Sever (The Ever Series Book 3)

by C. J. Valles

  “What about you? You’re not worried about the ‘then what?’ What if we skip to a dimension that is worse than Victor?”

  Alex’s eyes glow with determination.

  “As long as you’re with me, I … don’t … care.”

  This makes my heart beat faster as Alex watches me.

  “Now you might be wondering why Ever didn’t ask you to leave with him,” Alex says. “And perhaps he eventually would have if he had become desperate enough, but for once I’ve had the first opportunity to do so. And if you’re still speculating as to why Ever hasn’t intercepted us, it is because I didn’t wish for him to—”

  “Whoa! Hold on. So, last time—when he nearly knocked you through that window,” I point up toward the house, “did you wish for him to find us?”

  “Yes. You needed to know he had been revived.” Alex smiles. “I knew you could never find peace unless you had been assured of the wellbeing of everyone you love. And just to be clear, locking you in some bunker until the end of humanity—that was Ever’s original plan, not mine. My wish has always been to be with you, not to hand you over to Ever like some prize.”

  “Then, just now, why did you stop me when I told you that I wanted to spend the night with you?” I demand, feeling my cheeks burn.

  He smiles.

  “Clearly not for my superior moral code. In fact, it’s more selfishness on my part.”

  Frowning, I shake my head.

  “Sorry, am I missing something? I throw myself at you, and you turn me down because you’re … selfish?”

  “Yes, selfish. Wren, I don’t want to be your last act of defiance before you cast yourself into oblivion. I want to be your forever, not your consolation prize before you sacrifice yourself. Please. Give Ever the peace he has sought for an eternity, and choose to be with me.”

  I swallow and look down. Give up Ever and choose the unknown with Alex. Or end … everything. Part of me had always assumed that there would be an epic battle to save this world. Now I realize that this is not the way it’s going to happen. If I’m really lucky, I’ll just disappear into another dimension—with Alex—and everything will go back to normal. Or if I’m unlucky, I’ll die, and everything will go back to normal for everyone I love.

  Either way, I’ll lose my life. Actually, it’s already gone. And I’ve already betrayed Ever. I’ve betrayed everyone. I’ve lied to them. It’s more than that, though. I’ve been living a lie, thinking that I would be able to go back to my life. I already did that last year—and it was Alex who made it possible. But there’s no more pretending. Not now. It’s over. I look up at him.

  “Okay. What do we do?”

  “We convince Victor that he’s won.”

  “That shouldn’t be too hard. I’m sure he thinks he already has.”

  Or maybe it’s just me. I feel defeated. I try as hard as I can to find the hopefulness of the girl who once believed in happy endings, but deep down, I know there isn’t a happy ending waiting for me. There can’t be. I love two people. Happy endings don’t exist for people like me, which means I have to learn to be happy with survival. And I have to learn to live with guilt. I wish I could escape it, but I’m not built that way. Every time I think of Ever, I will feel a stab of pain straight through my heart.

  A long time ago, Ever said he saved me to atone for his past wrongs. Now I will atone for betraying him by giving him up and giving him peace, like Alex said. Standing up, I watch as Alex walks toward me. When he holds out his hand, I look down at the blade he’s holding. It’s the same one Audra gave me, the one I thought had been lost after I crossed back into this world.

  “You’ll need this.”

  Still staring at the blade, I swallow.

  “Why?”

  “It’s how you’re going to destroy Victor.”

  And suddenly I realize that with every step I take, every decision I make, the ground beneath me continues to shift. I decided to spend one night with Alex because I thought it was all I would have. Now I might have forever with him—at the cost of the rest of my human life. I told him I didn’t need normal, but I’m not willing to give up what makes me human. My emotions, my confusion, my love, and the need to protect those I love.

  I’m also not willing to step into the unknown again without one thing. Walking toward Alex, I look up and see myself reflected in his eyes. He was right. We are the same—two of a kind, willing to pay any price for what we want and what we need.

