by Eva Brandt
“I’m not going back to the dorms,” I cut him off before he could finish the sentence. “I want to help too.”
Mephistopheles clenched his jaw, displeased. Even so, he ultimately decided we didn’t have time to argue about this. “All right. We’ll do things your way. But I expect you to listen to me, no matter what. Is that understood, Ms. Michaelis?”
“Yes, of course.” I might be stubborn, but I wasn’t an idiot. I knew I wasn’t prepared to handle this on my own. That was why I’d come to get him in the first place. We needed to turn Stefan back into his regular form, and I had no idea where to begin.
Shadows appeared around us, shielding us from view. In the distance, I caught another glimpse of the bleeding Mikael struggling to stand up properly. And then, Mephistopheles pulled me into his arms and surrounded me with his wings and I didn’t see anything anymore.
His hold, which had once helped me so much, no longer brought me the same comfort.
* * *
Since Mephistopheles was the dean of the academy, it was pretty easy for him to track down missing persons. Stefan was no different. We found him in a cave, a couple of miles away from Polyphemus’s lighthouse. For a human being, it was practically inaccessible by foot due to the furious waters swirling around the entrance. Mephistopheles carried us there with ease.
“Be on your guard and stay behind me at all times,” he told me as we landed at the entrance of the cave. “Hell hounds are very protective of their lairs and it’s likely that he’ll be hostile.”
“Lair?” I asked. “So this isn’t a one time, casual shelter?”
Mephistopheles shook his head. “A lot of shifters have their own little nests on the island. Usually, they’re next to the dorms, inland, since it’s dangerous for someone to have a lair so close to Redrum’s. But Redrum and Stefan get along and hell hounds always tend to do better when they feel like they’re guarding something.”
I’d have liked to ask more questions, especially to find out if Mephistopheles thought Stefan could be cured. I never got the chance. As we entered the cave and made our way into its depths, a loud, pained roar echoed from the darkness. The next thing I knew, a hulking figure lunged at Mephistopheles, so fast he couldn’t hope to avoid the attack.
The duo fell to the ground with a thud, with Mephistopheles on the bottom and his attacker on top of him. In the barely-there light of the cavern, I couldn’t distinguish much, but I caught flashes of Mephistopheles’s familiar wings.
And then I heard the growl, just as familiar, if not more so. “You touched her. You shouldn’t have touched her. I’ll tear you apart.”
The words were barely comprehensible, but even so, I easily identified the speaker. It was Stefan. Stefan was the being that had attacked Mephistopheles.
On the bright side, he was no longer a quadruped, and he’d obviously regained the ability to shift. But he wasn’t humanoid either, and beneath the obvious anger in his voice, I could hear pain. Something was still very wrong.
“You’re not thinking clearly,” Mephistopheles said. “Stefan, you need to take a step back and breathe.”
The words sounded calm enough, but his actions were anything but. His magic blazed around him, lighting up the cave and allowing me to see them better. It brought me very little relief.
The strength behind the blast shoved Stefan back and he snarled, obviously infuriated. He looked very little like the man I’d fallen in love with. His body had grown, his spine curving and his limbs twisting into a different, more lupine shape. He was still walking on two feet, but his legs were a lot like paws, regardless. His body was covered in thick black fur and a wolfish tail had sprung out from the small of his back.
In some ways, he reminded me of the classical image of a werewolf. Or he would have, at least, if he hadn’t been twitching and spasming so badly.
For a few seconds, I thought he was having a seizure of his own, but it soon became obvious that this wasn’t the case. “You need help,” Mephistopheles said. “Your shift isn’t stable. You’ll die if this keeps happening.”
Stefan growled at him, digging his sharp claws in his palms. Blood dripped onto the ground and it left a scorch mark on the rocky terrain, as if it was acid. “Why do you care?” he asked. “You’ve taken everything from me. My mates. My family. My body. What does it matter if I die?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. The simple fact that Stefan doubted the worth of his existence broke my heart. I stepped between him and Mephistopheles, ignoring Mephistopheles’s angry hiss. “Alyssa!”
