99 Ways to Die

by Ed Lin

  I righted it and sat down. It was better than sitting on the ground like a stray dog.

  Chapter 16

  We both heard the sound of a car idling near the hidden entrance. Wordlessly, I handed the plastic stool back to Li-min. That thing had zero potential as a weapon. It was more hazardous to sit on it than to get hit with it.

  The door slid open and admitted Ju-lan’s sedan. She shut the car off but didn’t exit until the entrance was closed once more. This time she had driven herself. She had rested and changed her clothes. As she approached us, she reminded me of a mean teacher.

  “Li-min, how are things?” she asked vacantly.

  He scratched his knees. “Good. I’ve got the camera all set up.”

  Doubting him, she picked up the camera and checked the settings. “Have you done some test shots?”

  Li-min stood on his toes. “No, I didn’t. I forgot to.”

  Ju-lan’s shoulder slumped. “Li-min, I hope you didn’t put this camera online.” She casually tapped through the menu, presumably to kill the WiFi connection, and my lifeline. “We’re going to record here and then upload the file from a VPN so they can’t tell where we are.”

  “Ah, got it,” said Li-min.

  Ju-lan raised an eyebrow. “Do you know what a VPN is?”

  “Vietnamese something-something.”

  Ju-lan quickly calculated that it wasn’t even worth educating him on the subject. She closed out the menu and set the camera on the tripod.

  “Excuse me,” I said. “What do you plan on doing?”

  “Mind your own business, Jing-nan!” she snapped.

  I had nothing to lose by pressing her buttons. “I was minding my own business until you kidnapped me,” I said. She looked at me and coughed into her fist. “Look, maybe we can help each other out here if you let me in on it a little. I’m a captive audience here.”

  She crossed her arms and considered the possibilities. “Okay,” she said slowly. “You are smarter than Li-min. Let’s see if you’re more useful. I’m trying to use your life to bargain for my safe passage to China. You’re close to Tong-tong and his influence could surely make things happen. Oh, I’ve been spying for China, if you haven’t guessed yet. I was tipped off early this morning that my information had been compromised, so I took off.”

  “Ma de!” I said.

  “I figured that you were the closest person to Tong-tong that I knew. I wanted to grab you for a bargaining chip.”

  “How did you know where I lived?”

  She laughed. “Please, it was so easy to kidnap you, Jing-nan!” Someone else had said that before. Peggy! Something about how my schedule was so consistent, it was easy to shadow me. Damn.

  “You know what’s funny, Jing-nan? I have the chip design everyone was looking for.” She leaned over and pressed her right index finger against my forehead.

  “How did you get the chip design?” I asked.

  “I made the fucking chip!” she roared. “I only gave it to Ah-tien because the system here is so biased against women. There’s no way I could have gotten investors on my own. Ah-tien was my front. Other people used him as well, unfortunately. He was a front guy and a fall guy.” She put her hand on her heart. “To be honest, he really doesn’t know what the hell happened. I’m sure he’s innocent of all charges.”

  “You could have helped him.”

  “He could have helped me. I pulled a move the Americans call ‘schmuck insurance.’ I left out one little component in my design, just in case Ah-tien tried to cut me out of the deal. And then he did try to cut me out!”

  “The chip in his version of the plan couldn’t work,” I said.

  Ju-lan smiled with genuine appreciation. “Exactly. You are smarter than Li-min. I was supposed to be at the final meeting with Tong-tong.” She shook her head. “I was going to show them all the real final design. But Ah-tien never called me. He tried to play it off like he’d built it on his own. After that, the waters were a little poisoned. It wasn’t like I could find someone else to make the same pitch.” She smoothed out her sleeves with gentle hands. “Until now. I’m making the ultimate pitch for money and my freedom in China.”

  “Freedom in China?” I asked. “Aren’t you deluding yourself? They just let that Nobel Prize–winner die in jail from liver cancer.”

  “He played it dumb. I’m gonna play it smart. I’m just going to live like a rich woman and not talk politics.”

