by Eva Brandt
Not wanting my parents to suspect anything was amiss, I hastily added, “The truth is the school isn’t so bad. I’m learning a lot of new stuff and I think this might help me in the future. It might not be a total waste of time, if it keeps me from having further seizures.
“And the people here aren’t all bad. I mean, I know what the stories say, but demons aren’t that scary once you get to know them.”
“Really?” My father sounded skeptical. “You’ve made friends then?”
“A few, yes.” More lies. The only real friend I had here was the one I’d come with, Shiro. Everyone else was untrustworthy, and even the men I’d desperately wanted to believe in had stabbed me in the back. “They have houses here, kind of like at Hogwarts, and a lot of the people in my house have been welcoming.”
I could tell they still didn’t believe me, so I decided to take a different approach. “It’s so funny,” I said. “There’s a dragon here, and he’s super friendly and we learn Sanskrit together. And two of my teachers are actual deities.”
As I rambled on, peppering the glum truths of my current existence with the occasional fun anecdote, I prayed they wouldn’t question all the inconsistencies in my story. I suspected that if they did, if they continued trying to free me, they’d be the first to pay the price.
* * *
In the weeks that followed my brush with angelic death, life at the academy took a turn for the surreal. Overnight, I became the most popular girl in school. I’d have never in a million years expected it, but apparently, rumor had spread that I’d spurned Heaven and chosen to return to my demonic existence. Between that and my confrontation with Professor Jones, the students somehow seemed to have decided that I’d had this epic battle with the angels who’d tried to kill me and had come out the victor.
It was befuddling, and if I could’ve been bothered to care, I’d have tried to clarify their misconceptions. Instead, I shamelessly took advantage of it, since it meant that, for once, I wasn’t being bullied. I didn’t know how long this respite would last, but for the moment, I’d embrace it.
From time to time, I called my parents, careful to not leave them hanging like I had in the past. They still weren’t fully convinced I was as comfortable at the academy as I claimed, but there was nothing I could do about it.
On the bright side, Mephistopheles had finally given me a potion that provided me with the medical aid I needed. “It’ll make sure your brain doesn’t get overwhelmed by any electrical impulses. It should also help you control your magic. One dose, every night.”
I didn’t ask him why he’d never given it to me before. He must’ve believed—and rightly so—that Callum and Mikael were taking care of me, and hadn’t deemed it necessary.
My new popularity came in handy, since now that I’d rejected my former lovers, I no longer had any convenient private tutors. But other students were suddenly vying for my attention, offering their aid for certain classes.
It was through this peculiar turn of events that I ended up being tutored by my worst frenemy, Gemma Grimm. At this point, I had no idea how to describe her any longer, and I had very little desire to spend time with her. However, Dean Mephistopheles insisted she was proficient in mind magic and the teachers seemed to agree. I couldn’t attend the Psyche Manipulation classes myself, since the curriculum was much too advanced for me. While Dean Mephistopheles had agreed to give me private classes, he had countless responsibilities that didn’t allow him to be my personal teacher for every single thing. Gemma was supposed to replace him in the field of mind magic.
While shocked at the news that I possessed such skills, she did help me. But the knowledge came at a cost.
“What’s your problem with Callum, Stefan, and Mikael, anyway?” she asked me, after one of our tutoring sessions. We were in the library, and we’d just been discussing methods to understand and overpower human emotion. “You were taking lessons with them and now you’re treating them like they have the plague or something.”
I had no desire to explain my romantic life to Gemma, but she was staring at me expectantly, so I had to say something. “We… uh… had a fight.”
“A fight? But why?”
Unbidden, the words spilled from my lips. “Because they were dicks and thought that love is demonstrated by brainwashing someone to forget their parents. That’s why.”
Gemma stared at me as if I’d sprouted a second head. Then, much to my annoyance, she burst into laughter. “Whoa. Really? Ouch. That is a little nasty.”
