The Slow Burn

by Caro Carson

  Tana watched from the hallway. Caden’s Texas drawl was more pronounced when he crooned to the baby. Little fellow was liddle fella.

  But Sterling was making fussy mewls more earnestly now. The baby hated having his arms and legs free. He had no muscle tone to control them, so they waved around like he was falling.

  “All right, all done. See? We survived. Let’s swaddle you up. You’ll be happier that way. Then, I’m gonna lay you down next to your mommy, and everything will be right in your world.” Caden crossed the baby’s arms over his chest like a little Egyptian mummy and kept them secure with one hand, but when he started to pull the bottom of the baby blanket over Sterling’s legs, the baby kicked his little foot into Caden’s palm, pat, pat, pat. Caden stilled it by cupping it in his hand.

  Caden went still, too. He looked at his hand. Tana looked at the expression on his face and held her breath.

  Then Caden bent his head, lifted his hand and kissed that tiny, perfect foot.

  Why was Caden here at three in the morning, taking care of the baby she’d named after him? Because he was falling in love with the baby.

  Not with her. He and she were friends; he’d given her the shirt off his back. They were close friends, but just friends. It was the baby with whom he was falling in love.

  That, she could handle.

  Her sigh of relief was so great that Caden must have heard it. He turned his head toward her as he tucked the baby blanket around Sterling. His gaze roamed over her lightly, quickly, from her hair to her feet. She couldn’t help but remember a Halloween night, Ruby’s confidence: He looked you over from head to toe. He liked what he saw.

  She had bedhead from her pillow. She’d pulled on some black maternity leggings, but she still wore his shirt, which had absorbed a little baby spit-up during the evening. He couldn’t like what he saw. She was safe from any complicated, romantic intentions.

  “You’re supposed to be in bed,” he said. “Butler service is on its way.”

  “I thought you’d want to get back to your own house at midnight.”

  He seemed serious in the gentle glow of the nightlight. “I told you ten days ago that I wouldn’t leave you, not if you wanted me to stay.”

  It was easier to look at Sterling than at Caden. “I better feed him before he gets too wound up, or else his nose starts to run, and it’s harder when he’s stuffy to get him to...”

  As if amniotic fluid and cervical dilation hadn’t been personal enough, now she was about to discuss a baby latching on to her nipple? No. No, she was not.

  “I’ll just sit here in the rocking chair,” she said, “since I’m up.”

  Caden placed the baby in her arms and left the room, pulling the door shut. Just before it closed, she was seized by a moment of blinding panic, a terror that she wouldn’t see him again.

  “Caden.”

  He paused.

  “Are you leaving?”

  “I can hit the road if you want me to.”

  Don’t leave me. I can’t walk out of this room and be all alone again. “I don’t have a guest bedroom anymore. Just this nursery.”

  “You’ve got a big enough couch. I won’t leave you, not if you want me to stay.”

  She could do this alone. She could.

  The baby wailed.

  “Stay. Please.”

  “Good. That’s the right answer.”

  In the dim light, she saw him smile to himself as he shut the door.

  * * *

  The baby fell asleep with his mouth open and still full of milk.

  When Tana snapped her top back up, Sterling made a little sucking motion with his perfect bow-shaped lips, swallowing the milk while somehow staying deeply asleep.

  Tana carried him into the living room quietly. She didn’t want to disturb a sleeping Caden, but he hadn’t put the bassinet back in her bedroom.

  The only light in the living room came from the kitchen. The bassinet was next to an empty couch. Tana laid the baby down.

  Caden stuck his head out of the kitchen and saw her. “There you are.”

  He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, then came out with two plates. “I thought you could use a little midnight snack at four in the morning.”

  “You made scrambled eggs?”

  “We ordered that pizza ten hours ago. You’ve got to be at least a little hungry.”

  She heard a hum in the kitchen. “Is the dishwasher running?”