  I want Alex. I need Alex.

  I may hate myself for giving up Ever, but if I can give him peace, then that is my redemption. Ever’s salvation is my atonement. We will have saved each other, and that will have to be good enough.

  32: Merged

  When I reach for him, Alex catches my hand in his, the electricity of his power crackling between us as he stares down at me.

  “Wren, no.”

  “No? Really? That night in Tierra del Fuego, you were more than a little interested in this particular human experience—and I wasn’t even seventeen!”

  “And you’ve taught me the value of having a conscience and patience.”

  Pulling my hand back, I begin to retreat as the worst kind of tears threaten to spill out. The ones caused by embarrassment and shame. A second later, I’m angry.

  “Are you serious? Immortal or not, you are a guy! I thought you were supposed to be irrational and impatient. Am I that easy to resist right before the world might end?”

  Now I really am crying.

  “Easy to resist?” he laughs without a trace of humor. “If only you knew how far that was from the truth.”

  Alex reaches out and touches my cheek, and when I try to twist away, his other hand grips my shoulder, making it impossible to move. He smiles, but there’s something dangerous behind it.

  “Of course,” he mutters. “When, for the first time in my existence, I, of all creatures, attempt to be rational and patient, you decide to push that patience past its breaking point.”

  I smile crookedly.

  “Does that mean you can be irrational for one night? A birthday present to me on the longest birthday of my life, my first adult birthday …” and maybe my last.

  He stares down at me silently for several seconds. It’s enough time for me to feel obscenely stupid. I’m begging—literally begging—him to be my first, and I can practically hear crickets. I shake my head and look away.

  “Never mind,” I mumble.

  Alex touches my chin, but I can’t look at him. How can I explain that I’m afraid? Afraid that the worst will happen, and I’ll end up dead. Or worse—I’ll end up possessed. When he takes my face between his hands, I want to fight him, but my strength is gone. He gently turns me until I’m forced to look at him. I try to stop crying like an idiot, but I can’t. The worst part is he looks physically pained watching me have my little breakdown.

  “I don’t want you to do something you will regret,” he says softly.

  “That’s not what I’ll regret. I’ll regret everything I didn’t get to do.”

  I shake my head. I’ve made mistakes at every step, and there are so many things I haven’t dared to say out loud, but if I don’t say something now, then I risk him never knowing how I truly feel. Because every chance I’ve gotten, I’ve told Alex that he’s a regret, a mistake, something I wish I could erase.

  “I know it may not seem like it—because I’m confused and messed up—but I don’t regret falling in love with you. I will always love you …”

  Just like I will always love Ever, even as I betray him.

  I step back toward the pool of water behind me, knowing that I’m running out of room. Bringing my hand up, I swipe at my face. Then Alex grabs my arm, and I stop breathing.

  “Wren, you’ve given me far too much credit.”

  “For what?” I hiccup.

  “For possessing the self control necessary to resist you another time.”

  His hands come up to cup my face.

  “Say it again, W
ren. Please,” he whispers.

  I’ve wished so many times that I didn’t love Alex. Now I don’t have the time for regret.

  “I love you.”

  Before I can take another breath, my feet are swept out from under me. In less than a second, we’re in the house, in a bedroom with candles flickering from every corner. Staring up at Alex, I feel a jolt of realization and know that I’ve made the right decision. I think back to that moment more than a year ago. A small moment in the parking lot at school right after Alex drove me to school in that insane red Ferrari. Even then I knew—I knew—that part of me belonged to him.

  We are the true outsiders.

  Setting me down, Alex stares into my eyes until I’m dizzy. I take a quick breath and turn to look around the room, which is dominated by a black four-poster bed, its black and gold bedding nearly glowing in the light of the fireplace. Turning, I see another enormous window. Walking toward it, I look out onto an unending valley of snow. The white has turned a glowing purple under the full moon.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “Nothing in this world is as beautiful as you are,” Alex whispers from behind me.

