Suicidal Intentions: Lethal Injection

by J Niessen

  Chapter One, Lethal Injection

  The final verdict in Clair’s case will be issued this coming Monday, at 2:00 p.m.

  In the courtroom the prosecutor, Greg Steinledger, must reiterate to the panel of jurors what the state’s legal findings are. In his closing statement, his greatest challenge will be to convey the motives behind the mass murders Clair Monahan is suspected of orchestrating.

  The media portrays her acts as “Senseless crimes carried out against a caring group of families within the Glenhaven community.” If Prosecutor Steinledger could only get into Clair’s mind, he could see the dark secrets and twisted bitterness behind Clair’s wicked doings.

  Clair’s selfishness stems from days of having to go to church when she was younger. There she was taught one set of values, then watched as her stepfather, professing to being a devout Christian, did exactly the opposite. Gerald was a hypocrite behind the closed doors of their house. To Clair this meant that all those other people, who went to that church, who nodded their heads during the church service along with Gerald, were hypocrites also. What it also meant was now that Gerald was a fixed member of the family, there was an imposing force in her life, determined to butt heads with her, to closely monitor as well as harass her.

  For a time it was just her and her mom, and her two younger siblings. Her mom didn’t pay Clair a whole lot of attention, using all her focus to deal with the younger ones.

  “Who wants to be a part of an institution that controls what you can and can’t do?” Clair decides at the age of thirteen, finding no enjoyment or happiness in being made to go to church.

  Twenty five years later, that developed animosity Clair has harbored (from her younger years) still resides. Though having an apartment of her own, which she shares with her live-in boyfriend Tony, she’s unhappy with the way her life is, blaming her declining mental stability on her once verbally, and (so she claims) sometimes even physically abusive stepfather.

  Her mom still blames Clair for Gerald leaving, stating they were never a happy family because of Clair’s rebellious behavior. During her junior high years, Clair looked for places to escape to, away from her detestable stepfather and detached mother. This drove Clair into a dark and abusive world. The chemicals she consumed tampered with her undeveloped mental progression, thrusting her into illicit adult situations at a far too early age.

  Now that she is older, Clair has figured out how to work the government system. Supported by state aid, she has more time on her hands than she knows what to do with. Clair’s intelligent, resourceful, and focuses this ambition on festering ideas that routinely surface in her thoughts. There’s a prominent question that reminds her of past issues needing to be addressed. “Whatever happened to the group of people who followed the same ideas as her stepfather Gerald? Are they still church goers?” It’s time to make a connection, and teach those hypocrites a lesson, before settling unresolved business with Gerald…Clair slyly determines.

  The vengeful thoughts accumulating in her head, which she jots down in her journal, Clair justifies by saying, “They’ve all had their time, and they don’t deserve to live any longer. They’ve seriously messed up my life, and probably everyone else’s life around them.

  “I need to stick a ladle in the calendar of their smug routine, and stir it up a bit. They’re so content with pointing their finger at the faults of others, judging me as though they were above me. I’ll show them how to repent, and how to recognize their wicked ways. If they don’t, then they’ll suffer the consequences. They think they have the power and authority to condemn others to Hell? Then I’m gonna show them what true hell is, here on earth. Let’s see how they like it when the tables are turned. I’m gonna show them how unforgiving this world can be.”

  Tony hears Clair talking as she’s jotting down these notes from in the other room. Clair’s boyfriend was in a severe car accident several years before they met. As part of rehabilitation, he goes to the chiropractor monthly for therapy. Anthony, his birth name which he detests being called by, ignores the rants his girlfriend makes, thankful they aren’t directed at him this time.

  There’s things he’s learned to do while out. If he were to forget any one of these actions he’d not only risk a verbal lashing by Clair’s sharp tongue, but he could be thrown out from their shared apartment, as she’s threatened to do in fits of passionate rage…numerous times before.

  At Dr. Henley’s chiropractic office, after signing in and taking a seat waiting to be seen, Tony messages Clair: “How are things going?” If he were to neglect this inquiry, she assuredly would get the notion that he’s not thinking of her, regardless of whether she was wondering the same of him. Clair has adamantly stated that one of her biggest pet peeves is being ignored.

