The Year We Became Invincible

by Mae Coyiuto

  “No! I don’t need your help!” I shouted.

  “Hey. You don’t need to shout. I was just offering…”

  “I didn’t want to go to the stupid beach in the first place.”

  “No one’s forcing you.”

  “You are! You are such an ass, Ian.”

  “I’ll be an ass outside then,” he said.

  I left the red bikini in the changing room. Ian was waiting inside the car. He didn’t say anything when I climbed in.

  “I don’t want to go to the beach,” I said.

  “Okay.”

  “Tell Rica I’m sorry.”

  “I will.”

  “Okay.”

  “What are we doing on Friday then?” he asked.

  “Aren’t you going to the beach?”

  He looked at me as if I asked him the most ridiculous question in the world.

  “Why would I go if you’re not going to be there?”

  He held my hand as he drove me home. Maybe, whatever it is that’s going on between the two of us is real.

  Looking forward to meet you,

  Camille

  Dear Future Partner,

  Safe isn’t a word I would use to describe what I have with Ian. I don’t think there is one word in the human language to describe what I feel when I’m with him. It is exciting, but scary. It is confusing, and it doesn’t make a lot of sense. He has his flaws, and I like him that way. Ian isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. Perfect is overrated anyway.

  Since I had a lot of tests to study for, I told Ian that I couldn’t hang out on Friday after all.

  “I can study with you.”

  “You’re going to study?”

  “Sure. I believe in trying new things every day.”

  We snuck into one of the classrooms in school again. It felt different when it was just the two of us. The room felt a lot smaller. I had all my notes and books open, but I couldn’t concentrate. My heart was beating really fast.

  “Why are you so nervous?” he asked.

  “I’m not nervous.”

  “You’ve been clenching and unclenching your fists this whole time. You’re also sitting a good five feet away from me.”

  “It’s just being here…at night…”

  “Do you want to move?”

  “You make me nervous.”

  “How come? We see each other all the time.”

  “Not when you and I have you know…a thing.”

  “A thing?” he laughed.

  “You know what I mean. I’m new to this boy-girl interaction stuff.”

  “But you were with Felix…”

  “It was different. Plus you were with Gabby who’s so gorgeous…so confident…I bet she never said anything like this…”

  “Hey. I don’t want to be with Gabby. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Just you.”

  “You rated my hug a five.”

  “What does that have anything to do with this?”

  “If my hug is a five, imagine how bad I’m going to be at the other stuff.”

  “Cam, I didn’t mean it. You were just so serious, and it was so tempting to make fun of you.”

  “Okay.”

  “You’re still nervous.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “I’m not going to pounce on you, Cam,” he teased.

  “You did every time you kissed me.”

  “Okay. I promise I will not take you off guard anymore.”

  “Good.”

  I went back to trying to study. All Ian did was stare at me.

  “Do you have something you want to say?” I laughed.

  “Cam, is it okay if I move closer to you?”

  I nodded, and he scooted until his leg brushed mine. I didn’t know how many nerve endings there were in my leg, but all of them were firing. I never realized how good he smelled. We sat side-by-side for a while, and then he asked.

  “Cam, is it okay if I put my arms around you?”

  I nodded again. I was nervous, but it felt nice to feel his arms wrapped around my body. I leaned my head against his chest, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. Every time he exhaled, I felt his breath on my neck.

  “Is this okay?” he whispered in my ear.

  “This is nice,” I whispered back.

  “You aren’t nervous anymore?”

  “No. Are you?”

  “No. Cam?”

  “What?”

  “You’re so not a five.”

  I turned, and I kissed him. And he kissed me back. His hands were in my hair, and my hands moved to his waist. It was different from when I kissed Felix. He wasn’t careful, and I didn’t want him to be. I didn’t want him to stop. He fell on his back, and I fell on top of him.

  “Ow!”

  “Oh my god. Did I hurt you?” I asked.

  “No… no… keep going.”

  Then I saw all the bruises on his arm…the bruise on his face.

  “Ian, your bruises…”

  “They give me like the dangerous brooding bad boy look, don’t you think?”

  “Ian, your mom…”

  “Let’s not talk about that tonight.”

  “But Ian…”

  “I’m so happy, Cam. You make me so happy. Aren’t you?” He stroked my fingers.

  “Yeah, I’m happy.”

  “We should travel.”

  “What?”

  “You and me. We should go away and see the world. We can go anywhere…we should go to Antarctica.”

  “Antarctica?”

  “Why not? How many people do you know have been to Antarctica?”

  “None…but…”

  “See? We’ll be pioneers!”

  “You’re crazy, Ian.”

  “I may be crazy, but can you imagine anything better than traveling together?”

  I couldn’t.

  “My parents will never allow me and we don’t have the money…”

  “We don’t have to go right away. Just think about it for the future.”

  “Are you telling me that you’re planning out your future? What happened to living impromptu?”

  “I don’t have a life plan or anything, but yeah I can see us traveling together in the future.”

