because he was just too curious to say no.
When she walked into Starbucks, he was already there sitting at a table facing the door. She inwardly smiled. Ever the tactician, he was always looking for the strategic advantage. Delaney walked over to his table and sat down, removing her gloves and smiling at him from across the table. His entire face was pulled into a look of consternation, and she could tell he was trying to figure out what the heck he was doing there.
“Hey…” she said with a gentle smile. “Thanks for meeting me.”
He was more than a little caught off guard by her smile. “Wh-what is this about?” he said haltingly. She could tell that he’d geared himself up for a fight, and he was now even more confused about why she had reached out to him. “It’s not about money, is it?” He frowned harder.
“No, Danny, it’s not about money.” Her eyes flickered over his face, trying to remember the early days when they were dating, when he would flirt with her and tease her about her Southern accent. It seemed so long ago now. “I asked you here so I could apologize.”
His eyes flared in surprise. “For what?”
“For everything, actually,” she looked down at her hands folded on the table and then back up at him. “I never told you I was sorry, and I need you to know that I am—very sorry.”
Danny considered her for a long moment. She was looking back at him levelly, her eyes kind and sincere, neither pride nor shame on her face. He couldn’t recall ever seeing a more unguarded or gentle expression on her face. “What brought this on?”