Butterfly Secrets

by G. L. Blackhouse

  “Does Aunt Georgia dream of her, too?” I asked, hoping someone else in the family understood what I was going through with these visions.

  Jimmy shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think so, but Mama said as many times as I’ve been in jail and wrecked, that someone had to be watching over me. She said Grandma May was the only one stubborn enough to do it,” he said with a sense of pride as though his rebelliousness was a badge of achievement.

  Jimmy never was one to follow the rules. He was a wild child at heart and had rather be out in the open land underneath the trees than in any confined space, no matter what time of year.

  “You been staying out of jail, Jim?” I asked.

  “Ah, Em, you know me,” he said with a shrug.

  I nodded, sure that not much had changed with him.

  “Jim, why do you keep doing what you do if you know you are going to end up in jail?” I said, lecturing him.

  “Ah, Hell, Em. I gotta make a livin’, and besides, it’s a small town. I was on the sheriff’s radar years ago, and once you get on his list, you ain’t never gettin’ off it no matter what. So, if he’s gonna mark me as a criminal before he even speaks to me, I might as well play the part,” Jim said, taking another large gulp of his drink.

  “That makes no sense at all, Jim,” I said, petting Tiny.

  “Aw, Em, you always were the smart one. I got the looks, and you got the smarts. We all know that,” Jimmy teased.

  I playfully nudged him on the shoulder.

  “Nah, you got the looks too, and I’m sure old Jackson Roderick will be more than happy to know that you are back in town,” Jimmy said, changing the radio station in his car to heavy rock.

  “That was a long time ago, Jim. I’m not interested in Jackson anymore. It was a schoolgirl crush, nothing more,” I said, dismissively trying to hide the butterflies I felt in my stomach at the mere mention of Jackson’s name.

  “Too bad, because he talks about you every time I see him. I don’t think he ever got over you,” Jim said.

  “We were kids, Jim, and do you remember he left without warning? He just picked up and went,” I blurted out. My face feeling flushed with emotion.

  “It don’t look like you’re over him either judging by the redness of your face, Em. A fine line between love and hate, Em, a fine line,” he said with a grin.

  I waved my hand dismissively at him.

  “Suit ya self Em, but work ain’t gonna keep ya warm at night,” he said.

  “Look at you trying to be the love guru. So, who’s the love of your life now, Jim?” I asked sarcastically.

  “Well, as a matter of fact, I am in love,” he bragged.

  I gave him a look of shock.

  “Oh, really?” I replied.

  He nodded yes, shifting down the gears in his sports car as he spoke.

  “What does she look like?” I asked, still not convinced.

  “Well, she’s vintage and goes from zero to 60 in like 1 second,” he replied.

  I smacked a hand against my forehead in disbelief.

  “Jim, please tell me you aren’t comparing an older woman that you are dating to a car,” I said.

  Jimmy burst out laughing.

  “I’m just messing with ya, Em. I’m talking about Roxy,” he replied.

  “Yeah Rockin’ Roxy,” he said, patting the dash of his vintage sports car adoringly.

  I sighed.

  “Oh my God, you are talking about your car, aren’t you?” I asked.

  “Of course. I guess none of us are much good at love, must be in our blood. We must scare people off. We men like the booze, and you crazy women talk to the Boos,” he said with a grin.

  “The Boos?” I asked with a confused look.

  “You know the Boos, the ghosts, the dead,” he said jokingly.

  I grabbed Tiny and put her in my lap as I tried to stay put on the slippery leather seat beneath me.

  Jimmy laughed as I slid, and he reached down in his pocket and pulled out a small plastic baggy full of green.

  “Ya want me to roll us one? It’s good for your nerves, too. You look like you shore could use it, Em,” he said, as he held out the baggy in front of me.

  “No thanks, I’ll pass,” I said.

  Jimmy grabbed the baggy and raised back up as he stuck the bag far down in his pocket and sat back down. “Suit ya self. I’ll smoke this later then,” he said with a grin.

  We sped down the highway. Suddenly, I heard the sounds of sirens and saw blue lights approaching.

  “Ah, Hell!…. reach for the air freshener in the glove compartment and spray it all over the car.” I grabbed the air freshener and sprayed and coughed as the fumes filled the car. Tiny just buried her head.