  “How the hell are you going to get to China?”

  “Tong-tong’s going to get the military to fly me to Thailand, and from there the Chinese can pick me up.” She paused to dramatically put her hand under her chin. “Oh, I’m assuming he wouldn’t want you to die. Do you think he’d want to save your life?”

  Would he? Had he felt slighted by the counter-protest at my night-market stand? By my trying to secretly record his daughter in an effort to gather material about his company, his business practices and overly cushy relationship with the police? By my meddling at his warehouse, which ended up revealing potentially embarrassing information about his captivity? Most recently, he had taken offense to me yawning while he held the floor at the air force auditorium.

  “Of course he’d save me,” I said. “He would do anything to help me.”

  She frowned. “I hope so,” Ju-lan said. “You better hope so, too.” Ju-lan walked back to the car and brought back a clear plastic bag that held two plastic containers of noodle soup with spoons and disposable chopsticks.

  “Wait, Ju-lan, if you have the chip design the Chinese government has wanted all along, then why didn’t they just get it from you?”

  The bag swayed slightly in her hands as she spoke excitedly. “I work through the disinformation network of China’s propaganda wing. That idiot who got caught was under the military’s spy operations. I didn’t even know they wanted the chip. All these divisions are run by stupid men who don’t communicate with each other, even though they share information about where their assets are! Which is how I was compromised!” She looked around for a target for her frustration. It didn’t take long to find. “Li-min!”

  He jumped slightly. “What?”

  “One’s chicken and one’s pork,” she barked as she set the bag down by his feet.

  “I’ll take the pork,” he said.

  She crossed her arms. “What are you talking about?”

  “He can have the chicken one,” he said, stupidly pointing at me.

  “Hell, no,” she said. “They’re both for you. One’s your dinner.”

  “Dinner? I’m supposed to stay again tonight? I thought we were taking turns watching.”

  Ju-lan unzipped her purse and rummaged for something. Her gun? “You expected to leave a defenseless woman alone with a man?” she said, avoiding looking at him. “Anyway, this will probably be the only night we have with Jing-nan.” She finally found what she had been looking for. A Samsung mobile phone that was popular probably five years ago, and modified to be difficult to trace, no doubt. To herself she said, “Just want to make sure this camera can sync.”

  Ju-lan walked to the tripod and flipped through the camera menu. Li-min, sensing it was best to eat and not talk, hoisted up one of the soups and peeled off the lid.

  He was only about 10 feet away and the smell of salt wafted over to me. She had gone to one of those cheapo outlets that oversalt their broth instead of taking the time to simmer up a proper base with bones. I was pissed at myself for salivating. Ordinarily I would find that smell utterly repulsive. I looked at Ju-lan, trying to solicit some sympathy.

  “Maybe you could get me a soup, too,” I said weakly.

  She finished up with the camera and chuckled lightly. “Jing-nan, you don’t want to eat soup. It’s dehydrating.” She pointed at the small pail by the wall. “Li-min, did you empty his pail?”

  Li-min’s chopsticks p
aused on the way up to his mouth and the noodles were left twisting in the wind. “No,” he said as he observed his container of yellow soup.

  “It’s not a big deal,” I said. “I’ve only pissed twice.”

  Ju-lan dropped her phone back into her purse and zipped it shut. “Not a big deal? Your waste pail should be emptied with regularity. I don’t want bad smells to attract attention.” Damn, I wish I had thought about that!

  Li-min looked around the room. “Where am I supposed to empty it?”

  “Take your pick,” said Ju-lan as she kicked one foot toward a corner. “There are some pipe openings over there.”

  “Is it all right to use them?”

  “Who cares? It’s just a few times. Like I said, if everything goes all right, this is his only night.” Ju-lan swept her hair over both ears and stood in front of the camera. “Ready, Li-min?”

  “You want to film right now?”

  “Yeah, I don’t have all day! You can finish eating after!”

  He groaned and wiped his palms against each other. Ju-lan flattened her blouse and pants.

