Butterfly Secrets

by G. L. Blackhouse

  “That’s real sweet and all Em, it really is, but Mama ain’t gonna go for that, and you know it,” Jimmy said, changing the radio dial.

  “We’ll see, Jim. Until then, just keep quiet. Okay?”

  “Alright, but I don’t want no part in this. No Siree,” Jimmy said, shaking his head.

  We pulled up to a corner law office that was yellow and had shrubs planted around it. The office was simple but neat.

  “Here it is, Em,” Jimmy said, stopping the car.

  “You want me to go in with ya?” he asked, checking himself out in the mirror as he spoke.

  “No, I’m fine. I‘ll go alone,” I said, gathering my things.

  “Ah, I see. You want to be alone with Jackson, just in case any old sparks fly,” Jimmy said jokingly.

  “Get out of here, Jim,” I said playfully, smacking him on the arm.

  “Alright. If you need a ride back, just let me know, and I‘ll come to get ya,” Jimmy said as he turned up the music on his stereo.

  “Okay,” I said and waved goodbye.

  I walked into the office, and a bell chimed on the door.

  At the desk was Jackie. “Em. Oh, Honey. Is it really you?” Jackie asked, jumping up from her chair and hugging me tightly.

  I hugged her back and noticed her large stomach.

  She looked down and patted it.

  “Yep. Baby number three. Johnny Junior,” she said with a smile.

  “Congratulations,” I said, smiling back at her.

  “Thank you. This one is the last. We have two girls. Molly and Holly. Twins. Got a boy this time.”

  “That‘s great,” I said.

  “How you been? I mean, how’s life in the big city? We didn’t know if you would ever come back. I mean, with what happened with Jordy, your daddy, mama. I’m talkin’ too much, ain’t I?” Jackie said, slightly covering her mouth and looking somewhat embarrassed.

  “It’s fine. Is Jackson around?” I asked, surveying the office.

  “Yeah, sure. Hang on a minute, and I‘ll buzz him,” Jackie said as she picked up the phone and spoke.

  “Go on back—Jackson’s waitin’ on ya. Sure was good to see ya again, Em,” Jackie said, waving as I made my way to the door.

  “You, too, Jackie. Congratulations again on the boy,” I said with a smile.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “Hey, Em. Did you know Jackson had a chance to go on The Bachelor?”

  Surprised, I shook my head no.

  “Yes, a bunch of us nominated him. The show wanted him bad. You know, rich, good looking, and with that Southern charm.”

  I just nodded, still somewhat in shock.

  “Well, anyway, Jackson wouldn’t do it. You know, I don’t think he ever got over you,” Jackie said

  “We were just kids. I am sure that he forgot about me long ago,” I said, shrugging it off.

  “Maybe, but I can say that I‘ve never heard him talk about anyone like he does you,” she said as she filed her nails.

  I smiled and walked down the hall.

  I walked into Jackson’s office. He was sitting at his desk. His walls were filled with pictures of lighthouses and ships. On his desk sat a bottle with a ship inside.

  He was dressed in a pale yellow checked button-up and wore a blue tie. His dark skin, grey eyes, and raven hair seemed to glow against the pale-yellow shirt. He smiled, and his dimples made my heart melt.

  I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. It was clear why Jackson was the catch of the town.

  It was apparent why they had recommended him to The Bachelor. I imagined everyone lost their wits around him.

  I looked around the room, trying to distract myself from his physique. I was on a mission.

  Jackson had several pictures of himself and an older man white water rafting as well as some certificates for academic excellence.

  “You like the water, don’t you?” I asked with a smile.

  “Yeah. I guess I do,” Jackson said with a grin.

  “I don’t remember you sailing or white water rafting before,” I said.

  “No, I didn’t. It wasn’t until Mama sent me to live with her dad in Maine that I took it up. Grandpa and I would sail all day,” Jackson said with a reminiscent smile.

  “So, that’s where you were. You went to go live with your grandpa in Maine?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Didn’t you get any of the letters I sent you? I wrote you a few, and then I stopped when I didn’t hear anything back,” Jackson said with a look of surprise.

