She felt prickling in the back of her eyes and tried to ignore the feeling of her heart squeezing tight. She missed Evan beyond what she could admit to herself. He was her constant, her safe zone, the man she thought would perhaps be her forever. But happily ever after didn’t exist, and she knew the risks she had taken in falling for him. She had kept her promise to Nathan, but she was also breaking it, and she was confused as to whether that was a good or a bad thing.
The air brushed against Grace’s skin caressing her face as she leapt into the clear water below. It hit her with a cooling effect, its ripples taking her in, surrounding her. She felt weightless, tranquil, as the water framed her. Her eyes opened and she spotted a hand waiting for her to grasp it. She contemplated whether to grab hold or stay put. It was more peaceful down here, and though she couldn’t breathe, she found solace in surrender. It would be easier to submit. Eyes that matched the water stared directly at her. Nathan. He shook his head and gripped her, pushing her up toward the surface as he stayed behind. She tried to cry out, reaching back for him, but when she saw him again he looked different. Evan?
Grace gasped as she startled awake. Her shaky breath calmed down and goosebumps covered her skin. Her blanket had fallen to the floor, and she felt her body chill from the cold air around her. She sat up and glanced at the time on the alarm clock nearby. Her nap lasted over three hours. There went her sleep schedule. It was early evening, and Grace could smell something heavenly drifting from the kitchen.
Marla was a goddess when it came to cooking. It was too bad Grace hadn’t been taking pleasure in food over the past week. Marla usually forced her to eat, so it wasn’t a surprise when she heard a knock at her door.
Marla peered in, her eyes concerned as Grace sat on the edge of her bed and ran her hand through her messy hair. “Grace? You have a visitor.”
The tone of Marla’s voice hadn’t gone unnoticed. Grace shook her head, her brows furrowed in curiosity. She knew it wasn’t Evan. There was no way Marla would do that to her. “Who is it?”
Her lips mouthed the words as she stayed in the doorway. “Your mom.”
Grace’s eyes widened as she stood up and violently responded in a harsh whisper. “What? Are you kidding me?”
Marla shook her head. “She’s in the living room,” Marla responded quietly. “I only recognized her because you both look similar. Anyway, she seems pleasant. She’s out there waiting for you.”
“Give me a moment.” Grace’s breathing accelerated at the thought of seeing her mom. What would she say to her? What would she do? How would she react? She moved to the vanity in the corner of the room and looked herself over in the mirror.
Untidy hair, pasty skin, no makeup, bags under her eyes, she was a mess. Her mother wouldn’t approve. Grace looked over her warmups and Texas shirt and stood up tall. She needed to put on her suit of armor—steel herself, get ready to fight, and be who she was. Evan was right about her. She was resilient, and she would get through this just like she got through most of her life, fighting for what her heart believed in.
Grace tried to remember not to fidget as she made her way over to the living area. The windows let in streams of the setting sun, and in front of one of them stood Nancy Clark. She could only see the back of her as she approached, but she was still as thin and regal as Grace remembered. Dressed in some fancy designer blouse and slacks that probably cost more than Grace’s car, Nancy was always one to keep up with the Joneses. She was a lawyer’s wife, after all. Grace wondered what her father would think if he saw her now, and wasn’t surprised about his absence.
Grace stopped midway from the window and chewed on the bottom of her lip. She clasped her hands in front of her to keep from moving around. It wasn’t until she cleared her throat that Nancy turned and gazed at her daughter. Sixteen years changed a person, but she had seen much of her mother preserved with cosmetics and plastic surgery. It wasn’t an overabundance of it. In fact, she was just as beautiful as ever.
The mossy green color with the flecks of yellow and brown dispersed through Nancy’s eyes were unerringly like Nathan’s. What stunned Grace was the look that radiated through them as her mother studied her. It was kind, and loving. “Hello, Grace.” Her voice had changed. It was softer, more soothing, like the sun warming your skin when you exited a freezing room.
“Mom. How did you know where I was?”