  “Ju-lan,” said Li-min, “maybe you should rehearse one time before I start shooting.”

  I added, “Maybe you should take some acting classes first.”

  “Shut up, Jing-nan!” she said. “You’d better stay quiet while I’m filming. Li-min? I will do a practice take before you shoot.”

  He put his hands on his knees and bent over so he was looking directly at the display screen. “I’ll hit record when you do this again, but pretend I’m recording now in three, two, one . . .”

  Ju-lan cleared her throat. “Hello, Tong-tong. I’m Liu Ju-lan, the real designer of that low-power chip. I want sixty million New Taiwan dollars from you and a flight to Bangkok with my special passenger here.” She swept her head toward me. “You know Chen Jing-nan, right? Your daughter’s classmate and also a friend of yours. If you don’t get me out of this country, you can . . . oh shit!” Ju-lan began laughing. “Oh, shit, I forgot something!” She jogged to her car and retrieved the gun.

  “Ju-lan,” I said. “I don’t want to go to Bangkok.”

  She blew imaginary dust off the gun. “You’re not going. I’m going to do a switcheroo of you and Li-min. I just need you to be my human shield until the last minute so they don’t try to take me out with a headshot.” She flicked the safety off and back on. “Li-min, forget the practice, let’s shoot the real one right now.”

  I was extremely uncomfortable hearing her say that word while wielding a gun.

  Li-min hunched over the camera and flashed fingers at Ju-lan. “Ready in three, two and one!”

  Ju-lan took her talk from the top. When she got to the part where she gestured to me, she narrowed her eyes. “If you don’t get me out of this country, you can plan Jing-nan’s funeral.”

  She merely lifted the gun and held it limply. It was fully unnecessary to actually point it at me, I believed, and I was glad she did, too. That would have been overkill.

  “Let me know soon, Tong-tong,” she said. “I’m not going to give you my personal information. Just put up a response video. By nine a.m.”

  Ju-lan drew her hand across her neck and Li-min dutifully cut.

  “Now what do we do?” he asked.

  Ju-lan checked the camera and then hoisted it off the tripod. “You guys stay here until I come back.”

  Li-min rubbed his nose in irritation. “So, I’m a prisoner, too?”

  Ju-lan had already made her way to the car. “How are you a prisoner? I’m paying you and I’m feeding you! You’re not chained up like him!” She hopped in her car.

  “Ma de,” Li-min muttered bitterly to his feet. “Motherfuck this shit.”

  “Ju-lan,” I called. “If you’re not going to give me something to eat, could you at least let me drink something?”

  She leaned out of the car and grabbed the door handle. “I don’t have access to my bank account anymore and I don’t have much cash on hand. You’ll have all you need soon enough.” Ju-lan swung the door halfway shut before addressing Li-min. “If you’re dumb enough to share your food with him, I don’t want to hear that you’ve gone hungry.”

  After Ju-lan left, Li-min consoled himself by gorging himself. He polished off both soup containers, as his inner sorrows outweighed any consideration of me. When he had slurped up everything but the plastic, he ambled over to his inflatable bed, plopped down and resumed his phone game.

  I made like a zoo animal and paced the length of my chain as quietly as possible, examining the floor and walls for a doorknob. No matter where I stood, I could hear Li-min sucking his teeth noisily as he continued to play.

  I didn’t have my phone and the camera was gone. I had no way to get online. Unless I had Li-min’s phone. I shouldn’t even bother asking him for it. He wasn’t dumb enough to hand it over, and the request would only put him on guard.

  Maybe he sensed that I was thinking of him because suddenly he asked, “Jing-nan, do you want the stool again?”

  “Oh,” I said. I had been so preoccupied by thinking, sitting hadn’t occurred to me. I didn’t need to sit now, but I should never say no to having another object in my possession. “Sure, I’ll take it.”

  He pocketed his phone and ambled over with the stool. I drew a hand across the links in my chain. If I were quick, I could get the chain around his neck. But I’d never be strong enough mentally or physically to hold on and choke him to death. I let the chain fall slack as Li-min drew closer and put the stool beside me.