“That’s not the way I’d describe it, Gemma,” I shot back at her. “They manipulated my memories and my past.”
“Right, I keep forgetting you’re human and you have these weird sensibilities.” Gemma wiped a tear of mirth from the corner of her eye. “But you do realize you’re taking a class to do just that, don’t you? To learn how to manipulate memories, among other things?”
“No, I’m taking a class to control the powers that might allow me to do that if I’m not careful,” I told her. In truth, I wasn’t convinced of my own argument, but the fact remained that I did need to learn this if I wanted to ever leave the academy.
Gemma looked skeptical, but let me get away with it anyway. “Okay, but, if you’re so pissed at them, why don’t you get even?”
“Get even?” The notion hadn’t occurred to me. I’d been too busy putting my conflicting thoughts and feelings in order to consider something like revenge.
“Of course. You’re obviously angry, and that’s fair enough. But they won’t be punished for something like this. So take matters in your own hands and teach them a little lesson.”
“Like what?” I asked. “I don’t actually want them hurt.”
I didn’t. I’d yet to decide what to do about the contract with Mikael. And even if I did give up on him—on all of them—completely, I didn’t want them to physically suffer.
As it turned out, Gemma’s suggestion didn’t involve that kind of pain. “Hit them where it hurts,” she offered. “Start dating someone else.”
In hindsight, the idea was obvious. They’d made it clear that I belonged to them and they’d displayed jealousy even toward one another. While they’d set it aside on my request, I had no doubt that it would be much tougher now that I’d rejected them. Mikael himself had admitted it, in a way. He’d said he’d have no problem with me sleeping with someone else, but a genuine bond would upset him.
A memory of Dean Mephistopheles flashed through my mind, the way he’d been when he’d touched me in the office. He’d come very close to fucking me that day, and he undoubtedly would have if I hadn’t said no out of loyalty to them. I secretly found the whole episode still questionable, since those strange manifestations of his magic had touched me sexually and, together, they’d made me come.
My lovers hadn’t minded at the time. But would it be different if I reached out to the dean now?
The mere idea made me squirm in my seat in incipient arousal. He’d lied to me too, but I didn’t feel he had betrayed me the way they had. I’d wanted him even at a time when I’d thought I shouldn’t. It was stupid and I might be setting myself up for heartbreak again, but I couldn’t help but crave him anyway.
“You can think of someone, can’t you?” Gemma said, interested. “Who?”
“I’m not going to tell you,” I replied, my face heating. “You’d just use the information against me. Besides, I haven’t decided if I’m going to do anything about it or not.”
Gemma didn’t seem offended by my distrust. “Look at that. You’re learning. Good job. Maybe you’re making progress in understanding demons, after all. Then again, considering the reason why you’re angry at those three, maybe not.”
Feeling extra bitter, I stuck my tongue out at Gemma. “Just forget it and let’s study, okay? Believe it or not, I actually do want to learn this.”
“Sure thing. I’d hate to disappoint you, after you went and turned away the angels for our sake. But tell me, how are they like? Are al
l of them as hot as Mikael?”
I abandoned all hope of ever understanding Gemma. “I only met one and yes, he was hot.” He was also Mikael’s father, and I refused to think of him in a sexual way. I hadn’t gotten a good enough look at the other two, so I didn’t mention them at all. “Now, can we go back to the lesson, please?”
“Well, if you want to be boring.” Gemma let out a theatrical sigh. “Okay.”
I didn’t have the courage to approach the dean about Gemma’s suggestion. Instead, I decided to focus on more practical matters, like reading up on demonic law and learning how to control my magic. A part of me did want to get some kind of revenge on Mikael and the others, but I feared that making hasty decisions would just worsen an already unbearable situation.
It was at the end of the month that I finally discarded all my fears. We had another Battle Magic class, and this time, I was standing next to Morrigan. Mikael, Callum, and Stefan were on the opposite side of the circle of standing stones, and they never once looked away from me during the lesson.