Meanwhile, Stefan took a couple of steps back, as if my presence horrified him. “You… You shouldn’t be here. It’s too dangerous.”
“Maybe, but I’m not leaving,” I told him. “I’m not afraid of you. I never have been. Don’t you remember?”
“Things have changed,” Stefan answered. “I’ve already hurt you.”
“That might be true, but it hurts me even more to see something like this happen to you and to hear you talking that way. Of course your life matters. How could it not?”
It was shamelessly manipulative to say such things. I meant them, of course, but I was also using them in the hope of convincing him to cooperate. So far, he was listening, but I didn’t know how long that would last.
“You and I might have our differences, but you’re still important to me. I know it’s unreasonable of me to ask, but please listen to him. We are genuinely trying to help right now. This was the last thing we wanted. Come with us.”
Much to my dismay, Stefan shook his head. “I don’t belong at the school. I’m an animal.”
“You’re not! You’re a person. And even if you were an animal, you’d still deserve care. You’re unwell right now. You can’t abandon hope like this. I’m begging you.”
Stefan’s eyes—the only thing about him that looked identical to what I remembered—flickered with emotion. “Okay,” he said after a long pause. “But… We need to hurry. I’m not sure how long I can control it.”
As Stefan relaxed his stance, Mephistopheles approached him and took his hand. “Come on. I’ll take us to the infirmary. We’ll discuss things more there.”
Stefan bared his fangs and said nothing. He was obviously still very unhappy with Mephistopheles, and he was agreeing to this just because I’d asked.
I wanted to do something more than offer useless words, but I still remembered Professor Grim’s words. If Stefan’s situation was similar to Mikael’s, my presence didn’t actively hurt him, but touching him might. The ritual magic that had led us here still affected him. I had to do my best to keep my distance, but help him at the same time.
That was a little hard to do, since Stefan was so very jealous and Mephistopheles had to touch me to bring me along. The problem immediately became obvious when we left the cave and Mephistopheles levitated us up the cliff. The moment his shadowy magic enveloped me, Stefan started to flail in protest. “No! Don’t touch her!”
“I’ll be fine,” I tried to reassure him. “It’s not far, and it’s just magic.”
“That’s exactly the problem!” he roared.
Mephistopheles didn’t react well to Stefan’s outburst. The shadows tightened their hold on us, and while it didn’t feel uncomfortable for me, I suspected Stefan wasn’t so lucky. “Enough!” Mephistopheles bellowed. “Control yourself or I will knock you out. I don’t care how sick you feel. I will not allow you to be rude to Alyssa.”
“He’s not being rude,” I protested. “He’s just being honest.”
Although I was trying to defend him, Stefan flinched. Had I said something wrong again? God, no matter what I did, I kept fucking things up more. I was a colossal, walking disaster today.
I tried to shake off my feelings of self-disgust and focus on Stefan, but that became impossible when Mephistopheles finally used his magic to transport us back to the academy. We arrived in front of the infirmary and inside, I found something that stole what little composure I had left.
&n
bsp; At one point while we’d been away, Callum had brought Mikael here and Morrigan was tending to his back injuries. There was no room divider or anything like that, so the moment I walked in, I got a clear look of the mess of gore that was his back.
I must’ve made some kind of noise, because Morrigan turned toward us. If she had any opinion about my presence, she didn’t show it. Instead, she zeroed in on Stefan and let out a vicious string of words I suspected were curses. “This is what you get when you jump into rituals without being fully prepared for them. Sit down on the bed, Mr. Schwarz. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
He complied, and although he gave Mikael a concerned look, he didn’t seem surprised at the wing stumps now visible on his back. Perhaps he’d expected this too. If he had—if they’d all known this would happen—why had they gone through with this insanity?
