by Eva Brandt
Stefan didn’t answer. He hadn’t missed my arrival—I could tell that much from the tension in his stance—but he wasn’t very willing to speak to me.
“Callum and Stefan said you haven’t been eating,” I insisted. “That’s no good. You need to eat.”
Still nothing.
“Stefan, please.” My voice cracked as I spoke again. “You’re better than this. You’re a fighter. I know this is horrible, but you can’t give up.”
That finally drew a reaction out of him. His body rippled and he shifted back into his in-between form, the same one I’d seen a few days back. “What’s the point?” he rumbled. “There’s nothing left for me.”
I was gratified to see that he was no longer in any pain and the strange ripples of magic forcing him through shifts had disappeared. That made me even more determined to help him through this. “Of course there is. You’re a demon, Stefan. So you’ve sprouted fur and don’t look humanoid anymore. That’s not unusual here, is it?”
“Yes, but I’m not a regular demon. I’m a hell hound. If I don’t have my body, I’ll just be an animal.”
I couldn’t hope to understand what he truly felt and dismissing his concerns would be cruel and rude. But even so, I needed to make him see things from a different perspective. “There are other, more important things than physical looks. Holding onto your friendships, your connections to the people you care about. Kindness, warmth. Affection. In the end, who cares about the labels people place on you? What matters is for you to be happy with who you are, and I know you can do it.”
I couldn’t help but feel a little like a fraud while saying this, because I wasn’t happy with who I was either. Maybe Stefan sensed that, because he didn’t look too convinced. “No, I can’t. My pack is falling apart without you. Another Alpha has stolen you. I’m a terrible mate. I can’t even challenge him for the right to court you, because I know he’s a better male than I am.”
“We’re still here, Stefan,” Callum said, walking up to us. “You haven’t lost your pack.”
“Maybe we’re not perfect, but we’re not going anywhere,” Mikael added.
Their words seemed to touch Stefan on some level. I took advantage of the opportunity to try again as well. “Look, I won’t claim I’m over what happened, because I’m not sure I am, not completely. But maybe we can start over. No more lies. No more tricks. A second chance, for all of us.”
“You’d do that, Lyssa?” Stefan gaped at me. “When I’m… like this?”
“It doesn’t matter to me,” I replied. It was true. It didn’t. In fact, I found the look appealing, in a rugged, weird sort of way.
I had my doubts, yes, but they had nothing to do with Stefan’s physique. If I pursued this, there was no way I could ever return home to my parents, like I’d planned. But maybe this was a sign.
“Mephistopheles once told me something important. There’s nothing worse than having regrets. I believe that. And I find myself regretting what could’ve been.
“Maybe it’s stupid, but I want to try again. So…” I extended my hand toward him and smiled. “I’m Alyssa Michaelis and I’m a new student at this school. I’m the proud owner of a familiar named Shiro, who I’ve recently learned is a hell hound. And I want to get to know you better.”
Stefan cautiously reached back and squeezed my small palm with his own massive one. “I’d like that too. I’m Stefan Schwarz and these are my friends and pack mates, Mikael Lost and Callum Adamson.”
I exchanged greetings with them as well, feeling buoyant as I touched them again, after what seemed like forever.
We ended up sitting on the floor together, strangely comfortable, and chatting about nonsense. It was only ten minutes later that Mikael dared to address the gigantic white-furred elephant in the room. “So your Shiro is a hell hound? How did that happen?”
“It’s a long story,” I replied. After a few moments of contemplation, I decided to throw all caution to the wind. Since I’d asked for honesty, I’d be honest with them too. “You see, it all started in an alley way, when I was in high school…”
* * *
My ex-lovers, now tentative acquaintances, didn’t take the news of my contract with Lucifer well. All of a sudden, Stefan’s apprehension over his new form vanished. Mikael packed what few belongings he’d brought with him. Callum let his magic flow over me, a little more hesitant than before, but still clearly worried that Lucifer had done something to me.