  I shiver as his hands gather up my hair as his lips skim the side of my neck.

  “And having you in my arms now is more than I could have wished for,” he breathes.

  He turns me in his arms until I’m looking up at him.

  “I want to show you something,” he says.

  He takes my face in his hands as his eyes turn black. Suddenly I see the two of us. I see him carrying me toward the bed. I see Alex set me down at the foot of the bed and feel his fingers at the zipper of my dress. I feel him drawing me closer. Then, for just a second, I can feel Alex’s desperation and urgency. His feelings are so strong that they knock the air from my lungs.

  No!

  My entire body winces, the enraged growl in my head like a sonic boom, startling me back to reality. Shivering, I take a shaky step away from Alex, and his eyes narrow as he steps toward me.

  “I may have underestimated how powerful his connection to you is.”

  The blood drains from my face. For a second, I thought the voice in my head was my conscience reminding me again that each choice I make—from now until Victor is defeated or I’m dead—is going to hurt the ones I love. But it wasn’t my conscience speaking. It was Ever.

  Right now I know that I’m supposed to make the virtuous choice. Or the smart choice. Or the strong choice. The right choice. And that’s the problem. The right choice for me isn’t going to be something anyone else can understand.

  The problem is that I don’t even know what’s right for me anymore.

  I say his name in my head, a whisper, a plea for forgiveness, and suddenly a pair of strong arms wraps around my waist from behind. The last thing I see before everything goes black is Alex’s face—his eyes coal black with anger. When the arms release me, I spin around to face Ever, shaking when I see where we are. Ever’s frozen version of our island in the Maldives. Or more accurately, my own personal purgatory. The place where my guilt seems to eat me alive. I look up at him, willing him to understand why I didn’t choose him.

  “Ever, don’t. Please,” I beg. “I’m not a chess piece for you immortals to move around the board. I have to make my own decisions … even if they’re the wrong ones.”

  “And I accept that I have become the same as Alex, driven solely by my own greed.” Ever says. “But loving you has made me irrational, and if my choice is to exist for an eternity without you or to have you and see this world burn—”

  I shake my head.

  “No. You can’t betray who you are because of me. I won’t let you. Do you understand that? You deserve peace—”

  “But I want you,” he growls, taking a step toward me. “I need you.”

  I sink to the sand. Should I even try to lie? Tell him that I don’t want him? I convinced myself that I couldn’t spend my last night with Ever because I can’t give him what he wants—forever. But right now is my only chance to get what I what. Because whether I die trying to stop Victor from destroying this world or I escape with Alex to another dimension, this is my last chance to be with Ever. One night to keep with me forever.

  “I love you,” I whisper. “But I don’t deserve you.”

  “You’re right. You deserve better than I am.”

  He lifts me easily, bending to touch his lips to mine as he carries me inside. When he sets me down in front of the bed, I shiver as his hand skims across the thin material of my dress. His lips touch my shoulder, and the dress falls silently to the floor.

  “My love,” Ever whispers raggedly.

  His lips graze mine again, causing my skin to warm under his touch. He watches my face as his hands slide up my sides. Stepping back, I reach to trace his jaw with my fingers before sliding my hands down to his neck to the buttons of his shirt. My fingers shake as they unfasten each button. Reaching up to pull the shirt from his shoulders, I expose the golden-bronzed skin of his chest. As my hands skate across his skin, his muscles ripple beneath my touch. Taking a deep breath, I look up into his eyes. His expression is serious, his eyes feverish and glowing with so much desire that it almost scares me.

  Looking at him, I realize he is a Greek god come to life, and I am a mere mortal he has visited. And I get one night before I give everything up. I’m so hypnotized by his beauty that it takes several seconds before I notice that the air around us is icy despite being in the tropics. I shiver as his hands come up, tracing my face, my neck, my sides, causing my skin to warm instantly beneath his caress. When I reach to touch his cheek, he grabs my hand gently in his and kisses my palm before placing my hand on the impossible heat of his bare chest.

