Finding Myself In You

by Melanie J. Cole

  “Shit! That’s really bad.” She croaks.

  I don’t have a clue what to do with her. It feels so odd having someone here with me. I’ve been alone for so long. The only other girl that has ever been in this apartment is Crystal. Even Cooper never brought any of his girlfriends here. I actually feel uncomfortable in my own home.

  She looks over at me then pats the couch next to her. “I won’t bite.

  I walk over and sit down next to her, careful to keep as much space as possible between us. “What’s going on with you, Taylor?” I scrunch my nose up when I get a whiff of her. “And why do you smell like pot?” I cannot believe I’m actually asking for details about her life, but hell she’s here, and she’s obviously not planning on going anywhere.

  “Don’t judge me.” She whispers, and takes another drink of my Jack.

  “I’m not judging you. I’m just asking. I thought that’s why you came here. You said that you needed someone to talk to, remember?”

  She leans forward and sets the bottle onto the table. “I feel like a complete idiot.” She looks over at me and I can practically feel her anguish. “Have you ever been screwed over?”

  Now this is hitting a little too close to home for my tastes. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you.”

  She bops her head up and down a few times. “I should have known better than to ever trust her. Dean’s warned me so many times, but I never thought she’d do anything to hurt me. She’s nothing but a skanky slut.” She presses her head back into the cushion. “God, I want to kill her.”

  I don’t have a clue how to respond to her. I barley know her. How can I possibly give her any advice? I just keep silent. If talking about her problems is what she needs right now, I’ll listen.

  “Matt,” she begins after several minutes of silence. She twists in the seat so that she’s facing me, and pulls her leg up beneath her. “What would you do if you seen your best friend, getting it on with…” Her words trail off and she starts shaking her head vehemently. “I don’t even know how to describe Ryan. It’s not as if we were in an actual relationship. He never promised me anything. He was obviously using me.” She takes a deep breath and sighs loudly. “This is all my fault. I never should have screwed him in the first place. I mean, he’s Dean’s best friend. God, I really am a terrible person.” She buries her face in her hands.

  I know that I should probably be trying on console her, but honestly, I don’t have a clue what kind of person she is. I really should just keep my mouth shut. I do not want to get to know this girl.

  “Who’s Dean?” Damnit, shut the hell up, Matt! That is none of my business. I have enough problems of my own. I don’t need to add hers.

  “Dean’s my brother.”

  Oh! “So you slept with your brother’s best friend.”

  She begins scraping the nail polish off of her thumb. “Yeah, but in my defense, I had feelings for Ryan.”

  “Did Ryan have feelings for you?”

  She lets out this shrill bitter laugh. “Uh no. If he did, he wouldn’t have fucked Amanda.”

  I shake my head. This sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer. “Who’s Amanda?”

  Taylor clenches both of her hands into fists. “Amanda was my best friend, and roommate.”

  She looks over at me, with pure anguish sketched across her face. “Now, do you understand why I can’t go home? If I see her right now, I’d fucking kill her. And I can’t go to Dean.” She closes her eyes and sighs. “You’re the only other person that I could think of. This is all so fucked up.”

  I cannot believe what I’m about to say, but Damnit she has had a rough night. “You can sleep here tonight, but just tonight.” I add quickly, before she can make plans to move in permanently. “I’ll drive you to your dorm in the morning.”

  She shocks the piss out of me by not arguing. “Thank you.”

  I grab a blanket and pillow and lead her to Cooper’s old room.

  CHAPTER 19

  TAYLOR

  I tossed and turned all night. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Ryan and Amanda all over each other. I don’t have a freaking clue what to do. Do I confront Amanda? Do I confront Ryan? Maybe I should just act like last night never happened. I shake my head at that thought. I’ll never be able to look at either of them the same way again.

  I guess the first thing that I need to do is find another place to live. This sucks! It should be Amanda making other living arrangements. I’ve done nothing wrong. Well, at least not to her. I cannot believe that I slept with Ryan behind Dean’s back. It wasn’t even worth it.