Over the following minutes, I watched Morrigan go from Mikael to Stefan, doing her best to heal their injuries. Today, her magic had an entirely different feel, more motherly than it had been in the past. I appreciated her help more than I could ever say, but at the same time, it made me feel superfluous and stupid.
What could I do that Morrigan couldn’t? I was just a human, barely in control of my own magic. It was the ritual centered on me that had led to this. I was powerless to stop it, just like I’d been powerless to rescue Shiro.
In the end, no one had to tell me to go. I left myself, because I could tell I wasn’t wanted there.
Mephistopheles had told me I’d done the right thing by rejecting my bond with Mikael. But even if I had, even if our relationship had been as dishonest and toxic as I’d believed, I couldn’t discard it.
My head and my heart hurt.
What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
Adjustment
For the next couple of days, things at the academy drifted into a tense normality. We received no explanation on the reasons behind the weather anomaly, but the student body decided it had likely been caused by some kind of experiment gone wrong. Apparently, Professor Jones liked to play with volatile mixtures and it wasn’t the first time weird things happened on the island.
In the overall agitation and excitement, the absence of the three former princes of the school went unnoticed. The students of The House of Wrath hadn’t mentioned anything about Stefan and if anyone in Envy realized Mikael’s absence was an anomaly, they didn’t show it.
It was Samuel Byte who changed that.
Apparently, he’d received medical assistance for his wounded genitals and had run into my ex-lovers in the infirmary. He didn’t seem to realize what was wrong with Mikael, but Stefan’s affliction had been very visible.
Samuel wasted no time in pointing it out. “He’s trapped between forms,” I heard him say one day, when we were all leaving Demonology together. “I don’t know what’s dumber, his inability to shift or the fact that the school still allows him to stay here.”
“Well, that whole business with familiars receiving such privileges was always very sketchy,” Gemma answered. “Maybe Professor Faust was right at the beginning of the year and we’re finally headed in the right direction.”
Or maybe I was the one who’d put my fist through her stupid face, rip out her fangs and stab her in the heart with them. Yeah, that sounded like a great idea. If nothing else, it would exorcise some of the tension I felt because I hadn’t dared to visit my ex-lovers.
I opened my mouth to give them a piece of my mind, but Gemma spoke first. “What do you think, Alyssa?” she asked. “Do we have a chance?”
I shot her a look of disbelief. “Excuse me? What makes you think I want something like that?”
“Well, you did break your familiar bond with Mikael Lost, right? Not that I blame you. I mean, after everything that happened, no one can expect you to stick around and make nice with the son of an archangel. I have to congratulate you for your decision.”
“Did you plan it this way all along?” Samuel inquired. “It was a good strategy. Now that they’re out of your way, you can occupy your rightful position at the school.”
Rightful position? What the fuck was he talking about? Since I’d arrived at the academy, I’d only felt right when I was spreading my legs for my lovers and inviting them to fuck me. Everything else had been so confusing and strange. But even assuming Samuel didn’t know that, he couldn’t have forgotten about my epilepsy. That alone made me unqualified to become Satan.
“I didn’t plan anything,” I explained. “We just had a minor fight. It’s temporary.”
Gemma snickered at me. “Really? I don’t think so. No one breaks a familiar bond because of temporary anger. What did they do to piss you off so badly?”
She knew very well what they’d done because I’d stupidly told her. This was just her way to point out how idiotic I’d been. But I refused to let her get to me. “My reasons are my business. And a relationship between a human and a demon isn’t like one between two demons. We can always start over.”
“I hate to tell you this, Alyssa, but that’ll be a little hard,” Samuel replied. “This isn’t a place meant for new beginnings. Second chances don’t exist at The Academy of the Devil.”
“I guess we’ll just have to see about that.”
I had Familiar Bonding next, so I skipped it and went back to the infirmary. My former lovers would be gone by now, but surely, I’d be able to find someone who could give me some information on their condition.