Instead of going for the battle royale approach, Morrigan picked individual students and had them all demonstrate separate techniques to fight. It wasn’t as quick and efficient as her previous method, but she wasn’t willing to have a repeat of the episode with the snake.
After class, she asked me to stay behind. Once everyone else left, she sat down on the grass and gestured for me to join her. I did, and Shiro padded to my side, as always my faithful companion.
“I still feel I failed you by not protecting you while you were in my class,” she said as I leaned against him. “I should’ve sensed the snake the angels sent, and I should’ve been able to keep you here. I apologize for not being able to save you.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, Lady Morrigan,” I replied. “It was for the best. At least, now I know where I stand with the people I care about.”
“Do you?” Morrigan asked me. “I don’t think so. If you had, you’d have cut off the familiar bond between you and Mikael already.”
“Is that what you think I should do?” I asked in a soft voice. I’d been studying the possibility since I’d woken up, but I still wasn’t one-hundred percent certain.
Morrigan twisted her wrist and a murder of crows swept over us. Unlike during my first meeting with Morrigan, they made no attempt to attack us. Some landed on the standing stones, others on the ground. One came up to Morrigan, and a few bolder ones made their way to Shiro, inspecting him curiously.
Morrigan caressed the feathers of the crow now standing on her arm and said, “It’s not anyone’s place to decide what you want to do with your life. You’re the only one who can understand the meaning of your own heart.
“I am not a demon or a deity of romantic love. I couldn’t give you any insight in this if I tried. But in my experience, life is a battle. Once we have determined who our opponents are, we have to strike them down.”
“And do you think Mikael, Callum, and Stefan are my enemies?”
“I think they don’t want to be, but your opinion might be different. What they want and what they actually managed to do are two separate things entirely. A demon’s love is a dangerous thing. Some have even called it parasitic. When it comes to fighting it, you cannot hesitate. You have to make a choice.”
It was pretty much what the dean had told me, and they were both right.
“I don’t know if I can accept what they did,” I confessed. “They helped Shiro, but on the other hand, I feel so betrayed.”
“Well, then, there’s your answer.”
I looked at her ageless face and another question popped in my head. What had she been talking about that day, when I’d overheard her and Lilith arguing?
I wanted to ask, but something silenced my words. “Lady Morrigan,” I said instead, “I don’t belong here. I’m going to keep the promise I made, then I’ll go back home, to my parents, go to university, like I always dreamed. I’m going to become a translator. Maybe one day, I’ll have an independent business of my own.”
“That sounds like an excellent goal, child,” she said with a smile. “Just remember to control the power you have, and I’m sure you’ll accomplish it.”
I nodded and thanked her. Her words had given me clarity and I now knew what I needed to do.
I couldn’t break the familiar bond outright, not without some kind of backup plan. If I did so, Mikael would get into trouble. Despite everything, I couldn’t allow that. I’d wait until I finished the last year at the academy and get rid of the contract then.
In the meantime, I needed to have another conversation with my former lovers and make my intentions clear. Since our argument, I no longer shared Mikael’s room, and I barely saw him in the dorms. But they all still came to the grand hall for meals, so I could approach him and the others there.
Instead of walking up to Mikael outright, I sent Shiro with a message to him. Even if Shiro couldn’t communicate with other people, he could speak to TB and she’d be able to translate. I knew she’d suffer because of my selfishness too, but it was better this way.
It worked perfectly. While I was sitting at the table, chewing on a delicious dinner that tasted like dust in my mouth, my pup padded to Mikael’s side. From my position, I couldn’t observe their exchange, but Shiro came back shortly after and placed his head on my knee, nodding. I fed him a bit of bacon and smiled. “Thank you, Shiro.”