  I close my eyes and gulp for air—frozen air that can’t seem to cool me down. When I open my eyes again, I swallow as he reaches up and grazes my cheek with the back of his hand, causing my skin to warm even more.

  “You are more beautiful than I could have imagined,” he says in a way that makes my pulse jump.

  “Funny, I was thinking the same thing.”

  He smiles, but his eyes are serious. He takes my hand and kisses the back of it before bending to kiss me. As his lips part mine, his hands come up to caress my skin. Whimpering at the sensation, I feel my knees buckle. With a low growl, Ever scoops me up and gently places me at the center of the bed.

  “Having your love was more than I could have asked for until this moment,” he says softly. “Now I want more. I need more. I’ve waited so long for you, Wren.”

  Closing my eyes, I see myself walking nervously toward Ever’s table in the cafeteria at school my very first day. I see myself in bed sleeping fitfully. I see myself staring up at him in the hills above Portland moments before our first kiss. And finally I see myself in this moment—closer to him than I’ve ever been.

  “Forever,” he whispers as he stares down at me.

  33: Betrayal

  When you wake up from a bad dream wondering for a few tense seconds if you’re still dreaming, it’s bad. What’s even worse is the moment when you wake up from the most epically wonderful dream and realize it was just a dream.

  Opening my eyes in the darkness, I freeze when I realize I’ve been sleeping with my arm draped across Ever. Holy crapjacks! I never escaped the oubliette! I wait silently for Ever to do something strange—like breathe or sneeze. Instead, he glances down at me, his preternaturally green eyes glowing with amusement.

  Exhaling shakily, I prop my arms on his chest and study his perfect face, framed by honey-gold hair lit by moonlight. Frowning, I focus on the heat of Ever’s chest, and when he brushes my cheek with his fingers, I look down and study my pale hand against his bronzed, glowing skin.

  “Why didn’t you change me?” I ask carefully. “You could have, couldn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why didn’t you?”

  “Because you were right when you said you aren’t a chess piece. It has to be your deci
sion, Wren. Your mind is very powerful, but delicate at the same time. If you resisted the change, I could have … hurt you. Possibly destroyed your mind altogether. And … I love you, more than anything in this world. I would never do anything against your will.”

  I nod, smiling crookedly as my thoughts drift. To his touch. The sound of his voice—the love, the barely contained urgency. To the magnificence of his body, the lower half of which is currently covered by a thin sheet. A shudder runs through him as I bend my head to kiss his chest.

  “Did you …” I start to ask. “I mean—was it …”

  I trail off, because I can’t come up with a good word for what it felt like or what it meant to me. Good doesn’t cover it. Great doesn’t, either. Amazing is closer, but still lacking.

  “Was being with you the most enjoyable experience of my existence? Yes. The most meaningful? Yes. The most challenging? Yes—”

  “Whoa, hold on. The most challenging? Being with me is challenging?”

  I’m caught between laughing hysterically and feeling utterly insulted before Ever touches my cheek.

  “What happens when you’re aroused, mentally or physically?” he asks.

  I blush.

  “Is that a rhetorical question?”

  His fingers begin trailing down my side.

  “Okay! It-it’s hard to think straight,” I stammer.

  His touch disappears, and his expression becomes serious.

  “Now imagine you’re holding a blade to my neck in the midst of such distraction.”

  Reminded of Victor stabbing Ever through the chest, I shake my head to get rid of the image.

  “I wouldn’t …”

  “But I did,” Ever says, looking into my eyes—making sure I absorb the truth. “If I had let my control slip any more than I had, I could have killed you, as I nearly did that day in Gideon’s classroom.”

  I take a shuddering breath.

  “I’ve taken a lot of risks—and I will again, I’m sure …”