Hell's Music

by Therese von Willegen

  Laughter and voices reached them from the backyard.

  Davy’s reedy tenor reached them. “No, bru, you can’t do that.”

  Simon asked, “What sort of a guy calls a chick ‘bru,’ hey, like she’s some dude?”

  Emily choked back a giggle at that. “My sister’s stoner friends.” A whiff of marijuana reached her then, carried into the house on the draught the open door had created. “Now, that’s not funny. I told her–”

  She took a step down the passage before Simon restrained her and pulled her around to face him.

  “Don’t cause a scene now. Please. Why don’t you just get some of your stuff? We can go back to my place. Although I must warn you, it probably needs a bit of air, and there’s no fresh food in the fridge.”

  “She’s smoking weed in my back garden. This is after I expressly asked her not to, because we’ve got nosy neighborhood-watch bats looking for the vaguest sense of something being out of place. And she’s entertaining her friends in my house, something I’ve not encouraged.” Why Emily felt so angry she wasn’t sure, but the moment she spoke she realized she sounded a lot like her mother.

  “Come now, I’m sure you’ve done worse in your time.”

  “I was just lucky I didn’t get caught. I’ve a lot more I can stand to lose now.” Emily pulled loose from Simon and marched down the passage and out the backdoor. A shirtless Davy lay draped over Rae’s legs, but what was worse was the sheer amount of weed her sister was sorting into piles and wrapping in newspaper.

  “What in the hell is going on here?” Emily tried to keep her tone of voice low, but hated the way a hysterical edge still managed to creep through.

  Rae dropped the handful she had and sat up. Davy jumped to his feet as though he’d been bitten on the arse.

  “It’s not what you think it is, Emily.” Davy held his hands before him stiffly.

  Emily narrowed her eyes. “And what am I supposed to think is going on here?” A dozen possibilities flashed through her mind, small suspicious details, like Rae being able to afford an expensive pair of boots only a week ago, or the fact that the fridge was always well stocked with wine and foods bought at Woolworths. “You’re dealing, aren’t you? The both of you?” Small bright spots swam in Emily’s vision and she pressed her hand against her forehead.

  Simon cleared his throat behind her. “Em, just leave it.”

  She rounded on him. “Si, just stay out of this, okay?”

  “I’m sorry,” Rae said.

  Emily turned to her sister. “You say you’re sorry, but you’re just going to carry on doing this, aren’t you? What you and Davy smoke when you’re out and about is your business, but to bring this stuff here, into my home, into a house I don’t even own... What if the neighbors decide to call the cops, hey? What then? What do you think’s gonna happen to me? I’m the one who’s going to take the rap.

  “For fuck’s sake, Rae, you’re supposed to be finishing college this year. If you need extra money for stuff, go to Dad, ask me or get a proper part-time job. I know I wasn’t the best of role-models as far as sisters go, but I wasn’t dealing illegal substances from my mother or father’s house. And now you’re making me sound just like Ma! I hate it!”

  Hands pressed over her eyes, Emily gave a strangled wail. Simon caught her as she tripped over an uneven piece of paving. There was something reassuring about being held against the man, who made soothing sounds while he stroked her hair.

  He spoke so only she could hear, “C’mon, Em, let’s go, okay?”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  Davy muttered something to Rae, but at this point Emily was past caring what they discussed, preferring to listen to the thud of Simon’s pulse. What should have been a wonderful, perfect day had gone south so rapidly Emily wasn’t sure it could be recovered.

  All that mattered was that Simon gently led her into the house, tugging her to the bedroom as she stumbled, blinded by tears. He shut the door with a quiet snick and pulled her down onto the bed where he held her to his chest.

  “It’s okay. The past few weeks haven’t been easy for either of us. Let’s just forget this all happened and move on.” Somehow he managed to summon a sense of calm in that deep voice of his, which tickled her ears.

  “Everyone in my family’s just so messed up. I sometimes wonder how I’m the one who’s managed to hold everything together. My father has a Peter Pan complex. My mother is a bitter old woman who sleeps with a Bible on her bedside table. The one cousin I still speak to is trapped in a permanent state of teenage angst, and my sister... She’s determined to take my antics one step further.”