Once my familiar finished his treat, I said goodbye to my housemates and left the table. Since I had no desire to wait in the courtyard, I found a spot in the garden outside, under one of the apple trees. As I leaned against a tree trunk, I scratched Shiro’s ear. “Am I doing the right thing, Shiro?”
Shiro woofed and nuzzled my cheek with his snout. His affection soothed me, a comfortable anchor in a sea of uncertainty. “Yes,” I said. “I’m doing the right thing.”
My former lovers showed up shortly after, finding me with ease. “You wanted to talk to us, Lyssa?” Callum asked me.
They didn’t sit down, perhaps knowing I wouldn’t welcome it. Of course, the end result was that they were looming over me, which made me uncomfortable. I got up, hating myself a little for experiencing this anxiety.
They’d never hurt me physically, although they’d had ample time to do it. And a part of me still didn’t think they wanted to do that. I had nothing to fear.
“I’ll get right to the point,” I said, straightening my back and meeting their eyes. “I’m going to break the familiar bond. But you don’t have to worry about me doing it now. I understand that it’d be problematic for you. I’ll do it after I finish my time here, next year.”
Mikael pressed his lips together and clenched his fists, but said nothing. The silence was so awkward that I couldn’t help but fill it. “I’m so grateful for what you did for me and Shiro. It’s true that you manipulated me and all that, but even so, I will never forget the fact that you brought him back to me.
“Maybe in part, this is my fault, because before I came here, you were well on your way to becoming Satan. This way, you’ll still get your chance. I’m sure that by the time I leave, you’ll be able to find an alternative and occupy whatever role you want.”
That finally drew a reaction out of Mikael. “There’s no reason to wait,” he told me, his voice as icy as his blue eyes. “We’ve already figured out a solution.”
“You have?” That was the last thing I’d expected him to say. “What solution?”
“It’s quite simple,” Callum explained. “Mikael needs to be a familiar to stay at the academy, but he doesn’t have to be your familiar. The bond between the two of you can be transferred onto me. I’m already carrying a connection like that, so it wouldn’t be weird. And since we were all involved in the original ritual, we should be able to do it without too much trouble. I’m sure Dean Mephistopheles would be willing to help us with the tougher parts.”
The possibility had never occurred to me. It sounded ideal. I’d go my own way an
d they’d continue with their lives. We could just ignore one another, for as long as I was still at the academy, at least.
“Okay. That sounds great.”
“Right. Of course it does.” In the darkness, Mikael’s face looked as pale as the moon. “Was that everything?”
“Yes,” I replied. I had nothing more to say to them. Further recriminations wouldn’t help me. I would start over and so would they. “I’ll speak to the dean tomorrow morning and make sure he approves it. I’ll send you a message with the time and date of the ritual later.”
Callum shot me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks. We appreciate it.”
I doubted that very much, but I didn’t call him out on his lie. “It’s for the best,” I said, and the words tasted bitter on my lips.
“I agree,” Stefan offered. “It is for the best. Just take care of yourself, okay, Lyssa? I mean, Ms. Michaelis.”
His decision to call me by my last name shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It was suitable, since I could no longer be Lyssa for them. Not their princess, their darkling, or their bitch. Ms. Michaelis. “I will, Mr. Schwarz,” I answered. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Mikael replied.
The others looked like they wanted to say something more, but in the end, they decided against it. They simply turned away and headed back toward the academy.
I watched them disappear into the distance with a heavy heart. “Am I doing the right thing, Shiro?” I asked my familiar again.
Shiro leaned against my leg and licked my palm. Just like before, it helped. Even so, it didn’t completely chase away the sudden emptiness I felt inside.
A single tear trailed down my cheek and I furiously wiped it away. “Stupid idiots. Why couldn’t you give us a real chance?”
Infuriated and hurt, I stalked toward my dorm. They’d made their choice and I’d made mine. Soon, the last thing that bound us together would be gone, and I’d be able to truly let go.
Maybe then, I’d manage to convince myself that nothing we’d shared had been real.