  Maybe Dean can check with some of his friends, and see if any of their sisters or girlfriends needs a roommate. Hell, he’ll be thrilled that I’m finally getting away from Amanda. It’s a long shot, but I don’t know what else to do.

  I give up on the whole trying to sleep thing around six. I climb out of the bed and make my way into the kitchen. I flip on the light and look around. Wow, Matt is a real slob. The sink is running over with dirty dishes, the floor is sticky beneath my bare feet, and there are papers all over the kitchen table.

  I take a deep breath, push up my sleeves, and begin moving the nasty plates out of the way, so that I can fill the sink with water. I never liked cleaning, but he did let me crash here last night. Even though it was pretty obvious that he didn’t want to. Cleaning up this mess will be a nice thank you.

  After I stack up all of the clean plates, I begin looking for a mop. I open a small door and find one leaning against the wall. Jackpot!

  “What in the hell are you doing?” Matt’s voice startles me and I jump back, banging my head against the door.

  “Ouch!” I peek around the door at him. He’s wearing a pair of black track pants and nothing else. Son of a bitch! He’s ripped! His hair is disheveled, and he has both of his arms extended above his head, holding onto the top of the doorframe. He looks tall, lean, and hot – super hot. Who would have thought that underneath all of those button-up shirts that he wears, was a six pack? He obviously works out – a lot.

  “Hey, I thought I would clean up a little. You know earn my keep.” I discreetly wipe the corner of my mouth, praying I don’t start drooling on the floor. He doesn’t have his glasses on, and I can see his eyes. They’re a golden caramel color.

  He walks over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  I close the door and walk over to the table. “I know that. I wanted to. You didn’t have to let me stay here last night. I just wanted to do something nice for you.” Wow, I’m having a really hard time keeping my eyes glued to his. He’s very distracting without a shirt.

  He stares at me for several seconds. “Thank you.”

  I smile shyly at him. “You’re welcome.” Wow, who would have thought that we could actually be civil towards one another?

  “I was thinking.” He says, as he twists the top of his water off. “Instead of meeting this afternoon, why don’t we do it this morning, over breakfast? Will that work for you?”

  “Sure, that sounds good.” Anything to put off going to face that tramp, Amanda.

  He reaches out and takes the mop out of my hand. “Go put your shoes on, and we’ll get going.”

  I stare at his hand on the mop for several seconds. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “Because, I seen how hurt you were last night, and I can relate to your pain. Now go get ready before I change my mind.” I quickly scuttle around him, enjoying this side of him much better than the surly one, I usually see.

  “So, what are you going to order?” I ask, as I set my menu down.

  “I think I’m going to have the western omelet. How about you?” He asks, placing his menu over mine.

  “I’m getting the pancakes with extra syrup, and none of that light shit either. After last night I think I’ve earned a freebie. I’ll worry about the calories later.”

  Matt nods his head grimly. “Yeah, I think you’ve earned that.”
/>
  I cock my head to the side studying him. “What changed your mind last night?”

  His brows crease as he studies me. “What do you mean?”

  “Well you seemed so hell bent on not letting me into your apartment. What changed your mind?”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t know. You just seemed so…alone.”

  “Well, that’s exactly how I felt. You’re pretty good at reading emotions.”

  I hear someone coming up behind me. I glance up expecting to see the waitress, but instead I find myself looking at Ryan. What the fuck!?

  He places his hand on my shoulder and gives me a big grin. “Is your phone broken?” His eyes instantly go to my chest, and his mouth twists into a sinful grin.

  My entire body goes rigid at his touch. “No. Why?” I grind out between my clenched teeth. How can he look me in the eye, after he fucked my best friend, just last night!? How could I not see him for what he really is? A douche!

  “Because, you haven’t returned any of my texts.” Yeah, that’s right asshole and I’m not going to either.