  “No one’s perfect.”

  “That’s not helping, Si.”

  “I know it’s not helping, but perhaps you need to just take a step back and stop trying to make up for everyone else’s shortcomings.”

  “What about my shortcomings? I don’t exactly have a stellar career, not like you. I’m never going to earn loads of money, never going to amount to anything but a slightly eccentric bookshop owner in some alt-dot-trendy shopping center catering to the whims of people after that which is odd.”

  Simon sighed and tightened his embrace. “You’re a wonderful, funny, sexy woman. You’re like a breath of fresh air to me after years of absolute chaos. I didn’t look for you, Em, but I found you when I was least expecting to come across someone I could love. You’re not one of those chicks who just want to be able to brag that they bedded the infamous Simon van Helsdingen. You liked me before you even knew what my name was. You remind me what it’s like to be a person, not some icon. How can you say you’re not stellar in your own way? I don’t have to pretend when I’m around you. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. And, besides, you may well find some sort of passion. Everyone’s got some qualities that, if given a chance to germinate, can be nurtured.”

  A smile found its way to Emily’s lips and she sat up, one hand palm down on Simon’s chest. “Goodness, you’re quite the philosopher for a big mean metal head.”

  “I haven’t eroded my brain along with my sinuses from years of abuse, at least not quite yet.” He winked.

  “What now?”

  “With your sister?”

  “Ja.”

  “Go to her. Let her talk. Listen to her.”

  “And if I don’t like what I hear?”

  He shrugged. “At least hear her out then tell her to listen to you.”

  “Now?”

  “I don’t see why not. If you don’t go talk to her, it’s just going to ruin whatever rest of the day you and I planned on spending together.” Simon rolled his shoulders so the joints cracked in a way that made Emily wince. Then he rose, a strong arm around her waist, and lifted her to her feet with little effort. “You’ll be okay. Don’t look at me like that.” He tilted her chin up and planted a lingering kiss on her lips. “You got wine in the kitchen, no? I’ll take care of the stoner boyfriend while you and your sis talk things out. Then we’ll go and have a dirty evening doing absolutely despicable things to each other. I can always book us into the Taj or something.”

  Not wanting to confront her sister yet again, Emily saw the sense in Simon’s words. She squared her shoulders. “You’re right. I don’t want to really become all bitter and twisted like my ma.”

  “Then stop wasting what’s left of the day.” Simon flashed her a wicked grin then patted her on the rear.

  She cast him a long look before she steeled herself to face Rae. This nonsense had to end, and it was going to end now. From the sound of things, her sister was in the spare room and, judging by the way she slammed the cupboard doors and drawers, hastily packed her things.

  Pausing, and more than just a little nervous at entering the scene of chaos that no doubt waited on the other end of the door, Emily knocked.

  “What?” Rae called out.

  “Can we talk?”

  “What’s there to talk about? This is absolutely pointless. We’re always going round in circle
s.”

  “No, it’s not. Remember what we discussed a while back, that we would be there for each other? I’m sorry I flew off the handle like that.”

  “Yeah... Well...” Rae gave an explosive sigh. “I guess you can come in.”

  A silent, wide-eyed Davy slunk past Emily as she entered, careful not to touch her, as though he might burst into flames at the least amount of contact. Emily almost laughed at the young man’s obvious discomfort. At least he’d put on a t-shirt, though it had so many holes it barely qualified as a garment.

  Rae stood in the midst of what looked like the aftermath of a tornado, an assortment of black and drab fabrics pooled about her feet and scattered across her bed as she’d gone about her packing.

  “Your roots are showing, sis,” Emily said in an attempt at levity before seating herself on the unmade bed.

  Rae raised a trembling hand to her scalp, frowning something awful before the hint of a smile twitched across her lips. She hummed the refrain to an old Gothic metal song, and Emily had a hard time restraining a snort.

  “Black Number One, ja. Okay, sis, so tell me what’s up.” She patted the bed next to her.