Nancy’s full lips turned into a smile as she moved closer. “Evan was staying at your home. He told me where I could find you.”
Evan had met her mother. It was an odd thought. Her eyes roamed over Grace, her head tilting and surveying her. Grace held her breath, trying to keep her tears at bay. She wished she could hug her mother, feel comforted by her, but years of bitterness kept her from falling into her arms. It wasn’t like she was one for warm hugs as she grew up. Nancy and Thomas weren’t the affectionate type.
“You’ve become such a beautiful woman, Grace.”
To say Grace was taken aback by that comment was an understatement. She couldn’t find it in her to believe that comment coming from her mouth. Especially when she wasn’t dressed up in the proper attire. “What?”
“You’re lovely, darling.” Nancy moved toward her and tried to touch her arm, but Grace recoiled out of habit. Nancy’s hand fell down and she shook her head as she tried regaining her poised demeanor.
“What are you doing here?”
“Maybe we should sit, Grace.”
Grace motioned toward the couch, each one of them taking a seat on the end and facing toward one another. She waited as her mother looked at her with a sense of tranquility that was unfamiliar to Grace. Her mother was always uptight, worried, tired. This wasn’t the same woman.
“Where to begin…” Nancy let out a shaky laugh as she set her purse down beside her. “I want to say that first of all, I don’t expect anything from you. I know your father and I were…distant after Nathan died.”
Grace inhaled, her chest already starting to feel as if a ton of bricks were sitting on top of it. She listened as her mother continued in a soft voice. “And you were so detached from everything, we thought you were upset at us.”
“I was,” Grace snapped out and remembered to hold her tongue.
“We didn’t handle it well. Obviously, nobody can ever handle losing a child.”
“Or two.”
Nancy’s eyes began to water. “We thought we were giving you what you wanted, Grace. We tried to talk with you, but you pushed us away. It felt impossible to help you. We had just lost our son, and I couldn’t stand the way I was losing you too.”
Grace rolled her eyes, trying her best to keep in the anguish that was beginning to resurface. “When you think your parents hate you because you killed their son, that’s reason enough to pull away.”
“We never felt that, honey.” She shifted her body closer to Grace, but all it did was make her tense up more. Nancy figured out very soon that it wasn’t a good idea to try to touch her. “And we never thought less of you because you wanted to pursue your dreams.”
Grace’s eyes fell like a laser in on her mother’s. “‘Why can’t you be more like Nathan? Why are you always disappointing us? Why can’t you do something practical?’ Any of those lines ring a bell? They were all said to me by either you or Dad.” Nancy closed her eyes as Grace continued. “What is it you want, Mom? Don’t worry I won’t publish the memoir if that’s what you’re here to ask about.”
“We had no idea, Grace. No idea how bad it was for you. We did what we thought was best for you.” Tears began to trickle onto her flawless skin as she reached forward. “I came to ask for your forgiveness, Grace. Although, your father and I might not deserve it at this point.”
Shock crossed over Grace’s features as she tried taking in what her mother was telling her. Never had she thought this was the trajectory her parents would go. “You…” Grace tried to steady her trembling voice, “you can’t just think that everything is going to be alright. Sixteen
years is a long time. I don’t know either of you anymore.”
“I understand.” She paused and gave a hint of a smile. “But we’re both very sorry, and we hope to get to know you better.”
“Why isn’t Dad here?”
“He’s here, at the hotel. He wants to see you, but I wanted to test the waters with you first. He read your book as well. You can publish it, Grace. It’s a wonderful piece of work.”
“I don’t need your permission,” Grace said defiantly. She hugged her arms around herself, the knowledge of her parent’s remorse beginning to crack the cement that held the obstruction around her heart.
She didn’t have time to dwell on it much longer when her phone rang. Evan? Hesitant to grab her phone, she wondered what she would tell him. He had been right. Her parents wanted to know her better, were asking for a relationship. But could she let them in?
“You can answer,” her mother urged.