  Both sadness and relief consumed me. Jackson hadn’t forgotten about me. I wondered why I hadn’t gotten the letters. Then it made sense, Roy. He must have hidden them all.

  “No, I didn’t, Jackson. I didn’t know, and I didn’t get one letter,” I said, looking down at my hands.

  “Roy!” Jackson exclaimed with his face turning red.

  “Yeah, I think so. So why did you go to Maine?” I asked, nervous to hear his answer.

  “I am ashamed to say. Mama made me do it. Someone at church told her that Jimmy had started sneaking out drinking and was smoking weed, and she wouldn’t have me around him. Said she didn’t want me to turn out like my dad even though I had never met him.”

  “Oh,” was the only word that I could muster. Jackson really hadn’t left me. I was trying to make sense of it all.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t get the letters. You must‘ve thought I didn’t care, but I did, Em, and I meant what I said about the dance, too. I’m really sorry.”

  “So, your grandpa taught you to sail?” I asked, changing the subject as I looked at a picture of Jackson standing beside an older man that he was the spitting image of. Even though Jackson really hadn’t abandoned me, I couldn’t allow myself to fall for him again. I had to get back. There wasn’t any way that I could stay here.

  “Yep. It’s one of the best feelings in the world to be free on the sea, nothing but you and the open air. It’s amazing!” Jackson said with a dimpled smile as he got up from his chair and moved closer to me.

  My heart skipped a beat. Control yourself, Em. Jackson is just a man. You don’t need to relive some schoolgirl crush. That is all that he was and all that he is, I told myself.

  “You like the water?” he asked, picking up one of the pictures I had just looked at.

  “No, not really. Not after Jor....”

  “Oh, Em. I’m so sorry. How foolish of me! I can’t believe I forgot that and how much you hated even the rain after that,” Jackson said apologetically.

  “It’s okay, Jackson. Really,” I assured him.

  “Listen, let’s get out of here and get some lunch, and we will talk about the case,” Jackson said.

  “It’s fine, really. I’m okay.”

  “No, I insist, and I know a place that you will love. Besides, you gotta eat. Please,” Jackson said, smiling innocently and pleading.

  My heart pounded. This man was just too much. Kind. Fit. Ruggedly handsome and smart. How could I tell him no? I thought. My mind told me not to mix business with pleasure. I knew to do so that I would only get hurt, but my heart insisted that it was harmless.

  “Okay. I‘ll go,” I said with a smile.

  “Good,” Jackson said as he smiled widely, showing his white teeth and then opened the door.

  “After you,” he said, motioning me forward.

  The scent of woods and musk wafted around my nose.

  I took a deep breath, still trying to convince myself that I no longer had feelings for him.

  I smiled and then walked around him through the door.

  “Jackie, gonna grab a bite to eat. We’re gonna get out of this office and get some fresh air. You want me to bring you anything back?” he asked.

  “No, I’m fine. Johnny’s pickin’ me up later for lunch.”

  Jackson stopped a moment and dug in his wallet and handed Jackie some money.

  “Here, please take this. You and Johnny have a nice long lunch. It’s beautiful out today,” Ja
ckson said.

  Jackie shook her head. “I can’t. I mean, you don’t have to do that,” she said.

  “It’s just lunch. You deserve the break for putting up with me,” Jackson insisted.

  “Thank you,” Jackie said, putting the cash in her purse.

  “Okay,” Jackson said as he smiled and waved goodbye.

  Jackson did seem like a good guy. He had always been. I wondered how things would‘ve turned out had Roy not hidden the letters. What they said. I entertained the idea that Jackson and I might be together. I questioned whether or not I would be like Jackie with kids by now; I shook it off.

  I waved goodbye, too, and then we walked out the door.

  A red motorcycle was parked outside.

  Jackson handed me a helmet.

  Somewhat surprised, I grabbed the helmet and reluctantly hopped on behind him.

  “I didn’t know you had a bike,” I said with a look of surprise.

  “Just got it about a month ago. Work gets stressful sometimes, and I just need to unwind and feel the wind against my face, ya know.”