  On the lighter side, Clair can be a prankster and a jokester. This makes it difficult for Tony to decipher whether she is being sincere or toying around with him. The most troubling aspect about her character is that she’s adopted the habit of being a compulsive liar.

  It’s difficult for his close family members to accept why Tony would stay with Clair. They see that he’s latched on to her, and is determined to stick by her regardless of how miserable his life has become, as a result of the trying relationship they are in. Tony is resilient by nature, and is confident to see things through when it comes to being with any spouse he’s involved with. This cognition derives from the relationship his parents shared.

  Clair’s the one making the household decisions, with Tony serving as though he were a hired hand, and so he shrugs it off when Clair doesn’t reply right away to his text. It’s not unusual for his messages to go unanswered, especially when his partner is deeply involved in a project as Tony is leaving the house. But he still needs to message Clair before heading back from the doctor’s office. There could be a list of groceries he didn’t notice when walking out. Or maybe something special she’s expecting for him to pick up. Clair responds right away to the second message, when Tony asks: “Do you need me to get anything while I’m out?” Her reply: “Remember to shop for what we talked about last night.”

  Tony’s mind draws a blank. Heart dropping panic petrifies him, thankful he’s not in traffic and driving on the hectic freeway when this occurs. What if he can’t remember what they talked about, he fears, with persistent hollow thoughts and a memory that fails to jumpstart? He would lose any confidence gained on his behalf, when she sees how incompetent he truly is, if he were to reply back fishing for a reminder. Then it dawns on him of their discussion; a rush of pleasurable ease sets free his anxieties. “How could that have slipped my mind? What does that say about me as a person?” Tony wonders as he pulls into the store parking lot to park their car.

  Clair has had some crazy notions in the past, and so at the time Tony passed it off as such.

  So pleased with himself for accomplishing the grocery task by gathering five different cake mixes, a dozen eggs, a large tub of ice-cream, several premade cake icings, and the strongest rat poison he can find, he completely forgets the next step in his preplanned routine…

  Putting the groceries away he collapses down on the couch. Clair is fully aware that her man slave has gathered everything, by his light behavior. There is no need for her to be hasty. She’ll investigate later and lay into him for his uselessness if he has proven to have failed her.

  Looking up from her laptop, from the couch across from him, she asks with an intent stare, “So where did you go to while you were out?” searching for any falter on Tony’s face. With an obvious expression Tony replies, “I had to go to the doctor’s office, and then the grocery store, and stopped at the home improvement store.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t stop anywhere else?” Saying slightly humored to coax him.

  “Where else would I go?” Tony insists, beginning to feel awkwardly misplaced. Tony’s stomach sinks, realizing he ignored doing that which he has grown accustomed to. Now he’s caug
ht in a baited trap, one he had hoped to avoid, knowing what’s to come.

  “First of all you didn’t have to go to the doctor’s office, Tony. You know you use that as an excuse to get out of the house.” Beneath his breath Tony laughs off the absurd allegations.

  “Secondly,” Clair insists, “You have the smell of another man’s cologne all over you. So I don’t know, Anthony. Maybe you went to your manfriend’s house instead of to the doctor.”

  Scoffing with a perturbed chuckle, Tony wonders secretly, “How could I have been so clumsy? Clair’s scrutinized me by using this angle before. Yet it’s as though this were the first time this incident were occurring, making demands as a concerned spouse for the true details.”

  Patiently Tony annunciates, “I’ve told you before,” frustrated because they are going through this conversation yet again, “The smell of the cologne is from Doctor Henley.” Earnestly Tony offers, “I’ve even mentioned to you before, you’re welcome to come to the chiropractor and see what procedures he performs. I guess he has the cologne on his hands.”

  With a repulsed expression Clair grimaces, “You really think I wanna be locked in a closed room with two grown men touching each other?” Laughing the revolted thoughts off Clair answers her own question, seeming to have trouble responding. “I really don’t think so.”