  “Here you go, pal,” he said with a sigh. “How about I empty your pail, too?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said. “I’d really appreciate that. I’d appreciate some more water even more.”

  He kept his eyes on me as he grabbed the pail. “I’m sorry, Jing-nan. It’s all gone.” He sucked in both his lips and closed his mouth.

  “Do you want to go to Bangkok?” I asked him.

  “Hell, no,” he said as he walked away. “But I won’t be able to stay here, either. Wish I could.” Halfway to his intended target, an open pipe against the far wall, he set down the pail and mightily relieved himself into it.

  Then he zipped up and resumed the journey. I heard his plodding footsteps turn into small splashes. I guess the floor was wet with seeping groundwater over there. Li-min expressed disgust audibly but without language.

  I watched him hoist up the bucket and heard hollow echoes as he poured our blended urine into the pipe opening.

  Then the plastic bucket fell with a toy thud and Li-min began to do a bizarre dance. He wriggled furiously, keeping his feet grounded and pressing his arms flat against his sides. He didn’t seem to have a good sense of rhythm but I had to admire his sheer physical exertion, even if it was completely uncalled for. I couldn’t hear any music at all, but his body seemed to be responding to something tangible. He was moving as if no one were watching, completely free. I didn’t think the big guy had it in him to express himself that way.

  It wasn’t until after he made a final full-body jolt and collapsed that I smelled something burning. Hair?

  I coughed as the stench passed over me.

  Li-min had been electrocuted.

  Was he dead or just knocked out?

  “Hey, Li-min!” I called to him to see if he could respond. “You must’ve been a cheerleader in high school, right?”

  He remained completely still and didn’t make a sound.

  Now was my best chance to break out. I walked to the wall, took the chain in both hands and planted my foot against the wall as if I were about to scale it, then pulled as hard as I could.

  Nothing happened.

  I knelt down and examined the padlock that held the end of the chain to the lag eye bolted to the wall. It looked pretty solid. If I only had something to try to pick it with.

  I dropped to
my hands and knees and crawled along the wall to the right. I came across crumbled cement and incredibly a 50NT coin, which I promptly pocketed.

  As I reached the end of my chain, I saw two things nestled against the wall only a few feet away—a thin nail and a dead coffee-bean shaped bug on top of it.

  I stretched both my arms as wide as possible and closed the fingers of my right hand on the nail. Just as I did, the bug jumped on to the back of my hand. Startled, I dropped the nail. It bounced on the ground and rolled a few inches. It was probably out of reach now.

  I lay flat on the floor on my stomach. I inhaled and stretched all four limbs out. I flattened my chest and heard my shoulder joints crack. I managed to touch my right pinky fingertip on the sharp end of the nail. I couldn’t quite encourage the nail closer.

  My body contracted. I had become accustomed to the smell of mold but being on the floor made me confront that odor anew. I turned my head and looked at the nail. It looked like a boat on the horizon about to disappear.

  I thought about my family and how I wasn’t celebrating Double Ninth with them. We never did when they were alive and well. “Do tourists know about Double Ninth?” I can hear my father say about any holiday, really. “Do you want to lose their business?”

  We celebrated the holidays by working, which is a little odd because my parents were also devoted to paying homage to the divine and ancestors. There wasn’t one morning that didn’t start with bows at the temple. All that dedication to business and worship came at the expense of the family.

  Why couldn’t my mother and father both been a little taller? Why couldn’t my arms be a little longer?

  Double Ninth celebrates senior citizens, which my parents never became. My mother and father had died at 60 and 61, respectively. The fact was, they weren’t my family anymore. They were now my ancestors, people who came before me and sacrificed so I would have a better life.

  They sure would be disappointed if I couldn’t get that fucking nail.

  I took a deep breath and held it. I clenched my stomach, my hands and even my butt cheeks. I wasn’t sure if failure would lead to my demise, but nonetheless I wanted to get out now, had to get out right now. Had to get that nail now.