The ringing stopped and Grace stayed seated, unsure of her next step. She had no idea how to behave in front of her mother, what to talk about or share. The life her parents built for themselves in California was so foreign to her. She began. “How long are you in town?”
“Only a few days. We weren’t sure you would see us.”
Grace’s phone began ringing again, and she excused herself as she went to the guestroom to retrieve it. The number was unfamiliar, but it had a Los Angeles area code. She was tempted to let it go to voicemail, but something prompted her to answer.
She spoke and waited as she heard voices on the other end. “Hello?” Grace waited as she heard Zach yelling in the background. “Zach? Evan?”
Marla peered into the bedroom and looked curiously at Grace as she waited. A faint voice sounded on the other end. “Grace…”
“Josh?” Grace perked up, and she knew something wasn’t right. “Josh? What’s going on?”
A tiny escape of distress left Josh’s mouth. “Grace, something’s happened.”
A chill ran over her body as her breathing hitched in her chest. “Josh, talk to me. What happened?” Only breath could be heard on the other end. “Josh? Hello?”
Shuffling was heard and a strong voice came from the end of the receiver. “Grace?”
“Zach? What the hell’s going on?”
“Evan’s had an accident. He’s on the way to the hospital.”
Grace covered her mouth as her heart slammed against her chest. “Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay. Zach…What happened?”
“They were shooting a water scene, and his costume got caught. They performed CPR. He was out for a while.”
Grace felt her heart ripping into shreds, the fear taking hold of her. She couldn’t lose him. “He was unconscious? Is he okay?”
“I don’t know. I have to go, Grace. We’ll be at Brackenridge Hospital, okay? Call me when you get there.”
Before she could say anything else, the line had been cut, and Grace stopped herself from crying. Marla stood near her as Grace’s voice shook in a murmur. “I need to get to the hospital.”
Grace moved out of the room, and Marla and her mother followed behind. “I’ll drive,” Marla said, grabbing her keys and purse as the three women scrambled out the door.
They piled in the car and stayed silent before Marla broke with a soft voice. “What happened, Grace?”
She chewed on her thumb, her eyes closed as she whispered. “Evan’s been training for an underwater scene. I don’t know what happened…” She couldn’t say it. A hand reached over and squeezed her arm, and though she didn’t look, she knew it was her mother. Grace closed her eyes and held her jaw tight. She needed to be strong, to not lose her cool, because Evan would be alright. He had to be. She would never forgive herself if he wasn’t.
Evan sat on the bleachers of a stadium, the sunshine warming his skin and the breeze cooling him in the most perfect way. He was the only one around, except for scores of football players huddled around on the field below in navy jerseys. He sat back and enjoyed surveying the world around him. The colors were vivid, as if they had their own life, and he felt serene. Joyful. Loved. He was curious where that feeling came from as he watched the players set into position. He thought he’d seen this game before, as if he was reliving a moment in his life. He just couldn’t recall when.
Evan turned when a voice popped up beside him. “Can I sit?”
“Sure, man.”
A guy with jet black hair and a face that radiated a sense of heroism scooted onto the bench and sat with his large forearms resting on his knees. Well over six-foot-two and two hundred and thirty pounds of pure muscle, he had the perfect physique for a football player. He was larger than Josh.
“We’ve got a great team this year.” His voice was smooth, familiar, and Evan felt at ease, as if he knew him.
“That’s your team?”
The guy nodded. “Yeah. Quarterback.”
Evan chuckled. “What are you doing up here then? Shouldn’t you be down there practicing?”
“They can do without me for a bit.” He sat back and smiled, looking up at the sky, then at Evan. “It’s a good life, isn’t it? When you live what you love.”
Evan reflected for a moment and then nodded. “It really is.”
“Not everyone gets the opportunity to follow their heart. They’re too scared of being judged. They worry about failing, or getting the shit knocked out of them.”
“Failing’s a part of life,” Evan said assuredly. “And we all get the shit knocked out of us some way or another. It’s unavoidable.”