“You need someone to watch your back,” he said, later that day, as we returned to The House of Envy dorms. “We can take turns.”
“I’m not comfortable with the idea of him showing so much interest in you,” Stefan added, his eyes flashing dangerously.
“Mephistopheles has already said he’s keeping an eye out,” I tried to reassure them. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“The dean is well-intentioned, but his power is limited when compared to Lucifer’s,” Mikael answered, shaking his head. “He’s also a High Lord of Hell, and because of that, he’s in a very awkward position. I realize you have no reason to trust us on this, but let us at least keep an eye on you from time to time.”
Shiro snorted, sounding disgruntled, but reluctantly approving. “The stupid males are right, Lyssa. It might be safer if you have someone by your side.”
TB emerged from Mikael’s jacket and hissed something. Shiro rumbled a reply, and that, I understood. “Yes, I agree. But let it be known that if they try something, I will bite them.”
“Please don’t bite anyone, Shiro,” I told him with an affectionate smile. “We’ve just reached an agreement here.”
Shiro just wagged his tail and looked angelic. I didn’t believe his innocent look for a moment.
I wasn’t too worried, though. I really did want to give this my best shot. Maybe it was doomed to fail, but I knew myself very well. If I didn’t at least try, I would never stop thinking about it.
Weirdly, after we made that decision, it was very simple for us to fall back into a pattern similar to the one we’d had before. Mikael joined me for my classes once again, but this time, he rotated with Callum and Stefan. People stared at us, especially when Stefan was the one there, still in his middle, werewolf-like form. But no one had the courage to say anything.
Mephistopheles’s support proved invaluable in this. I’d expected him to be angry with me for making this decision, but he wasn’t.
I didn’t see him until three days after the episode in the infirmary, when I had another private lesson with him. Mikael, Stefan, and Callum all wanted to come with me, and I couldn’t deny them, even if a part of me felt I needed to handle this alone.
This confrontation needed to happen. I’d been the one to create the situation, even if unwillingly and through circumstances beyond my control. I didn’t know where we were headed, but I had no choice but to make the best of it.
When we entered the classroom, Mephistopheles didn’t bother pretending this meeting was about a lesson. “So you really have made up then?” he asked.
“Sort of? We’ve decided to start over. But that doesn’t change anything between you and me, Sir.” I shot a look through the corner of my eye at the tense trio. “I mean, I appreciate what we have.”
Mephistopheles arched a disbelieving brow at me. “That might be the case, but you hardly need me if you’ve returned by their side.”
It was true that I’d largely gone to him because I’d been broken-hearted over losing my former lovers. But I’d wanted him even before we’d had sex in his office, as that embarrassing detention had proven. “I don’t really know what I need anymore, Sir,” I admitted. “I’m just trying to make the best of this crazy situation, to fix things.”
Mephistopheles hummed thoughtfully. “In the human world, they say there’s no way to mend an abusive relationship. Trying again will just set you up for further heartache and pain. Are you sure you’re ready for that? Are you ready to be betrayed for a second time?”
�
�We’d never hurt her again, and you know that, Sir,” Mikael snapped. “This game you’re playing doesn’t suit you.”
“Oh, I disagree. It suits me, because I say so. And I made Alyssa a promise to protect her. I will do that, even if Lucifer isn’t the one I have to face.”
This conversation was heading in an unfortunate direction, so I hastily intervened. “Sir, please, don’t fight. You’re not wrong in saying this might not be very healthy. And if this were the human world, I might not be doing it at all. But I’m trying to understand. I’m trying to see if… If I can love like a demon.”
Callum gaped at me. “You do realize loving like a demon isn’t a good thing, right?”
“Good and bad are just labels.” I clenched my jaw stubbornly. “There’s no way to know for sure, until I make an attempt. That’s why we agreed to do this, remember?”
“You’re too kind for your own good, Lyssa,” Stefan answered, shaking his head.