Much to my surprise, when I arrived, I found Mikael there, still abed and more handsome than ever. He lay on the hospital cot, absently scribbling something in a notebook. He looked up upon sensing my gaze on him and his eyes widened. “Alyssa. What are you doing here?”
“I came to ask about you, of course,” I replied, hesitantly lingering in the doorway. “Well, you and Stefan. How do you feel?”
“Fine,” he offered, snapping the notebook shut. “I’ve been… adjusting. In the past, the wings were corporeal, but inside of me, so I feel a little strange now, but on the whole, it’s not so bad.”
“Now, I know that’s not true,” I replied. “I really am sorry about this. If I’d known—”
“Please don’t. That’s exactly why we didn’t tell you about the possibility.” The words came out snappish and rough, cutting off my protests and making my heart leap in my chest. Mikael immediately backtracked. “Sorry, that was a little harsh. Here’s the thing. When we spoke that time, after you woke up, it became obvious to us that our relationship wouldn’t go anywhere. And realistically, we couldn’t expect it to. The last thing we want is for you to stay with us out of pity, regret, or compassion. I know you have a good heart, but we can’t really… It’s just…”
He seemed to be having trouble finishing the phrase, but in the end, he didn’t have to. Callum emerged from the bathroom and did it in his stead. “He means that for a little while, we had the real thing,” he said. “Maybe we lied and hurt you to accomplish that, but still, it felt real to us. If you were to pretend now, just because we’re in trouble, it would be meaningless and it would just hurt us more.”
Oh, okay, that made sense. It was unreasonable to think that I could ‘throw them a bone’ and they’d accept the scraps of my lingering affection for them. But knowing that didn’t make it any easier to accept reality or my part of the responsibility.
“Don’t feel guilty,” Mikael said, as if he could read my mind. “This isn’t your fault. We walked into this with our eyes wide open, I promise you. And if we’d prepared for it better, we might not have suffered so badly.
“It’s too late now and I wish things had been different, but at the same time, I’m glad it happened. To tell you the truth, it sucked to hide that kind of thing from you and pretend everything was all right when it really wasn’t. It’s a bit of a relief to not have to do that again.”
Was it? I wasn’t so sure. A part of me wanted to return to that pretense. As much as I valued my relationship with Mephistopheles, I still missed them and
I hated what had happened because of my choices.
I didn’t get the chance to dwell too much on my regrets. “Do you want to see Stefan?” Callum offered. “I think he’d like seeing you. He’s had a bad day today.”
“Yes. I’d like that. If it’s safe, of course. ”
I would’ve never come if I’d known they’d be here, since I didn’t want to endanger them. Apparently, I needn’t have worried. “The energy from the ritual has stabilized,” Callum explained. “It’s fine for you to approach.”
Without touching me, he guided me toward a side room I’d never been in. Mikael followed us, and he must’ve been well enough to do so, since Callum didn’t chastise him for getting out of bed.
Stefan wasn’t so lucky. When we found him, he was curled in the corner of the room, once again in his lupine form. “He’s not in any pain anymore, but there’s no way to undo the damage he did to himself,” Callum whispered.
“What exactly happened?” I asked, shaken. “How is this possible?”
Mikael sighed. “He… How should I put this? Intellectually, he knew breaking the familiar bond was the right thing to do. But his instincts were against it, so the magic rebelled and went awry. Basically, he didn’t go into it at peace with letting you go. It’s similar to what happened to me, only his condition is worse because we couldn’t amputate his wolf side.
“As far as we can tell, he can still shift into his middle form, but he hasn’t done so in two days. He’s pretty angry with us and he hasn’t been eating. Maybe you can get through to him.”
I nodded. It was the least I could do, and I certainly didn’t want Stefan to suffer more than he already had. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure there was no way to turn him back, but in the meantime, until I figured out an alternative, I couldn’t let him wither away out of self-loathing or fury.
Decision made, I approached my hell hound lover and knelt next to him. “Hi, Stefan,” I greeted him softly, careful not to spook him. “How are you doing?”