  "You can drive it, right? ” I joked.

  "You better hang on really tight just in case,” he said, smiling back at me.

  Jackson seemed to be like fine wine and had improved with age.

  Stop it. I thought to myself. I couldn’t fall for Jackson again, no matter how good he looked or how nice or charming he was. I had to keep focused, I thought.

  I nodded and wrapped my arms loosely around him.

  He turned around to me.

  “You’re gonna have to hang on tighter than that,” he said with a laugh.

  I held him closer, wrapping my arms around his well- defined chest. I could stay here all day next to him. He felt safe. It was nice. But my mind warned me not to get in too deep.

  We rode for a while as I got lost in the bliss of being next to this handsome man.

  I thought back to the days of him as a teenager and hanging with Jim. I thought of that last day we saw one another. The day he kissed me. Just one little brush of his lips on mine had turned my world upside down. I wondered if Jackson knew about Kevin and how things happened when he left town. We finally arrived at a little diner outside of town. It was brick and had a painted sign that read, “Martha’s Diner: Food so good you will wonder if it ain’t your Mama’s.”

  “You ever heard of this place?” he asked, stepping off his motorcycle and taking off his helmet as he helped me take off mine.

  He smiled and grabbed my hand.

  I grabbed his hand and quickly let go.

  “Yes. Jim talked about it,” I said.

  “How is Jimmy? I mean, I don’t see him much, since… Well, I just don’t see him a lot,” Jackson said sadly.

  “He’s good. Well, as good as he can be. If he could just get his life straightened up,” I said with a sigh of disappointment.

  “Yeah. I know. I wanted to help Jimmy, Em, when I came back. I swear. I even tried defending him in court a few times.”

  “I know, Jackson. Jim knows that. I just don’t think he will ever grow up. Life is just one big party for him.”

  Jackson nodded in agreement.

  Jackson opened the glass door as we walked into the diner.

  The diner was cozy and had an old school appeal with wooden chairs and tables. A large fireplace sat in the center of the room. Old Norman Rockwell prints hung on the wall. The waitresses all wore checked aprons with crisp white button-ups underneath and jeans.

  The tables had red-checked tablecloths, and two rocking chairs sat on each side of the fireplace.

  All eyes were focused on Jackson.

  Even our waitress, an older woman with bleached blonde hair, overly tanned skin and bright pink lipstick, straightened her hair as she saw Jackson walk in.

  “Howdy, Jackson. You want the usual today?” she asked as she touched his shoulder.

  “Yes, sure. You got apple pie today?” he asked, clearly oblivious to her physical advances. I wondered if he really was unaware or if he just didn’t care.

  “Sure do, Sweetie,” she said, smiling widely at him and frowning at me.

  “Pam, can we have a private seat in the back?” Jackson asked with a smile.

  “Sure,” Pam said with a frown, looking none too pleased that Jackson had asked for such a private setting with me.

  We took a seat as we looked at our menus.

  “You sure do create a stir, Jackson. Is there something about you that I don’t know?” I asked playfully. Yet, out of nowhere, I felt a tinge of unexpected jealousy.

  “No. I’m just single and work. A rarity in this town,” he said jokingly.

  I laughed. Jackson was unbelievably modest to be so ruggedly good looking and intelligent.

  “So, I hear you had a visitor last night,” Jackson said in a whisper.

  “How did you know?” I asked.

  “The sheriff told me. Said he wanted to make sure that you were safe. You’re lucky that he didn’t hurt ya, Em. Let me see what I can do to up security around there. It’s not safe there, Em,” he said.

  “I’m fine, really,” I said, trying to reassure him. I couldn’t allow Jackson to see me vulnerable. He had to know that I didn’t need him and that I could take care of myself.

  “Well, as your lawyer. I’m going to advise you to get an E.P.O. It’s too dangerous. He’s not made it a secret, Em, that he will burn you out if he needs to and now hanging out on your porch!” Jackson exclaimed.

  “I’m fine . I just want to get this over with. I want to start the proceedings, and then I want you to help me find someone in town that is trustworthy that will turn the farm into a halfway house for girls.”