  Her sister froze, her eyes narrowed slightly before she perched on the edge of the bed as far away from Emily as possible, her gaze downcast and fingers threaded in her lap. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’ve disrespected you by doing that shit here.”

  “And?”

  “Considering that Davy’s already had uphill from some douches for us trying to make a quick buck, I should probably take this as a more than abundant hint from the universe to give it a break.”

  The two women stared at each other for a long time before Emily spoke again. “Why do you feel it necessary to sell the shit? It might not catch up to you now, but maybe in a week or a month, or even six months from now, you could slip up. Or someone could snitch on you. What then? Smoking is one thing, but this…” Emily didn’t want to pass comment on Davy having run into trouble already.

  “I-I don’t know. I guess I haven’t really thought about it. It didn’t involve waiting tables at a fast food franchise. You know they’d give us alternatives uphill for hair or jewelry, that sort of thing. And I’m not prepared to look like everyone else.”

  So she’d rather sell dope. Emily bit back the words before she spilled them. A nasty memory surfaced at the back of her mind, something she’d heard from a friend of hers. “One of the chicks I used to hang out with at The Event Horizon ended up busted for a gram of speed on a Friday night. I know scare tactics aren’t the best way for this conversation to go, but I don’t want this happening to you. The cops got paid by one of the gangsters in the holding cells to take my friend to the men’s section. It’s not particularly nice to dwell on what happened to her. And I’m not making this up, okay? Her boyfriend at the time, who’d also got caught, said it took forever for her to stop screaming. And she was on anti-retrovirals for ages after, had to get surgery, not to mention see a shrink.”

  To give Rae some credit, she shuddered. “I’m not going to justify what I’ve been doing, okay? And scare tactics won’t work. We both know that. It’s easy money and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m prepared to take my chances.” She looked away, biting her lip.

  “I’m not going to be able to let you stay here if you still sell the shit. You know that. And it’s not right for you to do this to our parents. And it’s not fair on Davy, either, if that’s where I suspect you were packing to move to. He may be a stoner, but until now he hasn’t had a rep for being a dealer. And he’s just started that job at The Event Horizon. I don’t think Gavin would wholly… Never mind. Scratch that, but I think you know what I’m getting at.”

  Rae nodded.

  The beginnings of a plan took shape and Emily didn’t know if she’d regret it sooner than later. “You know, sis. I’d like to have my weekends to spend time with Si. If it means that you’ll not sell weed, I’ll pay you to look after my shop. I know it’s not going to keep you in luxury goods. But if we’re in this together…” She tried not to entertain visions of Rae smoking weed in the back section of the mall. “…at least I’ll know where you are.”

  “Can I think about this?”

  Emily wanted to say Don’t think too hard, but nodded instead.

  “I just keep fucking up.” Damn. Tears scored two shiny tracks down her cheeks, her complexion gone a bright pink.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Emily leaned over to pull her sister to her in a fierce embrace, not liking how Rae’s shoulder blades stuck out. Not an inch of spare fat on the girl.

  Although Rae seemed reluctant to return the hug, she let out a deep, shuddering sigh and relaxed into Emily’s grip. Hesitant arms crept to tighten around Emily. They sat for a long while until Rae’s sobs faded and her breathing grew regular.

  Emily pulled back and regarded her sister, not for the first time feeling that sense of familiarity, of looking into a mirror to see a younger version of her blinking back the last few tears. “So long as you make a concerted effort to not fuck up all the time, it’s okay. Or by mistake on purpose. We all fuck up. Some of us, like the Clark sisters, more spectacularly than others.

  “I love you, you stupid little brat,” Emily said, but not unkindly. “I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you, okay? And, even if I do sound like Ma from time to time, something for which I apologize profusely, it’s only because you’re my kid sister.”

  “Kid sister?”

  “Yeah, kid sister.” Emily punched her lightly on the shoulder. “No matter how old you are, you’ll always stay my kid sister. We could both be a pair of sodding spinsters in an old-age home and you’ll still be the brat, even if you’re using a Zimmer frame and I’m in a wheelchair.”