  Jimmy pulled loose a small panel of his driver’s side door and hid his stash.

  He then pulled off on the road ahead of the police. A man of average height and a large belly approached the car. He was wearing a brown uniform and a brown hat. He walked around to the driver’s side of the car and looked in. His badge read, Sheriff Forbes.

  “You know, Jimmy, your tags are expired, and you were speeding,” the sheriff said

  “Was I? I planned on getting the tags renewed tomorrow,” Jimmy said, casually.

  The sheriff looked in at Tiny and me.

  “Who’s this? If I were you, I would stay away from him. He’s trouble,” the sheriff warned.

  “She ain’t...”

  “I’ll ask the questions,” the sheriff said, interrupting Jimmy.

  “You one of his girlfriends?” the sheriff asked, looking at me.

  “God, no! I’m his cousin,” I replied.

  “His cousin? I’ve not seen you around. What’s your name?” the sheriff asked.

  “I’m Ame..... I am Em, Jennifer and Patrick Smith’s daughter,” I replied nervously.

  “ Well I’ll be. I haven’t seen you in years. Where you been keeping yourself?” he asked, softening his expression, taking off his hat to get a better look at me and exposing his receding hairline. I now vaguely remembered the sheriff. He was Sheriff Forbes’ middle son. It looked as though he had followed in his father’s footsteps.

  “I’ve been in Chicago,” I said.

  Even Jimmy looked shocked at where I had been living but said nothing. I surmised that Jimmy had enough dealings with the law to know when to keep quiet and when to speak.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re back. Sorry about your mama,” Sheriff Forbes said.

  “Thank you,” I replied and nodded as I continued to try to hold Tiny back while she barked at him.

  The sheriff grinned. “Quite the little guard dog you got there,” he said, smiling at Tiny.

  I forced a smile and nodded.

  “Listen, don’t you worry about that damn Roy Johnson either. Jackson will take care of all of this legal mess. Ain’t no way Roy will get your mama and daddy’s place, and we won’t let him burn you out either,” Sheriff Forbes said.

  My heart pounded. Burn me out? Why hadn’t anyone told me that Roy wanted Mama and Daddy’s place? He could have had it for all I cared.

  “No, Siree, your Granny May would roll over in her grave before she would allow Roy to have that place after the way he treated your mama. If it wasn’t for him your mama.....” the sheriff stopped mid-sentence, not wanting to bring up the subject of my dead mama. “May would have a fit, wouldn’t she, Jimmy?”

  “Hell, yeah,” Jimmy replied.

  The sheriff gave him a stern look.

  “I mean, yes, Sir, she would,” Jimmy said respectfully.

  The sky grew dark again, and the sheriff looked up at the clouds.

  “Listen, it looks like rain, so be careful. I’ll let you go this time, Jimmy, but only because you got Em,” the sheriff said as he placed his hat back on and tipped the brim to me and walked off.

  “Did you see that? Damn Em.... you might have some luck after all. You saved my ass!” he said, laughing as he playfully nudged my shoulder.

  Tiny jump
ed up and barked at Jimmy.

  “Ain’t you something? Em should have named you Killer,” Jimmy said, smiling at Tiny as he again patted her on the head.

  “It’s okay, Tiny,” I said, as she sat back down in my lap.

  “Tonight is my lucky night,” Jimmy said as he smiled widely, turned up the volume of his stereo, and sang as he drove and patted the wheel.

  I stared off in the distance as Jimmy sped down the country roads. I was feeling a little nauseous. I had forgotten just how curvy the roads here were.

  My stomach felt as though someone had grabbed my intestines and tied them up in knots. I wanted to vomit.

  My thoughts turned to the sheriff’s words about Roy wanting the house and farm and that he wouldn’t let Roy burn me out. I didn’t care whether or not Roy had any of it. But, the sheriff was right. Granny May would die if she knew that Roy wanted the farm. Maybe, she did know. Perhaps, that was why she was so determined that I return home.

  CHAPTER 9- HOME

  After a little longer of listening as Jimmy rambled on about his new health regime, his car, and women, we arrived in Lancaster. Jimmy passed up the local motel.

