Finding Myself In You

by Melanie J. Cole

  He gives his shoulders a light shrug. “My last roommate moved out a few weeks ago. It would be nice to have someone move in, so they can help me with the bills. What do you say? Do you want to move in here?”

  Do I? I’m not so sure. I mean, it would definitely be easier than my living arrangement right now. But, how in the hell am I going to explain it to Dean? There’s no way in hell that I’m going to keep anything else from him. I’m all ready keeping one hell of a secret from him. I know he won’t be happy about me moving in with a guy - especially Matt of all people. The only time Dean has ever seen him, Matt was drunk off of his ass, doing a body shot off of a girl. Dean’s definitely not going to want me to move in with him. Shit! Shit! Shit! I need to make my mind up.

  Screw it! This is my life, after all. I’m eighteen. Dean will just have to deal with it. It’s my decision to make, not his.

  “Okay, I’ll move in with you.”

  Matt nods his head a couple of times, looking a little uneasy.

  “Did you change your mind, all ready? Because, you don’t have to let me move in here.” I assure him.

  He stares at me for several seconds before he finally speaks again. “No, I haven’t changed my mind. I’ll help you get your things tomorrow.”

  “Okay, can you drive me over to the frat house?”

  He furrows his brows. “Why? You don’t have to stay there, anymore. You can sleep here tonight.”

  “I know that I can, but I have to let Dean know. He’s not going to be happy about me moving in with a guy. Especially since the last time he seen you, you were completely trashed.”

  Matt looks completely lost. “I’ve met him?”

  I grin at him. “Oh yeah, he helped me put you to bed.”

  “Oh,” he runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I can see how that might be a problem.” He picks up his keys. “Come on. I’ll drive you over to the party house.” He nudges me playfully, with his elbow, as he steps around me.

  He has no idea how accurate he is. I swear all those guys do is party – night and day. I honestly don’t know how they don’t all fail out of school. I only partied there on Tuesdays, and I had to have Matt tutor me.

  “Are you coming in with me?” I ask, as Matt opens his truck door.

  He walks around the truck and opens my door for me. “Yeah, I figured it might be easier on you, if Dean seen me sober. I don’t want him thinking I’m anything like the Dean that he apparently met at the club.”

  “Oh, okay.” I slide out of the truck. “You didn’t have to open the door for me.” I say, as I step around him.

  “Well, I wanted to look good, in case Ryan’s watching. I’m supposed to be your boyfriend, remember?”

  Matt shocks the piss out me when he takes my hand into his. Wow, he’s really taking this whole boyfriend thing seriously. I do my best to ignore the tingling sensation zipping through my fingers.

  I lead him across the lawn, waving at a few people who call out to me.

  The first fucking person I see, when I step inside of the house, is Amanda. She’s bouncing around on the dance floor, talking to some guy. Of course, she would be here. Damnit! I freeze and squeeze Matt’s hand, causing him to look down at me.

  “What’s wrong?” He asks, studying me intently.

  I nod my head towards Amanda. “That’s Amanda.” I quickly turn around and start pulling Matt in the opposite direction. If she sees me, she could blow the whole boyfriend charade. She’s the only one who knew that I was being tutored by Matt.

  “Taylor!” I turn my head and see Ryan pushing his way through several people. Fuck! His eyes are narrowed and he’s glowering at Matt.

  Matt doesn’t miss a beat. He drops my hand and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. It feels strangely comforting.

  Ryan tips his chin towards Matt, his chest heaving with his heavy breathing. “What the fuck is he doing here? He doesn’t belong to this fraternity.”

  “He’s with me, and we’re not staying. I just need to tell Dean something. Have you seen him?” I turn my head and begin looking around for Dean.

  I need to get us the hell out of here - now. I’ve known Ryan long enough to know, his stance means he’s ready to start swinging. I don’t want Matt to have to fight him, just because he’s pretending to be my boyfriend. I should have never started that rumor. I know that, now.

  “What do you want to tell him?” Ryan asks, folding his arms across his chest, never taking his eyes off of Matt.