Evan’s eyes stayed out on the field as he listened to the sounds of tackling, whistles being blown, and coaches yelling. He wished Grace was there with him. Not because she liked football, but because she would love the feeling of pure peace he was experiencing in that moment. After some time of silence, the stranger stood up. “I’d better get over there. I still have to change. Nice talking to you, Evan.”
Evan nodded and glanced at him, peering into dark green, luminous eyes. He finally had to ask. “Do I know you?”
“I know you.” The guy grinned and extended his hand. “Captain Drew Abrams, bro. Love those movies.”
“Thanks.” Evan laughed as he gripped him in greeting, a half shake and clap. He looked down and noticed a tattoo of an oak tree on the back of the stranger’s hand in between his finger and thumb. The leaves were floating up from the branches, transforming into doves.
A loud sound caught Evan’s attention and he bounced his eyes toward the field. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “I didn’t get your name.” He turned back and the stranger was gone. Chills ran through Evan as he felt his chest begin to cave. A pressure grew over his heart, and a stinging began deep within his lungs. He opened his mouth as everything around him was fading. The brilliant blue sky inked with black, and his vision blurred. He closed his eyes, and opened them again, the world around him vanishing into a blur. His breath—he couldn’t catch it. Then he felt nothing but pain. Agonizing, torturous, blinding pain, as the world went pitch dark, and he was gone.
“Evan Matthews!” Grace rushed toward the front desk as she entered the hospital and asked the receptionist for directions. The woman held a straight countenance as Grace tried to recollect her breathing. “Please, tell me where he is.”
“Ma’am,” her voice was soft, but condescension leaked from her tone, “I have no record of an Evan Matthews in this hospital.”
Marla stepped in and asked, “Where would someone be directed if they were looking for a near drowning victim? Perhaps brought into the emergency unit?”
Grace’s trembling fingers attempted calling Zach for the tenth time but she kept getting his voicemail. She tried Josh and he didn’t answer. And Evan? She couldn’t call him. If she heard his voice on his recorded message she would lose it, worse than she was beginning to lose control now.
She didn’t have anyone else she knew who could tell her where he was. No information left her utterly helpless. She could feel he
r pulse growing stronger, throbbing as much as her heart. Short, shallow breaths were escaping her and she felt a sense of disorientation. “Please…I know he’s here.”
“I’m sorry, there’s no Evan Matthews here.”
“I know he’s here,” Grace’s voice picked up as she slapped her hand flat against the granite countertop. Her mother stood behind her and squeezed at her shoulder. “Tell me where he is!”
“I am going to have to ask you to lower your voice, please.” The lady pressed her lips together and Grace knew she wasn’t going to give her the information. She was nobody to him now. She had left him, and she was regretting it more than ever.
Her control was slipping, and a numbness began to take over her body. She felt hot, sweaty, and dizzy as she began to pant. “You don’t understand. I need to see him! Tell me where he is! Tell me! Please, I beg you. Please.”
“Grace,” her mom’s soft voice tried to soothe her. “Come on, honey, we’ll wait.”
“No! No, we won’t wait, Mother! I can’t…” Tears began to slip out and she was suddenly sobbing as her voice carried throughout. “I can’t lose him. This can’t happen. It’s not happening to me, not again.”
“Grace, come on…” Marla and her mother tried to pull her away, but she shrugged them off, not accepting of their touch.
“No, tell me where he is! Tell me! I need to see him. He can’t leave me. I can’t be without him!” She continued yelling at the receptionist as they tried to placate her.
Her mother turned Grace, grabbing her and cupping her cheeks in her hands. “Grace, look at me, sweetheart. You need to calm down. Breathe. You’ll see him, he’ll be okay.”
“Mom…” She broke down and began to wail as she clung onto her. “I can’t be without him. He can’t leave me. He can’t.”
The grief was taking over, and all feelings of expectations for her life, the pride she had held onto, the feelings of failure or anything else just didn’t seem to matter. It all fell away, and all she cared about was being in the presence of the man she loved so desperately. She’d give everything to be in his arms, to have him hold and kiss and love her.
A Promise Kept Page 24