  “What are you doing?” I asked him, frustrated and tired from the long drive.

  “Nah, I ain’t dealin’ with Mama by lettin’ you stay in some motel and her quarrelin’ at my ass, no way,” he said as he pressed down on the pedal leaving the motel in the distance.

  “Jimmy, I understand, and I do want to see Aunt Georgia and Julie, but I am tired, and it has been a long drive,” I said yawning.

  “All I can do is the next best thing, and that is let you stay at your farmhouse and promise Mama and Julie that you will see them first thing in the morning,” he said apologetically.

  “But, electricity and water, what will I do?” I asked, knowing that inevitably the electric and water had been disconnected. I was sure that Mama barely kept her utilities on while she was living there, let alone after she was dead.

  Aunt Georgia was the closest neighbor, and she was a half a mile away.

  “Ain’t nothin’ to worry about. Jackson got it turned on for ya. He said that he didn’t want you stayin’ there without it.”

  “What?” I asked, surprised. I was sure Jackson had the best intentions, but there was no way that I could allow myself to accept Jackson’s kindness. I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to be indebted to him.

  “Yep, all paid for the next month. I told ya he never got over you,” Jimmy said with a wide grin.

  I nudged Jimmy on the shoulder, “Jim, why didn’t you tell me before I arrived?” I scolded him.

  “Because you are stubborn as a mule, and I knew there was no way you would stay if you knew that,” he replied.

  “Yes, and that was my choice,” I said, crossing my arms.

  “Yep, it is, but see Mama and Julie would flog me if I didn’t bring you back home, so I didn’t have a choice. Not to mention Grandma May,” he said, shifting down gears.

  “I thought you didn’t believe in ghosts, Jim?” I said sarcastically.

  “I don’t. I mean, I’ve never seen one, but at the same time, I figure as stubborn as Grandma May was if there were a way to come back and raise a commotion, she’d be the one to do it. Ya know you are just like her, stubborn as Hell,” he said.

  “I’m not staying there, Jim. I am not,” I said firmly.

  “What’s the harm, Em? He has money. He likes you. He just wants to help out and besides, what’s wrong with you and him taking a little walk down memory lane,” Jimmy joked.

  “I can take care of myself, Jimmy, and I am not looking for any man right now, thank you! I will contact him tomorrow and pay him the money that he has spent,” I said in a huff.

  “I was just teasing you. It’s okay to relax a little and just laugh. Life is short,” he said.

  “I don’t have time to relax. I plan on getting things worked out with the estate, and then I have to go back,” I said.

  “Alright. I got ya,” he said as he drove past Aunt Georgia’s tan and green two-story farmhouse and pulled into my old drive. The smell of the pine trees in the air filled my lungs. I had let myself forget how much I had loved the way that smelled.

  “You alright, Cuz? You don’t look so good.”

  “I’m, I’m fine,” I said, stuttering as I clumsily grabbed Tiny and her pillow and fumbled with the door.

  Jimmy grabbed my bag, and together we walked up the rickety old steps and onto the porch. The boards creaked beneath our feet with each step. The house was white, and the paint was weathered and cracked. It had a green, faded tin roof, and a large veranda. On the porch was a faded green swing. I blankly handed Jimmy Tiny and my things as I continued to gaze at the swing. I drifted off into memories of Jordy and me sitting in it, swaying back and forth, her head lying in my lap as her feet dangling from the side. I walked over to the swing and ran my fingers slowly down the rusty chains. I recalled a much younger version of myself, my blonde hair in a ponytail, wearing a Lancaster Wolverine’s jacket from school. I fought to catch my breath as a young Jackson filled my thoughts. I felt a warmth come over me.

  Suddenly, my memories were jarred by a nudge on my shoulder.

  “You alright?” Jimmy asked, holding Tiny and my bag.

  “Yes,” I said, pausing as I tried to regroup.

  “It’s just been a long time. A lot of memories here, you know?” I said.

  Jimmy’s signature smile turned to an unfamiliar somber expression as he reached out and hugged me tightly.

  “I know, Em. I’m here for ya. You ain’t gotta do this alone. We love ya, and whatever trouble that Roy tries to bring, well just know you have family that will back you up,” he said, as he held on to me.