  Matt leans over and plants a sweet kiss on my cheek. My skin instantly heats. “We wanted to tell him that Taylor has finally agreed to move in with me.”

  Shit! I know that Matt is just trying to help me, but he doesn’t know Ryan like I do. Ryan’s pissed off – bad. Actually, this is probably the most pissed I’ve ever seen him, and he’s obviously been drinking.

  Ryan drops his arms down by his side and clenches his hands into fists. “Is that true?” He asks me, his jaw twitching with rage.

  I swallow hard, and position myself so that I’m standing between the two of them. “Yeah, it’s true.” This is not going like I wanted it to – at all. Matt should have stayed in the truck, or left me here and came back in the morning.

  Ryan reaches out and grabs me by the arm roughly. “I need to talk to you – alone.” His voice is low and husky.

  Matt steps up next to me, refusing to back down, and grabs my other arm. “Don’t fucking touch her.” He growls, getting dangerously close to Ryan.

  I jump in between them just before Ryan draws his arm back.

  “What in the hell is going on?” I look up, and breathe a sigh of relief, as Dean grabs Ryan by the shoulders, jerking him back.

  Ryan jerks away from Dean, and squares his shoulders. “This fucking dick-head asked Taylor to move in with him.” Ryan says, seething.

  Dean looks back and forth between the three of us, and his eyes fall onto me. “Is that true?”

  No! No! No! This is not the way I’d planned for this to go. I was supposed to come in alone, and have Dean to myself. I was going to make him understand, but Ryan is fucking everything up!

  “Yeah, it’s true.” My voice is quivering with fear.

  Dean looks over at Matt, sizing him up. “I know you. You were so fucking drunk - I had to drive you home from the club.”

  “Club? What club?” Ryan asks, trying to get into everyone’s fucking business. Why did I ever sleep with him? He’s a total jerk.

  “Stay out of this, Ryan!” I shout at him. “It isn’t any of your fucking business!” Several people have noticed our intense situation, and are watching us with amusement.

  Ryan gets up in my face. “You’re my best friend’s little sister, so that makes it my fucking business.” Yeah, like he’s such a good friend. He fucked his best friend’s little sister, for crying out loud!

  I bite down on my lower lip, fighting the urge to blurt out how he used me. I don’t want Dean to find out like this. I need to get my temper under control. Once again, Matt wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. It feels soothing, and good – too good. My entire body is humming with a prickling sensation. I lean into him, feeling secure against his body. I shouldn’t feel this way with Matt. He doesn’t even like me. He’s just being a good guy, because he knows about my situation.

  Dean pushes Ryan back and points his finger at him. “Taylor’s right, this isn’t any of your business. Go outside and cool off.”

  Ryan opens his mouth like he’s going to argue, but Dean shoves him again, much harder. “I mean it, Ryan. Go cool off, now!”

  “This is bullshit!” Ryan shouts, before finally stalking away from the three of us.

  “Come on.” Dean says, turning his back to us.

  “Where are we going?” I ask, dragging Matt along behind me. There’s no way I’ll leave him alone, with Ryan that mad. I wouldn’t put it past Ryan to try to kill Matt. He can get crazy when he’s this mad.

  Dean looks at me over
his shoulder. “To my room. It’s too loud down here. I want to know exactly what the fuck is going on with you.”

  I take a deep breath and follow him up the stairs.

  “Sit,” Dean says, motioning to his bed, as soon as we’re in his room. I sit down and Matt sits down next to me, still holding my hand.

  “Not you.” Dean points his finger at Matt. “You stand over there.” He points across the room.

  Matt looks at me and I nod my head, letting him know that it’s okay. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze, before standing up, and walking across the room.

  “Now, what is going on? When we seen this guy at the club, you said you kind of knew him, and now you’re moving in with the guy? How well do you even know him?”

  Oh, screw it. I might as well come clean. “His names Matt, not this guy.” I mutter. “I’ve known him for a few weeks, now. He’s my tutor.” There I told him the truth. It’s about time that I’m honest with him, about something. Dean really does deserve a better sister than I’ve been to him, over the past few months. Screwing his best friend – what was I thinking?