  I give him a half-hearted shrug, trying to appear unaffected by his presence. “I’ve been busy.”

  He looks over at Matt and frowns. “Who’s this?”

  I don’t answer him right away, so Matt extends his hand out to him. “I’m Matt her…”

  “Boyfriend,” I blurt it out before I can stop myself. Holy shit! Why did I just say that? It’s pretty obvious that Matt can barely tolerate me. What if he tells Ryan the truth? I’ll look like a complete fool.

  Ryan’s eyes widen slightly and he throws Matt a dirty look. What’s his fucking problem? At least Matt isn’t his friend! He doesn’t get to be jealous! I know that I sound like a complete hypocrite, but I can’t help it. At least I had the decency to feel guilty, about lying to Dean.

  Ryan turns his full attention back to me. “Does Dean know?”

  “It isn’t any of Dean’s business. I can date whoever I want.”

  Wow! Can I possibly fit any more feet into my mouth? I need to shut the hell up, now! I’m afraid to even look at Matt.

  “If you’ll excuse us we’re trying to have breakfast.” In other words fuck off!

  “Dean’s your brother. So, I think that makes it his business.” Ryan says firmly.

  “Well, if that’s the case, there are a few things that I should tell him about.” I narrow my eyes at him. Ryan presses his mouth into a firm line. He knows that I’m referring to our messing around.

  “How long have you been seeing…” He turns his glare onto Matt, “this guy.”

  “That isn’t any of your business. Like I said, we’re trying to have breakfast.” I tell him coldly.

  Finally, after another dirty look towards Matt, Ryan stalks off. I’m pretty sure I know where he’s headed. He’s going straight for Dean.

  CHAPTER 20

  MATT

  Give her an inch and she’ll take a mile. This is the very reason that I have got to stop being the nice guy. Now, she’s told this guy that I’m her boyfriend! What am I supposed to do now? Do I call her out? It’s pretty obvious that the guy is a jerk. Judging by the looks he gave me, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like the idea of her seeing someone.

  I finally force my eyes up to meet hers. Her large brown eyes are bigger than usual, and she has both of her hands cupped over her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Matt. It just slipped out.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I’m shocked by how calm I sound. She’s obviously as surprised as I am, but I realize I’m not mad. If I’d been in her situation at that exact moment, I would have probably done the same thing. Hell, I wished I would have had to balls to tell Crystal that I was with someone else. It would have served her right!

  Taylor drops her hands down onto the table and gapes at me. “What? You’re not mad at me?” The shock is evident in her voice.

  Hell, I can’t help myself. I actually smile at her. “No. I’m not mad at you.”

  Before either of us can say anything else, the waitress brings our food. We both eat our breakfast in a comfortable silence.

  After an hour of studying, I make my way to the front, and pay our bill.

  “So I take it that guy was Ryan.” I say, as we climb into my truck.

  “Yeah, that was him.” She says softly, staring out the window. I can tell she’s nervous.

  I place both of my hands on the steering wheel, in an effort to keep from reaching out to touch her. My feelings to comfort her are overwhelming. I increase my speed. I need to drop her off in a hurry. I don’t like these thoughts that are running rampant in my mind.

  Taylor is a beautiful girl and she’s hurting. It’s a bad mix, especially for a guy like me, who wants to help everyone. She has the capability to really fuck me over, and I’ve been fucked over enough.

  “Are you okay?” God, it’s really bothering me seeing her like this. It’s bothering me too much. I’m all ready way more involved than I ever wanted to be. But I can’t seem to help myself. There’s just something about Taylor. I can’t put my finger on what it is, but I keep getting sucked in.

  “No. Not really. I don’t have a clue what to say to Amanda.” She sighs, tips her head back, and closes her eyes. “God, why did she have to sleep with him? There were tons of guys there. Why him?” She rolls her head to the side and opens her eyes. “Friends are overrated. I mean, I know that I haven’t been the best to her over the years, but I never fucked any of the guys that she was with.” She blinks her eyes several times. “Seeing them together, like that…it made me sick.”