  “So Antarctica?”

  “Antarctica.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’ll take a maybe.”

  “But right now, I really have to study.”

  “Okay. Just please take it easy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You really caught me off guard with that kiss. You’re pretty aggressive.”

  I pushed him, and he wrapped his arms around me again. We stayed like that for the rest of the night. I didn’t get much studying done, but I didn’t really care. He saw me in his future.

  Looking forward to meet you,

  Camille

  Dear Future Partner,

  The UC acceptance letters came out today. We were having Math class when someone got the message that the results came out. It was chaos. We all excused ourselves to go to the computer labs or any other office that had Internet.

  “Dear Ms. Li,

  Thank you for your interest in UC Berkeley. After careful consideration and a thorough review of your candidacy…”

  I didn’t get in.

  Jenny got in though. I congratulated her and told her I was so happy for her. I felt bad because I think she felt too uncomfortable to celebrate. She asked me if I wanted to hang out after school, but I lied and told her I was busy. I smiled and kept saying things like:

  “I’m okay.”

  “So many other people deserved the slot.”

  “People have bigger problems. This is nothing.”

  But it didn’t feel like nothing. I was crushed.

  Ian was waiting for me outside school. I automatically knew that he knew. He didn’t ask me how I was doing or if I was okay. All he did was hug me. In that moment, it was all I needed.

  “What am I going to do, Ian? How am I
going to tell Dad? I used to have it all figured out. I was the ballerina and the future doctor. Now, I’m…nothing.”

  Ian hugged me tighter and said, “Cam, you’re so much more than that.”

  I didn’t want to talk anymore. I buried my head in his neck and I wanted the whole world to just pause. Then he pulled away and said:

  “Let’s run.”

  “What?”

  “Remember when we snuck in that concert and we got away from the guard and how great that felt.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Okay. Imagine instead of a security guard, imagine your dad, the SAT, college, your ridiculous life plan, and your fears are chasing you. We’re going to get away from them.”

  “What? Ian?”

  I was too late. He started running.

  “C’mon, Cam!”

  I ran after him. So many confused elementary school kids and parents were giving me the “what the hell is she doing” look, but I didn’t stop. I caught up with Ian, and we ran. We didn’t have a destination, but we kept on going. Running with Ian didn’t make me magically pass college. I was still devastated, but somehow I felt assured that it wasn’t the end of the world.

  If it turns out that I’m writing to a grown-up Ian years from now, thank you for making me feel that way. Thank you for being there.

  Looking forward to meet you,

  Camille

  Dear Future Partner,

  Birthdays are always bittersweet for me. On the sweet side, it’s a day entirely devoted to celebrating your existence. On the bitter side, it’s a day to celebrate you inching closer to non-existence.

  What I really love about my birthday though is the traditions I keep. My family makes it a point to always have dinner together during birthdays. My parents always get the favorite cake of the celebrant, and everyone has to eat a slice. Even though I hate chocolate, I ate a piece of cake for Nikki’s birthday. And even if she doesn’t like vanilla, she will have to eat a slice of mine. I didn’t factor in Ian into my birthday celebrations. We were in the coffee house when he brought it up:

  “I have something for you.”

  He handed me an album. Inside there were different pictures and cut-outs of people. I recognized a few of the faces, but not all of them.

  “What is this?”

  “I collected a group of pictures of what other people have done by the time they’re 18. You know, to put your life in perspective…”

  He started flipping the pages inside.

  “See, look. Edgar Allan Poe published his first book of poetry by the age of 18. And this is Samantha Larson. When she turned 18, she became the youngest person to climb the highest mountains on all seven continents.”

  “Ian, this makes me feel like I haven’t done anything with my life.”

  “Wait, I put in someone to make you feel better about yourself here…This is Billy the Kid—he was charged with 12 murders at 18 years old.”

  “Why is there a picture of me in the last page?”

  “Oh, I wrote all the things you’ve accomplished by the time you turn 18… like here, I got a picture somewhere online of your first recital…And here you are piloting the plane, where you almost had me killed. I don’t know…I just think that you focus too much on what you have to be, and you forget about all that you’ve done. All of this doesn’t even capture you. In my mind, you’re in the same league as all these people…well maybe not Billy the Kid…”

  “I didn’t know you had a sweet, sensitive side.”

  “You like the gift?”

  “This might be the weirdest and sweetest birthday gift I’ve ever received.”

  “This is not THE birthday gift.”

  “It’s not?”

  “No, consider it a pre-birthday gift. I’m going to give you your real gift when I take you out to dinner tomorrow.”

  “I’m sorry, Ian. I have other plans tomorrow…”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “I really want to spend my birthday with you Ian, but I always have dinner with my family. It’s like a tradition…wait, why don’t you join us?”

  “For your family dinner?”

  “Yeah! It’ll be perfect, then you’ll get to meet my dad and Nikki…”

  “I don’t know, Cam…”

  “Please. Having you there will be the best birthday gift.”