  “Your tutor?” Dean asks incredulously. “Since when do you need a tutor?”

  I let out a long drawn out sigh. “Since I’m failing Psychology.”

  Dean runs his hand through his hair. “What the hell, Taylor? Why didn’t you tell me that?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I didn’t want you to lecture me.”

  “Oh, I’m going to lecture you. But, first I have a few questions, about your and Matt’s relationship. If you’ve only known him for a few weeks, and he’s your tutor, why do you want to move in with him?”

  I slump my shoulders. “Because, I don’t have anywhere else to go. You know that Amanda and I are having issues.” I silently pray he doesn’t ask for details about that. “I can’t keep staying in your room. I can’t afford a place on my own. Matt needs a roommate, and he offered to let me move in with him.”

  Dean narrows his eyes at Matt. “I bet he did.”

  I quickly shake my head. “It’s not like that, I swear. Matt’s just trying to be nice, that’s all. We’re not even dating.” I didn’t want to admit to that part. I was kind of enjoying pissing Ryan off. Now, Dean will tell Ryan that mine and Matt’s relationship is platonic.

  Dean’s brows crease, and he keeps looking back and forth between Matt and I. “Why in the fuck was Ryan so pissed, if you two aren’t even dating?”

  Oh no! We’re getting into dangerous territory. There’s no way in hell, that I want him finding out about me and Ryan tonight. There’s all ready been way too much trouble for one night.

  “I had my arm around Taylor. He must have assumed the worst. I guess, he was just being overprotective of his best friend’s little sister.” Matt says, stepping in and saving the day. Thank you, Matt!

  Unfortunately, Dean doesn’t look convinced with Matt’s answer.

  I quickly leap off of the bed¸ before he can ask any more questions. “We need to get going. Matt’s going to help me move all of my stuff in the morning.”

  Dean snaps his head towards me. “Do you promise me that there’s nothing going on between the two of you?”

  I bop my head up and down. “I promise.” This I can be perfectly honest with him about. Matt’s never looked at me in that way before. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me, in the least. This thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, for some strange reason.

  Dean seems to be okay with me moving in with Matt, now. He steps to the side and opens the door. “Taylor…” he begins before we can get out of his room.

  I look up at him. “Yeah?”

  “If you guys need any help moving your things, let me know. If you need me for anything,” he once again narrows his eyes at Matt. “Let me know. I’m here for you, always.”

  I can’t help myself; I wrap my arms around his neck, giving him a hug. “I know. Thank you.” I whisper in his ear.

  CHAPTER 26

  MATT

  I don’t have a clue why I feel so protective of Taylor, all of a sudden. But when Ryan grabbed her arm, I was ready to rip his fucking head off. That guy is a real piece of work. The way he tried to stake his claim on Taylor. Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

  I glance over at Taylor. She’s fidgeting with the bottom of her t-shirt. We’re on our way over to her dorm, to get her things.

  “Are you going to tell Amanda that you saw her with Ryan?” I ask her, breaking our intense silence.

  She shakes her head back and forth, giving me a whiff of her unique scent. God, why does she have to smell so good?

  “I’m hoping she won’t be there. I don’t feel like fighting with her, right now.” She finally says.

  “Well, I’ll be there if you need me.” I reach over and place my hand on top of hers, ignoring all of my brain’s protests.

  She looks up at me and smiles. My heart begins pounding harder. God, her smile is so sweet, and genuine. It nearly takes my breath away. I’m totally fucked! “Thanks, for everything,” she says.

  “You’re welcome.” I stroke my thumb back and forth across her knuckles, trying not to focus on the way my heartbeat spikes, at the touch of her skin. This is bad. I’m not even trying to push her away anymore. That ship has sailed. She’s going to move in with me for Christ’s sake.

  There’s something about knowing exactly what a person is going through, I feel connected to her on a higher level. I have this overpowering need to take all of her pain away. I don’t have a fucking clue how to go about it. Hell, I’m still hurting myself, but I’m realizing that with each passing day, the pain gets less and less. Time is the best medicine to recover from a broken heart. We both just need time. I’ve all ready had weeks, but for Taylor, everything is fresh and raw. I remember how that felt.