  A laugh escaped Rae then she shifted on the bed. “I’d better get going.” Her expression became guarded.

  “You still planning on leaving?”

  She bit her lip, looking at Emily. “You got your man here. You’ll need some privacy.”

  “Tsk, it’s fine. We’ll clear out. Go back to Si’s place. It’s probably going to be a bit stuffy but, um... Ja.”

  “You don’t need to do that, Em, really. We’ll go. Just for this evening.”

  Emily let out a hiss of frustration. “That’s stupid. Crawling into that crappy little back flat of his.” She shut her mouth with a snap, realizing she started with her mommy bullshit again. “Shit. Sorry, I’m–”

  Her sister gave a tight smile and reached out to place a hand on Emily’s. “It’s okay, Em. We’ll go get a movie or something, go get a drink and come back in a bit, okay? Maybe pick up something for dinner, a pizza?”

  Emily wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and managed a nod. “Thanks.”

  Rae flashed a smile then stood. “Behave.” She grabbed her sling bag and clattered out of the room before Emily could get a word in edgewise.

  Chapter 11

  Peepshow

  During the time Emily and Rae talked, Simon seemed to have delighted in cornering Davy in the kitchen. Completely unused to being in the same room as someone he must have idolized for years, Davy had wedged himself in the gap between the kitchen counter and the fridge. An expression of mingled horror and fascination was painted on his features while Simon, who had made himself comfortable in the breakfast nook, regaled the younger man with some of his past misdeeds while he waved an opened bottle of beer for emphasis.

  Emily paused at the door behind her sister, not quite ready to break up the tableau before them.

  “He looks scared shitless,” Rae said in a low voice as she turned to grin at her sister.

  “Wouldn’t you be? What if it was someone like Ozzy or the guy from HIM?”

  “Nah. I got balls. And I’ve had time to adjust to the thought that you’re screwing a celeb.”

  “My sister... What a way with words...” Emily stuck out her tongue at Rae.

  At that moment, Davy cast a nervous glance in their direction, his reli
ef at seeing Rae obvious as he crossed the tiles to place an arm around her.

  “You look after her now, okay?” Rae told Simon. “If I hear of any nonsense I’ll get the big lummox behind me to deal with you.” She gestured at Davy. Although she spoke with her best impersonation of a school mistress voice, Rae couldn’t keep her expression neutral, which somewhat ruined the effect of her mock-lecture.

  “Oh go on, you two. I’m fining you a pizza for me and Si to share for this afternoon’s little discovery, spinach and feta, with extra chili. At least let us share in the ill-gotten gains.” Emily shooed them away then watched as the pair stomped down the passage. Rae flipped Emily the bird before she pulled the door closed behind them.

  “Lovely relatives,” Simon rumbled.

  “More dysfunctional than the Addams family on crack.”

  “What does that make me? Riff Raff?”

  “Wrong movie, sweetheart. I’m definitely not talking the Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

  He looked thoughtful for a moment then burst out laughing. “God, I’m daft. I should know these things.”

  “You should, shouldn’t you?” Emily closed the distance between them and straddled Simon. She ran her hands over his chest then sneaked them down behind his back to lift his shirt. “You smell of airports and not having bathed in the past twenty-four hours. I think it’s time we did something about that.”

  “You reckon?” His eyes crinkled at the corners.

  Emily silenced Simon with a deep kiss and relaxed into him as his strong hands gripped her hips. He pulled her firmly onto the hardness pressing against the zipper of his jeans. His tongue danced with hers, daring, seeking, and she only allowed him to taste her lips before she straightened. Simon fell back against the seat, his mouth a disappointed moue.

  “Let’s not waste time. I want to get you naked.” Emily dragged him onto his feet, glad that he followed her as she led him down the passage to the bathroom.

  “Now strip.” She pointed at his chest.

  “Only if you do so at the same.”

  Emily favored Simon with a wicked grin then dropped first one strap of her top and the other. His gaze strayed to the barely revealed flesh. She paused when she’d exposed a little midriff, taking pleasure from the way his hands twitched as if he wanted to grasp her breasts and tried damned hard to resist.