  Blushed and embarrassed from the brazen suggestion Tony shrugs, “Well then don’t make such a big deal about it. Can we talk about something else?”

  “Sure,” Clair daringly answers. “Let’s talk about why you seem to have problems responding to my texts. I sent you a dozen messages while you were out, and you’ve ignored every one of them. This is what makes me wonder about you, Anthony. Did you turn your phone off when you got into the “Doctors” office, so you wouldn’t be disturbed? Why don’t you let me see your phone, because I can show you right here on mine all the messages I sent you.”

  In a panicked state of alertness Tony finds, “It’s happening again!” as he experiences a constrictive feeling in his head…compressing his chest. He’s now prisoner to anxiety that maintains an invisible cage is around him, one that he’s a captive of forever unless he breaks through it…if he were to jump up off the couch, barge out the front door, and never look back. “If only I were in the shower right now, as I had planned on doing,” he sadly considers. “How could I have been so casual about stopping to rest on the couch? She caught me slipping. Remember, Tony!” he silently scolds himself. “You must always be one step ahead of Clair. She’s baiting you. Think this situation through first, before you blurt out a response…

  “If I ask to see her phone then you know she has a backup strategy in place, or she’s gonna take this argument to a whole new level. Deduce what this conversation has been geared around. That’s a clue to the underlying problem dwelling in her mind. The topic she’s revealed is trust. She’s gonna turn this around and aim it at a fault she’s detected in our relationship. You can already picture what she’s gonna say: “If you don’t trust me, well then maybe you should get the hell out!” I need to turn this back onto her by giving Clair something to focus her manipulative mind on.” Tony addresses Clair’s accusations, “I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t call out from that doctor’s office. I don’t get a very good signal there…I’m sorry I missed them!

  “Anyways. I found that they don’t put strychnine in most rat poisons. All the expensive ones have zinc phosphide.” Tony hopes she’ll appreciate this insight. These hopes are crushed.

  “I know this, Tony. Where you not paying attention to anything I was telling you last night?” He was. Closely. But Clair has a tendency to find out additional information during her research studies, and assumes those details have already been shared with her accomplice.

  “I hope you got enough rat stuff,” Clair finishes. “Otherwise you’re going back out to get more for what this recipe calls for. You do realize we have to be there when they eat the poison!” Clair insists. “Get used to the idea, Tony, because we’re in this thing together.”

  Looking up one family’s information, while her boyfriend Tony is out shopping, Clair finds that the Hollanders still live here in town. Reflecting on her church-going years, Clair recalls their disgusting displays of gluttony, making Clair feel sick during church potlucks to see each of the four family members walking away with two full plates piled high with slop from the church’s potluck table. They even had their own buffet tray, stashed in the church kitchen that they would get out to line with additional plates, moseying over to the following table filled with desserts to get their fill. Karen, Patrick, Megan, and Kyle were, and still are, heavily obese. “I bet a warm, freshly baked pie would be too irresistible for those fatties to turn down,” Clair gathers, “once I’ve seen to it that they recognize the waste of space they’ve become.”

  Clair learns that the entire family still lives together. The son and daughter Megan and Kyle are just as obese in size as their older parents. The family never leaves the house. Chuckling to herself, Clair pictures seeing the two of them trying to get past the front door at the same time, or one of them uncomfortably forcing to fit inside the compact seat of their car. With a repulsed sigh, she furthers her investigations to find that the family has their supplies home delivered by a local grocery store. After talking to the delivery driver, Clair learns the property reeks of rotting garbage from the stench within the house, fuming out. She’ll either have to get used to the smell, or do something to prevent herself from inhaling the noxious odor.

  There are two concerns which Clair must be aware of.

  The Elm Pines Pastor, leader of the congregation at Elm Pines Ministry Church, comes to visit the Hollander family once a week, each Wednesday. And the lady of the household, Karen Hollander, gets a call regularly from her sister. If Karen’s not there to answer the phone, concern will develop into worry, and escalate into an intrusive investigation. This would cripple Clair’s plans for the up-and-coming weekend.