That was what they kept telling me, but I didn’t believe it. I was just a person, with good things and bad things. My generosity had its limits and if anyone else had done what they had, I’d have never forgiven them. But I was also very biased and I hadn’t forgotten their sacrifice, the fact that they’d saved Shiro. My heart told me we could build something real if we tried.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I support your little project,” Mephistopheles piped up. “But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to give up on you. I’m not that selfless. I’ll share you, but I won’t hand you over.”
I felt my face heat at the way they were all looking at me. They wanted me just as much as I wanted them, if not more. But I didn’t think it was a good idea to jump into sex now, when we were trying to find a new, healthier, more honest dynamic.
“I’m not… I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I mean, it’s not that I’m not open to it. I still need some time to process, to put my thoughts in order.”
“That’s fair enough. I think we’ve allowed our private affairs to intervene in your schooling too much already. Exams are just around the corner and you need to start your revisions.”
I flinched at the reminder. I’d sort of stopped thinking about that little tidbit because focusing on fixing my romantic blunders had seemed more important. It was hard to direct my attention to schoolwork after finding out life-changing things about your lovers and while trying to make important decisions about your future.
“I’m sure she’ll do fine,” Mikael said. “She’s very clever, and we did promise to help.”
“Last winter, the exams didn’t go so well,” I mumbled. That was the understatement of the freaking century right there.
“Last winter, we were still being dicks to you,” Callum pointed out. “Don’t worry about it, princess. You’re not alone. We’ve got this in the bag.”
“Don’t jinx us,” I hissed at him. “We already have enough on our plate without you accidentally drawing bad karma.”
“I didn’t know you were that superstitious, Ms. Michaelis,” Mephistopheles teased me.
“I made a contract with the devil, Sir. I’m going to be as careful as possible.”
“Somehow, I doubt that.” Mephistopheles snorted. “Sit down. We might as well start today. I’ll give you a tentative syllabus on what you’ll need to do and some extra rules you’ll have to follow. I expect you all to be supportive and not try to push Alyssa into anything.”
“We wouldn’t do that,” Stefan shot back, the words still coming out in a rumble because of the modification in his vocal cords. “We’ve already promised to respect her boundaries.”
“Yes, but Alyssa’s boundaries can be fluid when it comes to the people she cares about. I wouldn’t want anyone to take advantage of that.”
I cleared my throat, not wanting them to start arguing again. “I thought we were supposed to be focusing on my schooling, Sir. The other day, we were going over the history of the Original Sin. Please, tell me more.”
“Yes, that’s very important to understand, because it’s the main source of the hostility between angels and demons. But it’s a heavy topic. Let’s focus on more practical affairs for today. You’ve been having trouble controlling your magic. We’ll tackle that and see where your issue lies.”
That sounded like an excellent plan to me. Studying history and law was all well and good, but if I kept being unable to summon my magic properly whenever I wished, it was all pointless. Even if I didn’t leave the school in my third year as I’d told my parents, I still needed to learn this.
Callum, Mikael, and Stefan volunteered as my targets. I was not amused. Their enthusiasm seemed genuine, but the last thing they needed right now was to be exposed to my unrestrained magic.
Mephistopheles had more sense than that, although not by much. He ended up summoning the shadowy manifestations of his magic and siccing them on me. “Try to fight them off,” he said as the shadows emerged from the corners of the room. “If you don’t succeed, I’ll give them free pass at your pussy.”
Intellectually, I knew that wasn’t true, but that didn’t make me any less outraged or determined to beat the damn creatures into submission. “I think not!” I shouted at them, making all the shadowy beings recoil, then wriggle around weirdly. Was that… pelvic thrusting? Ew, no!
“Don’t even think about it!” I added, fuming. “I mean it! God, I’m supposed to be focusing on my schooling.”
“We are, pet,” Mephistopheles pointed out. “I just provided you with targets and incentive.”