  “I made sure to load it incorrectly first.” He winked at her, a flirtatious kind of move that looked damn good on him.

  He was taking care of her, keeping her company, sharing a little meal in the cozy dark. A man was coming into her life and taking over, handling everything for her. When will you learn?

  She ate the scrambled eggs, because she was hungry. She kept her eyes on her plate, because she was older, wiser, and she knew better than to look into a firefighter’s too-handsome face.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She had to make herself ask questions. “Why are you doing this? It’s four in the morning. Why are you here?”

  “Because we’re friends, and you needed help.”

  “It’s too much to expect from a friendship. A friend shouldn’t have to give up everything, even their bed, to help out.”

  He finished his last bite, put down his fork and leaned back in the chair, but she didn’t look up. “Firefighters work twenty-four-hour shifts. Sometimes we sleep three hours, even six in our bunks. Some nights, we can only catch naps on the couch or recliners in the station’s game room, because we’re getting calls every couple of hours. I’m used to this. Out of all of your friends, I’m the best one to call when you need a little help at night.”

  “I didn’t ask you for help.”

  “No, but I offered it. If Shirley offered to wash some dishes and change a diaper or two, would you be fighting yourself this hard to not accept your friend’s help?”

  “Shirley is a woman.”

  “Ah. So, that’s it.”

  Tana kept her head down, kept moving forward. “There’s no chance Shirley and I would...misunderstand one another.” She ate her eggs determinedly, eyes on her plate.

  “Do you think it’s impossible for me to be your friend because you’re a girl and I’m a boy?” He asked it with a gentle humor, but when she didn’t respond, he turned serious. “What do you suspect my ulterior motive is here? That I’m trying to rack up points, hoping you’ll invite me into your bed for a little thank you sex, sooner or later?”

  She felt embarrassed for thinking it. Her body was flabby in the stomach, instead of hard, and hard in the breasts, instead of soft. She couldn’t have sex for six more weeks, anyway, according to the hospital discharge instructions. Caden, with his medical background, probably knew that. It made his motives all the more baffling.

  He shifted in his chair, leaning toward her now. “You asked me why I’m here, so let me answer you. I am sitting here, right now, because that baby is important to me. I held him before he took his first breath. He’s named after me. I can’t do a whole lot for him right now. Only you can, so I figure the best way I can take care of my namesake is to make sure his mother isn’t exhausted and hungry.”

  Her plate kept going out of focus. She couldn’t blame tears, because she was not crying. Her eyes were simply too tired to focus.

  “That ties into the second reason I’m here. You are my friend, and friends don’t let friends stay exhausted and hungry.”

  He was the kind of man who jumped in to help, even if the situation was dangerous. Did he know how dangerous love was? Had any of his real-life ex-girlfriends made him as pretty damned sad as her ex-husband had once made her?

  He stood. “Finish your eggs and go to sleep. This isn’t about men and women and sex. I’m just cooking you scrambled eggs. Don’t
make more of it than it is.”

  He picked up his plate and hers, then walked toward the kitchen.

  She addressed the table where her plate had been. “Are you leaving me now?”

  He stopped. “No.”

  “Is everything still good between us?”

  “Everything’s good.”

  She picked up her head. She was tired of driving herself forward.

  “You’re the nicest man I’ve ever met. I’m lucky to have you as my friend.”

  “I’m the lucky one. I get two of you. You only get me.”

  It was one of the nicest things she’d ever heard.

  Tana wiped her eyes on her—his—sleeve.

  “Go to bed,” he said.

  She did.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Caden was ready for a nap.

  Sterling wasn’t.

  Caden had gotten off work at seven this morning after a night that had been busier than usual, but he hadn’t gone home to crash. He’d had a date to keep—with a baby.