  I let go of his embrace.

  “Thanks, Jim, that means a lot. Now let’s go inside,” I said, trying to change the subject. Neither Jimmy nor I liked to stay in our emotions for too long.

  Jimmy held open the old screen door as I took Tiny and walked in.

  The floors were wooden, and the walls held a picture of Grandma with Mama and another picture of Jordy and me.

  I walked over to the picture and took it down with shaky hands as I gazed at it and ran my fingers softly against Jordy’s blonde curls, brown eyes, and smiling face. A single tear made its way down my face and onto the glass frame. I wiped it off and placed the picture back in its spot on the wall.

  “She loved you, Em. You were more of a Mama to her than Aunt Jennifer ever was,” he said.

  I nodded. “She loved me too much, Jim. She put her trust in me, and I let her down. I failed her Jim,” I said as the tears I had been holding back came streaming down.

  “Listen. You gotta stop blamin’ yourself, Em. You were just a kid tryin’ to go to school and get you and Jordy out of this Godforsaken Hell hole. You were doin’ the best you could. She had a mama and daddy that were supposed to take care of her. They failed her Em, not you,” he said with tears in his eyes.

  I wiped my eyes. It broke my heart to see my jovial cousin cry at my expense. Roy had never let Mama hang many pictures of the family. He kept the walls filled with mounted deer and trophy-sized fish. The house décor had consisted of fishing supplies, work boots, and beer cans. It seemed strange there wasn’t a trace of Roy anywhere.

  The house was mostly bare.

  I reasoned that Aunt Georgia and Julie must have come and tidied it up.

  “Jim, did Aunt Georgia and Julie, come clean the house up or something?” I asked.

  “Yeah. They had me move all of Roy’s junk out to the garage. At least all of his stuff that was downstairs. We didn’t have a lot of time from when we heard you were comin’. That junk was a pain to move, too. I reckon he’ll be mad as Hell when he finds out,” Jimmy said with a grin.

  “Hey, Jim, does Roy know that I’m here?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

  “Nah, I don’t think so, at least not yet, but when he does, you’ll have something for him,” Jim
my said, as he pointed to a shotgun propped up against the door.

  “That’s from me. Mama and Julie can clean. Jackson can show off and pay ya bills. But when it’s all said and done, all that matters is that you got ya-self some good damn protection,” Jimmy said, proud of himself.

  I shuddered at the thought of having a gun in my house, let alone having to use one. I hated the loud noise they made. They reminded me of Daddy buzzed up in the yard, stumbling as he tried to shoot at the birds in the trees and Mama crying and begging him to stop before he hurt someone. But, I knew Jimmy was trying to do a good deed even though I didn’t want any part of it.

  “Thanks, Jimmy,” I said, forcing a smile.

  “You’re welcome, Cuz. Don’t worry, it ain’t stolen or nothin’ either. I got it fair and square. Let’s just say I’ve become quite the entrepreneur in organics, if you know what I mean?” Jim said with a prideful grin.

  “Jimmy, Aunt Georgia would die if she knew that you were selling weed! You aren’t selling for Roy are you?” I asked.

  “Hell, no. I ain’t sellin’ for Roy, at least not no more, and don’t worry, Mama ain’t gonna find out. I got it hid somewhere no one would suspect and besides I give one of the deputies a share of the profits just to make sure I stay out of jail. I learned my lesson last time, Em.... I ain’t goin’ back to jail. Nope, I’m too smart for that now,” he said confidently.

  “But doesn’t Roy run the town drug trade? I wouldn’t imagine that he would take too kindly to you selling on his turf,” I said.

  “I don’t sell around here, at least not a lot. I got a construction buddy that sells it for me a few counties over. I just mainly grow it, and reap the profits,” Jimmy said smiling.

  I just nodded my head, knowing that there was no point arguing with him. In his eyes, he was making a better life for himself.

  “Well, Cuz, I’d love to stay, but I got a date tonight. She’s a temp for a local doctor, just moved into town and already crazy about me. Just can’t resist the charm, I guess.”

  There was one thing about Jimmy, he certainly wasn’t shy, and nothing seemed to shake his confidence.