  There is one fond memory Clair has of time spent with her stepfather Gerald. When he was courting her mom, the family would go out and he would treat them all to ice-cream after church. This cherished reflection helps to make Clair’s mind up, on what to fix for the surprise reunion with her ex-stepdad. As much as Clair would like to, there’s just no way of involving her mom. It would make Clair’s efforts obvious that she was responsible. And so she resolves to place her focus on the Hollander family, along with the existing church congregation.

  The Sunday morning praise hour, 20 min long, offers an rare opportunity for Clair and Tony to take in some upbeat, contemporary Christian music. The songs performed by the band incorporate wonderfully performed melodies along with inspirational song verses. After three titles the assistant pastor stands before the congregation, goes over events printed in the bulletin, and gives a prayer over the potential tithes and offerings. Despite Clair’s bitter heart, she’s compelled to make a donation as the collection plate is passed and the band plays a final song.

  When the church pastor finally comes before the congregation, Clair is shocked to witness that he is a younger gentleman, in his mid thirties, casually dressed in tan slacks and a red polo shirt. His hair is cut short with a short trimmed beard growing. The sermon for that day is on receiving God’s message. The pastor uses the example of a radio receiver. Standing out the most about him is his piercing blue eyes and serious mannerisms during the sermon.

  “Without knowing the proper channel, or how to tune in to a signal, a radio frequency can never be picked up on,” he explains, then goes on to enthusiastically convey “Here in this auditorium there are different radio signals all around us. But without the proper batteries we can never even expect to power the radio on.”

  A clear, well-defined voice speaks to Clair, sounding as though it were coming from a man sitting right beside her. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Glancing over, the s
pot is empty. Taking out her Smartphone she types in the phrase to see if it’s used in the Bible. The search results confirm two references, Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12. Luke looks more simplistic, and Clair decides to read all of Luke 6 in order to grasp its full context.

  Unaware of her boyfriend’s intrigue, Tony glances over and spies the book of the Bible Clair is reading, then flips the pew Bible he has kept in his lap to the same portion of scripture.

  There are crucial passages that speak to each of their hearts as they read. But for Tony these words have a saving power to them, and mean more to him than print on a thin page.

  It’s disappointing for Tony to detect that once Clair’s done reading, the compassion felt from Jesus’ message dissipates, and the stubbornness of her heart returns. She accepts the promise of destruction described in that last verse of that chapter, tuning out the rest of the pastor’s sermon by focusing on the steps she’ll take during the potluck so close at hand.

  For Tony the day’s experience is divine. He too has prior involvement with attending church. His parents were regular church goers. He didn’t mind being there when he was growing up. When he moved out of the house that regular part of his life became misplaced and set aside by the absence of routine. He wasn’t sure what to expect, when he found out he and Clair would be returning on Sunday. That opportunity to once again attend is rescuing. His mind and body are reawakened. When the pastor concludes his sermon, he offers an invitation for those in attendance to say a simple prayer of salvation. The angels rejoice in Tony’s return.

  Seated at the same table as her ex-stepdad, Clair waits until everyone has eaten, gets up to get the spread of desserts she’s specially prepared, and serves everyone a slice of cake with a generous scoop of ice-cream. The lesson in Luke pesters in her mind. Clair feels compelled to stand before those gathered for the potluck and says aloud “I was hoping to read from Luke 6. It’s a passage that’s spoken true to me, and I would like to share it with all of you.”

  Looking around, Clair finds that most have already begun to eat. She glances at the clock on the wall to note that the time is fifteen minutes after twelve. “At 12:45 the world as I know it will be changed forever,” she considers secretly.

  Proudly she announces, “Please enjoy the rest of your dessert while I share this portion of inspiration with you.” Clair’s jaw nearly drops as she takes a glance over, finding that along with those seated at her table, including her desired target her ex-stepfather, Tony (smiling to show he is fully aware of what he is doing, and that he welcomes the repercussions of his actions) her boyfriend is consciously consuming the laced cake and spiked ice cream.

  * * * * *

  [Chapter Two, Firing Squad]