  “What? Are you serious? You are just going to give the farm over like that and then go back to Chicago like nothing ever happened?” Jackson asked with a look of surprise, almost choking on his coffee.

  “Yes, I am,” I said firmly.

  “But your mama and daddy and your Grandma May... I mean”

  “I appreciate your help and your concern, really, but I can’t stay here. I mean, you of all people should know all I went through. I can’t stay. I just can’t, Jackson,” I said, fighting back the tears and looking away so that he couldn’t see this vulnerable side of me.

  “Okay, Em. I will do whatever you want,” Jackson said, looking at me apologetically as he reached to take my hand, but then stopped himself.

  Jackson and I went over more papers. He explained more legal terms, and he told me that he could move the initial court date up some.

  We finished our meal.

  “You think you could give me a ride to Clyde’s? Jim said that Clyde had my car fixed.”

  “It’s done already?” he asked with a look of disappointment.

  “Already? It’s been days,” I said.

  “Oh, well, Clyde is not known to work at lightning speed. Don’t get me wrong, he does good work, but he takes his time doing it,” Jackson said.

  “So, you can give me a ride to Clyde’s?” I asked eager to get away so that I could remain on the task at hand and not be more distracted by Jackson than I had to be.

  “Sure, I can wait around and give you a ride back home, too, if you want,” he said warmly.

  “No. I’m fine,” I said.

  Jackson nodded with a look of disappointment, but I had to ignore it. I had worked too hard, putting this life behind me and couldn’t go back under any circumstance.

  Jackson dropped me off at Clyde’s.

  “Thank you for everything,” I said as I got off his bike.

  “You’re welcome. You gonna be okay tonight?”

  “Yes, I’m going to go to Kyle’s baseball game and then will probably hang out at Aunt Georgia’s for a while since I am planning on leaving soon,” I said.

  “Does Kyle play for the Blue Devils?” Jackson asked.

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “I’m Umpin’ that game tonight,” Jackson said. “Yeah, my buddy’s wife is hav
ing a baby, and he asked me to fill in for him.”

  “That was nice of you,” I said, wondering how in the world I was going to get away from Jackson. It seemed that not only my whole family and the community were urging me to give Jackson a shot, but now fate was also stepping in.

  “Well, guess I‘ll see ya this evening, Em,” Jackson said, smiling widely.

  “Guess so,” I said as I smiled back and waved.

  My heart melted as I saw Jackson push down the visor on his helmet and ride away. I could still smell the woodsy scent of his cologne on my clothes as my stomach did flips of delight.

  I couldn’t go down this road again. Kevin had already turned my life upside down and had me running for the city. Besides, if Jackson found out my secret, I was sure he would think very differently about me. I could barely live with myself after what I had done; I certainly didn't expect anyone else to. Especially not someone as perfect as Jackson.

  CHAPTER 14- OLD FLAME

  I walked into the modest repair shop. It was a faded, blue tin building. Outside was a sign that read “Clyde’s Auto and Repair: No one takes better care of your ride than Clyde.” What was it with this town and its cheesy advertisements?

  The shop had three open garage doors. Two cars were on a rack being repaired. Another one had my car sitting in it; all shined up.

  There was an old paned glass door to enter. The window had a film of dirt on it and clearly had not been cleaned in years. There were various sets of keys hanging by the cash register. Three orange-cushioned chairs sat in the room and looked as though they were from the seventies. The walls were made of old, wood paneling. The place smelled like oil and rubber. A crowd of elderly men sat in the chairs talking and drinking coffee as if it were a cafe. They talked about sports and the weather mostly. I surmised that gathering here gave them something to do. There really wasn’t much to do here in this small town. It was a far cry from my home in Chicago. There was so much entertainment in the Windy City from the theater, fantastic food, and a myriad of other things. I smiled sadly to myself, questioning why all of these years in a town with endless things to do, I only worked and went home. I wondered what I was doing with my life.

  A man with a white beard and glasses came to meet me. He was wearing a light blue button-up that had a white patch with the name Clyde written in red.