“You’re such an utter asshole, you know that?” I asked him, unimpressed. “I’m not going to screw the strange extensions of your magic.”
Meanwhile, Shiro was eyeing the shadows suspiciously. “Your males have an odd way of showing their desire to court you, Lyssa. Can I bite them?”
He’d never shown such hostility toward Mephistopheles in the past, but maybe this whole incident had him on the edge too. In any case, I had no intention of getting him involved in this insanity. “Please, don’t. I might as well try my hand at this little exercise.”
Mephistopheles probably didn’t think I could do anything to his creatures and considering my history with them, I had my doubts too. But like in the case of my relationship with these humongous idiots, I couldn’t know until I tried.
“All right, Sir,” I said. “What am I supposed to do to my… targets?”
“Whatever you please,” Mephistopheles replied. “Be creative. Remember, magic is an extension of your will. Shadow magic echoes that best, but every other type is no different. Focus on that sole wish you have and on your magical core. Acknowledge what you desire and feel it burning inside you, as hot as the flames of hell. If you do that, you can cast anything.”
As hot as the flames of hell. Well, that didn’t help me much, since I’d never been in hell. But on the other hand, I’d felt heat intense enough that I’d thought I’d melt on the spot. It was usually when I was with one of them, when they were touching me, fucking me.
Maybe that was the kind of focus I needed to find. Could I channel the lust I felt for them and turn it into magic? Well, it was worth a shot. If that didn’t work, I could fall back onto irritation.
Right now, I was more irritated than I was aroused anyway. But maybe it would serve them right to tease them a little bit too. I could teach them a lesson on making comments like that when I’d already said I wasn’t interested in taking things further today.
Feeling both playful and frustrated, I stuck my tongue out at my lovers, and then turned toward the manifestations of shadow. Hmm. What to do? It would be nice if they could be docile for a while. I could understand why Mephistopheles used them, but they could be irritating. Maybe I could make them listen to me.
As this thought swept through my mind, the creatures dropped to their knees and crawled on all fours, bowing and scraping at my feet. “Please, Mistress, allow us to serve you.”
I yelped in shock. What the fuck? Okay, that was not at all what I h
ad intended. I’d just wanted them to be a little less hostile and less prone to tying people up. I had no desire to turn the shadows into my servants.
To my right, Mephistopheles made a noise of surprise and arousal. Right, the shadows were basically manifestations of his magic, so it stood to reason that he’d be affected too.
As Mephistopheles stumbled and tripped, Callum caught him, cursing. “Oh, shit.”
Mikael’s aura surged around him, and even if he’d lost his wings, he still had that same light I’d sensed inside him when he’d healed my Shiro. Meanwhile, Stefan made his way to my side and wrapped me in his furry arms. He didn’t kiss me, but his embrace was enough to distract me and make me focus on him alone.
The shadows around us faded, and the magic dissipated into a background buzz I could barely feel. By the time Stefan released me from his embrace, Mephistopheles’s creations had melted away, leaving us alone in the room.
“Uh, I think we should end the lesson here today,” Mephistopheles said. He was still leaning against Callum, looking uncharacteristically ruffled.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I don’t know what happened. I was just trying to obey your instructions. I didn’t intend for it to get so far. My magic keeps getting away from me.”
“Don’t worry about it, Alyssa,” Mephistopheles said. “It was my fault. I should’ve been more specific. You’re very powerful, so you can accomplish things easier than a less talented person could. But it’s a double-edged blade, as in your untrained state, you dump more magic into an action than you should. We will have to practice more and be more careful.”
“It’s been easy to forget about the most important issue while we’ve been focusing on everything else, but in the end, your well-being and stability will always take precedence,” Mikael offered. “But this is a temporary setback. Don’t worry. We’ll get you through it.”
Shortly after that, Mephistopheles dismissed us, but not before making another request. “One more thing before you go,” he said. “I think that, when we’re in private, you can go ahead and call me Meph. Mephistopheles is just such a mouthful, you know?”