  I whip my head in her direction. “You actually saw them.” I must have missed that part. What the fuck!? No wonder she was so upset. If I would have actually seen Crystal in action, it would have been so much worse. My own imagination is bad enough. I honestly don’t know what I would have done.

  “Oh yeah, that was the best part.” She says bitterly. “I climbed up the side of the house, and watched them through his window.”

  Holy shit! This girl has spunk. “Why did you do that?” She must love torturing herself. Why would anyone want to watch someone they care about, be with someone else?

  “Because, I had to be sure. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. I kept hoping that one of them would think of me, and stop. I guess I’m stupid that way.”

  “Hey, you’re not stupid.” I tell her, tightening my grip on the steering wheel. I must not touch her.

  “A couple of guys caught me as I was climbing back down, and I fell in some bushes. That’s why I smelled like pot. One of them had a joint and well…” She trails off.

  I don’t have a clue what to say to all of that. She and I have a lot in common. We’ve both been fucked over by people we care about.

  As we come to a stop in front of her dorm, I turn to face her. “Taylor, I know it isn’t any of my business, but I think you should tell your brother about you and Ryan. He deserves the truth.” I remember how I’d felt, when I realized that Cooper had known what Crystal did for weeks, before I found out, and he never told me. “It would be best if it came from you.”

  She nods her head. “I know. I just don’t want to hurt him.”

  “It will hurt him more if he hears it from someone else. Trust me.”

  “Thanks. For everything.” She opens her door, but before she gets out, she throws her arms around my neck and hugs me. I have never felt that kind of affection before. Not even from Crystal. She wasn’t the touchy feely type. My heart slams against my ribcage and I’m completely immobile. Before I can even react, she climbs out of the truck and shuts the door.

  I keep watching her until she’s inside of the building. What in the hell is going on with my heart?

  CHAPTER 21

  TAYLOR

  “Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick!” Amanda starts in on me as soon as I’m through the door. Yeah, like she gives a shit about me. Fuck her!

  “I was out.” I watch her curiously, looking for any signs o
f regret, or guilt. I see neither. I thought about confronting her, but I don’t want to start anything, until I can find someplace to live. It better be soon, because just the sight of her is making me physically ill.

  Both of her hands are planted on her hips and she’s eyeing me. “Out where? Why didn’t you call me? I thought you were hurt.”

  Oh, I was hurt all right, but not the way she’s implying. “How was the study group?” I’m still hoping to see some kind of emotion, other than her fake anger. She’s pissing me off, royally.

  She throws both of her arms up into the air. “It was boring as shit. So, you really aren’t going to tell me where you were?”

  “Nope.” And she’s obviously not going to tell me the truth, either. I grab some clean clothes and head to the showers. I can’t stand the sight of her.

  As soon as I’m ready, I grab a bag, and toss everything I’ll need for tomorrow in it. I throw it over my shoulder, completely ignoring Amanda, and the looks that she’s giving me. I step around her and walk over to the door.

  “Where are you going now?” She asks exasperatedly. “What is going on with you?”

  “I just have something that I need to do. I won’t be back tonight.” I tell her coolly. I don’t want her calling and texting me all night, pretending she actually cares. I cannot wait to find another place to live. I wonder what she’ll say, when I tell her that I know about her and Ryan. If she tries to deny it, I’m going to punch her in the face. That thought actually makes me smile. Yeah, that would feel good.

  “Hey Taylor,” Cal says, when I walk into the frat house.

  “Hey Cal, is Dean around?”

  “Yeah, he’s in his room.”

  I step around him and make my way up the stairs. I knock on Dean’s door. I don’t want to barge in. He may have company.

  The door opens up and Dean blinks down at me. His hair is standing up all over his head. “Hey Taylor, what are you doing here?” He asks rubbing his eyes.