  “Do you need some help with that?” I ask her, as she tries to get her key into the lock. Her hands are shaking.

  Before she has a chance to reply, the door swings open, and Taylor nearly tumbles inside of her dorm room. I quickly reach out and grab her arm, helping to steady her. “Are you okay?” I ask her.

  “Taylor!” Amanda shrieks, wrapping her arms around Taylor. “You’re back! I’ve missed you so much.”

  Taylor shoves her halfway across the room. “Get off of me, Amanda! It’s not like you give a shit about me.”

  Oh well, so much for them not fighting today. It looks like Taylor is going to confront her, after all.

  Amanda steadies herself and glowers at Taylor. “What is wrong with you? What did I do to you?”

  Uh oh! I quickly step up next to Taylor. “Do you want me to stay, or go?” This isn’t my fight, but if she wants me here, I’ll stay, for moral support.

  Amanda turns her mutinous gaze onto me. “Who in the hell is this?”

  Taylor looks up at me, and I can see rage flare in her brown eyes. “You better stay. I’m not for sure if I’ll be able to control myself, if she keeps acting like she’s done nothing wrong.”

  Amanda throws both of her hands up into the air. “Would someone please tell me, what in the fuck is going on? Taylor, who is this guy?”

  “I’m her new roommate.” I tell her, feeling a little smug.

  “What?” Amanda’s eyes go wide. “You’re moving out? Why?” Then she makes huge mistake. “Does Ryan know that you’re moving in with this guy?” Amanda asks, throwing her hand onto her hip.

  Before I even have time to react, Taylor tackles Amanda to the floor. “You fucking bitch!” She roars, slamming her fist into Amanda’s face. Wow, Taylor can really throw a punch. I’ll have to remember that. I don’t want to get on her bad side.

  Even though the girl had it coming, I don’t want Taylor to get into any trouble. So, I reach down and pull Taylor off of her. I give her shoulder a gentle, reassuring, squeeze. “You need to calm down.” I tell her, as she jerks free from my grip.

  Taylor points her finger at Amanda. “I know you screwed Ryan.” Her chest is heaving with her labored breat
hing.

  All of the color drains from Amanda’s face, as she blinks up at us. “What did you just say?” She asks in a strangled whisper.

  Taylor begins straightening her shirt. “That’s right Amanda. I know that you lied to me about your so-called study group. Why did you do it?”

  “How did you find out?” Amanda pushes up onto her feet, wiping away some blood from the corner of her lip.

  “Because, I was there. I fucking saw you two.”

  Amanda begins shaking her head back and forth. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It just happened.” Yeah, that’s what they all say. Nothing ever, just happens.

  “Of course it did. That’s why you made up that lie about a fucking study group. Really?! That was the best that you could come up with?” She throws her hands up into the air.

  “Please don’t move out. I’m so so sorry. You’re the only friend that I have.” Amanda pleads, while tears stream down her face.

  “I wonder why?” Taylor asks coolly. “I’m done with the both of you.” Taylor finally looks up at me. “Will you please help me get my stuff?”

  I nod at her. “What do you want me to get?”

  She pulls out a drawer and begins tossing her underwear into her bag. I resist the urge to look at them.

  “You can start grabbing my clothes.” She points to her closet.

  I cross the room and begin stuffing all of her clothes into a large duffel bag. There’s a heavy awkward silence hovering in the room.

  After several minutes, of only our breathing filling the room, Amanda speaks. “I’ll tell Dean.”

  Taylor spins around looking venomous. “What did you say?” She clenches her hands into fists.

  Amanda clears her throat. “I said, ‘I’ll tell Dean.’”

  Just like that, Taylor stalks over to her, and bitch slaps her. “The fuck you will! You’ll not tell Dean a fucking thing! Mind your own fucking business. If you want Ryan, he’s yours. I don’t want him, anymore.”

  I know it shouldn’t, but hearing her say that she’s finished with Ryan, makes me extremely happy. Not because I want to be with her that way, but because she’s way too good for that guy. She deserves better.