  Tana needed to go to campus for an awards event involving her athletes. It would take her out of the house for a good four hours, at least. Caden was the only person she felt comfortable leaving her newborn with. They’d tried it with shorter trips, like her last doctor’s appointment. Sterling would take a bottle of breastmilk from Caden happily enough, as long as Tana wasn’t around. But if his mama was in the room? Forget it. He wanted Tana, not a bottle, and there was no fooling him. Caden hadn’t realized a baby could be so downright stubborn.

  Since Tana was at her luncheon, Sterling had guzzled down the bottle, but he was still awake. That had to be a Murphy’s Law of babies. The one time you were counting on their nap, they didn’t pass out in a milk-drunk stupor.

  “Not sleepy yet, Sterling? I am.” Caden stretched out on the couch with the baby on his chest. Sterling fell asleep like this, usually. Hopefully.

  Caden held out his phone and pinged his sister-in-law for a video chat.

  “Look who I’ve got here.” He angled the phone down, so the baby’s little face and wide open eyes were on the screen. They were still that otherworldly blue Caden had first seen on the side of the road, but they were turning indigo now, well on their way to being brown. Tana had brown eyes.

  And the donor?

  Caden didn’t give a damn what color eyes he had.

  “Oh, what a sweetie. That’s a really young one. He’s so teeny-tiny.” Then she got all high-pitched. “Hello, little cutie patootie, sugar dumpling, pumpkin pie.”

  Caden snorted. He’d known Abigail would totally lose it over the baby.

  “Whose baby is this?” she asked.

  Mine.

  “Is it the fire inspector’s? What’s her name?”

  “Nah, Christyne’s baby has gotta be at least three months old now. This is my little guy, the baby I delivered. Sterling.” He put the camera back on himself. “You couldn’t forget that name. It was in the papers, if you did. I got a lot of credit for standing there while he was born.”

  “Oh, wow. That’s Sterling? The college coach’s baby?”

  “Yes, not to be confused with all the other babies named Sterling that I delivered.”

  “What is he, four or five weeks now?”

  “Thirty-four days.”

  Abigail raised an eyebrow. “Pretty specific there. I take it you’re still checking up on him.”

  Caden shrugged, which jiggled the baby a little. “I come over and give his mother a break now and then.” Every third night, like clockwork, for the past three weeks. He worked one night, spent one night at Tana’s, then spent one night in his own bed.

  He was waiting for Tana to ask him to stay more than a night. It was so much nicer to eat dinner with her than alone. So much better to crash on her couch with a movie they paused for diaper changes. The hell of it was, she wanted to spend more time with him. She was always reluctant to say it was okay for him to leave, and that wasn’t his wishful thinking. He didn’t know why she was so hesitant, but since she had a thirty-four-day-old baby, he wasn’t going to push. Not yet.

  “And the baby’s father is cool with this?”

  “There’s no father. I wanted to pick your brain a little bit. What do you know about those strollers that are made for parents who run? Really athletic parents who can run fast?”

  “Jogging strollers? They’re expensive. Are you guys at the station going to chip in and buy one for the baby?”

  “No, we already chipped in and got him a swing. That’s one of the greatest things ever invented. If Sterling doesn’t go to sleep soon, I’m going to put him in it. It’s naptime for me.”

  “You sound very domesticated. You’re a thirty-two-year-old bachelor. Pretty good-looking, if not quite as handsome as your brother. You should be driving fast cars and chasing loose women.”

  “I need to drive something that’ll pull a horse trailer.”

  “Still, your bachelor’s card is going to be revoked.”

  Not fast enough to suit me. “Can we focus here? Mother’s Day is Sunday, so I was thinking about getting Tana a jogging stroller. Did I tell you she used to be on Masterson’s swim team when she was a student? I saw her name on the pool wall. She set some school records. Anyway, the doctor won’t let her in the pool for another couple of weeks, and she’s stressed out because she can’t swim. I thought maybe she could go for a run, instead. Is that a good gift?”

  “Caden...she isn’t your mother. Why are you buying her a Mother’s Day gift?”