  “You really want me to go?” he sighed.

  “Yes. I really want you to go.”

  “Fine, but I might consider not giving you my second gift.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  He intertwined his fingers with mine, and I stroked his dimple.

  “I really like this part about you.”

  “This one dimple?” he laughed.

  “Yes.”

  “Hm. Have you heard of Norbert Schwarz?”

  “No, please educate me.”

  “He does a lot of research in social psychology, and he found that people rely on their feelings when they make judgments. So in one of his studies, he asked one group of people to list three features they liked about a significant person, and he asked the other group to list ten features. Those who listed the ten features reported that they liked their significant person less because they had a harder time thinking about ten features they liked compared to three.”

  “So what’s your opinion on this?”

  “I used to believe it, but now I don’t think it applies to everyone.”

  “How come?”

  “Because I can effortlessly list ten features I like about you.”

  “Sure, you can.”

  “I like that I can feel this blister on your thumb when I hold your hand. I like the way your eyebrows furrow and your eyes squint when you read. It makes your eyes even smaller, which I didn’t think was possible. I like that you don’t mind that we’re the same height. I like how you think a lot about what you say before you open your mouth, even if it takes forever. I like how you get annoyed when I call you Cam, but you still respond anyway. I like how you’re a senior in high school and still label your pens. I like that you give people second chances. I like that you reluctantly say yes to every adventure. I like the way you always call me out when I’m being an ass. I like that you keep coming back even if I’m a complete ass. See? Ten features, and I still like you.”

  “You can’t possibly like all those things about me.”

  He leaned over and kissed me. On the mouth. In public. I usually didn’t approve of PDA, but I forgot about everyone else in the coffee house. Ian was only one person, but he meant more to me than the rest of the population.

  “Do you believe me now?” he asked.

  I think I do.

  Looking forward to meet you,

  Camille

  Dear Future Partner,

  I was beginning to think that inviting Ian over might have been a mistake. I didn’t warn Ian about my mom’s tendency for backhanded compliments, and I had no idea how my dad would react. I wanted to talk to Jenny about all of this. I know that she was the one person who would understand. Aside from my family birthday dinner celebration, Jenny and I have our own tradition. We would visit each other’s house the night before our birthdays, and we would wait until the clock struck midnight. We made a deal that we would always be the first ones to greet each other happy birthday. But it was an hour until midnight, and she still wasn’t here. She didn’t answer any of my calls either. I was getting worried, so I decided it was time to shake up the tradition.

  It was Jenny’s mom who opened the door. She had rollers in her hair and the “just got out of bed” look. Maybe I should have thought twice before coming over unannounced at midnight.

  “Camille! What are you doing here so late?”

  “Sorry, Ms. Barera, is Jenny here?”

  “She’s in her room.”

  Jenny didn’t look happy to see me.

  “Camille?”

  “Hey. I was worried something happened to you. You always pick up your phone.”

  She shrug
ged. Why was she acting so weird?

  “Why didn’t you come over?” I asked.

  “I thought you were busy.”

  “Did you forget my birthday?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Then why didn’t you say you weren’t coming? We’ve been doing this birthday thing for years, and you’re my best friend…”

  “Really? I’m your best friend? Best friends don’t stop going to ballet practices after ten years without talking about it. Best friends don’t go through their first break-up without saying something. Best friends don’t feel like they have to pretend that they’re okay when they’re not.”

  I didn't understand why Jenny was mad at me. I should be the one mad at her. I was always there for her when she hung out with other people. For years, I felt like I was competing for a slot to be her friend. We call ourselves best friends, but I always questioned if it was merely out of habit. I finally said what I've been bottling up inside me for so long:

  “It’s so easy for you, Jenny. For years, I sat on the sidelines and watched you make so many friends. In school and in ballet, you fit in everywhere. And I finally found a group of people where I feel like I belong. But once I get friends on my own, you’re going to stop being mine?”

  “Gosh, Camille. You make me sound like some crazy clingy girlfriend. I’m happy that you have new friends. It's just that we’re graduating soon, and I have no idea where the two of us are going to be. We’ve been together through everything, and I guess I’m scared because I don’t know how I’m going to go through life without you by my side. I’m not saying that I should be the only person in your life, Camille—that’s crazy. I just want to be a part of it.”

  “That’s all I want too,” I said. Right there and then, I realized that I never had to compete to be Jenny's friend. No matter how many new people enter our lives, Jenny will always be a part of me. No one can ever fill that slot.

  We all obsess about finding the right boyfriend, the right girlfriend. We think that this person will come along and make our lives complete. Maybe it’s not the romantic partner that makes us complete. Maybe it’s the best friend.

  Jenny had this huge smug on her face. “What?” I asked.

  “Tell me about the new boy.”

  I started from the beginning. I told her about the SATs, the Invincibles, Gabby’s party, and even inviting Ian over to the house. Jenny buried her mouth in her pillow to stop herself from squealing.