  Caden pointed the camera at the baby again, mostly to see if his eyes were still open. They were. “You don’t expect him to buy one for her, do you?”

  “It’s just that you shouldn’t—”

  “Check this out. He’s got a grip that’ll keep him on the back of a bucking bronco.” Caden wiggled his finger into Sterling’s fist. Five tiny fingers clutched him tightly.

  “Caden. Yes, he’s adorable. Now look at me.”

  “Edward buys you a gift from Abby and Max. Same thing.”

  “No, it isn’t. Edward is my husband. My children are his children. Be careful here. You’re not related to this baby. You’ve got no claim on this child at all. The real father could show up any day, and I don’t think he’s going to like having you spending all this time with his baby.”

  “Not going to happen.”

  “Yes, it could. Don’t let yourself get too attached to him.”

  Caden wished he could tell Abigail the truth, but if Tana didn’t want her own parents to mention sperm donors, she wouldn’t want him to, either. He had to stick to her script. “Tana is single.”

  “She wasn’t always, obviously. I’ve known you since you were twenty-two. You’re the kind who plans to settle down. You want Miss Right to come along, so you’ll have the white picket fence and the children and the dog.”

  “And the horse. I’m keeping my horse. That picket fence better be tall.”

  “You can’t find any of that while you’re playing house with someone else’s woman and child.”

  Playing house. This was no game. He couldn’t cool his feelings for Tana no matter how hard he tried—and he’d tried, for almost nine months.

  “You need to be out there dating, not babysitting. Find a woman without a history. Someone who hasn’t been with a man in a way that’s going to keep her tangled up with him for the next eighteen years. Someone with a clean slate.”

  Caden did it all: took a deep breath, counted to ten and reminded himself that his sister-in-law cared about him.

  “So, I’m looking for a virgin who hasn’t done anything with her life yet? Sounds great. Just a big ball of fun.”

  “I’m being serious.”

  Caden got serious, too. “Tana is a friend. She’s in a tight spot. She doesn’t qualify for maternity or family leav
e, because she hasn’t been at MU for twelve months yet. She asked me to come over because there’s an event on campus that she’s supposed to be part of. Don’t make more of it than it is.”

  But, honest to God, he wished there was so much more to it than there was. They’d get to laughing, and she’d tilt her head or duck her chin or do something a little flirtatious, some body language that would have given him a big green light to ask for her number and invite her to dinner if they’d just met at the pub or a costume party—or a CPR class. But since they were usually sitting on her couch with a baby in one of their laps, she would catch herself flirting, her eyes would get big and round, and she’d act embarrassed while he pretended not to notice.

  It sucked.

  “Exactly,” Abigail said. “Don’t make more of it than it is, but I have a bad feeling that you are. By the way, that baby is way too young to be put in a jogging stroller. No neck muscles yet. He should be five or six months old before you take him for a run. Bye.”

  “Bye. And, by the way, happy Mother’s Day, in advance. You’re a nosy sister-in-law, but Abby and Max lucked out and got a real good mom.”

  “Aw. I love you, too. Bye.”

  They disconnected the call. Caden kept his phone pointed toward Sterling’s face, hoping to see those indigo-blues closing. No such luck.

  He wasn’t one for singing lullabies, but he was pretty good at talking Sterling to sleep. “Looks like I know what you’ll be doing in September, my friend. You’ll be feeling the need for speed out on the jogging trails. I’ll run with you and your mom. I’m not bragging or anything, but there’s no chance I’ll embarrass myself on dry land. Your mom would kick my butt in a pool for sure, but you already know that. She’s only ridden a horse a few times in her life, though, can you believe it? So, I’ll teach you to ride, she’ll teach you how to swim, and the three of us will go for runs together. Doesn’t that sound like a nice life? You go ahead and sleep easy now. September will be here before you know it. The future is pretty sweet.”